8 Things You Think Your Girlfriend Likes (But She Probably Hates)
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My bet is that more than one man reading this can relate to a scenario where he did everything he thought was ‘right’ to get or keep a woman’s attention, but ultimately he ended up frustrated and confused after pushing her away.
While, needless to say, every man and woman in the world is different, there are still some widespread thoughts and ideas when it comes to what women like that men have fallen victim to believing, when they are just not true.
In this article, we will discuss 8 things that men think women want, but frequently misuse and end up worse off than when they started.
1. Being really, really nice.
I’m starting with this one because of how prominent it is. Anyone who has ever read my articles knows how much emphasis I put on romance and kindness. Often times this results in me getting comments about how women don’t really appreciate guys who are nice to them.
In reality, I find the disconnect happens when guys are too nice. They completely sacrifice their self-respect in order to be overly accommodating and become hesitant to express their own thoughts or opinions for fear of disagreement or making waves.
There is a big difference between being a good guy, and being a doormat. Don’t get the two confused.
2. Creating your own friendships with her friends and family.
Yes, getting along with your girlfriend’s friends and family is important when building a long term relationship. Particularly if this is a woman you can picture yourself marrying, gaining rapport with your future in-laws will make everyone’s life easier.
That being said, though, these are still her friends and her family. You may think it shows you’re putting in effort when you start to develop your own self-standing relationships with everyone, but you need to be careful that she doesn’t feel like you’re intruding on every area of her life. She could easily become overwhelmed and feel smothered. Let these things develop naturally, over time.
3. Being overly affectionate.
Regardless of which form of PDA we’re referring to (public or private), too much affection can be just as bad as not enough affection. Every woman is different with how touchy-feely they are, and making the assumption that she likes to be physically smothered just because she’s a woman is a sure-fire way to leave you smothering your stuff into a backpack and exiting her apartment, stage left.
It’s best to start off slow and gauge how she reacts when you get close to her. If she mirrors your movements and seems to openly welcome you, use this as her permission to stay where you are. If she seems to turn away from you or closes herself off, take the hint. Don’t just assume more is better when it comes to affection.
4. Not leaving her the hell alone.
In the age of social media and text messages, it’s easy to reach out to anyone, anytime. However, just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
Open communication is important here, because you may have had past relationships where your girlfriend welcomed your consistent texts to check in and see how her day is going, but maybe your current girlfriend leads a much busier life and needs her work days to herself.
It’s important for the woman in your life to let you know what she is most comfortable with – but if she doesn’t just come out and say it, it is important for you to figure it out. Don’t just assume she wants to hear from you every 7 minutes because she hasn’t told you that it bothers her (yet). You are going to have to figure out what frequency of communication works best for you both as a team.
5. Being an emotionless rock.
Through conversations with other men, I have noticed a bit of an extremist mindset when it comes to things like showing emotions in a relationship. What I mean by this is, in order to not come across as too emotional, men will close themselves off completely and keep their feelings to themselves.
While no woman wants to date a pile of mush, they also don’t want to be with a man who has seemingly zero emotional capacity. You need to find a balance between being able to connect with her on a deeper level, show her your feelings, be empathetic, and yet not burst into tears every time a Hallmark commercial comes on TV.
6. Overdoing it with the sexting.
For those of you who aren’t up with the hip lingo, sexting is basically exactly what you would think it is: Sexually texting. Sexting, however, can be a complete minefield if you don’t do it properly. It’s difficult enough for most people to effectively have a communication via text, given the nuances of the English language. If you are going to attempt to add another layer to that difficulty by being sexual about it, make sure you’ve got a good grasp on how to express yourself.
Secondly, this is dangerous territory because you could easily turn her off, or push her away from you completely. If you haven’t taken the time to really get to know her and what she likes (or doesn’t), moving forward with your own fabricated assumptions could backfire bigtime.
Furthermore, too much sexting doesn’t give her the idea that you’re attracted to her, it gives her the idea that you only want one thing from her.
7. Trying to solve her problems for her.
If a woman complains to you about something, it does not mean she is asking for a solution unless she specifically asks your opinion on what to do. This is difficult for men because we are naturally problem-solvers, but this comes down to the nuances of how men and women communicate with each other.
For her, it means that she trusts you enough to talk to you and she wants you to give her the support she needs in order to figure out the solution herself.
8. Sitting back and letting her make the decisions.
Men these days are confused, I admit. They are bombarded with gender equality and women’s rights, but then are also told they should be chivalrous and respectful. I don’t believe these things have to clash with each other, but can effectively work together to create a nice balance when building a relationship.
When we talk about equality, we are focusing on socio-economic equality such as equal pay for equal work, for example. However, a woman who is powerful and in-charge in the workplace still has personal wants and needs just like I do, you do, and everyone else does.
This doesn’t mean you should take a back seat to her because she spends her days making decisions. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Because she may spend her days in a position of power, it is likely that she welcomes having a plan for your date tonight already taken care of without her having to worry about it. She is still a lady first and wants to be treated accordingly.
You may think she enjoys taking charge, and you may very well be right in some situations, but your relationship is not your workplace. Be proactive, creative, and thoughtful.
The bottom line is that every single person and relationship is going to be different. Making assumptions and acting in accordance with them is a great way to make someone feel like you haven’t been paying any attention and just go along your own path regardless of what they do or don’t like.
Allow yourself to grow, learn, and progress in your relationship naturally. A woman’s uniqueness is what makes her beautiful, don’t ruin it with presupposed generalizations.
Click here to get my new e-book, The Modern Man’s Guide To Chivalry And Courtship!
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Very interesting content!
Reblogged this on vieirabrother and commented:
Let´s Know More about It!
Thx I enjoyed this article, I experienced these and it turned me off
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN
Thanks for sharing. I really enjoyed this blog, and you were right on point with the things listed.
Ha! I’m not in a relationship but I would hate the list of things you’ve mentioned. Hahaa. Right on target!
Just want to say how much I appreciate your articles. They are really helping me to change my mindset when it comes to my relationship and becoming the man I want to be.
-Keep on sharing great stuff.
Jon, this is great to hear! Thanks so much for the positive feedback and very glad these articles are helping you.
Hope to shake your hand someday, my friend!
#8 is especially true… I spend all day on my job making decisions that impact a lot of people and a lot of money. I really appreciate that my man takes on the “what will we do” decisions. He asks my input of course, and I have line item veto, but it’s one less stressor on my plate when he makes the plans.
An excellent article, James. Thank you. As a forty-something man I’ve walked a long, lonely road to learn what you have spelled out so well here. In essence, (almost) every woman wants a man who is confident, proactive and takes the initiative. Being a clingy, smarmy, kiss-ass no woman will respect and therefore not love.
Too much affection drives me NUTS. Like literally I feel claustrophobic and want to run. Great piece!
[…] This article originally appeared on James Michael Sama’s Blog. Check him out on Facebook and […]
For #7, what do you suggest we (guys) do when our girl comes to use with a complaint about work? They aren’t looking for a solution but maybe just venting on her day.
Could we maybe say to her “how do you plan to approach this situation next time, based off this experience?”
Cause I agree with what you said, guys naturally are problem-solvers. I am afraid, I would offer a solution and then have her get mad at me for doing so. Could I just suggest that question and/or just agree with her and let her vent to me? Like you have said before, just listen 🙂
[…] I recently discovered an article by James Michael Sama that listed some of the things that fell into my “clueless but didn’t know it” category. It’s titled, “8 Things You Think Your Girlfriend Likes (But She Probably Hates)” (Found at: http://jamesmsama.com/2015/04/27/8-things-you-think-your-girlfriend-likes-but-she-probably-hates/) […]
[…] BONUS Article: Has Gallantry Galloped Away? Unleash Your Romantic Fervor! 8 Things You Think Your Girlfriend Likes (But She Probably Hates) […]
lol I’d hate the list of things you’ve mentioned, these are all right I experienced