15 Subtle Ways Men Show Their Love

We don’t need to rehash the obvious frustrations of women that spring from trying to communicate with men.

Men are notoriously mediocre (I’m being nice) communicators, though, of course, there are outliers as with anything else.

Despite a lack of verbal communication skills, though, men are also widely known for something else: Speaking through their actions.

The truth is that even if they don’t tell you how they feel, they’re going to show you, in one way or another.

Sometimes they’re showing you love. Other times, disinterest through lack of action.

Both are equally as important to pay attention to, but for the sake of this article, let’s focus on the things a guy will do when he’s really falling in love:

*Disclaimer: I want to make it clear that the below points are in the context of a mutually desired and consensual adult relationship. Some of these actions, if you’ve broken up with him, expressed disinterest, or straight up told him “NO,” are inexcusable. But, when they are present in a thriving relationship where you are equally as invested and willing to put in the work, they are positive signs of overflowing emotions in the form of action.

1: He shuts up and (actually) listens.

“James, you just told us that men aren’t great at communicating…and now you’re saying that not speaking is a sign of love?”

In some ways…yes.

A lot of guys are just interested in convincing you to date them. They need to prove how great they are, and they do it by selling themselves to you.

They name drop their fancy friends, pick you up in their fancy car, and take you to a fancy restaurant.

Their entire demeanor seems to be designed to win you over, and that’s because it is.

This can’t really be a sign of love, because it’s about him, not about you. Well, it’s a sign that he loves himself.

A guy who is really falling for you, getting to know you, and values your story, though, is going to absorb every bit of it.

He’s going to pay real attention to what you have to say. Ask real questions. Have real conversations.

My late grandmother would always say that men have “selective hearing,” and though it seemed like they’d never listen, they’d always manage to catch the things that were important to them.

Hence, having the TV on across the room for the big game while you’re still having dinner, and somehow manages to know the score the whole time.

The point is this: If he’s really interested in something (or someone), he’s going to pay attention.

2: When he does talk, it means something.

Consider the frivolous small talk that most people engage in on a regular basis. “Water-cooler talk,” if you will.

It’s usually lame, boring, or just plain lazy.

That’s because most people are just trying to survive these conversations until they can go back to whatever it is they were doing before.

Not exactly a sign of real interest in the person you’re talking to.

Imagine, though, that someone flips the narrative and actually has a meaningful conversation with you. They share intimate secrets, they talk about their past, they open up about insecurities and challenges, they express feelings and emotions…

While this might be a red flag over coffee at work, it’s a necessary part of building a strong relationship with someone.

We’ve harped on the point that men are “meh” communicators enough for you, dear reader, to see that when they do put in the effort to speak, it’s a meaningful gesture.

Like a baby deer learning to walk, though, it may not always be graceful at first. The point is that their willingness to try speaks louder than the words themselves.

3: He’s always trying to spend time with you.

This is an important time to remember that disclaimer above.

If you’ve tried to get rid of this guy and he’s showing up at your house, or work, or always trying to make plans…then there are other things you should be doing right now besides reading this article.

But, if you want to be in his presence, then his consistent effort to be around you will be well-received.

“But James, he’s just so busy and important…”

Hear this: Men make time for what (and who) is important to them.

I once had a private client who told me the guy she was dating literally came over to his house on his way to work just to drop off flowers for her.

To him, seeing her just for a few minutes was the highlight of his day.

If a guy loves you, he’s going to make time for you. He will drive any distance, at any time, for any reason (alright, within some reason).

The point stands, though: Excuses, lies, and broken promises will not be texted or called to you. Just a “when can I see you again?”

4: He’s willing to compromise.

You’re right in pointing out that compromise is an essential piece of any relationship. It’s non-negotiable, really. So why is it worth mentioning in this article?

I believe it’s worth mentioning because it’s easy for a guy to go about his days in the ways that he always has…

He has his routine, his friend groups, his hobbies, habits, and interests…

And, if he’s not really serious about you, well…none of that is going to change.

He’ll continue putting himself first because he is the most important thing in his life.

Falling in love, though, is about putting your needs aside when you can work to make your partner happy. It’s about creating a life together. Putting the “we” above the “me.”

It’s about compromise.

But, he’ll have no real reason to compromise if the feelings for you aren’t real.

If they are, though…that’s when you’ll see his lifestyle begin to reflect it.

5: His gifts to you have meaning.

No, I’m not suggesting you need to spend a lot of money to show love.

I am suggesting that when you do, there should be some sort of thought behind it.

Nothing against the dudes that go out and buy boxed chocolates and a rose for Valentine’s day, but…let’s be honest…you can do better.

When a guy who really loves you is setting out to get you something, whether it be for a birthday, an anniversary, or just because, he’s going to put some thought into the process.

The question in his mind is not “where can I go get the quickest and cheapest gift,” it’s “What can I find or create that will be custom tailored to her interests and make her feel truly valued?”

6: He talks to you at all hours of the day.

“Uh, is there a specific time you should or shouldn’t be talking? I don’t get it.”

Here’s the thing: Some guys only talk to you when they want something. They only text at night, or after a couple of drinks, or when they’re out with their friends.

You might send a message in the morning and not receive a response until the evening, or, the next day.

None of this is a sign of real interest, let alone love.

In fact, as we briefly mentioned in the introduction, a lack of communication is also a form of communication. It’s telling you that there are more important things taking up their mental space (sorry…).

But when you find that a guy is consistently reaching out to you, eager to reply, or is excited to hear from you…it’s because you were already on his mind.

He doesn’t need a reason to drop you a line, he just does it because he wants to hear your voice or see your name pop up on his phone.

That is not something you do with someone that you’re just lukewarm about.

7: He asks for (and values) your input.

My wife read a quote from a meme to me recently:

“I asked a billionaire how he became so successful. He told me to ‘stop chasing girls’ and focus on one woman. She will help you accomplish anything.”

Did this really happen? Eh, it’s probably folklore of the internet just like 95% of other memes and quotes out there.

The principle, though, is worth exploring.

Statistically, married men are more financially successful (and healthier) than their single counterparts.

I think that a lot of this has to do with the valuable insight and input that the women in our lives provide.

They keep us on track.

They keep us inspired.

They hold us accountable.

They give us a purpose and a mission.

If you value (love) a person, you’ll also value their ideas and opinions enough to implement them into your decision making.

If a man is brushing your ideas aside, or not asking for them in the first place, how can you deduce that true love for you exists?

8: He strives to bring value to your life.

Do you know what men DON’T DO for someone who’s “just a fling”?

They don’t go out of their way.

They don’t inconvenience themselves.

They don’t put your needs before their own.

In the presence of real love, though, that all goes out the window.

In fact, a man will proactively try to find ways to make your life easier without you having to ask.

Every single day of my life for nearly the past 6 years, I have asked Rachel what I can do to help her. It could be something with the kids, or running an errand, or going to pick up paper towels when we run out.

Men thrive on having a purpose, and the truth is that many men are lost in that area these days.

We are emerging from an old way of thinking that taught men they had to be the “breadwinners,” or the financial support, or the knight in shining armor.

In a time where women are outperforming men in both education and profession, the sky becomes foggy for some.

“What value can I bring to a relationship when she doesn’t need me?”

Need is not monetary, but emotional.

We all have emotional needs in a relationship, that’s why we get into them.

The need for affection, for love, for support, for companionship, for sex, for emotional intimacy.

That is where men who really love you will seek to bring value: The places that matter on a deeper level than just a bank account balance.

9: He doesn’t rush…anything.

Life is short, but, life is also long.

The strongest relationships take time to develop. We must build a foundation together. One of trust, respect, admiration, appreciation, and love.

None of this happens overnight, and attempting to rush it can actually do more harm than good. It could push someone away rather than pulling them closer.

This is especially true when it comes to sex, but applies universally to all emotional and physical milestones in a relationship.

When you can envision spending forever with someone, though, when true love is present, then…what’s the rush?

Why rush something that you want to last forever? There would be no point, no benefit, and no positive outcome.

Now, don’t get me wrong…if things progress swiftly because you are both consenting adults who choose for it to, then more power to you! There is no “right” or “wrong” way for your relationship to progress. There is no blueprint or timeline, only what works best for you both.

When real love is present, there’ll be emphasis on “you both.” He’ll never rush you, because your comfort and happiness will be his top priority.

10: He’ll be your biggest cheerleader.

What’s the first thing you do when you’re excited about something?

You think of all the people you want to tell!

You might even make a social media post about it.

What you don’t do, is hide it from the important people in your life, or pretend that it doesn’t exist.

I’ve seen too many people remain “hidden” in their relationships. Sure, some people are more private than others…and that I understand.

But, there is a big difference between privacy and secrecy. Keeping personal details of your life private is one thing…actively working to keep them hidden, is another altogether.

A guy who actually loves you is going to want his friends to know about you, he’ll want his family to meet you, he’ll make big giant gushing posts about how amazing you are on social media…

Alright, maybe not everyone will do that last part.

What they will do, though, is make sure the people in their life know how amazing you are.

11: He’ll fully accept you (and your past).

Admit it: You’ve got pieces of your past that you’re not proud of.

We all do. That’s part of being human. It’s part of growing up. It’s part of learning who you really are.

And part of loving someone, is understanding the past that has molded them into the person they are today.

We don’t have to love every bit of it, just as we don’t love every bit of our own.

But what we do have to do, is accept it. To remove judgment from it. To not impose guilt or shame…which isn’t something we’d do to a person we love, anyway (right, guys?)

Loving you is about fully accepting you and where you came from. For some (and especially as we get older, our pasts get longer), there’ll be parts of that along for the ride with you.

Rachel had two children before we met. Now as a married couple, we’re all a family.

There’s no denying the past when it’s walking, talking, and calling you dad.

There’s only embracing it, accepting it, and loving it…along with the rest of them.

12: He’ll encourage your growth.

When you love something (or someone), you want to see it thrive.

To grow, to flourish, to expand, to evolve.

I believe that this is an overlooked but unavoidable aspect of love, we must enjoy the process of watching the subject of our love grow and thrive.

If you’re not yet convinced, consider the alternative:

Someone who holds you back, discourages you, tells you that you’re not good enough or that you’re incapable of accomplishing your goals.

Someone who doesn’t believe in you.

Someone who takes jabs at your insecurities to ruin your confidence.

Not a single person reading this would consider any of that a sign of love.

The inverse, then, must be true.

Encouraging growth and evolution is what we will do when we love someone or something.

And, we’ll be secure enough in ourselves and our relationship to know that this doesn’t mean they’re going to outgrow us, or grow away from us.

It means that we’ll grow alongside of them both as individuals, and as a couple.

13: He’ll make you feel safe.

This is a recurring point in much of my work because it’s a universal truth: Any good man worth his salt should make you feel safe in a relationship.

Not just safe physically (though that is important), but emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

Safe opening up to him, being your most authentic self, divulging secrets, wants, needs, desires, and fears.

Feeling unsafe, even just seeing the word itself, sends us into a recoil and cannot produce a true form of love.

When we do feel fully safe with a person, though, we are empowered to give ourselves fully and explore each other as we strengthen our bond and connection over time.

14: He openly talks about the future.

Have you ever tried to make future plans with someone who wasn’t serious about building a future with you?

You’d think you’d offered them a one way ticket to hell.

When you just casually assume that this person is going to be in your future, though, you welcome the opportunities to plan for it.

Your cousin’s destination wedding is next year? Sure!

Family holiday party in 6 months? Absolutely!

Matching tattoos? Let’s go!

(Okay…maybe not so much).

The point is that “just a fling” is certainly not going to make any long-term commitments, because they’re not in a long-term commitment. They don’t want a long-term commitment.

Love, though, (real love) is here for the long haul, so it’ll happily plan for it.

15: He keeps working on HIMSELF.

“James, how is being selfish a sign of love for someone else?”

First of all: Self-care is not selfish.

Self-care is how we keep ourselves strong mentally, physically, and emotionally.

It’s how we recharge our batteries.

It’s how we prolong our lives.

It’s how we remain interesting.

It’s how we gain new knowledge and skills.

It’s how we improve our own confidence.

All of which will benefit our intimate relationships.

How valued would you feel if you married someone and they instantly stopped trying? They stopped eating healthy, they stopped exercising, they traded their books for mindless reality TV drivel.

Now, of course, life is about balance. We all enjoy some takeout, a lazy day, and a mind-numbing show every once in awhile. But it’s more of a treat rather than the norm.

To answer the question: You’d probably feel undervalued in the relationship. “Am I not worth putting in effort for anymore?”

Don’t get me wrong, a man should do the inner work to keep himself healthy, not because it’s attractive to you.

That may sound harsh, but the truth is that if he, or anyone else, sets out on a journey for someone else, then they may not remain driven enough to see it through.

When it’s internally driven, though…when he has a deep-rooted purpose or reason, that’s when he’ll be unstoppable.

(It’s entirely possible that you are that reason, but that’s not the same as him doing it because he feels pressured, or because you told him to).

When he shows up at his best, it benefits everyone around him, too.

Not every guy is going to check every box every time. We are all human, all fallible, and all have our ups and downs.

If he does show up for you consistently, though…if he does put in the effort, if he does put you first…he’ll need you there to support him during the days that he falls short.

Real love, after all, must go both ways.

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