How Young Is Too Young? On 57 Year Old ‘Ray Donovan’ Star Steven Bauer And His 18 Year Old Girlfriend
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Large age gaps in Hollywood relationships, or even relationships in general, are not a new thing. I have age gaps as large as 12 years apart in relationships within my own family, as well.
But the latest situation raising eyebrows is 57 year old ‘Ray Donovan’ actor, Steven Bauer (Who is Melanie Griffith’s ex-husband, with whom he has a 28 year old son), and his now 18 year old girlfriend, Lyda Loudon.
I actually put a Facebook status up on my personal page earlier this morning, which has quite the momentum if you would like to add your two cents.
Still, this begs the question: How young is too young? Whether it is scientifically accurate or not in my circles we have always half-jokingly spoken about the equation where if you cut your age in half, and then add seven, that is the age of the youngest person you should date. Meaning myself at 29 should date no younger than about 21.
For Steven Bauer at 57, this puts his youngest potential mate at around 35. I can get on board with 57 and 35. In fact I’d probably give him a pat on the back for it.
But 18? He could still literally be the father of the 35 year old woman, but also theoretically the grandfather of his current girlfriend. Age aside though, to develop a solid foundation for a healthy relationship, do we not need to have common life goals? Common interests? Things to talk about, discuss, and enjoy together?
A friend of mine and fellow writer, Zareh, makes a point about the age difference:
There is absolutely NO way, the 18 year old has gone through the development stages to even understand the guy on the same level. (Read basic psychology of Erik Eriksons development stages) There are millions of layers that they probably do not synchronize on (and this is trying to look at it logically), because quite frankly this is just another illogical, idiotic relationship based on money and sex. There should not even be an argument about this, that’s how obviously weird this is.
Some may call me naive for actually thinking that this is about the conversation or about developing love together, but think about it; this is his girlfriend. Commitment is inferred here. This is not a fling or a girl that he was caught with sneaking out of a restaurant by the paparazzi. This is someone who he is bringing around his family and building a relationship with. I’m just not quite sure how.
Am I judging? Well, not really I guess. I am just a little perplexed by the whole thing and why a man of his stature has any interest in a girl who is probably not even really aware of who she is yet as a person or as a woman. Let alone what she wants out of life or out of a man.
When I was 18, would I have dated an older famous actress? Sure, why not? So maybe I can’t fault them that much. But the motives are still of course, in question. Her mother even wrote a blog post about the situation, in which she stated:
“My daughter’s choice has challenged me,” wrote Gentry Loudon, an author and Fox News contributor. “In perspective, this was a choice regarding love. She did not choose to break the law, harm an innocent or betray our country. Several friends asked us to consider whether love really is a choice. Others beseeched us to embrace that she found a special love with a special, gentle man. These were defining questions.”
I’m sure there are a million different opinions on this topic so I would like to hear yours. Use the comment section below to chime in or send me a tweet at @JamesMSama. How young is too young?
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What a sweet father/daughter picture! Oh wait….
-_-
Ha!
Summed it up nicely there Tina :-).
When you start dating 18 yr olds and you’re older than 22….I begin to think there’s a bit of pedophilia in your psyche that you’re not admitting to. That’s just too young. Male or female, 18 year olds are still very much child-like to me. I can not imagine this “child” knowing what LOVE beyond that felt for a parent or sibling feels like and the thought of them being sexually active makes me cringe. I just see this as legal molestation and it saddens me.
I’d feel the same way if this were a 57 year old woman with an 18 year old boy. Let kids be kids and for goodness sake, date within your generation, please! Old enough to be her grandfather…YECH!
I was engaged to a 57 year old man I am 45. He just broke up with me after 12 years. Said he didn’t love me anymore, truth is he had a girlfriend on the side who at the time was 17 now she is 19. His youngest child is 7 years older than her. im hurt and disgusted!!!
Oh wow. Hurt and disgusted wouldn’t come close to how I’d be feeling. Good grief. Well, sending you wishes that you find some comfort and peace of mind soon. (what in the hell…smh. I just don’t get human behavior at all)
[…] How Young Is Too Young? On 57 Year Old ‘Ray Donovan’ Star Steven Bauer And His 18 Year O…. […]
Absolutely not! That’s like “men” who look at 16/17 year old starlets and say, “I can’t WAIT till she turns 18.” Nope. Not for me. HELL NO! Not my future daughter. I would kick that grown ass old man out my house and lock my daughter in her room. Maybe she’ll wake up when he cheats on her with her mom or one of her girlfriends.
If you did, you’d be guilty of assault and imprisonment. People like you are disgusting.
There’s nothing wrong with them dating. Some girls like older men, some men like younger girls. Nothing wrong with that. My tastes skew young too, and I’d be delighted to be dating an 18 year old when I’m that age.
Trust me Sir, there are way more “disgusting” mindsets, views, and opinions going around these days. But I appreciate you giving me my first “disgusting” label. Never received that one before.
“Disgusting”? He’s the disgusting one? Men who date girls young enough to be their daughters are clearly fighting symptoms of latent pedophilia. That, sir, is disgusting.
Hi, maybe I can say something about this, giving the fact that I´ve been in a similar situation. I started dating a 55 year old guy when I was 22. Many people would say that is insane and ridiculous. I can tell you I`ve dated quite a few guys and I would have never seen myself dating a person almost 33 years older than me. This guy in particular looks 10 years younger than he is, he´s very healthy and fit. I have never been so attracted and felt so close to anyone.
I can tell you our first date has been the best date I`ve ever had. It was so simple, authentic and natural. He was just himself, I was myself, we were both open and happy with each other. He was a perfect gentleman at all times. I went out with him the first time not expecting anything to come out of it, I remember that when I got home I said to myself: “it does´t mater if I never ever see him again, this night has been simple perfect”.
Some people think that dating an older guy psychologically implies he sort of a father figure. In some cases that does happen but at least not in my case. This man is sweet, gentle, sensitive and caring. When we are together he takes care of me and I take care of him. It is a two way thing like any with any couple. The relationship I´ve had with him has not been an easy one. It´s still not over but It´s also somewhat fragile for many reasons.
Regarding common interests, I´d say it dependes a lot on both parties. In our case I can tell you we do share lots of things, including values, life goals, lifestyle, hobbies, etc. Age gaps do bring to a relationship many challenges, but they can work out. I would say that in most cases it is not what I would recommend to any woman or man but if you find someone you really have a connection with and you are up for the challenge then you should not let age be the single factor to bring the two apart. I could write a lot more but I guess this gives you a general picture of my perspective.
Thank you for this post.. like for all of them… I was turned down by the love of my life because of our age gap…17 yrs. We were friends, shared many interests and the way of thinking, but never shared a relationship simply because he was embarrassed for how other people would react to it. The fact my parents were older than his and they had provided me the upbringing of early 20th century way meant less than that his daughter was 9 yrs younger than me…
A bit weird is an understatement, on the otherhand, slow clap for this man. I doubt I could even get a woman to talk to me if I was single, let alone someone that age.
I look at people 2-5 yrs younger than I & often feel like I have nothing in common with them. I even feel that way about many people my own age. So I just cannot see how this “relationship” is at all logical. People say romance isn’t logical. But I say it should be at least somewhat logical. Or else it will inevitably fizzle out & fail. Obviously there is not exact age gap that is appropriate for everyone but when one of you is old enough to be the other’s grandparent, yeah, that’s absurd.
People must stop using so much alcohol and drugs, it makes world crazy. Get back to root of self love and nature.
I tend to support Lucile’s perspective here, and that of Lydia’s mother. Is that a wide age range? Sure. Has he gone through much more of life than she has? Absolutely. But….having said that…could she not appreciate the wisdom and experience he brings to her? Could he not appreciate and enjoy the energy and perspectives she brings to him? Connection is as much emotional and psychological as it is physical, and sometimes more. We judge them both a bit harshly if we assume that physical is all they have
I bring my own baggage to this discussion. In college I connected with very few, because my interests were more mature than almost anyone I knew. I even overheard a comment about how difficult it must be for me to be a 45 year old in a 18 year olds body. I’ve limbered up since then, and learned to let go of my rigidity. I’ve got a friend who is much younger than I am and a furry (go look it up). Yet we enjoy talking and getting together and socilizing with each other. Not the same as dating, granted, but still a social connection.
We are all different. We all look for connection and significance. Maybe the great mystery is why anyone ever connects. Maybe we should just be okay when they do, and when we do.
Amen, amen!
This world has become a place where anything goes. Morality is non-existing.
I have been in Lucile’s situation. I’ve dated a man for 6 years, 33 years my senior. Our personalities were so similar, it was uncanny. We had friends (both of us) that could never wrap their brains around it. Granted, I had been married & divorced, as he had. We had relationships and experiences in our past – I wasn’t 18. But if you believe that we are on this planet to learn (and I do believe that) and that relationships provide wonderful real life experiences & if you’re not harming anyone, then what’s to lose? My son and I gained so much in this six years. It ended painfully, yet even in that, he gave me the gift of
learning how to love my myself in my singleness. I don’t regret a minute of it.
I have been in Lucile’s situation. I’ve dated a man for 6 years, 33 years my senior. Our personalities were so similar, it was uncanny. We had friends (both of us) that could never wrap their brains around it. Granted, I had been married & divorced, as he had. We had relationships and experiences in our past – I wasn’t 18. But if you believe that we are on this planet to learn (and I do believe that) and that relationships provide wonderful real life experiences & if you’re not harming anyone, then what’s to lose? My son and I gained so much in this six years. It ended painfully, yet even in that, he gave me the gift of
learning how to love myself in my singleness. I don’t regret a minute of it.
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