8 Things She Secretly Loves

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Now that we’ve discussed 8 Things Guys Secretly Love, we can’t forget the general theme of this blog – being chivalrous and romantic towards women. Striving to be better. Building healthier relationships.

That being said, what are some things that you may not realize make as big of an impact as they do?

Here are eight things that she secretly loves.

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Good morning texts.

A good morning text first thing doesn’t just say “good morning” – it says “you’re the first person I thought of when I woke up today.”

Small romantic acts aren’t just for the “honeymoon phase” of your relationship. Consistency is key.

Hint: This includes goodnight texts, too.

Play with her hair if you’re laying together on the couch or in bed.

Just do it. Trust me.

Remember details.

When you remember small details about your conversations, whether it be her usual coffee order or when she’s going out for girls’ night, it will let her know that you really pay attention and hear her when she talks.

Plus, it will give you gift ideas for future occasions if you know what she loves.

Hint: Putting your phone down helps with this one.

secret4

Watch her favorite TV show or movie with her.

This will show her that you are willing to share in what she enjoys even if it’s not your first choice. Plus, you might find something new that you like without expecting it. Win/win.

Put your hand on the small of her back when introducing her to someone.

This is something I read a long time ago and it stuck with me for some reason. This is a passive sign of affection and isn’t inappropriate in a public setting, but it bonds the two of you together and helps her feel more comfortable.

When you keep your promises.

If you want her trust, you need to deserve it. A woman will instantly start losing faith in you the second you start to break your word, even if it’s something small like if you’re going to call her after work.

Integrity is hard to find these days, for both men and women. She won’t believe you if you tell her you’re different, you need to show her.

secret5

When you’re honest with her.

Of course, honesty has to be delivered with tact and kindness. Nobody wants to be hurt, but they don’t want to be lied to either. If you’re always honest, she will know that you’re trustworthy and that you respect her enough to be straightforward with her.

The last thing you want is her doubting everything you say because you once lied to her.

When you’re funny.

If you want to keep a woman’s attention, manners are important. Good looks are a bonus, but having humor is a must. Don’t take my word for it, Stanford University says women genetically prefer funny men.

Okay, you caught me, some of these aren’t a secret. But sometimes, we don’t think to talk about the really small things in a relationship and one partner may not realize what the other appreciates without them saying it out loud.

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252 Comments

  1. Big Cat Solutions on March 7, 2014 at 8:15 pm

    #9 when you’re standing in line somewhere and he randomly puts his arm around you and kisses you on the head. I love this one!!

  2. girlpride219 on March 7, 2014 at 9:33 pm

    Reblogged this on A Day in My Life and commented:
    How is he so good at love columns!

  3. Danielle on March 7, 2014 at 10:13 pm

    Another good one to read… 😘💋💕

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  4. indyink on March 7, 2014 at 11:42 pm

    Yes to all of the above. Love this.

  5. Fitsploration on March 8, 2014 at 8:44 am

    Yes! Yes! This list is great! Remembering details goes a long way. 🙂

  6. […] Now check out the 8 Things She Secretly Loves. […]

  7. Ashley on March 8, 2014 at 11:24 am

    Agreed on all of these. 🙂

  8. […] 8 Things She Secretly Loves. […]

  9. Alexa on March 8, 2014 at 1:13 pm

    Play with her hair.
    “Just do it, trust me”
    ….Perfect description. This needs no explanation.

  10. daniellesussingham on March 8, 2014 at 7:29 pm

    Perfection.

  11. Panda_Lemon on March 9, 2014 at 5:39 am

    Reblogged this on Panda Journal.

  12. camzwithlove on March 9, 2014 at 7:29 am

    Reblogged this on camzwithlove and commented:
    The first one is true.

  13. […] James Michael Sama Now that we’ve discussed 8 Things Guys Secretly Love, we can’t forget the general theme […]

  14. Wisdomforlife on March 10, 2014 at 2:51 am

    When you show forgiveness and never give up http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/2013/09/09/the-path-to-great-relationships/

  15. KJ Hillman on March 10, 2014 at 11:00 am

    LOL! Uhhh 6 & 7 are no-brainers. Not gender specific and not secrets. Who wants to deal with ANYONE who ISN’T honest or DOESN’T keep their promises? Guys, gals, & everyone in between, friends, associates. As far as #8, many womyn love it – it’s not a MUST though, especially not if your girl is the funny one. 🙂 So yea the other 6 are pretty good though, I guess.

  16. […] 8 Things She Secretly Loves. […]

  17. Victor on March 10, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    Number 10:

    From my experience, putting your jacket/coat on her when she says she is cold. I remember my second date with my previous girlfriend walking late at night. She mentioned she was cold so I took off my jacket and put it on her. I remember the look she gave me: it was worth it just for that look.

    • David Dean on March 11, 2014 at 6:27 pm

      obviously worked, since shes your “previous” girlfriend

      • Emily Davenport on March 12, 2014 at 11:49 am

        Because putting a coat on a girl is all you need to make a serious relationship work until the end. Sometimes things just don’t work out.



      • Victor on March 12, 2014 at 1:59 pm

        It did work as we got into a relationship. Unfortunately it didn’t last and I’m probably to blame for that.

        It was great while it lasted and I never felt so great during that time.

        Next time though I know what to do to make sure she won’t be a “previous”.



      • WatchHawk on March 13, 2014 at 10:34 am

        David Dean, go kill yourself, smartass. Just because a relationship fails, doesn’t mean there were not good and true parts to it. The coat thing is a common denominator in all relationships in being chivalrous and romantic. And he’s right; it is worth it if not just for that look.



  18. dmicu6 on March 10, 2014 at 3:36 pm

    Reblogged this on Blogs & Bibles.

  19. Sophie Abernethy on March 10, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    Still subscribing….you do all of these 😉

  20. kionacloud on March 10, 2014 at 10:47 pm

    Perfect!

  21. Cane Jason on March 11, 2014 at 3:03 am

    Reblogged this on Cane Jason.

  22. indigodeer on March 11, 2014 at 4:51 am

    Tickles the skin on your back.

  23. anneeleen on March 11, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    Reblogged this on WANDERLAND and commented:
    <3

  24. Sean Luna on March 11, 2014 at 5:13 pm

    okay see all of this stuff i know but its impossible for a girl to like these things about a guy if she wont give u the time of day

    • Just Passin By on March 14, 2014 at 3:42 am

      Sean, I didn’t care for my husband the first time I met him either…. he persisted over a card game. If you find a woman you like, find something she likes to do that you have in common, and challenge her with it. You may change her mind if you can get her attention. Just make sure you have more to offer her than just sex.

  25. chapinmaverick on March 11, 2014 at 9:51 pm

    Reblogged this on Aurora Tao and commented:
    oh hey so accurate.

  26. Amber Norris on March 11, 2014 at 10:28 pm

    No, please don’t mess up my hair…

  27. Gemma on March 11, 2014 at 11:19 pm

    Number #1 Thing Women Like in a Partner: Do your share of the household chores without me asking. I am not your mommy, and I am not your maid.

    First of all, being honest and keeping your promises are a requirement, not something you can fail to do in any way, so they shouldn’t even be on this list.

    If you ever put your hand on the small of my back while introducing me, I will cut it off and feed it to you. I read that as condescension. Do not touch my hair; I spent half and hour getting my hair just right. Don’t memorise my coffee order; maybe I want tea today, just for shits and giggles. Ask me what I want, and I will tell you. Do memorise relevant details of my life, like my birthday, our anniversary, my mother’s name.

    “Good morning texts”? Talk about NEEDY. Ewwww.

    You don’t need to be funny, but you do need to have a sense of humour, and a sense of what isn’t funny to women. Men do so many unconsciously anti-woman things as a result of conditioning by a patriarchal culture. You want to impress me? Treat me like an intelligent, independent, dignified person, and be one yourself.

    But, you are welcome to snuggle up with me on the couch and watch my favourite TV show, as long as you don’t talk through the climactic scenes.

    • Lucas on March 11, 2014 at 11:59 pm

      You’re a piece of shit. Talk about not being approachable. Good luck finding a friend let alone a man.

      • Gemma Seymour-Amper on March 12, 2014 at 1:40 am

        Sorry, but I don’t exist to be available to every person who comes along. Women don’t exist to be be attractive to you. Funny how the merest suggestion that a woman doesn’t agree with you has you calling her “a piece of shit”. That’s a real winner of a pick up line for you, I bet.



      • Jayni Thekla on March 13, 2014 at 12:29 am

        This just irks me! How does one that have solid expactions make them a piece of shit? I actually agree with most of what Gemma said… Ive been married for 16 years and my husband is always respectful and still puts me first in a lot of situations! And we got married young (I was 20) we BOTH work towards our relationship, understanding your partner is key! Communicate and learn what each likes and even with ups and downs you’ll have a great long marriage as long as you don’t throw in the towel and treat a marriage like its a disposable situation! And I have TONS of great friends, I just dont find them at the bars you probably have one night stands at!



    • Matthew White on March 12, 2014 at 12:29 am

      One pet peeve with men (though never really brought up) is illiteracy. Spell your words correctly. Both your phone and computer have spell check. Not to mention when you refer to yourself as intelligent. Though the most intricate words you used were spelled correctly. Lol other than that I would have to agree with you. All of these scream needy if you don’t keep a girl on her toes she will lose interest. My suggestion would be to do these things in moderation. Pleasing a woman is very easy to do without any of theses rules. Take in to consideration that not every woman is the same before you do any of this. You are better off.

      • David on March 12, 2014 at 1:09 pm

        Guys, shes gay. It has nothing to do with WHERE the guy touched her, it was THAT a guy touched her. She’s a trolling gay Nazi, nothing more.



    • Wolfgang on March 12, 2014 at 2:10 am

      It’s not about disagreeing per se. It’s about your overall attitude and abhorrent sense of egotism. Lighten the hell up. You’ll never find a decent guy acting the way you do.

      Cut their hand off for touching your back? What is wrong with you? It’s a sign of compassion; which is something you clearly lack. I don’t know if you’ve gotten screwed over multiple times in past relationships, or what. I’m hoping for the best for you, though. What a miserable cretin of a partner you would be. Yikes!

      • Gemma Seymour on March 12, 2014 at 2:15 am

        What makes you think I give a shit about “finding a decent guy”? You might think it’s a sign of compassions, but it’s my body, and I read it as an unwelcome intrusion into my personal space. If that makes me a “miserable cretin” in your eyes, then i suggest you have a lot of growing up to do. Your intention is irrelevant, the fact that you find it inoffensive is irrelevant. The only thing that is relevant is that my body does not exist for any other person to touch at their will, and any partner of mine, male OR female, who treated me with such condescension would be immediately kicked to the curb.

        And how typical for a man to assume that a woman “must have been screwed over in the past” if she objects to your advances. How pathetic.



    • J on March 12, 2014 at 4:36 am

      You sound like a bitch, you need to relax. Wayyyyyy too bossy and demanding with what you want. Its a Relationship not boot camp.

      • on one on March 12, 2014 at 5:57 pm

        She is a bitch



    • sensual mike on March 12, 2014 at 6:46 am

      Wow, way to attempt to trivialize what 90% of women obviously expect and feel comfortable and loved by. I would bet that you are either single or in relationships with feminized males. P.S. if you’re the lone voice crying foul, you aren’t a pioneer. Your the reason that men now have to be told these things. We used to do them by default.

      • Anonymity on March 12, 2014 at 11:57 pm

        amen lol



      • Jenna Pirrie on March 13, 2014 at 11:17 am

        She’s not the lone voice, mike. But the rest of the women who didn’t agree with everything else in this article, like me, maybe just don’t feel like being lambasted, called gay if we’re not, called bitches, told we’ll be single for the rest of our lives, etc etc — just because we don’t agree with all of the nuances of this piece and feel like using a few strong words to explain why.

        (Personally, I expected it to be much, much worse based on the title. So. There’s that.)



    • porkchop01 on March 12, 2014 at 8:24 am

      ewww! what a biotch!

    • Alex on March 12, 2014 at 11:42 am

      *yawn* You need to memorize more lines from you’re women’s studies classes at the local community college. This is just a tired fem nazi approach.

      Good luck finding that soul mate though. Maybe try BDSM lol

    • Victor on March 12, 2014 at 2:03 pm

      While you may interpret these actions as such, you have to look at it from your partners perspective and that he (or she if that’s how you swing) is doing what he can to make you happy and smile. Obviously none of those will do that for you but I’m sure you’ll let your significant other know once your in that relationship with them. I would recommend not snapping at them if they do any of these things cause they’ll be gone before you know it if you do.

    • Ashley on March 12, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      Your first thing though would be a nice addition to the list, if it were worded less insulting.

      But you’re complaining about men being condescending to women? Well I read your entire comment as condescending, egotistical, selfish, and insulting. How does it make it “NEEDY” to send a good morning text in the morning to brighten someones day? Its a simple way of being thoughtful. Kind. Its not just about you in a relationship.. how about think about the other person too.

      While I definitely agree that the other guys crossed the line with their insults, I understand their shock at your definitive ‘you do’ and ‘ you don’t’ when your very detailed, specific, and narrow-minded opinion is clearly in the minority. I feel very comforted by my man hugging me or putting his arm around me, which I think most people do. I don’t dominate him or push my significant other away by making him ask permission every time to hug or touch me. That seems silly. It sounds like you’re suggesting to treat your significant other like some stranger, not the person you’re in love with and committed to.

    • Ray on March 12, 2014 at 3:40 pm

      Wow, negative much?

    • M Carole on March 12, 2014 at 5:40 pm

      Haha! Wonder if you’re married…. I pity the fool!!!

    • Steven on March 12, 2014 at 5:50 pm

      You spend that long to make your hair look like that? You are probably single and alone with all of your negativity. I don’t think the #1 thing women like in men is doing their fair share of household chores… You are quite funny.

    • on one on March 12, 2014 at 6:00 pm

      Are you a Lesbian or something or just a scorn Bitch

    • Don't Tase-Mebro on March 12, 2014 at 6:27 pm

      So I’ve got this theory about hyphenated names.

    • Terry on March 12, 2014 at 6:34 pm

      I actually liked your comment. How can you be mad at somebody for saying what they do/don’t like? What people have to understand, and Matthew White touched on it earlier, is that you really shouldn’t choose to live your life by lists such as these. Obviously, different women are going to be more/less comfortable with different things. It’s really about knowing what the girl in your situation likes. Try different things and if she says she doesn’t like it then don’t do it again. I found all of her points to be understandable. Though she’s obviously exaggerating on the whole “cut your hand off and feed it to you” thing. Some girls like good morning texts, and some don’t. Heck, some girls don’t like texting at all and would rather have a phone call. Like I said it all depends on the person.

    • jon truchan on March 12, 2014 at 6:42 pm

      Ah, Gemma, my girlfriend and i have been together for two and a half years and sometimes we go so far as to sleep on skype together when we aren’t in the same bed. I am in the military and if i am away the first thing ill do, sometimes as early as 3 or 4 in the morning, is text her “good morning beautiful”.. the first thing shell read when she checks her phone in the morning is that i think shes beautiful.. does this make me needy? Shes been my girlfriend; the girl Ive loved for two and a half years, what the hell could i possibly “need” … shes mine.. touching her back when she talks to people? Perhaps not necessarily “comforting” to everyone but still a nice feeling, but certainly not condescending unless youre the kind of girl that and i quote “don’t need no man” which means either youre a lesbian in which case gtfo this site.. or youre the kind of girl that expects to find a guy you can drag around behind you like a pet… and as for touching the hair; cuddling on the couch or in bed while i run my fingers through her hair… there is nothing she loves more.. for the coffee order; if you want fkin tea then ask for tea if you want coffee then ask for coffee but if you send me to starbucks to get you coffee and you have to tell me the same damn type of coffee you like every damn time both of us are going to get irritated so yes remembering little things like what kind of coffe she likes or little things she likes to do is very important… now, the word “independent” has always been a silly concept in my opinion.. what the hell are you looking for a relationship for if you are a solo person… if youre not looking for a relationship in life then once again gtfo this site… gemma, the object of a serious relationship isnt to live two seperate lives and throw each other in it every now and then… its to live one life together. perhaps change your attitude if you want anything lasting in your life

      • Christine Mickey on March 12, 2014 at 9:42 pm

        Well said! And thank you for your service.

        I love when my boyfriend texts me first thing and right before bed. Most of the time I beat him to it because he’s a time zone behind, but I know he loves it as much as I do. We skype every night he’s home and he calls me when he gets out of work the other nights. My last boyfriend barely talked to me during the day at all in text, and RARELY called, at max we got up to once a week. We never skyped. All of this I had to ask for all the time. HE was not great at communicating. My ex I met in college and we live 250 miles apart, and my current boyfriend lives 1,100 miles away, who do you think shows more in the relationship?
        If you don’t want to be touched at that moment, that’s fine, but say something, don’t attack a person for no reason. I have moments when I don’t want to be touched at all and moments when I just want to stay in my guy’s arms all day. My ex didn’t get that and would force being close on me when I wanted nothing to do with it. You have to know each other’s boundaries, but if you want nothing to do with touching, why are you in a relationship? Isn’t that part of the point, the closeness?
        And you show your vanity, Gemma, with spending that much time on your looks. Yes, if I was going to a special function, a fancier place, that’s one thing.I have long hair and always have. It’s going to get messed up no matter what. I LOVE when people play with my hair, and that’s another thing my ex didn’t get, even though I told him and would ask for it. How can you snuggle on the couch without your hair getting messed up?

        The basic message of this whole post is it’s the little things that matter to your woman that are important. Some men have lost sight of that while some still show there is hope for chivalry. And yes, women should be doing the same kinds of things for their men (or whatever anyone’s preferences are). Treat others the way you want to be treated. You want someone to hold a door open for you, start doing it for others. When you come spouting hate, you get hate, don’t forget that. I think you, deary, are the one that needs to grow up some.



      • Sara Lucille on March 13, 2014 at 4:02 pm

        Very well said, thank you for that. And for your service.



    • Joe Hecter on March 12, 2014 at 7:32 pm

      So you spent half an hour getting your hair just right in order to not be attractive to men….Makes a lot of sense. Thank you, feminists.

      • Lauren on March 13, 2014 at 12:36 am

        Not everything women do with their appearance is for men.

        Also, having someone touch my hair would make me uncomfortable too, and I spend 3 minutes on it each day.



      • Sara Lucille on March 13, 2014 at 4:01 pm

        It has nothing to do with attracting a man, OR feminism, which you apparently view in a negative way for some reason. I will sometimes spend a half hour on my hair because it’s thick and long, and that’s how long it takes to get it how I want it. For me, no one else. And there’s nothing wrong with that. My boyfriend is in the Army, stationed 3 1/2 hours away so it’s obvious that it’s not always “for him.” Now when he’s here and we’re cuddled on the couch, yes I would let him play with it because I like it. But again, that’s me.

        I don’t agree with the tone of Gemma’s comment above at all. I think this article is valuable for those to whom it applies, and useless for those women who don’t like those things. But I’m even more bothered that you assume her, or any woman, fixing her hair (or doing her make up, or putting on a specific outfit, etc.) is for the benefit and attention of a man. It’s not wrong to do things for yourself, and it’s disappointing that you seem to disagree. Please don’t blame feminism.



    • Tina on March 12, 2014 at 8:30 pm

      Hahaha Gemma I like your style. I agree, the daily “Good morning texts” would immediately classify him as a Stage 5 Clinger. These tips sound like they’re made for people in high school, seriously. “Treat me like an intelligent, independent, dignified person, and be one yourself” is definitely my #1.

    • sollang on March 12, 2014 at 10:23 pm

      Wow.. I hope you find a person compatible to you because you sound hard to get along with.

    • Henley Layne on March 13, 2014 at 12:01 am

      You make me ashamed of the female race.

    • M H. Mills on March 13, 2014 at 2:10 am

      Are you in a relationship? If not, I can tell you why! Some of your comments, such as, “I’ll cut your hand off and feed it to you”, don’t encourage intimacy with you. That gesture is by no means condescending-it is being proud that you are with hime-not a display of ownership. If you are in a relationship, give him a break and try some of these things with him and it may surprise you how you both enjoy it.

    • Phil on March 13, 2014 at 3:24 am

      Gemma, I read a lot of “I” and “my” in your statement, and it is just that, a statement about yourself. That’s fine and dandy. Personally, when I introduce a woman, especially in a formal setting, to a group of friends or coworkers I put my hand on the small of her back, lightly, and introduce her properly; she may be a friend or partner, but this shows to the group that we are a we and not separate.

      I also don’t understand your beef (American for problem) with “good morning” texts. You see it as needy, well surprise we do need you (women) and sometimes we like to let you know that. Further, it’s a damn greeting! If we live in separate places and didn’t see each other the night before, what’s wrong with greeting you that way? Also, the point of memorization of one’s coffee order is simply an act of kindness, your statement of “maybe I want tea, just for shits and giggles” is fine, but if your man brings you the coffee you drink on an otherwise regular basis, don’t put him down for it, then you’re just being a cunt (and yes, you are).

      In the end, everyone is different, but I’ve never met or been with a girl who didn’t enjoy all of these things. I understand your point, but frankly, you’re in the minority on this one. I would say that I hope none of this offended you, “but frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

      • Just Passin By on March 14, 2014 at 4:01 am

        If you didn’t give a damn, you wouldn’t have commented. Three paragraphs. Just sayin’ 🙂



    • Jayni Thekla on March 13, 2014 at 3:48 am

      No offense but I say screw the list and have mutual respect for each other, if you dont have that then you’ll never figure it out! If you plan on only being on the recieving end of everything, it’ll never last unless they’re total moron…

    • Just Passin By on March 13, 2014 at 4:37 am

      Although your response is a bit coarse, I see your point, Gemma. Some women are indeed not quite as receptive to these things as men believe they should be. This “formula” does not fit all molds, and you men should not be offended by this. Men need to realize that they each need to come up with their own ideas, not depend on a singular “list” to check off their perceptions of what they think “every woman” should love

      Men, when you looked at what “every man loves”, did you totally agree on everything in that list? Oh, I forgot. I probably had only one thing on it. Sex. Never mind.

      I have survived without my hair being twirled, and his hand on my back. I do appreciate more when he offers to help me with things. It shows me that he cares, not that he just wants to touch me. Of course I want to be touched, but I want to be respected, not pawed on just because a list told him to do it. He’s creative. An elbow here, a shoulder there, you get the idea. Usually the comment “excuse me” follows, but at least he’s polite.

      Do we snuggle? Not as much as I would like, but we do chat during our favorite programs and share snacks. He opens all doors for me and is careful with the you-know-what seats, We share upkeep of the house and yard, and take turns bringing home dinner when I don’t feel like cooking. We don’t eat the same things all the time, but he does know my preferences and I know his, so that when we do order out, he knows to omit the onions in anything and put extra water in my iced tea, and I know to order honey mustard dressing for his salad and to cook his meat well done. I also know he’s a creature of habit, so if he doesn’t put something away, he can be looking directly at it and have no idea where it is.

      I also agree that funny men are not necessarily better than a man with a good sense of humor. I dated a man once that was funny. I got tired of the joke-a-minute-man who never seemed to want to be serious. My man knows what humor is and how to use it. There is a difference. And there is a special joy that comes when a woman learns how to read her man’s poker face!

      We never talk on the phone to each other. I am deaf. We do text, sometimes several times a day. He has shown me the ultimate act of caring by learning sign language when I started to lose my hearing. He now interprets for me whenever I am unable to understand. Is he great at it? No. But he tries. That’s all that matters. He’s a keeper.

      BTW, we’ve been married now for 35 years. This journey has not been easy, but it’s not supposed to be. A good relationship is a lot of work. If you want easy, buy a canary.

    • Novaheart7 on March 13, 2014 at 9:03 am

      You must be single….

    • Paul on March 13, 2014 at 10:46 am

      You would be suprized at how easily men make a promise that we truly mean and fully intend to carry out, but then we get distracted (which is no feat with all the stuff we have today)

  28. Fe on March 11, 2014 at 11:35 pm

    Great advice to all guys

  29. […] 8 Things She Secretly Loves. […]

  30. asrozanas on March 12, 2014 at 3:17 am

    Reblogged this on Adam Rozanas.

  31. walexmarceva on March 12, 2014 at 4:26 am

    Reblogged this on Walexmarceva's Blog.

  32. JoyBender on March 12, 2014 at 5:52 am

    # 9 When he knowingly adores her divine and captivating femininity. Some women still enjoy being a woman and count it as one of their favorite roles.

  33. Don @ How You Can Find Love on March 12, 2014 at 8:45 am

    In other words….it’s all about the little things. My wife loves when I run my fingers through her hair or even softly run my fingers up and down her arm/back.

    As for the good morning texts, they are great too. Just one word of caution: make sure you are sending it to her! One time my friend texted me late at night. The next morning I forgot he did so (I was texting with my girlfriend/future wife that night too). I just opened up my text app and sent a “Good Morning Sunshine” text. Then I realized it went to him. He responded with a thank you and a smile.

  34. ee2dieem on March 12, 2014 at 12:25 pm

    Reblogged this on Conundrum that is I.

  35. abbietoking on March 12, 2014 at 12:29 pm

    Reblogged this on Ooh So Random!! and commented:
    Truly Well ThoUGHt OuT N well Put.

  36. brittanymazurkiewicz on March 12, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    Reblogged this on bereal.beyou and commented:
    Good for the men to know 😉

  37. lilsumsum on March 12, 2014 at 2:18 pm

    Reblogged this on lilsumsum and commented:
    Sounds about right

  38. David on March 12, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    One thing you all forgot: “Go shopping with her!” A good man knows what his woman likes. He can spend hours selecting nice close for her.. and I mean “always” not just once a year my fellow men!!!
    If you pay attention to her, it right it’s actually a lot of fun..

    • Billy on March 12, 2014 at 5:58 pm

      i guess it depends…my wife enjoys online shopping more. :p

    • Christine Mickey on March 12, 2014 at 9:47 pm

      I’m not a HUGE shopping fan, but I do occasionally enjoy just going out trying on clothes. And I’d love it if my guy picks something he wants to see me in, even if I might not like it. (might have to help get the right size, but whatever) You never know, he might actually pick out something that looks great AND you like.
      (My ex freaked out when I tried to get him to pick out something for me to try on in Frederick’s of Hollywood, while my current boyfriend is chomping at the bit for a chance like that. (If you don’t know, Frederick’s has a lot of…bedroom attire)) Plus, that makes it less a torture fest for him if he’s involved in the choices.

  39. kristinacerm on March 12, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    Reblogged this on KCERM.FITNESS and commented:
    This guy knows what he is talking about! So.True

  40. huyenbui on March 12, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    Reblogged this on Huyen Bui.

  41. Ashley Christina on March 12, 2014 at 5:08 pm

    Honesty? A sense of humor? Keeping promises? Are these really things women “secretly” love?
    These are qualities that the average person would appreciate in ANY sort of relationship.

    • James Michael Sama on March 12, 2014 at 5:10 pm

      Well Ashley, that’s why I do say at the end of the article that they’re not really a secret. 🙂

      Thanks for reading and for your comment!

      – JMS

      • Jess on March 13, 2014 at 7:44 am

        Hey James, enjoyed your article. My major concern is in the comments. Gemma strongly disagreed with you and because of that people lashed out. Some final replies to her were vicious and told her she should commit suicide. I notice that you replied to the benign commentary that followed but did not referree the far more serious conversation. Please, either now or in the future, comment on this behavior. It is unacceptable, regardless of Gemma’s views, which clearly struck a nerve with a lot of people. Thanks in advance, Jess



      • Jenna Pirrie on March 13, 2014 at 11:30 am

        James , I agree with Jess. If you want your place to be even a remotely safe place for women (and perhaps even this kind of thing has happened to men on other posts, I don’t know, so for them too) then would you ever consider deleting comments that call women bitches (especially when it’s for having an strong opinion!) and tell other people to kill themselves? Plenty of bloggers do that, reserving the right to delete the more screwed up and threatening and unsafe comments. Because do you think Gemma, or anyone else who would like to be allowed to have differing opinions safely, is going to continue visiting your blog after seeing what happened to her? Probably not.

        That said, I expected something much more… well, sexist, when I read the title of this on Facebook, but I was pleasantly surprised. So. Good for you.



      • James Michael Sama on March 13, 2014 at 11:36 am

        Jenna and Jess,

        I unfortunately miss many comments on this blog as there are thousands and I am often monitoring from my phone. I often cannot read them all in their entirety.

        I will do my best to filter through the harsh ones and get rid of them.

        Thanks for your feedbacm,

        – JMS



  42. Julie Decker on March 12, 2014 at 5:40 pm

    It would be refreshing if guys actually knew to do these things, don’t you agree??

    • James Michael Sama on March 12, 2014 at 5:43 pm

      Absolutely Julie! That’s the exact reason why I write these articles. 🙂

      The further we can spread these messages, the better!

      – JMS

      • Just Passin By on March 14, 2014 at 4:39 am

        James, re your reply to Jess and Jenna,
        Seven of the comments directed to Gemma contained the following slurs in the first eight words of text: “bitch”, “biotch”, “piece of shit”, “complete and total cunt”, “lesbian”, and “gay”.. You don’t have to “read them all in their entirety” to know when someone is abusing someone else. If you cannot handle the “thousands” of entries you apparently are receiving, please hire some help or reconsider whether you should take on the responsibility of a blog. I am a bit disappointed that even after your reply to Jess and Jenna, those comments were not removed, nor did you apologize to Gemma for not monitoring your blog. These are not the actions of a gentleman, modern or not.



  43. Billy on March 12, 2014 at 5:57 pm

    Right on with the details! Sometimes my ex-girlfriend (currently my wife) does surprise “details check” by suddenly asking a specific question about something which quickly flees from my memory.

  44. goldenbadger on March 12, 2014 at 6:15 pm

    Reblogged this on goldenbadger.

  45. durankayla on March 12, 2014 at 7:58 pm

    Reblogged this on Peace,Love&Kayla and commented:
    Amen!!!

  46. ave del día on March 12, 2014 at 8:17 pm

    This is ridiculous and a bit offensive. How about: “Be considerate.” Women aren’t a puzzle waiting to be manipulated with small, supposedly romantic gestures. And we’re not 15. We’re human, and we’ll see right through your bullshit, and if you text me every morning and night to say merely “Good night” and “Good morning,” I’m going to start thinking you’re a bit pathetic.

    • James Michael Sama on March 12, 2014 at 8:20 pm

      Hey there,

      Thanks for your feedback!

      Can you go in a little more detail about how showing small gestures of affection and appreciation to a girlfriend could possibly be seen as offensive? This is profoundly confusing to me.

      Secondly, while you might see me as “pathetic,” my girlfriend loves that I don’t let a day or night go by without saying good morning/goodnight to her, if I’m not with her. To each their own, I suppose.

      Thanks again for commenting and I look forward to a further explanation, as you are the only person out of hundreds of thousands who has been offended by this article.

      Best,

      – JMS

      • Just Passin By on March 13, 2014 at 3:24 am

        I’m guessing you missed the “Gemma Seymour” controversy…



      • hindufanatics on March 13, 2014 at 7:34 am

        Thank you!!



  47. LotusLova on March 12, 2014 at 8:37 pm

    Playing with your hair is great as long as you’ve just brushed it and he knows not to yank when he finds a knot!

  48. RNae on March 12, 2014 at 11:01 pm

    The third thing is “play with her hair”… So a Black/African American female is most likely not the type of “She” you are including in this. Because we don’t really like for our hair to be played with..

    • James Michael Sama on March 12, 2014 at 11:11 pm

      I don’t mention race in any of my articles. These are generalizations based on conversations I’ve had with women as well as my own personal experience.

      Nothing more, nothing less.

  49. mctopherganesh on March 12, 2014 at 11:11 pm

    these weren’t obvious apparently..

  50. nova7 on March 13, 2014 at 6:08 am

    A lot of them secretly love guys who are abusive or those so called “bad boys”….well. these bad boys are called that for a reason and the reason is that they are in fact bad for these women and pose ZERO benefit to there lives….Good guys are out there struggling to meet someone while these women get beat up or abused one way or another from these bad boys and later wonder why their lives are a huge mess….

    • hindufanatics on March 13, 2014 at 7:33 am

      what? are you crazy?

      • Novaheart7 on March 13, 2014 at 9:04 am

        Experience and many years of it….I’ve seen it all….



  51. macsaint777 on March 13, 2014 at 8:16 am

    It is amazing how harsh and critical people are to what has been a helpful suggestive post! Everything from racism to sexism and nazism is mentioned in these comments, give the guy a break and thank him for the suggestions, as that is all they are and some will appreciate them, as I do…others, will hate them apparently!

    • smellyturdrocket on March 18, 2014 at 8:30 pm

      there are things all people will never know

    • Billy on May 29, 2014 at 3:41 am

      No. This whole page is more pointless than any of these comments, mine included. The idiots on this page are truly clueless if they got anything more than time wasted if they read this. All of these things are what men should have built into us. I mean, c’mon! Remember details? No shit sherlock, and be funny? Duh. She “secretly” loves them, because these are things you dont have to try to learn, we should KNOW ALREADY. So, of course we’re gonna find something like sexism to talk about because at least somewhere in that conversation, some new information we’ve never even had a perspective on before might or might not be shown to us. So shut up, and write down this while youre taking notes on how to treat a woman in the most basic of ways. God people are dumbasses.

  52. WeiChuaan on March 13, 2014 at 8:47 am

    Reblogged this on In wine [there is the] truth.

  53. Classic Schmosby on March 13, 2014 at 9:08 am

    now all i need.. is a woman

    • Slutty Pumpkin on March 15, 2014 at 5:47 pm

      Schmosby!

    • slimylogsplash on March 18, 2014 at 8:35 pm

      dam man

  54. Shane on March 13, 2014 at 9:30 am

    Excellent key points listed here.

    • slimeyturdblaster on March 18, 2014 at 8:43 pm

      i agree

  55. aj on March 13, 2014 at 9:37 am

    If you didn’t know these, I feel bad for you…sohn.
    You left out the part about post-coital snackagelololololol

    • yourcommentmademelaugh on March 15, 2014 at 8:43 pm

      AAAAAAAAAHAHAHHA YES

  56. TJ on March 13, 2014 at 11:24 am

    this is day 1 shit i learned in middle school. how about posting something useful that explains why i’m still single.

    • steve on March 13, 2014 at 12:36 pm

      You just showed why you are still single, dickhead.

      • erin corine on March 13, 2014 at 2:07 pm

        Amen. If someone else hadn’t said it, I would have.



      • Letty on March 13, 2014 at 8:41 pm

        Steve, your comment was too great hahaha xD



      • ashley on March 14, 2014 at 8:55 am

        That was way too perfect



      • Evelyn on March 15, 2014 at 6:44 pm

        Beautiful. LOL Best reply in the history of forever.



      • Mindy on May 27, 2014 at 3:15 pm

        Steve – let me know if you’re single. I have some awesome peeps in my life that could use a good man 🙂



    • Al on March 13, 2014 at 12:47 pm

      Read what you just posted out loud to yourself three times. Maybe your answer will come to you. If you don’t get it then you never will.

    • Anna on March 13, 2014 at 1:32 pm

      It’s pretty easy to see why you are still alone, responses like that make you seem like an ass and let’s face no women want to be around that.

      • Tom on March 15, 2014 at 2:03 am

        haha good one. except I see that all the time. TJ might sound jaded, but he’s right.



      • grooveyturdblaster on March 18, 2014 at 8:48 pm

        love has nothing to do with what country you are in or the money you have, but the love and time you have to give.



    • Sunny on March 13, 2014 at 6:23 pm

      Nigga dun got told.

    • Krista on March 13, 2014 at 8:45 pm

      You’re probably single cause you’re a douche

      • douchewaffledingo on March 18, 2014 at 8:52 pm

        all you guys fighing just need to learn to let go and love yourself and find something real and stop judging others you arnt going out with anyway.



    • MJ on March 13, 2014 at 11:29 pm

      Maybe it’s because of your crappy attitude?

    • phil on March 14, 2014 at 8:46 am

      I think your post sums up why you’re still single. While it wasn’t on the list I’m sure you obviously didn’t learn that women don’t like jerk offs.

    • Michael Rayford Powell III on March 14, 2014 at 9:45 am

      TJ, unfortunately buddy, you just might have answered your own question with one! Try these tips and you might just come out with a lady friend, after all!

    • Chris on March 14, 2014 at 1:54 pm

      Because you’re a douchebag, obviously.

    • Anne Gehrke on March 14, 2014 at 3:33 pm

      you’re probably still single because of douche comments like this one.

    • nsholley on March 15, 2014 at 2:35 pm

      Probably because you’re not doing those things with girls you meet, and you’re tying as if you don’t have any manners.

    • G. W. Hippe on March 15, 2014 at 11:19 pm

      TJ please READ back what YOU just wrote aloud and you will HEAR why….

    • Marc Milhomme on March 18, 2014 at 1:45 am

      Probably because your a douche bag, who treats women poorly. Another theory is your just a internet dater and nothing good comes from finding women on the internet.

    • bigoldturdaburgler on March 18, 2014 at 8:38 pm

      thats great

    • Dakota Sport on March 29, 2014 at 1:33 pm

      And there you have it

  57. Jeffrey Alan Stephens on March 13, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    I do all these things and I am not an unattractive guy, but still, I get stuck in the friend zone. I’ve tried so many approaches, but the only one that I ever see work (from other guys) is being an asshole. #doesn’tunderstandit

    • Tiffany on March 13, 2014 at 1:58 pm

      I see this comment time and time again. The question you should also be asking yourself is, “Is this guy just getting laid, or does he have a history of long, solid relationships?” My best advice is to be more observant of these guys who are asses. This also comes down to what you want. If you just want to get laid without much substance, be an asshole. If you want a longtime relationship and consistent sex, then keep doing what you’re doing. It will happen and you will be much happier than the guy who was the asshole.

      • Jeffrey Alan Stephens on March 13, 2014 at 2:15 pm

        Yeah, that’s what they tell me. I am the type that wants ONE girl, the end. However, I’ve been using this same advice for 15 years…without a SINGLE girlfriend. -_-‘ In fact, many women ted to think I’m gay right up until I ask them out.



      • Michael Rayford Powell III on March 14, 2014 at 9:47 am

        I must agree with you, Tiffany, 100%, and I might add, you gave a superb analogy of truth! KUDOS! MRP



      • Tom on March 15, 2014 at 2:09 am

        nope. sorry. this is false.

        the advice that this article suggests DOES work, but only when you actually get into a relationship. this shit doesn’t work when trying to gain the attraction of a woman. as bad as it is going to sound, you have to kind of act like an alpha to attract the girl. as soon as you have her attention, THEN you can begin to act like a responsible, mature and nice guy.

        if you exhibit these traits BEFORE you are in a relationship with a woman, she is going to discount you and you will be stuck in the friendzone. I am not suggesting that you act like a dick when you are in a relationship; that is a recipe for disaster, and generally that is a sign that you don’t respect women. but when you’re trying to meet women, these tips would simply make it seem like you’re a creep.

        Jeff, my advice to you would be 1. wait until you’re meeting girls on a regular basis who are a bit more mature or 2. only take advice #8 and be funny and confident until you’ve got them.



    • Deb on March 13, 2014 at 2:10 pm

      Women who may have been treated poorly/without deserved respect growing up, tend to date “assholes,” because that was all they knew what a “man” is. Instead of focusing on “how to treat women to strike their interest,” try putting more emphasis on making a connection with someone by being yourself. I believe there is someone for everyone. 🙂

    • VKH on March 13, 2014 at 2:55 pm

      It’s not as simple as nice vs. asshole. Being nice is incredibly important but it can’t be the only thing you have going for you. Most girls who date those “asshole guys” that nice guys are always bemoaning are not attracted to them because they’re assholes. These guys are often charming and charismatic with a good sense of humour. Those are qualities that tend to attract girls. That’s just my two cents. I’m certainly no expert. All I know is that a guy being nice does not automatically equal romantic interest.

      • Jeffrey Alan Stephens on March 13, 2014 at 4:24 pm

        Yes, a guy being nice doesn’t automatically mean romantic interest. However, when the guy is nice, leaves the girl notes, sends flowers, and does (literally) EVERYTHING on the above list and then asks said girl out to lunches, dinners, coffees, ice creams, or movies; it should be fairly clear that romantic interest is involved.



      • VKH on March 13, 2014 at 4:28 pm

        No, I meant you being nice isn’t enough on its own to make a girl interested in you romantically.



      • Jeffrey Alan Stephens on March 13, 2014 at 4:33 pm

        Well, sure, I agree with that. God, I hope I’m not just some nice guy that has no sense of humor, has a meat-face, and has no interesting points whatsoever in his life…jk. Seriously, I have plenty going for me.



    • Alex on March 13, 2014 at 2:58 pm

      Dont listen to Tiffany haha. I completely understand your situation. The assholes win (and no, they don’t just get one-time sex like Tiffany said; they get lasting relationships) because they are confident and they ask girls out, and it is a lot easier for girls to say yes because that confidence makes girls feel comfortable and the situation becomes less awkward. We tend to separate confidence and arrogance but who really knows the difference. What you need to do is be more confident in yourself, don’t apologize for your weaknesses and faults, and experiment with your own masculinity. I’m not saying change yourself, but do your best to cope with past failures and get past them, then try to ask out more people and don’t blame yourself for future failures. Be proud of yourself that you had the courage to try. People think I’m gay too, and that’s ok, there are some girls out there that like less masculine men, and the culture is changing. Keep looking for a nice girl who appreciates your kindness. Another thing is don’t worry about moving quickly or feel pressured to hook up too quick if you are on a date. Make sure when you ask them out it is clear that it is a date, and after that try to find commonalities and connections. The more you get to know them, they will like how you are not an asshole. It is just hard getting to that point. So from man to man, just be an “asshole” (have confidence).

      • Jeffrey Alan Stephens on March 13, 2014 at 4:30 pm

        I have been told by my best friend that I need to be more assertive and confident, but it’s a really difficult task when all you’ve ever gotten is failures. Besides that, most of the chances I get to meet girls comes from social gatherings at a friends place. However, there are always “ballers” sweeping in, exuding this sexual energy, and leaving with the girls I’m talking too. I’ve mentioned it to a few friends before and they don’t even realize when they’re doing this to me. That, alone, blows my mind.



    • questforahusband on March 13, 2014 at 5:37 pm

      I think that women are just as confused as men. We live in a time where men are not gentlemen and women are used to that. Women apparently don’t trust men who are gentleman and it is sad. Jeffrey, I have been single for what feels like forever with a date here and there, and mostly it is because I am not going to settle for a man who does not know how to treat me like a woman. It is definitely frustrating. Keep being a gentleman. Someone will appreciate it someday.

      http://www.questforahusband.com

    • Rhsims on March 13, 2014 at 8:15 pm

      Using the term “friend zone” is probably why you are still single….

      • Jeffrey Alan Stephens on March 13, 2014 at 9:31 pm

        Telling someone that they are single because they use a term is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Being stuck in a friend zone is not a bad thing, but it’s not what I want out of the relationship with said girl. If I wanted a friend, then guess what, there are 7 BILLION possibilities out there. The term friend zone means that there will never be anything more than platonic camaraderie between the two people in the friendship. Friend zone status is never revoked. It simply is. I am saying that is sucks to be tossed into a category of friend with no possibility of becoming more.

        I want to find that special someone that I am romantically and sexually attracted to as well as them being my best friend. However, that will never happen as long as friend zones are erected before romantic possibility zones are tested out. I am loling hard at the zones, but it’s just a term, so I default to the madre de Bambi school of thought: If you haven’t got anything nice to say, [then shut the fuck up].”



    • Kitty on March 13, 2014 at 8:39 pm

      then you arent going after the right girls

      • Jeffrey Alan Stephens on March 13, 2014 at 9:32 pm

        That is entirely a possible part of the problem. However, trial and error are how things are done, so hopefully I figure out which one the right one is sooner than later.



    • Greg on March 14, 2014 at 4:42 am

      sounds like u just gotta whip it out jeff

    • Thatoneguy on March 14, 2014 at 9:49 am

      I feel you man. I have more female friends than I know what to do with and they all love me as a person, but getting them to take the next step is always the problem. I’m told I’m attractive and dress well all the time as well.

      The first issue, is just like with men, most women are shitty and stupid. Just the sad truth. Very few have the morals and intelligence to see past your dick size (not literally, figure of speech). I would say that in my experience only about 20% of women, if not worse (depending on age) have the maturity and intelligence that allows them to recognize a good guy when they see one. Lots of guys are just as dumb and will date a totally worthless women just because she has big tits or is hot.

      The second issue, is that a fault we nicer guys have is our lack of initiative. You gotta find the right balance. Most “assholes” are getting girls to some degree because they simply are the most aggressive. Many times too aggressive, but because of point 1, the girls are too dumb to realize this and raise the red flag. You do have to understand like some girls here have said, that for every girl this type of guy gets, there is another who who thinks he’s a scumbag. As nice guys we try so hard to avoid being labeled a scum bag that we don’t take initiative at all. Simply put we have the respect to treat women as more that another notch on our bed post. Hitting on everything that moves just doesn’t compute with us. Finding that middle ground can be tough, especially because girls have such a wide range of preference in terms do what they deem acceptable behavior. Some want to be treated like a slut, others want to be treated like a choir girl, and the rest fall somewhere in between. Figuring out where a girl falls on that spectrum is tough and by the time you do get a good read,mots typically too late and you’ve missed your chance. This circles back to why assholes get the girls. They’re willing take the risk of making a complete wrong guess as the expense of a negative label. To them, their tarnished reputation is worth it in their quest for pussy. Trust me, I know plenty of guys who have been with easily 100 women in some capacity. These guys look like they are living the life, but in reality, they’ll never see marriage or a serious relation that last more than maybe a year, because the smart girls can see right through them.

      The third issue is going for the right girls. I similar to number one I know. But ,any nice guys do make the mistake of going for trashy ho bag girls, stupid girls, damaged girls, etc. because they subconsciously appeal to our sympathetic nature. Unlike the assholes, we actually seek to give something to our partners I a relationship and not just take. Good undamaged women appear to have no room for our help. Like a mother who’s child has flown the coop, we feel that a relationship with these women will cause us to lack purpose. We feel like we won’t get to do manly things for her. To be that BF, big brother, father like figure that us men like to be. The bad girls allows us to fulfill this need. This can be a hard thing to notice within oneself because is mostly subconscious. You have to look back at your history and admit to yourself you’re doing this. The you can more actively seek to curb this. I know it was an issue for me when I was a bit younger, and likewise more naive.

      Basically a lot of girls here have hit the nail on the head and are telling you what I tell me friends. You can either choose to bounce between the extremes (long term singledom and long term serious relationships), or you can settle for constant mediocrity (lots of bad relationships). Unfortunately there is rarely a middle ground. That only exists for guys who are highly attractive bit also have the restraint to not use their looks for evil, if you catch my drift. Just like with women, those types of guys are a rare breed, understandably so.

      Just as an additional side note, sometimes the only thing keeping you single is one thing that is a deal breaker for most women. Maybe it’s your style, maybe it’s your religion, maybe it’s race, maybe it’s your weight, etc. everything else can be perfect, but that one thing just trumps everything else. Think about it from your perspective. I know most guys find overweight women a major turn off, so much so that a normally perfect women will not even be considered for a date because of her weight. To some degree I can’t say I blame either gender for this. We can’t help what we like and don’t like. What can be hard in some cases is that this one issue or your can be extremely tough if not impossible to change. I know in my case I am a very short guy. Not 5’7″ short, like people will make comments short (no I’m not a midget). I’m short enough that for most women, it’s a deal breaker when otherwise I’m perfect. I know this because quite a few women have told me to my face that they would date me if I was taller.

      • Jeffrey Alan Stephens on March 14, 2014 at 5:34 pm

        I feel your words.



      • Emma on March 15, 2014 at 12:40 pm

        Can I start by saying that there is not much evidence in this post to support your claim that you are a “nice guy.” Take it from a female, words like “trashy” and “damaged” are definitely not something you want to hear coming out of your partners mouth, even if he is describing someone else.

        This is my issue with the whole argument that jerks get the girls and nice guys get friendzoned; to cry “friendzone” is to suggest that you think a woman who you deserve to have sex with, and furthermore a relationship, has decided that she is not attracted to you and has befriended you instead. But the reality is, that’s life, and its the 21st century, women have every right to take control over their sexuality and no man can claim that they have been wronged when a woman only sees him as a friend.

        Listen, I completely understand that rejection hurts and that you are likely to feel some anger towards the person that didn’t go for you, women are equally guilty of this, but I think that this has gotten out of control in the form of this “friendzone” phenomenon, its turned from a natural disappointment that someone you are attracted to does not feel the same way, into a frenzy of misogyny. The power of female sexuality has frightened men before, and historically men have tried to control it, through things like adultery laws, arranged marriages, and keeping women out of the workforce. This is just modern version of that same school of thought.



    • Krissy on March 14, 2014 at 10:44 am

      Here’s the thing…. Sometimes “being the nice guy” can come off as desperate and clingy. As stupid as it sounds most girls like a guy who isn’t constantly trying to do everything for them (most of worth anyway)

      Do nice things… But in moderaton. Coming home to flowers every day would just get annoying… Instead of generic gestures try things like hiking or picnics.

      Don’t try so hard. Don’t waste your time on people who don’t deserve you either.

      Chicks can be assholes too.

      Try online dating. It’s not as tabu as it used to be.

    • Eva on March 14, 2014 at 10:54 am

      Jeffrey, you may be the nicest guy in the world but if women have a tendency, as you say, to think you’re gay that might be your problem. Nice guys can still come across as very stereotypically masculine and if you want to ask a girl out, don’t wait so long that she’s determined that you will only be a friend to her. I’d say step up your aggressiveness in the arena of actually making your intentions toward her known so that she thinks of you as a potential partner rather than a solid guy friend.

      • Eva on March 14, 2014 at 10:55 am

        I also have a tendency to think that men who have to TELL me they’re nice, really aren’t. I’ll see if you’re nice and I’ll recognize that you are but if you have to always remind me that you’re ‘the nice guy’ my instant reaction is that you’re trying to convince me of something that isn’t true.



      • Jeffrey Alan Stephens on March 14, 2014 at 6:23 pm

        I understand where you are coming from, but at the same time, I’m not walking around saying: “Hey, Mr. Nice Guy here! Come and get me!” /teehee. Just like several have mentioned before, I need to step up my aggressiveness. I just don’t know how to do that and still be nice. I feel like an ass when I tell a girl she looks pretty or whatever, because the response is usually a “Thank you” or worse, a “That’s sweet” and then the conversation is over. -_- ‘ Somehow i have to approach girls I’m interested in nicely but with an undertone of sexual desire. I’m having trouble finding that a balance. When I think about what I’m going to say, I over-think, when I don’t think, however, I don’t have a clue WHAT to say. I’m broken.



    • Sarah M on March 14, 2014 at 12:06 pm

      From this and your other comment, you are doing these things BEFORE you are dating the girl – IMO if you put your hand on the small of my back in public or play with my hair when we are watching a movie as friends, but we aren’t dating, or worse, we just met, I’m going to assume you 1. are gay or 2. are a stage 5 clinger (and I can’t vouch for all women but I personally love the attention from someone flirting with me whether or not I’m interested in them so I wouldn’t tell you to stop paying attention to me unless you were making me completely uncomfortable)

      These tips are for AFTER you and she agree to get together – they might but won’t necessarily help you get the girl, but once you have her they will help you keep her …hope this helps?

      • Jeffrey Alan Stephens on March 14, 2014 at 6:27 pm

        OK, wait, the small of the back thing- I don’t do. That’s an oversight. The playing with a girls hair thing… I have done that a few times during what felt like intimate moments. However, those moments were either interrupted or they were my musings with answering their questions of “How does my hair look?”.



      • Steph on March 16, 2014 at 4:29 am

        Jeff, your approach is all wrong. If the first thing you say to a woman is that she’s pretty, then it seems like you’re only focusing on her physical appearance. That’s why the conversation ends and it gets awkward. What you really want to do is break the ice, like crack a joke, show some humor. Then she won’t perceive you as a threat and your humor and personality will appeal to her. Obviously this won’t work all the time because some women just aren’t looking to meet anyone. Just remember not to take rejection personally. It happens to everyone.



    • Dee on March 14, 2014 at 12:12 pm

      Do you suffer from Nice Guy syndrome?

      • Jeffrey Alan Stephens on March 14, 2014 at 6:32 pm

        In the sense that I go after “damaged goods” or whatever she said up there? I used to, but I have forced myself to recognize problems in a girls life as “not my own”…if that makes sense. I look at problem as a kind of, if she asks for help with something, I will gladly help her, but if not, will stay out of her business unless she is being overtly self-destructive.



    • Brittany on March 14, 2014 at 11:55 pm

      Definitely don’t be a jerk. Believe it or not, my boyfriend is the sweetest guy and he didn’t have to act all hard to get me. It just takes being patient and waiting for God to place the right person in your life. I never would have believed it myself if someone else had told me before I met him, but it’s true. Just have to remember that God is saving you for someone patient. It will surely happen when it’s supposed to and not a moment sooner. Just hang in there and don’t give up! Keeping being the amazing person that you are and it’ll happen! 🙂

    • Judy Robinson on April 8, 2014 at 4:09 pm

      Girls also like guys that are a little suggestive in a playful manner without being crude and disrespectful. It creates a little anticipation of more exciting things to come in the future. Don’t just tell her you’re interested…tell her you want her by your actions. give her a tight hug, hold her face in your hands when you kiss her…Gotta get out of the friend mode.

  58. Liz Ann on March 13, 2014 at 4:06 pm

    These are generally good ideas to try in your relationship. However, what I (not so) secretly love most is for my boyfriend to get to know me as an individual and use that knowledge of me thoughtfully and lovingly in our relationship. For example, I am not a morning person, so if my boyfriend woke me up with a good morning text, I would tell him that while I appreciate the sentiment, don’t do that ever again.

  59. Billy Brooke on March 13, 2014 at 4:30 pm

    Trust me, the honesty thing doesn’t always work (usually doesn’t to be honest). Many women seem to prefer the excitement that they believe goes along with lies/bad behaviour – until they get hurt.
    Honesty is guaranteed to get a guy LJBF’d. Every time.

    • Stephanie on March 17, 2014 at 10:19 pm

      That may be the single most inane thing I have seen posted so far. If you honestly believe that women prefer lies over the truth, you are a complete moron.

  60. pvcs on March 13, 2014 at 6:12 pm

    Reblogged this on Fit Girls Look Good Naked.com and commented:
    Read my mind!

  61. Gina on March 13, 2014 at 7:51 pm

    To all the nice guys who don’t understand why they don’t get the girl and the assholes do: Take a real hard look @ the type of girl you are going after. I’ve seen too many nice guys with “Save a Ho” Syndrome. Recipe for failure every time! Sometimes the nice guys need to go for the nice girls, instead of fickle skanks!

    • Rhsims on March 13, 2014 at 8:16 pm

      Actually it’s called “Bitch Dependency”

    • Amanda on March 14, 2014 at 11:01 am

      Many times “nice guys” are only SAYING they’re nice so that they can convince women that they are, in fact, nice when actually they think that if they tell a woman this enough she’ll believe they’re nice. Women seriously don’t arbitrarily “friend zone” guys. If you ask her why she doesn’t want to date someone she likely has a legitimate reason and it doesn’t mean she’s a bitch. he could be a perfectly nice guy but maybe her religious beliefs, political beliefs, career goals ETC. don’t mesh with his. Or maybe she’s just not attracted to him. Many men with ‘nice guy syndrome’ try to date an extremely attractive woman when they think that simply being nice is the only thing women are looking for in a guy.

  62. 8 Things She Secretly Loves | Tripp Apparel on March 13, 2014 at 8:07 pm

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  63. Lunar Luxe on March 13, 2014 at 8:34 pm

    Well.. I don’t really agree with the texts and the hair playing thing. But everything else is on point, especially the humor and detail parts!

  64. Helena Land on March 13, 2014 at 9:27 pm

    Reblogged this on He Said Yes! and commented:
    Oh Yesss! We do. 😉

  65. LuckyGuy on March 13, 2014 at 10:17 pm

    Well, all I have to say to all you lonely guys I see posting here is this:
    I am not attractive (well, I’m handsome, but “pudgy” if you catch my drift), but I try to be kind and funny to every girl I meet. I often get “friend-zoned” and It sucks, I know. But, there are smart, funny, kind, and GORGEOUS girls out there who will look past the looks and go for someone they enjoy being around. Those are the ones worth keeping. My girlfriend is one of the most attractive girls at my college, all of my frat brothers jab me on “how the hell did a guy like you get a girl like THAT”…the answer is simple… I was myself, and I found someone who was worth waiting for.
    DONT GIVE UP!

    -ACB

    • Brandon on March 17, 2014 at 6:30 pm

      You have Alpha Sig’s respect

  66. Charles Motley on March 14, 2014 at 12:37 am

    That is not the small of the back.

    • James Michael Sama on March 14, 2014 at 9:58 am

      ?

      • Jeffrey Alan Stephens on March 14, 2014 at 5:27 pm

        I KNOW! It’s bothering me too. What does he mean?



      • Stephanie on March 17, 2014 at 10:31 pm

        What he means is that in the picture for the “small of the back” thing, the man is NOT touching the small of the woman’s back. The small of the back is lower, down by where the natural curve in the back is.



      • James Michael Sama on March 17, 2014 at 10:34 pm

        I know where the small of the back is, Stephanie. 🙂 The picture is just random, as are all of the others I typically choose for the articles. I don’t believe it is right before or after that specific point, but I will have to check again.

        I can see where the confusion would come in, but I did not mean it to be illustrative, just a nice photo.



  67. Luis Mays on March 14, 2014 at 1:37 am

    There are 6 things that all women are interested to whether they admit it or not. 1. Personality- Have to be your self everywhere in all things you do, 2. confidence- If you are good or Great something don’t be cocky about it, 3 Honesty- You don’t have to be an ass about everything you say, 4 Being Gentle- There are times to be a bad ass and and firm in your ways but they will always want someone to kind, 5 Understanding- Putting your side or opinions away and letting them say and get everything off there minds, 6 Details- When a man can look good (looking good does not mean being a pretty face either), still remember what her favorite song, show, movie, food and so on they will fall in love with you.. To be honest there is a lot more then 6 things but Those where the most important in my mind. James Michael Sama who has posted this was just trying to shed light on things that most men would not notice and or do. The hardest thing to do though is to know whether you are in love or just lusting after a “piece of ass” that is the hardest thing to do.

  68. vpanasonic on March 14, 2014 at 2:08 am

    Great blog.

  69. Just Passin By on March 14, 2014 at 2:36 am

    About the “friend zone” thing:
    There is nothing wrong with being friends with someone before letting it become a romantic relationship. I couldn’t tell you when my husband of 35 years and I actually started dating. We met as opponents over a card table, I didn’t really LIKE him at first! But then we became partners. I was a lousy card player. He wasn’t. He learned to lose a few games, and I learned how to play cards. We soon started going to his softball games and for pizza/salad afterwards. Between his interests and mine we stayed busy and three years later we decided to get married. Never had sex until we were married. Didn’t think it was important, really, because there was plenty of affection, conversation, and competition between us. Guys, if women flock to you to be your friend, consider yourself blessed! Relax and be yourself. And don’t discard those who may not like you at first. One of them may be the future missus.

    • Jeffrey Alan Stephens on March 14, 2014 at 4:03 am

      I give your comment kudos and your (more or less) happily ever after story a thumbs up. Although, I’m not certain that I have that kind of patience. Sounds to me like neither of you were actually looking for anything to happen. I, on the complete and opposite hand, am not quite as complacent.

      • Tom on March 15, 2014 at 2:23 am

        sounds like you need to be more confident/more of an alpha then.

        Just Passin By’s story will happen to most people who want to get married, eventually, if they don’t insert a catalyst into the situation. but if you’re not that complacent, then prove it. go talk to girls. get over rejection quickly. be funny. don’t take no for an answer the first time.

        if you really want something, you’ve got to go get it. girls are not the gender to go up and just talk to guys they don’t know.



      • Just Passin By on March 15, 2014 at 6:06 am

        (this says reply to Jolie, oh well..)
        Jeffrey, I’m not sure “complacent” describes our relationship. Maybe “content” is a better word. And thank you. Patience is key in any relationship, though. Why be in so much of a hurry when this is a lifetime decision? What do you want to happen? Plan to date for friendship, but with expectation that this may lead to marriage, and to marry for life, and plan to work for this marriage. Make it worth having. Then you will appreciate it more. Oh dear, why am I talking marriage when this is a dating blog? Because you never know what will happen. Never think that you are “only dating”. Every girl you date is a potential lifetime partner, and should be treated as such.

        On another comment you mentioned that maybe you should be more aggressive. I’m not sure you want to be aggressive. You don’t seem the type, and that would turn girls off in a hurry. I think you meant “assertive”. Look it up. To be assertive is a good goal to strive for, as it allows you to be the person you are without being harsh or phony; but lets people see more of the real you. Self-assured, confident, without being aggressive. Here’s a true example:

        Before I met my husband I had already turned down a marriage proposal from a guy who was a type A personality. He tried to force a ring on my finger before he left town for two years. I was fresh out of high school and barely knew him. “Aggressive”. Wrong. Later, when I met future hubby over the card table, I was spending some time with another guy who I also considered a friend who was lively and sweet, but was quite moody at times. Later found out he was more serious about me and was upset and jealous that I was playing cards and decided to fade out of the picture. I figured he was not much of a friend. I was not looking to “find a husband”, but see, they were looking to “find a wife” first, not a friend or companion first. Hubby was actually the quietest of them all. But he was the most “assertive”, and we ended up spending the most time together. We became friends long before we became lovers, and we learned that we could have other friends and still be friends. There is no jealousy. I can trust him. He trusts me. During our 35 years together, we both still have our friends and varied interests. And yes, I still receive proposals from guys who tell me when hubby is gone they are ready to carry on. But this is the man I chose for life, the one I have sex with, and the one who fathered our children. It IS a love story, Jeffrey, but one that you don’t read about in contemporary blogs. A forgotten art. Sometime I may share his eight secrets, but then they would not be unique, so for now I’m keeping them to myself 🙂

        Don’t get discouraged, and don’t change WHO you are, just to get a date. Once you find someone, use these hints if they fit the type of person you are and meet her needs. If not, then don’t. No woman wants to chat with her friends about all the wonderful things her guy does only to find out that all their boyfriends are doing the same thing because they read it on a blog!



      • Stephanie on March 17, 2014 at 10:37 pm

        Just Passin’ By’s story is a wonderful example! I had literally given up on trying to find a man. I had decided I was going to be a “cat lady”. And then, out of nowhere, I met my man. We met at a Halloween party, hung out and talked until like 2 in the morning, found out we were interested in a lot of the same things, and started spending time together. We never really labeled ourselves as a couple until a month or more had passed. It doesn’t mean either one of us was seeing other people, we just went with the flow of things, and did things when they felt right. If you are actively seeking a wife, there’s a good chance you are trying to hard, and coming off as desperate or clingy. Relax. Don’t try to force things to happen. Be yourself. Be patient. You will find the girl that is perfect for you.



      • just passing by on March 18, 2014 at 1:53 pm

        😀



  70. crazyguyinthailand on March 14, 2014 at 2:57 am

    Cool! =)

  71. sweetie on March 14, 2014 at 3:18 am

    this is TERRIBLE.

  72. Kyle on March 14, 2014 at 9:14 am

    I disagree with the texting thing. I think some girls might find it a bit clinging. Also, to this day I still don’t understand the humar thing. I mean to some degree I do. Obviously we all like a good laugh every once and a while, but I don’t see how humar has anything to do with someone’s potential to be a good mate. It’s one of those traits that I fail to see the biological and evolutionary perspective. Humor is a skill that is useless with regards to survival of the species. I know I could care less how funny a girl is. All I care is she’s not a complete stick in the mud. If she can have a semi-intelligent conversation with me, that’s good enough.

    • Jeffrey Alan Stephens on March 14, 2014 at 5:29 pm

      I dunno, you’re quite humArous, yourself. /teehee

    • Stephanie on March 17, 2014 at 10:28 pm

      He’s not saying be a stand-up comedian. By have a sense of humor, he is referring to exactly what you are talking about. Being able to have fun, know how to make her smile/cheer her up when she’s feeling down. Not only does everyone “like” a good laugh every once in awhile, everyone NEEDS a good laugh once in awhile, and if you aren’t able to make your girl laugh, she’ll find someone that will.

  73. xandraraye on March 14, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    Reblogged this on Facing Fearless and commented:
    Truth.

  74. mindfulofchatter on March 14, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    Men and women tend to put too much importance on looks. Good looks are nice, but it is these little things that make a relationship truly work. My S.O. may be not be handsome to someone else, but he is me. Plus he will get up at 5 AM and make me breakfast when I have that crack o’ dawn meeting. He puts me first. Every day. 🙂

    • Just Passin By on March 15, 2014 at 6:18 am

      Hmm. And what do you do to put him first? Every day?

      • Just Passin By on March 15, 2014 at 6:19 am

        Oops never mind… that’s a different blog…



  75. Jolie on March 15, 2014 at 3:46 am

    Reblogged this on A GIRL CALLED JOLIE and commented:
    *AMEN*

  76. Marin on March 15, 2014 at 6:35 am

    What if you don’t have any humor?

  77. 8 Things She Secretly Loves! | 101.1 The Wiz on March 15, 2014 at 10:38 pm

    […] Check out full article from my source here:  http://jamesmsama.com/2014/03/07/8-things-she-secretly-loves/ […]

  78. Ms. Šahíyena: All of Me on March 16, 2014 at 1:37 am

    James Michael…did you poll females on this one or is this your take on what you think we like?

    • James Michael Sama on March 16, 2014 at 9:16 am

      Hey there,

      This is my personal take based on experience and discussions with women. The feedback, while there have been disagreements, has been wildly positive from women.

      Thanks for your comment!

      – JMS

      • Ms. Å ahíyena: All of Me on March 16, 2014 at 6:54 pm

        We must then get you to gain a broader opportunity of experiences for such a broad statement so that it equally reflects the “secret” thoughts of all women. Whereas some may be similiar, many are different based on culture, location, and personal experiences…it is a world of diversity in which we live in. 🙂



  79. michiko624 on March 16, 2014 at 8:22 am

    Reblogged this on Michiko and commented:
    Reality

  80. Jonas267 on March 16, 2014 at 8:55 am

    Does anyone have a better quality photo of the girl biting her lip, or knows where I can buy a copy? I really want this as a picture on the wall!

  81. fncounter on March 17, 2014 at 4:49 am

    awesome photo

  82. mim on March 18, 2014 at 12:47 am

    Reblogged this on HERS N HIS and commented:
    I love this:-)

  83. Joe on March 18, 2014 at 2:19 am

    You can do all those things my dear friends, but in the end it will not stop your girl from cheating on you. It’s a biological urge a large percentage of the female population cannot control. They have a biological drive to “upgrade” be it a guy who has more money, is more fit or better looking or whatever. Sad but true.

    • Nan S. on April 8, 2014 at 12:15 pm

      Joe, no offense but I’d have to say that you’re going after the wrong girls. None of my girlfriends have ever cheated on their boyfriends or their husbands. For you to have such a negative experience you have to be hanging around the wrong crowd.

  84. HappyHomeWife on March 21, 2014 at 6:20 pm

    First I would like to say how much I love this article! I think all of these are spot on and still important in my 8 years of happily ever after. It’s always the little things that mean so much and make us feel loved and wanted. To contribute to the nice guy/ass hole conversation: It’s not about being a dick or being the sweetest guy alive. If you are still trying to obtain a relationship with said person then it’s about the chase. Most girls don’t like assholes and though it’s nice to be worshiped it does get old too. We want you to be yourself. Most girls that you think are going for the “asshole” type, it’s typically the chase they are after. It’s not that we like games but it’s a lot more exciting to chase after someone then for them to follow you around like a puppy dog. I do not speak for all woman (obviously) but this is my personal opinion and many other women’s opinion that I know. So while you should hold open doors, be polite, have a sense of humor, etc, you should also not be needy or clingy. Don’t wait a week to call or text but also don’t send a text every 5 minutes asking how their day is going. The list is endless! James- I thank you for your article. I love to read these kinds of lists here and there to make sure I’m doing everything I possibly can to make my husband the happiest he can be. And I apologize if I have any bad grammar in here….I have a newborn so no sleep for me 🙂 Thanks!

  85. Gooord on March 27, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    bahaha. I wanted to learn something.

    • James Michael Sama on March 27, 2014 at 4:26 pm

      Sorry to disappoint you, Gooord! Hopefully the day will come when we will all have your level of knowledge about women. For now, I’ll have to make due with what I’ve got.

      – JMS

  86. poliver64 on March 28, 2014 at 1:10 am

    Reblogged this on poliver64.

  87. katsmiao on March 31, 2014 at 9:50 pm

    Reblogged this on Katsmiao and commented:
    Totally agree

  88. Nan S. on April 8, 2014 at 12:12 pm

    So here’s my 2 cents as a female. I try very hard to send my husband a “I’m thinking of you and miss you text every day” and sometimes he beats me to the punch. It makes both our days so make sure that goes both ways ladies and gentlemen (and we’ve been together for 30 years!).

    I love my hair being played with…and love running my hand through my husband’s hair as well. Something about it is very sensual.

    Honesty and keeping promises are huge. If there anything I complain about, it’s when my husband tells me he’ll be home in 30 minutes and walks through the door an hour or more later. I try to shake it off but these little untruths drive me and the kids crazy. We feel that we cannot rely on him to do what he says in specific instances…particularly since it is done with so much regularity. And why can’t you say no? Saying yes or maybe when you have no intention of doing something is very frustrating as well.

    And to end, humor is very, very important. It not only brings us closer but adds so much fun to our relationship.

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  94. M on April 23, 2014 at 5:13 pm

    Wow, so much female bashing and male insecurity, I feel bad that so many men were obviously treated wrongly…I can agree with most if not all of what was written in the article :^) I would love any of it. I think my problem, though, why I am single at 28, is that even nice guys aren’t all that nice to me. Or if they are, they are that way to EVERYBODY and it doesn’t feel like they want to connect with me in particular. I’ve got manners, but I’m not a stickler. I’m pretty, but not gorgeous. I’m a virgin and plan to stay one until I’m married, and most guys aren’t cool with that (objectively they think it’s awesome, but would not consider dating me because of it). And I’m Catholic, but not “churchy”; ie I am very faithful, and no, we can’t use any contraceptives when we do have sex, but I’m not like that weird super religious girl who wants to spend all day in church. I have a ton of male friends, I get friendzoned every time. Plus, it’s very hard to find a good man who accepts these things, and who isn’t a complete weirdo, himself IMO (I’m not hating, but when my best solicitation is from a guy who wants to paint me as Mother Mary in stilettos…..yeah)

    Chemistry is what’s important. I’ve been in love, given 100%, taken the role of pursuer, always paid for dates etc, I’ve never in my life received a bouquet of flowers, a piece of jewelry, or a box of cholates from a man….and I don’t need any of it, but the thought would be nice..actually any surprise or romantic gift would be nice…but I’ve tried online dating for 10years and only 3 dates. Maybe there should be a “Nice Guys And Girls” dating site…?

    • jonathan on June 8, 2014 at 8:23 pm

      That doesn’t sound right M. I give flowers, not red or pink roses all the time. To girl friends and girlfriends. I write poetry for them and send them little gifts, bunny slippers even. All I can say is just be nice and be yourself. When your not looking someone wonderful will come along. I’m not a religious guy, don’t care for it. I got set up with a Mormon girl and we had 3 dates and she wasn’t my cup of tea. That’s 3 dates in 10 years. I met someone wonderful on facebook and we talk everyday. I wrote her 7 poems and sent wood roses, lingerie, dresses and heels, homemade dog biscuits for the best guy in her life. There’s a lid for every pot as the say. 🙂

  95. Brunna on April 30, 2014 at 1:45 am

    I agree! You forgot just one more thing! It is when you guys gently kiss our foreheads. We feel a kind of genuine love and affection! =D

  96. Isi on May 27, 2014 at 11:31 am

    Don’t put your hand in her weave, she might kill you if you mess it up. Lol

  97. surfercajun on May 29, 2014 at 1:39 pm

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  102. Leonard on July 31, 2014 at 4:02 pm

    The hand in the back when introducing her, especially other men, helps to let them know that you are a couple, she’s not looking any more, please feel free to talk but please don’t be trying to take her home w/ you.

  103. alexaming on August 23, 2014 at 10:14 pm

    Reblogged this on Musings of the unconventional siren muse and commented:
    8 little things that makes a difference.

  104. […] previous articles we have discussed things that men secretly love, as well as things women secretly love. Some, admittedly…not so secret. But, many of these points were a bit more general and I […]

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  108. Doyle on July 14, 2015 at 1:25 pm

    Thanks for finally talking about >8 Things She Secretly Loves | James Michael Sama
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  109. […] 作家としての活動以外にも、テレビやラジオ番組への出演など、マルチな才能を発揮するブロガーのJames Michael Sama氏。3,200万回以上の閲覧数を誇る彼のブログは、もはやバイブルと呼ぶに相応しい人気ぶり。男女の恋愛観や幸福論、さらには騎士道(!)などを分かりやすく紹介しています。 今回は、「女性が密かにされると嬉しいこと」に焦点をあてて、男性に向けたアドバイス。普段は気にも留めないような、ほんの小さなことに、女性を幸せにする秘訣が詰まっているんだそうです。 […]

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