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I was recently contacted by someone who wanted my input on a situation in their relationship. I often get topic suggestions but some I feel more comfortable writing about than others.
One thing she said to me was:
I think at some point I want what every other girl wants. A boyfriend that makes her feel like she matters.
This is what caused me to step back for a second. I thought to myself…Wait, what other kind of boyfriend is there?
In my opinion, partners in a relationship should always make each other feel special, and wanted. Even if it’s no more than a simple text – every single day.
Some people will tell you that the ‘magic’ fades away over time. Why? Why does it have to? Since November 2012 I have made sure to tell my girlfriend she’s beautiful in one way or another, literally every day.
I don’t say that to make myself sound like a great boyfriend, I simply say it to give an example that it is possible and can be done, if someone is willing to put in the effort.
It takes less than 30 seconds to send a text that will make her smile.
It takes no money to kiss her in the middle of her sentence.
Do you still reach for her hand or put your arm around her while you’re walking? If not, why not?
Think about how you acted in the beginning of your relationship. Do you still do the same small things you were doing then? If not, why not?
I want to make it clear – both men and women have this responsibility. If someone is not meeting your standards for how you want to be treated in a relationship, you need to speak up and make your feelings known. Why would you stay with someone who isn’t what you want?
You may not even realize it, but being neutral and generally apathetic in a relationship can be hurtful. It may not be on purpose, but not feeling wanted can often be the same as feeling unwanted.
Hold higher standards for yourself. If someone is great in the first month or two of your relationship, but slowly stops doing what you loved about them – they haven’t changed, they’ve just revealed themselves to you.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. – Maya Angelou
And guys, if you don’t put in the effort to make your woman feel special every day, you lose your right to complain when someone else does.
Life is too short to waste your time with people who don’t appreciate you.
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EXCLUSIVE ADVICE & OFFERS RIGHT TO YOUR INBOX (NO SPAM)
Great advice!
At least once a month I surprise my wife with flowers, for no special occasion… it’s important that it’s not on a special day, I think it means more this way.
[…] August 9, 2013 · by James Michael Sama · in Dating & Relationships. · […]
“It takes less than 30 seconds to send a text that will make her smile.
It takes no money to kiss her in the middle of her sentence.
Do you still reach for her hand or put your arm around her while you’re walking? If not, why not?”
Good words..These values need to be communicated to the younger generation through example and to kids in a subtle way. This is how they know the value of making your partner feel special…something the modern civilization is ignoring…to pass on to its children. Very few take care of their relationship with genuine care…most learn it after facing a disaster. This can be avoided if we gently teach our children how to be a good spouse.
I don’t believe this is unique to a younger generation although the focus is on them. I think these qualities are missing in every generation… who do the younger generation learn from? Their parents and the people around them. We teach them how to love.
You are right in that it needs to be emphasized now and we can be the generations(collectively) of change…
Reblogged this on Across the seas and commented:
Exactly how I feel right now
A wonderful article.
how about the other way round?
…Wait, what other kind of boyfriend is there? … That’s your question? LOL. I have only ever seen the other kinds that make you feel like you don’t matter and hardly ever make an effort. The meaningful effort making breed of men is dangerously going extinct. In fact, I think Malaysia is almost full out — or they just found a really big friggin rock to crawl under and stayed there O.o” Cheers to you for being awesome =) Lucky girl you have there.
Shakti DC i am from malaysia, coming from a patriarchal society i made the best decision of marrying someone from a different culture (british). I am living my everyday life feeling like i’m in heaven. My partner has been an angel since the day we met until now 3 years later. I am told that i am gorgeous so many times a day, that he loves me, more than 10 times a day, he is the cook in the house (contrary to the traditional duties of the women in our culture). I was born a feminist, when my mom told me to go into the kitchen because i was a girl, i said that i wouldnt do that untill all the boys in the family do that! Good luck for you! (Big grin)
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Great read 🙂
OMG girls these days go for big wallets i’m telling you !! if u avarage kind of dude like me ..Uhhh not easy to get a girl you can do all that with in fact Boys nowadays get really scary about going into relationship where they end up being used like a toyboy.. that a wish for me too to get a girl who can allow me to offer her my time and immotion like treating her like a really princess….. Xmass wish.. is Santa really listening ?
wow! a great article I learned a lot though some of them hit me but at least I was able to learn from you thanks for letting me know my mistakes and knowing what to do on it 🙂
It doesn’t take a lot to show affection and romance if you really care. It should come naturally without being told. I love romance and I know it exist because I have experienced it several times from my past relationahips.
It will be sad if you have to constantly ask for it.
Im naturally affectionate and romantic and i like to show it. So i need someone to do the same for me.
“Some people will tell you that the ‘magic’ fades away over time. Why?” – Because it does. Come back to this blog article of yours after 30 years in marriage, presumably with the same woman you have as girlfriend now, and tell us if you are able to maintain the same perfect streak as last year of you being able to make sure to tell your girlfriend she’s beautiful in one way or another, literally every day. Let me repeat it to make it clear — come back to us after 30 years in marriage with this same girlfriend you have now. And then tell us “it’s possible.”
My parents have been together 35 years and my dad still does it. Does that count?
It is possible…my boyfriend’s parents have been married 40 years..they still slow dance together, kiss, hold hands, hug, and tell each other EVERY day they love one another…it can be done..it’s called effort!!!
Awesome! Simple but great advices:)
Reblogged this on Danz Social Blog and commented:
Couldn’t say it better myself. Thanks James. 🙂
To many people loose focus on the little things, I always send the morning txt, maybe something in the morning of a afternoon out of the blue… or wake up early to let them know there the first on your mind, and always send flowers or something out of the blue, to me it means more since its not out of a holiday, or a card unexpectedly… and always reach to reach for her… that touching and closeness is special and reminds them they are dear to you…
many little things that can be done and not take much effort, heck been known as letter writing fool over time, and always told I should write a book or something but think I will keep that creativity for the one im involved with.
This is the honest truth James! What it took for you to get someone, it’s going to take that, then some, and some more for you to keep that someone.
I wish more guys are like you. There are many good guys, but only a handful that actually keep the romance in the relationship. Which is sad, cos they’re actually nice guys.