Most Girls Aren’t Ready For A Good Man

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I recently came across a very interesting article titled “Most Women Don’t Deserve A Good Man” and posted it on Facebook for discussion. By the way, there is a reason I used “girls” in my title rather than “women.”

While reading through the article, I was reminded of my days of frequenting and working as a promoter in nightclubs. People in their late teens and early twenties throwing all caution to the wind and enjoying every minute of dancing and debauchery. Ah, those were the days.

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The author of the article singles out a 22-year old bartender at a local pub, and her friend, as the subjects in the article. He asks: “So what exactly qualifies you, or any modern American woman as someone who deserves a good guy”?

I think this is the wrong question. When I was 22, I probably didn’t “deserve” a good woman, either. I think the right question is, what makes you think you are ready for love?

I don’t condemn anyone for going through their party phase. I, personally, was a rare breed. I literally never even tasted a drop of alcohol until I was 21 years old. However, I am well aware of what a rarity I am and I also did more than my fair share of making up for lost time.

But I knew something about myself when I was just concerned with going out whenever I could – I didn’t want, nor was I ready for, a relationship. My time was occupied with friends, video games, and nights in the city. We were young and a little crazy, and commitment wasn’t on our radars.

The author discusses how the young girls of our generation believe they deserve a good guy, but find themselves lip-locked with any random at the corner of the bar. While I certainly don’t think any man or woman does themselves any favors by loosening the necktie on their morals, I also don’t think their whole life can be judged off of some bad decisions.

While 22-year-old Jessica can be seen as “undeserving” of a good guy in the eyes of some, one is tempted to ask what our own girlfriends, wives, or significant others were doing at the bar when they were 22.

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Guys, what were you doing when you were 22? Can you honestly say if you found yourself pressed up against a beautiful girl you would have pushed her away? Dare I say, none of us are quite that innocent.

The author also goes on to speak about these girls/women who have gone on to marry and have children, and now place themselves above their equally-guilty counterparts on the ladder of morality. Is this right? Eh, probably not. Have they matured past the point of their base desires and found what truly matters in their lives? Very, very possibly. I know I have.

I certainly don’t believe that all women who get married and/or have kids at a young age have fully grown out of their party phase, or are good wives or mothers. I also don’t believe all men are good husbands or fathers. But, that is a different discussion for a different day.

The real question here is not who is inherently deserving of a good man or woman. We all go through phases in our lives and, by general standards, can be seen as undeserving at one point or another. The real question is: When are we ready to accept the love of another? When are we ready to pull over to the side of the road during our joyride and let someone else sit shotgun? When are we ready to place another’s well-being on the same level, if not higher, than our own?

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We value different things at different ages. We appreciate different things about others in different phases of our lives. Personally, I can say that what used to attract me to women in the past would now drive me away from them. Conversely, my girlfriend openly admits that if we had met when I was in the previous phase of my life, she would have had no interest in me.

Were neither of us deserving of each other, or were we just not ready for each other?

We must not vilify the actions taken by our youth. We must not enforce the notion that we will forever be judged by actions we took when we didn’t know any better. And we definitely must not perpetuate the idea that someone is not worthy of love.

We are all worthy of love, we are just not all ready for it.

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27 Comments

  1. Vanessa W on March 19, 2014 at 2:30 pm

    I really loved reading this! A lot of your points I agree with. People fail to realize that as we age, our priorities change & so does our mindsets.

    • rawr on September 5, 2014 at 6:40 am

      Your priorities change conveniently as your biological clock is exploding and you’re noticing less and less attention from quality men. Your priorities changed out of necessity, not because you grew as an individual. The only women who deserve a good man are the ones who had their head on straight from the get go. Men don’t respect women like you.

  2. Jalik Perry on March 19, 2014 at 3:07 pm

    I like this post very much because most girls are unaware of it.

  3. Ronin on March 19, 2014 at 3:46 pm

    The problem now is a great many women are still in this party phase until their late 20’s , some career women remain on this track and put marriage on hold until the mid to late 30’s.

    • exploadingtoads on March 20, 2014 at 8:31 am

      Why exactly is that a problem? Different people value different things. If they’re enjoying their life and truly hurting anyone then really all your’e doing is putting your nose up at someone living their life differently than you.

      • exploadingtoads on March 20, 2014 at 8:33 am

        * not truly hurting anyone.



  4. bmartindale1 on March 19, 2014 at 4:09 pm

    Reblogged this on baileymartindale and commented:
    So true.

  5. Camille on March 19, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    This is a terrific article, and I couldn’t agree more.

  6. Ashley on March 19, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    James: 1. ROK: 0

  7. Nancy on March 19, 2014 at 5:28 pm

    I did not like the article… any 40 year old man hanging out in a bar as he implies he does frequently is not a gentleman to start with.. I think that is where his “anger/frustration” is coming from… Maybe if he went other places, he might see a lot more 20 year old “women” who are acting like ladies and deserve a true gentlemen… I DID like your commentary though… right on the money.. just a shame that some of those “phases” people choose to go through have been some bad choices….

    • Ronin on March 20, 2014 at 11:59 am

      Nancy, millions of men find themselves single again in their 30’s and 40’s ( women file close to 70% of all divorces) and yes these men do go to Bars/Pubs. For a great many men it’s a after work social event that involves watching sports, playing pool or darts. My local Pub being a good example, the regular crowd being 40+, but in the last 10 years we’ve been getting big crowds of “Girls Gone Wild” on weekends aged anywhere from 18-30. They that get falling down drunk by 11:30, then try to dance on the bar. Women used to be ashamed of this type of behavoir, now they cheer one another on.

  8. Dyann Bridges on March 19, 2014 at 5:41 pm

    Reblogged this on Westchester Bodywork and commented:
    This makes a lot of sense… It’s safe to say I’ve reached womanhood now. Thanks for the bench mark.

  9. Ashley on March 19, 2014 at 5:44 pm

    I think what sets you apart from those guys is that you seem to have somewhat of an understanding of their way of thinking, but you have grown past it. In the original post, it’s easy to detect bitterness, envy, and vengeful attitudes about women. They are so caught up in their emotional responses that they can only see things from a selfish perspective. In your post, you take a calm and rational approach. They have a long way to go in their journey.

    • Ronin on March 20, 2014 at 12:14 pm

      I don’t think there’s anything bitter, envious or vengeful about it, it’s a statement of reality, no sane man has any interest in marrying a party girl. It’s not so much these girls are going through a phase and are “Not ready” to meet a “Good Man”, it’s a repeating pattern of poor judgement and a major Red Flag of potential problems in the future.

      • Ashley on March 20, 2014 at 3:05 pm

        There are plenty of reasons why men and women hesitate to marry each other, based on behavior. It makes sense and I’m not arguing that many men might not want to marry a party girl (assuming she doesn’t ever change), but the original article serves mostly as a shaming tool, and I know for a fact that crowd love to shame as much as they can because they think they are going to bully people to change. That’s their MO, to change women the unappealing behaviors of women, through shaming and harsh criticism to motivate them to change. They have even admitted before that’s why they do it. It’s so messed up, and unattractive in itself and if anything, it makes a lot of women want to rebel even more, and those are the guys that women aren’t going to want to marry, because their actions are just as bad as any careless partying can be.



  10. rlcarterrn on March 19, 2014 at 6:32 pm

    Great post! Your last line, as usual, is so perfect. You have a real knack for summing things up so succinctly. Wonderful way of looking at this difficult subject.

  11. Single Girls Guide Houston on March 19, 2014 at 9:16 pm

    Bravo! Beautifully written and so accurate. Thanks for the great post.

  12. Single Girls Guide Houston on March 19, 2014 at 9:17 pm

    Reblogged this on Single Girls Guide to the Streets of Houston! and commented:
    We love this blog!

  13. Levin Kiester on March 19, 2014 at 11:49 pm

    i agree!

  14. akhlishbutler on March 20, 2014 at 12:45 am
  15. elainanuweealnen on March 20, 2014 at 7:49 am

    Reblogged this on Redeemed.Saved.Blessed.

  16. Anna Ventures on March 20, 2014 at 9:07 am

    Beautifully written James!

  17. Rojamahorse on March 20, 2014 at 11:39 am

    I enjoyed reading your mature take on this particular article, the article you are referring to actually incited a bit of rage on my part… Along with even more rage when I did a bit more digging and read other articles posted on the Website it is on.

    I highly recommend for you to take a look at the other articles… “How to Date Several Girls at the Same Time”, “Stop Being Such a F*cking F*gg*t” (about how to be a real man and stop talking about being a womanizer and start actually womanizing). Most of the articles are heavily aimed at Men’s rights and belittling women. The EXACT opposite of what you believe in if I am correct in assuming so.

    I truly believe this article brings up a bigger discussion though, and that being ‘why don’t people have more respect for themselves.’

    I think this is article was a great example of putting the blinders on and not being able to look at things from different perspectives…not to mention not being able to take some ownership of a situation… A problem you can translate to just about anything going on in the world right now. Whoever wrote this is quite possibly a very nice guy and probably even got taken advantage of at one point or another, but he’s obviously very close minded or just can’t see the bigger picture…

    Take the first paragraph for example and replace every, ‘She’ with a ‘He’ and ‘Him’ with a ‘Her’… Who is the one that probably taught her it was okay to be f*kd in the a** on a first date? A guy… Sure I get the fact that a lot of girls are considered ‘whores’, but they weren’t born that way… Its us guys more often than not who taught them its okay to do the things they do. Especially when we get what we want out of them then toss them to the side, it really corrupts a person.

    At the risk of full disclosure, I will use myself as an example… Remember your first girlfriend? Your high school sweetheart? I can tell you my first girlfriend (who was a virgin at the time) didn’t ask me to give her anal sex or EVEN sex in general, she was a great girl with high moral values. I was the manipulative jerk who made her think it was okay to lose her V card to me, so I wouldn’t break up with her. I got what I wanted and broke up with her 3 months later. I even let her cheat on her next boyfriend with me, how shitty is that? … I spoiled her dreams of a white wedding and all that fairy tale stuff every high school girl had in mind. (keep in mind I was born in the early 80s… Media and Porn has corrupted all of us, which I will get into in a few minutes…). While I get it, there is some truth to this story and there are always exceptions b/c every individual is different, we need to remember its an entirely two way street. Most chicks get corrupted by us guys at an early age. Girls have more emotion and that causes them to be more impressionable, and please don’t mistake that for me saying they are weaker or at a disadvantage, they are simply different human beings. Emotion should be looked at as a strong point.

    Don’t break up with a girl and then continue to hook up with her… We both know when she says she is okay with it, she really isn’t, she’s hoping you will eventually come around. Man up! Cut her off and get your rocks off elsewhere!

    I’ll be the first to look in the mirror, and as someone who thinks of himself as a pretty decent ‘do the right thing’ kind of guy, who also wants to find something meaningful… eventually… I have done and said many awful things to women throughout my life. I TRULY feel bad about it, not to say I’m perfect now, but I had a lot of maturing to do. The chaos I have probably caused throughout the years has most definitely created a lot of the things I hate in my selection of women today. I’m sure I’ve ruined it for a few other good guys out there who looking for an undamaged chick.

    At the end of the day my best guess is that if there is anyone to actually blame its all Media/Porn’s fault, it teaches us to do all sorts of weird shit and brag about it with our guy friends or girl friends. Makes guys think they should be acting out their wildest fantasies, and trying things out on a stranger, drunk girl, or girl who might not be ready to be pushed out of her comfort zone…. then in turn desensitizing both parties. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a good & crazy time in bed, but I’m a little weird-ed out when a girl thinks its acceptable to insert a finger in my rectum the first night we hook up… Something must have gone wrong for her somewhere along the way… Just sayin.

    I like your chivalrous cause man, I’ve only scratched the surface of your blog but I think we are fighting a similar fight. I think we can only try to effect one person at a time. The more respect we can give to a woman and the more people that pass that way of thought down to their friends/kids/grand kids… the more we will start to see a change where girls respect themselves and guys treat girls the way they should be treated. Keep up the great blog, maybe I’ll be inspired to start my own to share my thoughts someday … once I learn how this whole grammar and spelling thing works 🙂

    TLDR; If you read the article “Most Women Don’t Deserve A Good Man”, all I’m saying is… If you’re gonna start chucking boulders, you might want to make sure you don’t live in a glass house…

  18. Samantha K on March 21, 2014 at 12:27 am

    We are all worthy of love, we are just not all ready for it.

    i really like this quote.
    perhaps you should talk about ways someone can make themselves ready for love or ways you can see other people are ready fro love.

    and as always think about using more diverse people in your photos.

  19. […] View the Original article […]

  20. […] The first thing that stood out to me is the fact that she’s 23 years old. While everyone matures at a different rate, I can speak from personal experience that at 23 I wasn’t ready for a committed relationship, and in my experience, many women aren’t either. […]

  21. Really True on September 22, 2014 at 10:54 pm

    Certainly Not Today, and most of the women out there Really do stink.

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