10 Ways To Know He’s Into You

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Admittedly, it can be hard to read people these days. Does it matter how long it took to return your text? Did they just give you attitude because they only sent one word, or are they just really busy?

Is he really into you, or is he just playing you? And, how can you tell?

Below are a few general things to pay attention to when a man is courting you, that may help you realize whether or not he is really into you. I hope this insight is helpful, you know, since I’m a man and all.

He will take initiative on making plans with you.

No matter how busy a man is, if he really wants to see you, he will make time for you. No excuses, lies, or broken promises. If he is into you, he won’t be putting off making plans. In fact, he will be taking the initiative to make suggestions and set dates.

See it as a red flag if he is always ‘too busy’ for you, yet seems to have time to go out with his friends or is always posting photos from parties on Facebook.

He will invite you on a proper date.

None of this “Hey, I’m out with some friends, wanna meet up?” before he gets to know you nonsense. If a man wants to get to know you, he will put in the time and the effort to spend time one-on-one with you, and see what you are all about.

If he’s always trying to fit you into his pre-existing plans and you feel like the text he sent could have gone to 10 other girls at the same time, he’s just not that into you.

He won’t push for sex early on.

There is a fine line here. I am not saying that he will refuse it on a first, second, or third date if he is really into you. However, he won’t push it or get upset if it doesn’t happen. Can anyone guess why?

This is because he truly enjoys spending time with you, and is not looking to move forward strictly physically. He values you more than someone he is just trying to get into bed.

He will remember your interests and act on it.

Did you mention the smell of a candle that you like to him? Is there a book you enjoy reading or a show you enjoy seeing? A man who is into you will hang on your words and pay attention to detail.

He will drive a distance just to see you.

It doesn’t matter if you live 10 minutes or an hour away from each other, a man who is really into you will make the effort to come see you. Even if you are not far enough along for him to stay over at your place, or vice versa, he will come to you, take you out, and then drive home thinking about you the whole way.

He will not check his phone on dates.

Early on in a relationship, this is a great way to tell if a man is really paying attention to you or not. If he is out with you, who else matters? Of course if he is on-call or waiting for the phone to ring about an emergency, it is a different story.

But, otherwise, his full attention should be on you.

He will text you when he gets home from seeing you.

If you are not yet at the stage where you’re spending nights together, after his journey home from dropping you off (or the next morning), you should expect a text about what a great time he had or how excited he is to see you again.

However, if you feel like too much time is going by and you haven’t heard from him, don’t be afraid to shoot him a text to say the same thing. See how enthusiastically he responds.

He is okay with PDA, but keeps it G-Rated.

I certainly don’t mean that he will be ripping your clothes off during dinner, but a man who is interested in you will have no problem with holding your hand, walking arm in arm, or putting his arm around you in public.

He will stop going to clubs or other places to meet women.

What would the point be if he found someone he is truly interested in?

He will tell you, and show you.

A man (or anyone) can talk a certain way, and then act another way. Words are nice, but they are always drowned out by actions. Early on in a relationship, watch what someone does more than what they say. Words can be dishonest, but actions can’t.

And mostly, be honest with yourself. A woman’s intuition is a powerful force and yet so many choose to ignore it. Don’t let yourself get played because you refused to see the signs you know you saw.

Want direct help from me to make sure you are dating a winner instead of a loser?

I frequently coach busy professionals who want a more fulfilling love life.

If you are looking to work with an experienced relationship coach who has helped hundreds of busy professionals find the love life they deserve, Click here to book a call on my calendar. 

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28 Comments

  1. Lesia on December 22, 2013 at 11:14 am

    Great article! (Actually, I haven’t read a JMS post yet that I didn’t love!) However, I have to say this…I’ve been married for 30 years and all of the above still applies. Behavior, interest, planning…just all of it. Even an old lover enjoys the newbie behaviors of young love. <3

    • Sophia on April 8, 2014 at 2:29 am

      Hello, Lesia! I am so happy to be happened to “read you” at the beginning of my day! It gives me hope and strength that something real and precious can actually exist. Thank you for your genuine thought sharing! I pray and believe I will someday experience exactly “your” kind of love. Thank you for brightening me day! : )

      • Tessa on October 24, 2014 at 6:55 pm

        Hi Lesia, That is amazing! With the experience you have I prefer to ask you this question! Anybody else is actually welcome to reply as well. So as far as the “he will drive a distance to see you” I have an issue that I do not know if is excusable or not. My significant other and I are in a long distance relationship, and he is currently in school from 7 am to 4 pm and on financial aide with no job. I just barely got a job and offered to go see him since and he told me that it is the end of the semester and he is busier than the last time I saw him. Regardless of his circumstance does that rule still apply?



  2. Ali Rifai on December 22, 2013 at 11:38 am

    I really like the way you write these lists; I relate to your points, they’re just so simple! Thanks James!

  3. Des Alexander on December 22, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    I am so happy that I’ve found your blog. I’m still recovering from getting my heart broken, and it’s really great to see that there are men out there who want to do right by a woman. Keep posting and God bless!

  4. erinkcamp on December 22, 2013 at 10:18 pm

    Reblogged this on erin.k.camp.

  5. Huntress626 on December 23, 2013 at 4:16 pm

    Reblogged this on anitanyoung and commented:
    This is how know he IS into me…

  6. Huntress626 on December 23, 2013 at 4:18 pm

    James, I support this blog post because it’s spot on! When I was dating my boyfriend, all of these way applied. 🙂

  7. Lisa on December 24, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    This is a great article. We love hearing from a guys point of view. Check out our article from a woman’s peespective: http://fromt2b.com/committed-relationship-just-dating/

  8. jhazi on December 24, 2013 at 4:34 pm

    I loved this. He’s Just Not That Into You is one of my favorite movies, but it’s such a slap in the face for women to accept. We tend to make excuses for why he’s not giving the attention he should be giving and the attention we know we deserve from a man who claims to be interested. Interest from men is so cut and dry but it’s where most women begin their downward spiral, getting involved with a man who really didn’t care that much.

  9. Judy on December 28, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    I have been dating a guy for over 5 years and not sure if I want to continue the relationship. It seems lately that things are going on a downward spiral. He texts and calls most days, however we now go up to 2 weeks without seeing each other. He always has excuses, working, time with his son, his son’s hockey and the list goes on and on.
    Meanwhile this pass summer he spend almost 2 months out of the country, saying he had family business that he HAD to take care of. And at the exact same time I had to go in for major surgery. Since July I think we might of spend 12 or 13 dates. But of course he expected sex on each of these dates.

    I find I am getting very frustrated and upset with him a lot of the time. Is it me or am I being a fool for staying in this relationship. He is always bringing me small gifts each time he see’s me?

    I’m just not sure on how to deal with this situation. Any help or suggestions would be amazing.

    Thanks,

    • Melinda on January 13, 2014 at 8:30 am

      Judy, does he ask you to spend time with him and his son. Has he asked you to come to his son’s hockey games? Between work, children and life there is Not a lot of time left in a persons life, BUT as stated above, IF he is interested he will make time. Sounds to me like you have become a convenience for a booty call. Sorry……

      • Lisa on January 13, 2014 at 8:11 pm

        Judy,

        Unfortunately it doesn’t sound good. If a man loves you, esp after being in a 5 year relationship, mediocre excuses do not excuse him from seeing you. Unless thos is a long distance relationship, two weeks of not seeing each other is not ok. By now, aftwr five years, you should be a staple and if not o would suggest to move on. Sorry but you deserve better. He sounds like he is either an asshole, a player or really just sucks as a gentleman. You deserve more.



    • Jill on January 26, 2014 at 2:41 pm

      He sounds like he’s living a double life! You should be a priority, not just because of “5 years” but because you are his woman, and a part of his life. This is not a relationship. You are a booty call/ convenience or his mistress! You deserve better. Let him go and raise your standards! <3 good luck Judy!

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  13. Jeff Douglas on January 28, 2014 at 4:31 pm

    I must say I have been drawn to your site/blog daily recently from a post a friend shared the other week…

    I am going through a rough spot myself right now with my girlfriend, and before I go to far I do all these things you speak of, my relationship has been compared to the love story of “The Notebook” on multiple levels, I do all of the above mentioned here and my girlfriend and I have known each since she was 17 and myself 20 off and on through our lives and have gone different directions and have most recently regained our connection as we are going through our own turmoils at this point personally… And just recently she has asked me to back things off and see where things go and is killing me cause she is my everything and i have always done the above to her and tell her how important she is to me, and I have always held her to the highest in my life and try to be everything I can for her in anyway possible… so now I’m really torn and just at the point now where we are going back to being just close as I see it until she can see whats its like of me not saying all the right things to her daily as I always have which kills me… but I understand fully her decisions in this matter, but this isnt easy for me at all, any suggestion in this matter that can help me I’m open too.

    • Flower on February 20, 2014 at 3:01 pm

      Jeff,
      It sounds like you are really hurting, and I’m sorry for that; however, you can’t make someone stay who doesn’t want to stay. If she is “the one” for you, then she will come back around. Give her the space she is asking for, if you really mean the same to her then she will come back around. If not, then you just need to keep being the gentleman it sounds like you are and keep searching for the one who will stick around and appreciate you. Best wishes!!

      • G.Eden on March 2, 2014 at 2:00 am

        I’m really sorry. It sounds as if she is your first love, sounds terrible. I think you should maybe try to not see her for some time and focus on something else even if it is difficult. Tell her that the situation makes you suffer and that you would like to get some distance to allow here to gain some clarity about her feelings towards you.



  14. CL Mannarino on January 30, 2014 at 9:30 am

    This is fantastic advice. Thank you for sharing!

  15. Jason Barker on February 26, 2014 at 11:59 am

    All 10 are dead on accurate. Great job as always sir.

  16. jeck120591 on June 11, 2014 at 9:12 am

    what about ways to know if she’s into you?

  17. Graciela SouthernBelle on July 22, 2014 at 10:26 am

    One of the very best posts that you have done!

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  19. Violeta on April 6, 2016 at 4:14 am

    Excellent article!! Want to brief you with my situation. Dated a guy 5 yrs ago went on 6 dates and we connected well but I never had sex with him. He made all the effort but he’s a business guy and I was a student And he ended things since I was demNding for his time. We got back a year after and same situation. Now I’m a working surgeon grown woman. After 5 years he sends me a text on Valentine’s. I just got out of a relationship. We decided to meet and it was my bday that week. He bought me a Chanel bag and took me more shopping. Had dinner at my favourite French place. Stayed in a suite. We had sex for the first time ever. Was nice and intimate. Since then he texts me everyday 3 times a day and made plans to meet me again in 2 weeks. I live 4 hrs away so he came to see me last weekend. I arranged a lovely suite on the beach and we went out for lunch played golf. He texted me saying he appreciated the effort I made and had a good time. After that he’s been distant. Not as much flirting. Btw he has a 2 yr old son he’s busy with. Single dad and has a nanny over the week. Weekends he’s full time dad. Anyways i texted him yesterday we flirted and he send me a vivid pic of him. Made little small talk and he was busy traveling. Asked him he’s been bit mellow and is everything ok with work? He ignored me today. No more good morning msgs or night msgs. He’s mSkinh a trip to Dubai next week sign his son so surely won’t see him again. So why make all this effort if he’s not keen! ? He should be honest and tell me right?

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