It’s safe to say that most of us have found ourselves confused while talking to someone new. Are they as into you as you’re into them? Can they picture a commitment? Can you?
I’ve received some questions from women who have had a hard time deciphering what a man is thinking in terms of why he won’t fully commit himself to her – here are a few points to hopefully shed some light.
You came on too strong.
Unfortunately, sometimes we need to look into the mirror in order to identify an issue with our relationships.
The easiest way to lose someone is to want them too badly. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman making the first move or initiating advancements in a new dating situation, but if you’ve got your kids named after the first couple of dates or are bugging him to meet his family, he might get scared off.
The challenge here is that you might be an amazing woman who really could make his life better, but if he thinks you’re going to uproot his entire lifestyle and run it for him, you won’t even have the chance.
He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.
Don’t expect any logical explanation for this one – but a lot of guys are guilty of literally just pulling the plug on a new relationship without any explanation. The texts will slow down, and eventually stop. Why? Some people are as afraid of rejecting others as they are of being rejected themselves, and it’s easier (for them) to just stop contact altogether.
Does this make it right? Of course not. Would a mature man take this approach? Obviously not. Does it still happen? Of course – but it has more to do with him than it does with you. Try not to take it too personally, he’s just showing you he’s not ready for a relationship.
Your lifestyles don’t fit together.
Sometimes it’s possible for two great people to meet – but not be great for each other. A man who has direction and goals in his life will only choose to commit himself to a woman that he can see being his teammate along the way (as a woman would with a man). It doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings for you or that you’re not good enough, it just may be a timing issue or one of circumstance.
He’s still in his party phase.
Not to sound stereotypical, but I speak from personal experience when I say that guys who go out to bars and clubs a lot are often looking for, let’s say, “shorter term relationships” rather than a commitment. It doesn’t mean that meeting the right woman won’t change his mind – but it does mean it needs to be the right woman.
Don’t force him to give it up, either. If he loses his enjoyment and/or some friends because he leaves the scene to be with you without truly wanting you, it can breed resentment and problems down the road.
He has unrealistic expectations.
Some men have standards so high that they are literally too high to reach. Could this be potentially fear-based and him just always finding crazy excuses not to commit to someone? Maybe – but it also could just be because he is so picky that he is impossible to please.
As with some of these other reasons, it’s important to not take this personally. Remember, you could be the best tasting fruit in the world, but there will still be people out there who don’t like fruit.
Nobody likes rejection. Nobody likes rejecting others. To (even temporarily) live with the idea that you’re not good enough is painful. But, with 7 billion people in the world, not fitting into one person’s specific criteria is hardly something to beat yourself up over.
Don’t lose hope – there will be no “wrong timing” when you find the right person.
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