How To Spot A Player

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I’ve been floating around to different blogs tagged with ‘dating’ and ‘relationships’ to see what’s going on in the world. Unfortunately, I’ve seen a lot of hurt and disappointment that could’ve been avoided, had warning signs been recognized.

You’ll see some commonalities between players and genuinely good person in my previous blog post: Is he a Womanizer…or a Gentleman? But certain differences are clear.

Does he talk and ask about you, or make generalized statements in your direction?

In other words, could his compliments be copy and pasted into his texts to another girl, or is he talking about something specific to you?

Is he using your name? Asking personalized questions about previous conversations?

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Does he tell you you’re “too beautiful/hot/sexy/smoldering/intoxicating/etc.” to be single? This overused ‘compliment’ not only undermines your personality by suggesting the only reason you’d be with someone is because of your looks – but it also shows you that’s what he’s clearly focusing on.

If he’s spending more time talking about himself than he is trying to get to know you, he’s probably trying to impress you or prove himself to you.

Players are usually insecure and try to show themselves they can get the girl – so learning about you is secondary.

Does he delay too much in getting together with you? And when he does ask, is it out for drinks with friends or something late night?

If a guy is just installing you into situations that he’d already be in, usually late at night, and not putting effort into doing something different for you: Red flag.

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If a man wants to see you, he will make it happen. Even the busiest of people will carve out some time in their day for the right person. If he always talks about seeing you but is “too busy” – yet has photos out with other people all the time on Facebook, he’s probably playing you.

There are no definite ways to know when someone is genuine or not, because everyone is obviously different. However, a woman’s intuition is one of the most powerful, accurate forces known to mankind – and yet so many choose to ignore it.

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My intention here is not to make anyone paranoid or overly sensitive to the point that they cut off a guy at any suspicion of being played – but, it’s important to be honest with yourself and not get too attached to someone who might not feel the same way.

[twitter-follow screen_name=’JamesMSama’]

13 Comments

  1. Jolene on July 30, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    Great post and totally right on!!

  2. crissybwell on July 30, 2013 at 3:25 pm

    Another great post that I couldn’t agree more with. We all have to be careful and you are right that we have to listen and trust ourselves just as much as we notice the ques from the other person. The key thing is paying attention and I am one that will say that if you want to make time for someone you will, I know that I did. I used to work three jobs, seven days a week, but I still had time to see the person that I was dating, because I cared about them and wanted to be there…all great advice. Love reading your posts 🙂

  3. crazycricketlove on July 30, 2013 at 5:10 pm

    great points here! I’ve come across a lot of men lately that want to show me everything they got while talking all about themselves, yet never even asking my name. lol

    • James Michael Sama on July 31, 2013 at 2:57 pm

      Glad to hear I might have some accurate assessments here, though not so glad to hear you’ve run into it haha. I suppose it’s inevitable though. Thank you for reading!

  4. steptothegoodlife on July 31, 2013 at 10:49 am

    exactly!great post!thank you for good advices:)

  5. […] previous blog posts I have explained why we shouldn’t let chivalry die, how to spot a player, and even how to approach a woman without getting […]

  6. […] How To Spot A Player (jamesmsama.wordpress.com) […]

  7. tamika on November 20, 2013 at 11:54 pm

    i have been with someone for 9 months and i dont no if hes really wants to be with me or if he is playing with me suggestions on what to do

  8. laura on November 23, 2013 at 1:27 am

    Thanks so much for the posts. It gives me hope! I’m waiting for the right guy, but I do wonder sometimes if they still exist. Thank you for reminding me that they do.

  9. […] If you’re not able to spot a player or someone who is just trying to use you for one thing rather than really getting to know you, maybe this will help you. […]

  10. […] If you’re not able to spot a player or someone who is just trying to use you for one thing rather than really getting to know you, maybe this will help you. […]

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