Your Relationship Isn’t About You


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If I had a dollar for every complaint I saw on social media about the opposite sex and how the complainer always seems to be the unlucky one, well – I’d have…a lot of dollars.

The general theme circulating the relationship grapevine lately is “me, me, me.” There is too much focusing on what another person can bring or give to you, and not enough focus on what value you can add to their life.


There has never been a solid relationship built on the foundation of “What’s in it for me?”

The ironic part is, the people who are trying to serve themselves all the time are the ones who actually benefit the least from their efforts. A relationship is about making another person happy – but not at the expense of your own happiness.

There’s a term: “Zero sum game” which basically means that for someone to win, the other person has to lose. There are only 100 points to go around, and if you’ve got 80, the other person must have 20. I feel as though a lot of people are equating relationships to a zero sum game lately, that only one person is benefiting or happy at a time.

What? Why?


If you dedicate your effort to making your significant other happy, it might surprise you to learn how contagious the act itself is.

If you’re always looking for them to make you happy, it’s likely you’ll create a vacuum that sucks the positive energy out of the relationship – it’s exhausting to the other person. You should want to do things for each other with no expectation of something in return. Just because you care about them and want to see them happy.

If both people follow this logic, then it’s only natural that both are made to feel happy by each other, as well as the acts of kindness they’re performing.


Think of it as energy pushing and pulling…if two forces are pushing towards each other, working to make each other happy, it will strengthen their bond and they’ll share a common area where they’re both fulfilled.

If these forces are each pulling in their own direction to grab their share of the happiness, the relationship turns into a tug of war, and eventually the rope has to break.

If one force is pulling and the other is pushing, it’s a constant chase – the chaser will get tired, and give up.


You need to be a team. Best friends. Lovers. Safety nets. Support systems for each other.

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. – Buddha

If you do this, you’ll find there’s more in it for you and your relationship than you ever could have asked for someone to give.

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1 Comment

  1. Troy on January 4, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    James, as always, well said. You are incredible. The next time you see your parents, offer to them my genuine heart-felt ‘thank you for a job well done’. Of course, they only gave you the ‘starter set’. You have and continue to upgrade to the deluxe edition.

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