The False Myth About Women
EXCLUSIVE ADVICE & OFFERS RIGHT TO YOUR INBOX (NEVER SPAM)
[social_warfare]
It’s rare that I comment on anything on Facebook unless I have strong feelings towards the sentiment. While scrolling through my newsfeed recently I came across a status update that, while not entirely surprising, grabbed my attention.
It said “The fastest way to make a girl fall in love with you is to treat her like sh*t.”
Yes, really.
Of course, I had to respond. Leaving aside the point that you can’t “make” someone fall in love with you, I insisted that women who accept being treated badly simply don’t recognize their own self worth yet. Of course, women commented as well and talked about how the statement was utter nonsense. But, that didn’t stop the other comments from saying they’ve seen it happen far too often.
Who is perpetuating the false myth that women actually like to be “treated like sh*t”?
Men are. And so are women.
Herein lies the problem. Men are not doing their job from multiple angles. If they are raising daughters, they are not properly instilling the self-worth that would cause a girl to never settle for less than she deserves. And if they are raising sons, they’re not teaching them proper respect and values. Mothers have this responsibility as well.
Aside from parenting fails (as I am not a parent, I won’t speak too much to that), relationship fails are even more prominent. Many men treat women so badly in relationships at an early age, they are practically teaching women that that’s what they should expect from all men, and therefore it becomes accepted. Women then continue their pattern into their older ages and keep ending up with men who don’t treat them right.
Women are not doing their job, either.
Women need to stop accepting any sort of negative treatment from anyone in any intimate situation. Staying single and only accepting the love you deserve is always a better decision than settling in a negative relationship you will regret in the future.
I read a quote once that said “If more women would sit down and be ladies, more men would stand up and be gentlemen.” I think the underlying idea here is that if a man is pursuing a woman and she holds a certain standard for what she will accept, he has two choices:
1) Meet her standards.
2) Lose her.
It really is that simple. No woman or man actually wants to be mistreated. Nobody wants to be disrespected, and nobody wants to be discouraged. We all want the same things in relationships – love, acceptance, encouragement, and respect.
If a woman is settling for someone who mistreats her then it simply means that she hasn’t realized what she deserves. This comes from within, but she may need some help with her self confidence. She may not have had the most encouraging upbringing. She may not feel she is worthy of better – but that gives you no excuse to perpetuate the notion.
Sometimes, a person doesn’t recognize their own value until somebody else points it out to them. Each day, we have two choices:
Keep giving them the lack of love they think is normal, or open their eyes and show them what they’re worth.
I know which one I choose, do you?
Never forget the three small words that will improve your relationships.
Click here to connect with me on Twitter -> [twitter-follow screen_name=’JamesMSama’]
Click here to join JamesMSama.com on Facebook.
Click here to join the New Chivalry Movement.
Photo Source: EASPHOTOGRAPHY
26 Comments
Leave a Reply
POPULAR POSTS
LET'S CONNECT
EXCLUSIVE ADVICE & OFFERS RIGHT TO YOUR INBOX (NO SPAM)
Great post! It’s so sad to see women (& men) accepting disrespect from their partners, the very people who should be loving & respecting them the most. I really think you’ve hit the nail on the head w/ the reasons WHY this happens so much.
Hey James, where do you generate your material from? Intense yoga sessions perhaps? Thanks
Hey hey, sorry I’m not sure I understand the question? I wish I could make it sound more interesting but often times after a lot of thinking to come up with a topic I literally just sit down and start writing – then, there it is haha.
Sorry to show the man behind the curtain, but not much excitement to the process.
– JMS
I think he was taking a rib at the notion that it is unmanly or “hippie”ish to be respectful or caring about women. Kind of silly, though. There is nothing in the universe that tells the world you are a bigger man than having a happy woman by your side. Keep doing what you do and the trolls will come around to the truth one day.
Yes. Precisely. This said from a daughter’s perspective, a woman’s perspective, a wife’s perspective, a mother’s perspective. Yes to everything you said. Once again, very good post, JMS.
This is so disturbing it makes me feel literally sick. I can’t even read the rest of the blog post (which I know is good because I’ve read a few of your posts and I know you of course will have good stuff to say about this but yikes, that’s just awful!
Hi Marisa…this concerns me a little bit that you feel this way about an article that is meant to be positive towards women and has gotten all positive feedback thus far from everyone up until your comment. Can you please elaborate on what exactly you find so disturbing about it?
Thanks for your feedback…
– JMS
No I’m so sorry! I mean the thing you are talking about. Stuff like that makes me feel so bad inside that sometimes I can’t even read about it even when it’s from a positive perspective of setting is straight – so sorry my comment was a mess!! I appreciate your perspective on treating women with respect and hope your blog reaches far and wide!
Ah okay! After I wrote my comment I was actually wondering if that’s what you had meant originally. 🙂 I agree – it was disturbing to me as well and that’s exactly why I wrote this post in the first place, to hope that it spread and help change perceptions of those who read it.
I really appreciate all of your support. 🙂
When I finish the post, I’ll probably be back in the comments with a more coherent reply. 🙂 Thanks for your response!
It is so true that many women have been treated horribly growing up and somehow think that’s what they deserve – so sad! I am so grateful for an amazing man that treated me like a princess from the moment he met me – even when I initially treated him not so great (do I have a pattern of running into new people saying things without thinking about how they’ll sound or what?). I quickly fell in love with him and we have a wonderful relationship – he continues to treat me like a princess. Before I met him, I had some bad impressions of relationships – won’t go into the story. But meeting good men really heals the past.
I cannot agree more with what you’ve said here. I have so many girlfriends who continue to hang on to men who don’t treat them right – men who are hot and cold and yet time and time again, they welcome back into their lives for the fear of missing out what something great. What they’ve set are low expectations and What they should have done was walk away in the first place.
This article is correct. But not really the love part. I would say that it falls more on the women. If women continue to give sex to men that treat them poorly, why would a man go through extra work to get what he desires? All these things sound great in theory but men react to how women respond.
This is a great article, however, I think you’re overthinking the original problem. The quote about treating a girl like shiz is actually pretty spot on. being a girl, I know a thing or two about how we fall in love. granted, everyone’s different. but countless personal experiences reveal that the boys that treat us perfectly during that intitial, get-to-know-you, “the chase” phase of a relationship, are the ones that end up friend-zoned. why? because theres no work, theres no mystery or excitement in it. The one’s that leave us wanting more, staying up all night wondering if theyre thinking about us, driving ourselves crazy with worry and mystery. THOSE are the boys we choose. Its not until after we get into a relationship that we want to be treated like a princess, like the most important beautiful thing in the world. So, while you have some great points, take it from me and countless girls I’ve known, the endearing, nice, mr. perfect only wins after the chase is over and the commitment begins.
Jenna,
As a girl who has been there, and preferred the more challenging guys, but also as one who matured enough and became happy on her own, I want to share with you that there is a better way to handle it. It takes time and introspection, and learning to love yourself first, and at that point you no longer go for the dushbags…all the sudden the nice guys who treat you right make sense to you. And if you’re lucky and smart enough you may even end up marrying one of those guys. And let me tell you, you’ll be much better off with one of them, because guess what, those who treat you poorly, that’s their nature, and in most if not all cases, they’ll still be doushbags even when you marry them…and it may not even be on purpose, they just don’t know any better or their very nature is of such. So…I’d say to all those women who are still at this phase, to start working on themselves and not feel like they’re missing on much when they drop the ones which are not worth it…
[…] The False Myth About Women. […]
Jenna, darling, please do us all a favor and grow up. I married the Guy that always gets friendzoned, and I couldn’t ask for better. Friend after friend around me chased down the ‘bad boys’ and came crying on my shoulder afterwards, while my husband still treats me like the Queen of all Creation after 17 years and 3 kids.
When I was young a multitude of “friend zone” relationships taught me nice guys finish last, so I became a cad (I shall not elaborate). I am now in a loving and committed marriage of 30 years, I love my wife now more than I ever thought I could love anyone. Let me tell you ladies right now…if he changes for you it will not be long ’til he changes back and hides it from you as long as he can. You can’t expect your love to change a man (I use the term “man” loosely). Everything moves from order to chaos in nature, only thru a relationship thru God and Jesus can movement be made from chaos to order. I always told my son and daughter you are much more likely to meet a good, christian mate in church than in a bar or club. Christians are not perfect by any means or any stretch of the imagination, period. You’re still more likely to find a good mate there.
I owe all my good attributes (which are still severely lacking) to God and Jesus and My most loving and patient wife…in that order. Which is the way it should be and my wife will agree.
ok? clearly my comment was taken the wrong way, I apologize. im not saying that girls should go for the bad guys AT ALL. and I am a firsthand witness at how the good boys and girls become the best spouses. im just saying that most girls enjoy the excitement of something that doesn’t come as easily to them. most of the best things in life don’t come easily right? again i digress to my original claim: everyone’s different, however, among my personal experiences and those of my roommates and friends..i’d say its wise to leave a little wonder and mystery in a new relationship than to constantly throw yourself at someone.
p.s. Wynnidred “darling” thanks for your invitation for me to grow up; im trying. But i believe that disrespecting a total stranger on something as mundane and public as a comment section, is the epitome of immaturity.
I think the key is giving that person a chance. The reason nice guys finish last is because they usually get passed over for someone who is “mysterious” or gives that “bad boy” edge. They may seem boring at first but I guarantee if you just give that person a chance, they may be much more than you asked for (in a good way). Of course no one likes someone who is literally boring or a “yes” man but if you see a nice guy and he asks you out, give that guy a chance.
As one of the nice guys, that’s all we ask for.
FYI,
A myth is something untrue. A “false myth” is something that’s not a myth…therefore true.
So you should say either “a falsehood” or a “myth” but not a false myth!
(-;
Absolutely. You can’t make someone fall in love with you, just as you can’t make someone happy. Similarly, you can’t make someone see their self-worth, it is a choice they have to make on their own terms in their own way. Perhaps what would also be helpful is to emphasize not just trying to help them see who they are, but help them choose to accept their wonderful traits.
It is sad to see such situations and to realize that the women in them are not aware of their inherit worth as a human being and that they deserve better. But I have to disagree with one thing. It’s a small point and not really the main focus of the article, but I disagree with “…you can’t “make” someone fall in love with you…” I’m not trying to imply that you can force someone into loving you by taking away their agency. But I also think that people make others fall in love with them everyday. I think the idea of loving those who don’t love you, and simply have a spirit of love in your heart encourages and ultimately will “make” others fall in love with you. Love softens even the hardest heart over time. As a very simple example I know my love for my parents is founded on the fact that they loved me first. Hence they “made” me fall in love with them. To me love is very much a choice and by choosing to love others you encourage them to choose to love you in return.
It’s simple, the whole world is crazy.
Media portray bad boys as exciting and girls lap it up, then they read all about the exciting lives they lead with multiple hook ups, flitting and flatting through life.
Women seem to get used and are arm candy and many end up accepting that.
Even “the if you go down on me it’s not really sex thing” adds to the inequality of women and men.
The standard is .. Are you worthy of me? (for both of them).
Theres something to be said of the old fashioned friends or Spouce, but no more as an attitude.
One of the previous posts on chivalry showed the heart attitude of a real man towards women around him.
Life is too short to waste any part of it on wasters and poor relationships.
MikeNZ
I think what is meant by that offbase comment that this blog is written about, is that a woman and a man need to be challenged. In my experience, including myself, I do not want a man who is contacting me at all hours of the day. I want him to leave me alone and make me chase him a little. This does not mean to completely ignore me, but I like it when a man gives me my own space. If there is no challenge in acquiring that person’s attention, then I tend to not be as interested. If I am feeling like I may need to put a little effort in to impressing a man, then I will certainly put that effort in. That goes right back to the man being someone who is respectable as well. I think this pour soul that wrote that comment on facebook clearly understands this perspective, just doesn’t have the education to provide the world with an accurate depiction of it. A man and a woman both need to be respectable enough to give the other the idea that they should need to put effort into keeping them around.
So, I am a little late in commenting on this, but I have been so surprised lately at the number of women who “don’t know any better”. The obvious is that a person should not be physically harmed by another and I know that people know that, but women in general are confused on how they should be treated. I work with a person who truly was never taught that she should be treated with respect. She did not know that a man should take her out and treat her like a lady. She said she has never had a man buy her dinner, she has always paid her half and she has never had a man take her out and show her that she is valued. Of course my first questions was “Didn’t your dad ever teach you this stuff?” Surprisingly she hasn’t even seen that from him. She lives like what was modeled in her life. She was in a not very uplifting relationship and never once did her parents talk to her and tell her that she deserved more.
Recently, this person has began to see her value and she is dating someone who truly values her and is treating her in a way that she did not know existed. She is not the only person I know like this and it breaks my heart. It is not he mans fault or the women’s fault, but there needs to be a shift.
Men, please hold the door open for a woman even if you don’t know her. Please treat us with respect. Please don’t call us weak. Value our differences and femininity.
Women, please give men the opportunity to be a gentleman. Please don’t get mad at a man for acting like a gentleman, he is not thinking you are incapable. Please quit playing games and making it so confusing for men. Value our differences and their masculinity.
James, I am so glad I stumbled upon your blog! I am LOVING It!!!
http://www.questforahusband.com