6 Reasons You’re Still Single (Part 1 – Girls)


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Generation Y often struggles with relationships. It seems to be increasingly difficult to not only come across a solid relationship, but to find someone worthwhile dating in the first place.

Sure, anyone can drop their standards faster than a prom dress and find someone to have some fun with, but what about becoming a happy couple?

Here are 6 reasons why you’re still single.


You’re still in your party phase.

This is the time that you should be single. But, on top of that, looking for love ‘up in da club’ is a recipe for disaster in the first place. Yes I know, your friend’s cousin’s babysitter’s aunt met a woman at Starbucks who’s daughter grinded up on some guy who grunted his number at her, and they got married.

It happens – but, for the most part, the meat-market nature of nightlife is not where you should expect to find a solid relationship.


You’re dying to be with someone. Anyone.

It’s one thing to want to find someone to share happy times with, but it’s a whole other thing to want to find anyone to share happy times with. If you show interest in anybody who shows interest in you just because someone is finally paying attention – it will never last.

How can you expect someone to respect you when you don’t show them that you respect yourself?

Desperation is not attractive and you’ll sacrifice your dignity for a temporary high. Hold out for the right one, it will be worth it.

You hate men.

Yes – all men suck, right? At least, that’s what every other Facebook status you post says. Your vast life experience with ‘all men’ has given you the endless knowledge to proclaim that every one of them is useless…and this is supposed to attract the right one to you…how?



Self-sacrifice isn’t your thing.

Relationships are about selflessness. Compromise. Making someone else happy. If you’re in a phase in your life where you’re completely focused on yourself, you can’t expect a (decent) guy to chase you around like a puppy dog. It’s a two way street.

It doesn’t matter how generous or giving a man is, relationships are a team, and there is no “I” in team, remember?

You ‘don’t need no man.’

The ultra-independent woman is upon us. I love women who are self-sufficient, live their own lives, and have their own ambitions. That being said…as men, we understand you don’t need us. That’s not the point of a relationship.

We want you to want us, and if you’re consistently adamant that you have absolutely no desire to have a man in your life – rest assured, you’ll get what you want.


You…get around.

Word travels. Enough said.

Nobody likes to fight an uphill battle. It takes a certain type of woman to attract (and keep) a mature, self-respecting man.

Click the ‘Subscribe’ button on the left side of this blog to be kept updated when Part 2 comes out, along with other new posts!

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  1. silvio Ricca on November 12, 2013 at 12:47 pm

    well said and documented with emphasis on great pictures

    • James Michael Sama on November 12, 2013 at 12:58 pm

      Thanks Nonno! Glad you are reading these articles 🙂

      Hope you and Nonna are doing well…I’m trying to come home soon and visit. Work has been crazy.


      – James

  2. […] 6 Reasons You’re Still Single (Part 1 – Girls) (jamesmsama.wordpress.com) […]

  3. L on November 14, 2013 at 12:53 pm

    You had me til the last one. Agree with everything except the slut-shaming. Also, I’ve met many people (men AND women, gay AND straight) to which this could apply to. It’s a lot more inclusive than you think!

  4. Lucy on November 15, 2013 at 3:25 am

    I couldn’t hate this blog enough. This guy needs to grow up.

    • Nathan on November 17, 2013 at 7:55 pm

      I’m sorry, but just your approach to leaving a comment makes you sound cold or have that “I’m better than you” mentality. Which fits into several of the points he made. I’m not trying to be rude, just sharing my outside observation. I’m also not saying this article is all inclusive or perfect, but I think he makes some good points.

    • Arin on November 21, 2013 at 10:37 am

      Are you single?

  5. Meg H on November 17, 2013 at 7:31 pm

    Well stated.

    • Meg H on November 17, 2013 at 7:32 pm

      And I’m talking about the blog, not Lucy’s remark.

  6. Sam on November 19, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    Hahahaha this is ridiculous. How about I just don’t want to date someone? It gets messy, they want things I don’t. It’s not a lack of compromise, you don’t exactly compromise on things like kids. Perhaps I just want to pursue my career, my education, my xyz and cultivating a relationship just doesn’t fit into that right now?

    Or perhaps it’s just because Duracell does it better, and men can’t handle that realization.

    • Alex (Female) on February 16, 2014 at 12:22 pm

      Then maybe you fall under the “don’t need no man” category. Or even the man hater category. Either way.

  7. tj on November 19, 2013 at 4:21 pm

    I wondered for a while why I was single until suddenly, one day, it hit me. And though I thoroughly enjoyed this articles and others of yours I have read, it isn’t any of the reason you’ve listed. The reason I’m still alone is because I don’t love myself enough to let anyone else love me. I’m horribly shy around the opposite sex and nervous and I’ve realized it’s because I don’t think I’m good enough for them. Other people have said things like “You’re so cute,” or “You’re so nice, how are you still single?” and when I step back logically and look at myself I know that I am a decently attractive, intelligent, kind woman and yet on the emotionally side I can’t accept this. I’m trying to work on this, I really am, but I figured I’d share since I can’t possibly be the only person, male or female, who feels this way.

    • James Michael Sama on November 19, 2013 at 4:35 pm

      That’s a fantastic, honest, heartfelt comment. Thanks for sharing this.

      That’s a very good reason to still be single – I did mention in the guys’ version of this, it could just be because you’re (we) are not ready to be in a relationship.

      Wishing you all the best. 🙂

    • eg on November 22, 2013 at 3:28 am

      Well said, tj. I had the same issue but then read ‘Are You the One for Me?’ (I am not plugging the book nor do I have an affiliation with the author.) The book was recommended by a therapist and it changed my life. The title doesn’t do the book justice; it changed the way I see myself and why I kept choosing the same type of men.

    • Deneshia Jelks on February 9, 2014 at 10:51 pm

      Ohh my god I feel the same way. I am awkwardly shy that itssometimes painful to watch me. What should iI do. I hate that im like this. I’m a great girl but I just don’t know

  8. Tania Lazarus on November 19, 2013 at 10:01 pm

    Congrats John. My Human Sexuality class used your articles to talk about stereotypes and generalizations of masculinity and femininity. We basically spoke about how your website doesn’t bring anything new but simply recycles a ’50s approach to male and female behavior that we have tried to move past.

    • James Michael Sama on November 19, 2013 at 10:09 pm

      Awesome! Thanks for letting me know!

      Perhaps next time it would be helpful to the conversation if people actually read the articles and understood that I’m an advocate for equality and mutual respect, not in any way chauvinistic or old fashioned in these respects.

      Even better, I’d be happy to somehow discuss my point(s) with the class, rather than just presumably being bashed by misconception without being able to defend myself.

      However, very cool that this is being discussed in classrooms, I believe that regardless of opinion, conversations like this are essential to social growth, and recognizing/solving problems.

      Thanks again!

      – JMS

    • James Michael Sama on November 19, 2013 at 10:09 pm

      Oh and, who is John?

    • James Michael Sama on November 19, 2013 at 10:10 pm

      Oh also, I’m assuming you read this one too, yes? http://jamesmsama.wordpress.com/2013/11/10/a-message-to-all-women-about-confidence-2/

  9. navilarahman on November 19, 2013 at 11:35 pm

    I’m not going to lie- I’ve had a few of these in phases. The feminist phase, the desperate phase, the party phase… That said I’ll have to agree with some of the other comments here that a lot of these reasons seem to have been formed with stereotypes in mind. Regardless, nice to see your perspective on it!

  10. casandra on November 20, 2013 at 10:38 am

    i’m still single because i want to achieve first my dreams so that my future partner will be happy to have me which will makes me confident and he will not be shy to bring me along to his friends and relatives

  11. valerie on November 20, 2013 at 11:07 am

    “you are in an intersection in life and have not settle on which way you want to go”? i agree with casandra above, exactly same reason! over the party phase but have not settle with a good job, some people do not feel confident meeting and knowing new people. in my very honest opinion, one needs to be content being single first before pursue a relationship.

  12. Chevy T. on November 21, 2013 at 5:37 am

    “….You ‘don’t need no man.’

    The ultra-independent woman is upon us. I love women who are self-sufficient, live their own lives, and have their own ambitions. That being said…as men, we understand you don’t need us. That’s not the point of a relationship…. ”

    A question to the author – I am just curious, where or how do you guys draw the line when determining if a woman is simply self-reliant or if she’s the kind who’s totally not interested or not needing you guys? I know there are some men who do not want “clingy” women. But when women (especially those with a career or a job) show they are not clingy and have their own lives, some men also get threatened by this. So as a woman myself, I would just like to know how do you guys draw the line between the 2? Thank you in advance for your insights.

  13. Chasity on November 21, 2013 at 6:08 am

    So what happens when you have analyzed yourself and your habits, yet you feel as if none of these apply to you and you are single?

  14. cloverlifeblog on November 21, 2013 at 2:31 pm

    I’m still single, and I have been through all of these in phases. I do believe, however, that good things come to those who DON’T look for them. I’m in the middle of starting a new relationship, even though its not official yet. Thank you so much for your insights, and I look forward to reading more and learning how to make this relationship last. I haven’t been too good at it in the past, mostly because I found boys and not men, and I really truly wang this one to last. Any advice for those of us just starting out?

  15. cuteengineer on November 21, 2013 at 5:38 pm

    I think I am single because I have a list of wants in a guy and when I find that guy, I realize I don’t want him or convince myself that he would never want me… Or when I find a guy that isn’t the guy I want, instead of accepting him for who he is, i expect him to be that dream guy… also it’s hard for me because i am pretty successful and i want to meet a guy that is also successful but most of them are either married, gay, or expect you to jump through hoops to get with him because he knows he’s a good catch and several women are after him. When i date men that are not as successful, I get frustrated because he isnt or doesnt share the same lifestyle and views as i do…. but in reference to this article, i am focused on myself right now and fit almost everyone of these categories in an effort to get prepared for when i do meet mr. right.

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