The End Of Courtship (Is Nonsense)


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There’s an article in The New York Times called “The End of Courtship?” which not only disappoints me but is borderline offensive to all men.

The article discusses how men generally put zero effort into dating or women anymore and the extent of dates these days is “hey babe I’m out with some friends, wanna come meet up?” That’s a date? And women are accepting? Forget that nonsense. It’s impossible for a man to pursue you if he just…gets you. Simple concept.


“It’s one step below a date, and one step above a high-five,” she added. Dinner at a romantic new bistro? Forget it. Women in their 20’s these days are lucky to get a last-minute text to tag along.

What? No. Just, no. How is this acceptable? How are these conversations not being had? Is this real life?

The article discusses a girl who goes home from the club with a bouncer and how it “only lasts 4 months”…well then, color me surprised.

If women collectively refused to give it up to guys who have no game, then men would be forced to step it up and do what it takes to get a quality woman, or they’d get no women at all. Are guys to blame? Sure, of course. Are women also? Yes.


I believe one of the problems our generations are facing, is a lack of role models. Who is in the mainstream really addressing these issues? Who is out there helping our youth truly value themselves and therefore not growing up into adults who accept less than they know they deserve?

And, who is out there teaching our young men how to treat the women who do value themselves, and won’t accept the apathetic offer of some schmuck who is looking to get maximum reward for minimal effort?

The answer is, not enough people. There are a lot of males out there who are the dog, and the self-respecting female is the fire truck. Even if they catch her, they won’t know what to do with her.

The very last sentence in the article about a girl in California was the best part of the whole thing:

“For her, the old traditions are alive simply because she refuses to put up with anything less. She generally refuses to go on any date that is not set up a week in advance, involving a degree of forethought.


“If he really wants you,” Ms. Yeoh, 29, said, “he has to put in some effort.”’

You tell’em, Ms. Yeoh.

What are your thoughts on this NYT article? Do you think it accurately reflects the dating world we are living in, or are there people out there who still put in the proper effort? Let me know in the comments below, or tweet me at @JamesMSama.

To me, this is just another reason Why You Need Higher Standards.

[twitter-follow screen_name=’JamesMSama’]

Photo source: Lux-Elegance


  1. Meredith Nicole Wilson on December 16, 2013 at 8:38 pm

    I think the NYT article does reflect a new reality– many guys that express interest in me merely hint at a vague ‘hanging out’ time— or they at times ask me if ‘I want to grab a cup of coffee?’ And these are men with houses, good jobs in military/finance/business, nice cars—- these are guys in their mid-20s to early 30s. I’m really shocked at how they don’t bring their A-game.

    I’ve definitely lowered my standards for dates, I suppose– as long as he’s made the first effort and suggest somewhere to go, that’s more than the average guy does. And I accept that for an initial date. Beyond that though, I’m wanting to be impressed.

    It makes for ‘meh’ first dates and lonelier evenings after that, but it’s preferable for being out with someone who’s lame….and gets boring after the first date anyway because I’m bored with him because of his lack of initiative.

  2. Brittany Nicole La Hue on December 16, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    I completely agree with you! I met my boyfriend while attending USC, which has a huge frat culture. Guys there don’t want to date; they just want to hookup and move on. As a result, my friends and I had to settle for crappy guys who were a headache if we didn’t want to be alone. When I met my boyfriend, I thought he was too good to be true. He took me on dates, wanted to spend all his time with me, got to know me in depth and never looked at another girl once we met. That’s when I realized that even though it took me a while to find him, guys like him (who want a relationship, who want to make an effort) exist, and they are absolutely worth the wait and the sifting through all the losers. Women need to hang in there and never settle for less! Thanks for spreading this important message!

  3. Terri L. Stobert on December 16, 2013 at 11:38 pm

    Iv always had major problems with this .I was born and raised in Pitts.Pa.You were lucky if he called Thursday night for a weekend date .and he wanted to “meet you ” somewhere ..Most convenient for him . It wasn’t till I took a job in Dallas Texas years latter that a real GENTLEMAN asked me out .I asked him where to meet him and this is what he said ………..Dear…. Iv asked you to spend your precious time with me .You bless me with your presents .I will pick you up at your Door ,walk you to and open all the doors, pay for dinner .Flirt with you all night ! Take you home and maybe if im real lucky I’ll get a Kiss good night …and Hopefully a chance to go out again with you …I come to realise We girls MUST have higher standers for our selves and hold the Men to same ….I’ve sense Moved home and Trust me Nothing here has changed ..But I’m a hole lot wiser .

  4. Kevina Fullwood on December 17, 2013 at 12:36 am

    Mr. Sama its men like you that write blogs like this, that shows evidence that the NYT’s reality of men doesn’t have to be every woman’s reality of men. Once you set your standard they either get with it or get lost.

  5. Bernie Chan on December 17, 2013 at 1:09 am

    Are there people out there who still put in the proper effort? Yes.
    That’s not just Proper effort. That’s manner.

  6. Kelly Lopez on December 17, 2013 at 2:01 am

    I do not agree with NYT article! Sure we are living in an age were self-worth and value in women and men is not as it used to be, but the pursuit of women by men and vice versa still exists! I am currently with a man that exposes romantic charisma in everything he does for me. We go out on dates at a new restaurant atleast twice a month keep it alive/fresh. I’m in my early twenties and it saddens me to see friends and acquaintances allowing their surroundings to encourage them to be ‘easy’, but in the other hand, I am happy to say that I have friends and acquaintances that still pursue the elegant question of would you have dinner with me sometime?… Is not completely dead, atleast not in my view

  7. lisaberyl4 on December 17, 2013 at 4:12 am

    Hahahahha wat more can i say?

  8. Nancy S. on December 17, 2013 at 10:15 am

    Can I agree and disagree at the same time? My husband and I have raised 2 boys (20 & 18)…they both open doors for women and I’d like to believe respect women. But what I do not and can not understand is the “talking” stage. A girl will come over, they’ll watch TV, they’ll go to the movies or to the movies. But they are adamant that they are not “dating” just talking. Well, kindly explain that to me when I catch them making out. It honestly makes absolutely no sense to me.

    My daughter (16), on the other hand, will go out on dates and literally demands for a boy to announce his intentions before she’ll go. If he’s not interested in dating, she turns him down. So, I’m guessing we did some things right but not sure where we fell off the wagon with those boys.

  9. Justin on December 17, 2013 at 11:53 am

    I belive both worlds of dating are out there. I know guys that are my friends that are the just come over and we have sex then you leave type, and multiple women agree to that. On the other hand my girlfriend was the opposite and demanded that I treat her with respect and I am the other end of the spectrum of guys and made sure to give it to her. From there it was diners, movies, and surprises all planned from each of us. So the dating world is what you want it to be. Think of what type of partner you want and then ask yourself if where you are going to meet people will reflect those type of people.

  10. Summer on January 8, 2014 at 5:23 pm

    I don’t believe it’s “The End of Courtship” at all! 8 months ago, I went out for dinner with a really nice guy that I had met through mutual friends (in my mind it was just dinner). At the end of the date, he laid it all out on the line and explained how he liked me, etc – As my last relationship ended horribly, I didn’t feel ready to start dating again and told him such. Most men I know would cut ties after that and not bother following up. He spent the next 2 months courting me, taking me out to dinners, proving that he was nothing like my last partner! I eventually realised I was being a fool and that if a man is willing to go to this much effort for you, you shouldn’t give it up. Looking back now, I can’t believe I said no in the first place and would love to go back in time and slap myself!

  11. Olena Beley on February 17, 2014 at 11:35 am

    Great article! Why just yesterday a guy was kind enough to invite me to tag along with his friends to a club as a ‘first date’. I think he was surprised that I declined.. So I sent him this article. 🙂

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