What Jeremy Meeks Can Teach Us About Society
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[social_warfare]
If you’re not familiar with Jeremy Meeks, he is a 30 year old convicted felon who was recently arrested (again). What makes Jeremy unique is that when his mugshot was posted on Facebook by the Stockton Police Department, it immediately went viral. It currently has nearly 60,000 likes and 16,000+ comments, and growing. Mostly from women. See if you can figure out why:
There is also a fan page set up for Jeremy on Facebook.
Sure, he is a handsome man – but one of the more disturbing comments I saw on the photo reads: “Is this a rapist too? If so, please send him to Chile, Santiago…please…”
Wait…what?!
This comment comes along with the multiple other comments on the photo that express desire to be “kidnapped and held against my will” by Meeks. Similar comment threads started with Patriots football player Aaron Hernandez was arrested for murder, and after Chris Brown beat Rihanna so badly she ended up in the hospital. They had the theme of “But he is just so hot/talented/whatever.” It seems that looks are being held in a higher regard than substance or actually being a good person.
Are we really putting aside the fact that people commit horrendous crimes because they are good looking? Are we really living in a society where people can defend these comments by saying they are “joking”…? Joking?! I must have missed the memo about rape, beating women, and kidnapping being funny. I didn’t realize Law & Order SVU was a comedy show.
During our discussion on Facebook about this issue, Wendy Hinckley made a great comment, saying “Is he good looking? Yes! But does his good looks make up for the fact that he is a loser and a criminal? NO! …Good looks are not everything…looks fade and then you are just stuck with a loser/criminal.”
Carlton O’Neal also made a solid point: “I think Charlize Theron is one of the most beautiful women on the planet. But if she were a nobody with a mug shot like this, i would NOT find her attractive at all. Period.”
But besides these comments, what is the underlying issue here? The real issue is that we get a glimpse into what society really values. This is why supermodels make millions of dollars but teachers are so vastly underpaid. This is why attractive people, both men and women, earn an average of 3 or 4% more than people with below average looks, which adds up to a significant amount of money over a lifetime.
I would be lying if I told anyone that I don’t think looks matter when it comes to success or relationships, of course they do. But something should matter more to all of us – character, and integrity. I agree with Carlton’s comment in that attractiveness is not just about your looks. Someone could catch your eye, but I don’t understand the infatuation continuing (especially to the point of making these ridiculous comments on Facebook) after such negative things are learned about them. Shouldn’t that be an instant turn-off? Onto the next.
Not only are these comments degrading to the people who post them (men or women), they very much send the wrong message to anyone who is reading them. Many men out there are proud of who they have worked to become and are hoping to find a good woman to share their life with – reading comments (even joking) from women about being willingly kidnapped or raped by a convicted felon is devastating. Under no circumstances should this ever be a “joke.”
Side note: A teardrop tattoo usually means you’ve killed someone. It just keeps getting better.
I would be curious to hear your thoughts on this issue. Do you think the comments on Jeremy’s mugshot are girls who are “just kidding” and would never really pursue him in real life? Or do you think there is a deeper, more serious meaning behind them that should be addressed?
Is there a solution to this? How can we shift society in a direction that values what’s beyond the surface? How can we teach our younger generations what’s really important about somebody, and what should send them running in the other direction? I believe this is an important conversation that nobody is actually having.
Edit: A comment from Josef Green showing how real this problem is.
As a former detention officer for Tulsa County Sheriff’s Office, I can vouch for the seriousness of those comments. It’s insanity how many women of varying ages and attractiveness will shovel out their money for convicted felons and spend their time calling, writing, and visiting with them. Many of these inmates will string along several women at a time, amassing large quantities of honey buns and ramen noodles from the money they get. I don’t understand what the women get out of this arrangement.
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my comment would be “hey, yes, he’s good looking. too bad though that he’s such a jerk.” Rape is never funny…..neither is murder or kidnapping. When Aaron Hernandez was arrested and all of that came out, I was upset at the loss of talent to our football team, but was glad when the Patriots cut him loose so early on, they didn’t want to be associated with that kind of person on their team.
Sadly, I think the comments are serious. Men and women’s self esteem has been heading downward for some time now. It is really sad. That saying ‘the dumbing down of America’ is very real. I am one of those ‘nice girls’ who happens to have decent looks too so I have a hard time meeting a good guy because I am lumped into the high maintenance category or unapproachable category by men. Luckily I have high self esteem and won’t settle for less unlike lots of others out there. They are so desperate for attention and excitement in their life, they would willingly hook up with a criminal or anyone else who might get them on the front page! Really sad and I just try to compliment women and men whenever I can to help bring up someone’s self esteem who may not be getting it at home or in life.
Do I think the man is good looking? Not anymore. Yes, I did when I saw the photo the first time, but then I had learned his story. I have witnessed handsome looking men be abusive to their significant others (personal friends and myself included), and the worst part is after the facts are known and you look into the person’s eyes, you get this chill of disgust creeping up your spine. You see a cold hearted “man” who suddenly looks like a monster that would wake us up screaming from our dreams like when we were younger. Personally, I as a woman, am ashamed of the comments that followed after his mug shot was publicized. I think the “joke” of perhaps enjoying him assaulting you is vile on so many levels. I cringe at the thought of even the most gorgeous man in hollywood doing anything against my will, it personally disgusts me, and I wish these women would have some tact in their comments and at least some consideration to what his victims had went through, do you think they cared about his looks?
I agree with u. If I see this man in the street with a tear in his face I better run. I think he is OK looking but that those not take away Tue fact that he is a criminal. I am really sad to hear women eat to get rape by him. If I ever get rape I probably kill my self. I wonder what kind the women like him. I do not see my girl friend or any family member getting exited for a guy last me that. I personally like a traditional man with values, because they are the ones that usually make a good dads
I completely agree with everything you said, aemamaliger. My first thought was that he has gorgeous eyes, but after hearing his story, absolutely not. Pure disgust is all I see now. I believe those comments were very real, and that saddens me. Our society is not slowly headed downhill, it’s caught in an avalanche.
Handsomeness is proportion of body parts and symmetry of features etc. This is way more than about that. It is because he is a nasty piece of work, a thug. Every women in the world will correctly and rationally say “keep away from him”. And that would be right. But there’s one thing that trumps that. The tingle of sexual arousal in the vagina. So I’m not sure what to recommend, and since I am a man it’s not even for me to dictate what to do about this. But feminists don’t talk about it much. And it’s a woman’s issue for women to fix or deal with. So feminists: what is your recommendation about what should be done about this sexual tingle which causes women to make bad decisions?
I am a woman. I have “the tinge of sexual arousal in my vagina”, and it does not cause me to make bad decisions. I don’t care how good looking a man is, if he’s married and his on me, if he is disrespectful our just flat out creepy, it is a huge turn off for me. The issue with what people are saying about this man has nothing to do with “the tinge”, it’s a very real, very deep issue of not knowing how to love themselves and make loving decisions for themselves…they are deeply wounded people that don’t seem to value life, including their own.
You have a clear and rational psyche and you live your life accordingly.
If I understand you correctly, you agree with me that the attraction towards this man that is clearly in evidence is not just because he is handsome. It goes beyond that. It is because he is bad and strong and dangerous and scary. I hear your theory about lack of self-love being a part of the underlying root cause of this attraction. But when it comes to the direct reason which causes the women to confess that they want him to be sent to the country it is sexual arousal. Consider for example the huge sales of the book “50 shades of grey” and the fact that chairs are left dripping wet after women who read it stand up. This cannot be denied.
What is to be done about this? This website is simply telling men to be nicer. The vast majority of us already are. It is now time for feminism to do its part and figure out how to effectively encourage women to live their lives clearly and rationally, as you do.
Creepy is just code word for ugly,
Ex: Ugly guy pulls woman from burning and saves her life: gets restraining order
Attractive guy pulls women from burning car and saves her life: gets her phone number , they are married a year later
Just wondering James, can you think of a situation where the gender roles were reversed? Casey Anthony was a decent looking woman but not incredibly beautiful. Just wondering. Also a historical example of this situation might be John Dillinger who was made out to be a celebrity in the 30’s. Interesting comparison there.
Human beings are nurtured to straighten their nature which is no different from their raw animal origin. Here, religion plays a role. The west need to get some real values only religion can give: discernment, integrity, this makes a good society not everything-is-acceptable stance pervading the entire western world.
Surprised you need this “article” to ask you what society has become. Yes we live in that kind of society. Now, ¿how do we reverse it?
I like that you tackled this subject. Physical attraction to a person can make you let your guard down and shove your instincts to the background. Hopefully they will come to the forefront before you make a terrible mistake. You hope that as you grow older and, hopefully, smarter you can see past the physical attraction and into the substance of the individual. Beauty can fade, and then you are left with the substance. To connect on that level with a person that shares your values and dreams is wonderful. But if the substance you are left with is the nightmare of a bad-to-the-bone person, life is no longer good.
This is what is wrong with the world. We are so blinded by beauty that some people will take it where ever they can get it. We have plastic surgery, lipo, botox, and a number of other things to keep us looking our best. A guy has gorgeous eyes and a girl melts, wanting nothing more than to be seen with him. It seems that no one is looking for a meaningful relationship anymore, they are just after arm candy. If the person with you is beautiful, then it makes you look better. This is why we have so many woman in abusive relationships. They don’t take the time to get to know someone before they dive in. It’s sad and things need to change somewhere.
If he had any brains in his head he would have used his good looks to his advantage and become a model. Sure, he’s good looking but any smart woman would take one look and never look back. It’s sad that some women are so superficial and have such low self esteem that they chase after convicted felons.
Herein lies the issue with our society: more than ever, women complain about how men are dogs and how hard it is to find a good man, but then you see the multitude of comments made with respect to this piece of trash’s mug shot and it really makes you wonder what has happened to this world.
True story. It just breeds more asshole because F it, why be nice when it gets you nowhere.
Im sure all these women saying they wouldnt talk to him are liars. The “But I can change him” attitude is strong with women.
It’s really kind of funny how people say those things, but I’m sure that if they really had to deal with him their attitudes would be completely different. I’ve never met him, but I’m sure that although he is very attractive it’s probably a whole different thing to actually deal with him on a regular basis. It’s kind of like how people adore Johnny Depp, but when you watch him in an interview he is quite a blank slate.
It is amazing how many women think they can change the “bad guy” or that the bad guy won’t harm them. I used to research true crimes (criminal justice major) and I was amazed how decades ago Ted Bundy had tons of women wanting to marry him…even after convicted of murder. So this is not a new thing unfortunately. And it isn’t just women. I am sure that there are plenty of men that love the bad girl. It isn’t a man/woman issue..it is more of an issue regarding society and how numb people are to what people are actually capable of in this world.
I’m glad someone wrote this. I have been thinking it all week.
I really applaud you for writing this. Seriously, he is the best case for “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” that I have seen in years. All I could think of when this went viral is:
“This one’s pretty, with great beautiful sea blue eyes. But, may murder you in your sleep. Have fun!”
I am also a little shocked by the willingness of women to be “raped” by this man considering how polarized the topic of rape is currently.. especially in the face of #YesAllWomen. It hurts my heart that these women who have no concept of the damage rape does to someone are throwing these types of statements out there in the face of those who have been deeply hurt.
Thanks for writing this, I couldn’t agree more.
~K
The very fact that it’s a mug shot makes him less attractive. I’m only a teenager in a modern world, but I can still recognize evil when I see it. A crime is a crime and it doesn’t become something other than what it is simply because of the way it was/who carried it out.
Though maybe, Mr. Sama, this has something to do with the “bad boy” mentality. (?)
It seems such a life was wasted on such things……it makes me wonder what happen in his childhood. I wonder what his mother thought of his actions or was she around? Dad?
In response to the detention officer’s comment: Women have always been nurturers and feel that they can “change” a man or that he will change for them because they love him so much. No one ever “changes”. But women’s egos (especially the ones who believe they’re in love) are so strong that they think their love, their relationship and their equation with their man is the center of the universe, so they persist. Which explains how mostly every criminal, jerk or asshole always has a woman (or women) deeply in love with them at some point their life. That might explain the long jail visits and incessant support.
In response to your question about what we can do to shift the focus of society: have such programmes in schools and colleges. James, you ought to consider talking about your movement (tailored for tender minds, obviously) to a much younger audience. Be a guest lecturer at schools or teach a social studies class. The New Chivalry Movement is one aspect of what we need to talk about more, but in the grand scheme of things, if you look at most of your articles, living a life with these standards applies to both men and women.
I’m willing to wager that a lot of people who read your blog (me included) had absolutely no idea while growing up that these values even existed. My parents didn’t tell me any of this, neither did they lead by example. Lots of homes don’t discuss giving importance to a person’s character before their looks. Lots of parents assume that this is logical, and don’t talk about it, forgetting that children are inexperienced and learn these truths the hard way. Children and young adults need to be made aware of what’s “real” at an early age, or they’ll just grow up to be emotionally brain-dead, self-centered adults stuck in a life of compromise or dead-end relationships, and they’ll pass on the same values (or the lack of them) to their children, unless someone steps in. We need to start talking about things that aren’t taught in schools and colleges to kids who currently are in schools and college.
Not only to women kid themselves that they can change a man but they also want to feel needed. They are nurturers by nature and a man who needs money and someone to visit them in jail feeds that desire.
Funny
That’s a very good point made sir. I’m not going to sit here and say that I have dealt with many situations where someone has given me a pass because of my looks. But I do feel that as a society we have become increasingly shallow and materialistic. This isn’t a topic of materialistic people at ground level, but I feel being shallow and judging someone by their level attraction go hand in hand.
M.B.Young
@M_BYoung
While I believe your intended takeaway is worthy of a discussion, I suggest you do more research into not only the subject you are defaming but also libel laws. You have insinuated that this man is a rapist and a murderer. The law would allow for a very provable libel case in which your blog article seeks and succeeds at damaging his character.
Hi Missrachel,
Thanks for your comment! Can you give an example of these alleged insinuations? I said nothing of the sort about Jeremy…I quoted public comments on Facebook photos, that’s all.
I do appreciate the time you’ve taken to read and comment, I will re-read the article and make sure that my memory serves correct and nothing unreasonable was said on my end.
– James
This response is to address Missrachel’s concerns as well as your own regarding the libel laws and Mr. Meek’s reputation and his charges.
“Meeks’ prior brushes with the law include resisting arrest and admitting ties to the Crips gang, authorities said. He also spent two years in prison in 2002 for a grand theft conviction, according to the district attorney’s office.” [1]
I could see the “tear drop” side note as slightly problematic as it could be seen as construing him as a killer, which, thus far, he has not been charged or convicted of killing anyone as far as I can tell.
The presence of a tear drop tattoo does occasionally mean that a person has killed another, but it is more often simply linked various events while being in and out of prison and can have a large number of meanings.
I don’t mean to defend Mr. Meeks…merely analyzing Missrachel’s comments and trying to make sure your blog/article aren’t taking in a wrong context, sir.
The rapist comments were taking from other Facebook comments and in no way reflect on you. You did not personally call him a rapist or say that he was associated with any sort of sexual misconduct/assault/abuse/harassment etc. therefore I believe that claim to be unfounded and without real basis or support.
Legally, libel is define in the following way by the Legal Information Institute at Cornell University Law School as:
“…a method of defamation expressed by print, writing, pictures, signs, effigies, or any communication embodied in physical form that is injurious to a person’s reputation, exposes a person to public hatred, contempt or ridicule, or injures a person in his/her business or profession” [2]
Your article is not attacking Mr. Meeks, exposing him to public hatred (in fact, you are claiming the opposite is occurring), or showering him personally with any form of contempt or ridicule. Additionally this article doesn’t injure his business or reputation as he is getting job offers and and modeling options and his so called popularity has not been diminished in the least, it seems. Therefore such a claim seems unfounded.
Furthermore, your article is not addressing Mr. Meeks. It is addressing his fan-base and followers that appear to have some sort of romantic notions about him, regardless of his steep criminal record.
From my vantage point the only issue might be your using the word “usually” in the tear drop comment as it could honestly have any meaning and to suggest any reasoning behind any given individual’s choice of body modifications, especially publicly and with so many followers may be ill advised. Other than that, i see no problems with the article.
Citations:
[1] Bloom, Deborah. “Jeremy Meeks’ manager says she got death threat.” CNN. Cable News Network, 1 Jan. 1970. Web. 30 June 2014. .
[2] “Libel.” LII / Legal Information Institute. N.p., n.d. Web. 1 July 2014. .
I’m a man but can still tell when somebody is handsome. Robert Redford, Paul Newman, Clark Gable etc. To me, this guy looks like a freaking lizard. He has the face of a personified snake or a reptile. The guy looks like a reptile. Take a close look at him. Plus, his treatment of his wife is shameful. The heiress he’s involved with is borderline ugly. His wife is much more attractive. This guy will fade into a nobody has-been within two years and be begging his wife’s forgiveness – which he SHOULD be doing right now!
Unfortunately, these women who form relationships with men in jail are getting attention, attention they are probably not getting from others. Feeling alone, rejected or neglected can cause a person to do do some incredibly half-thought out stupid things.
Regardless of what humans say about the morals and character of another human, we are animals first. One cannot legislate hormones or desires, one can only try to control human behaviors by law and the consequences of breaking the current accepted laws.
Reblogged this on TheChasian's Blog.
i don’t get why this surprises any of you in any way shape or form i have known that all anyone give two fucks about is looks since i hit puberty you could be a dumbfuck loser no job no ambitions in life but if you look good you will still get a girl/guy or noticed and on and on, i know this first hand because i have been cursed with the shitty reality of being unattractive and its the worst fate in life anyone could go thru i have a job im a great guy i have ambitions in life i go to the gym i love my friends and family but NONE of that matters because im not attractive you cant get a date don’t get noticed it sucks and EVERY one of you are the same even the people writing this article and it is one thing about society that will never ever ever change ever not even a slight budge looks are everything so i don’t understand why some people are acting surprised that girls are drooling over this guy and not caring that he a gang member that committed horrible crimes and such if he get out of jail there will probably be model company’s sending him offers if he can get out of jail going viral will probably be the best thing that ever happened to him i wouldn’t be surprised if he dam near became a celebrity all because hes good looking and that what sells its what everyone wants and i really cant believe people act surprised like wow is that all society cares about is looks YES THATS IT!!!!!!!!!! and money
Daric. you honestly need to grow up! your pretty jaded. Most couples I see together are average at best. The pretty women I know end up with average men, why? b/c any woman thats worth it will look past the pretty boy shit for a man with a real heart who knows how to take care of a woman and respect her. Seriously, stop being so damn bitter in life! Look at how you are so negative and jaded and you might start to see your real problem. I would never date you just b/c your attitude SUCKS!
You visited this page didn’t you? Why? Admit it. The picture must have had at least something to do with it.
Also he said looks or money. Is it true to say that the couples you speak of are composed of a women (pretty or average) who has chosen a man who is both unattractive and poorer than she is?
Did you read my other reply? Look into that mans eyes!! I see EVIL!! I see creepiness, and thats what I see. Nothing to me is good looking there? Do you know what his tattoos mean? Thats evil. Peroid.
Dude looks straight creepy and evil…thats not cute. Thats scary
Daric. you honestly need to grow up! your pretty jaded. Most couples I see together are average at best. The pretty women I know end up with average men, why? b/c any woman thats worth it will look past the pretty boy shit for a man with a real heart who knows how to take care of a woman and respect her. Seriously, stop being so damn bitter in life! Look at how you are so negative and jaded and you might start to see your real problem. Just my thoughts!
If I wasn’t married and I was looking for a woman this would tell me what women to avoid getting into a relationship like the plague. I would do the Jeremy Meeks test meaning I would get them to ramble on about him and gauge what they say and how they say it. If all they did was rambled on about his looks then I would conclude the woman was shallow. By what “The Free Woman” on here says she looks for substance including character as well.
These women who are shallow more than likely lack a lot of foresight and do not consider the consequences of their actions to much. More than likely these type of women will be trouble. “The Free Woman” seems like the type who probes for substance. .
thank you! I’ve just lived and learned and realize whats important in life.
No problem 🙂
Reblogged this on Sometimes I Wear Tiaras and commented:
Right on the money.
As sad as this is, we are built on a society where “BEAUTY” trumps over a lot of things. As you can see a lot of men and women will look over someone’s faults no matter how terrible they are. I believe character/drive means a lot more to me then anything. As it was said looks fade, and as a society we need to stop putting/ holding looks to such a high standard.
Only one comment I read here really gets it (I can’t remember which). Darwin articulated overwhelming evidence that as a species we are animals. The very definition of a species is that individuals can reproduce and create fertile offspring. The most fit offspring will outcompete others in the population. Therefore, although the human species as a whole outcompetes other species because of our brain, within the species it is the physical “fitness,” which can include beauty, size, body. Why do you think so much time and money is spent on cosmetics, gyms, working out, etc? We are all trying to appear as potentially better mates to satisfy our pervasive animal sex drive, in the need to reproduce (and this is absolutely necessary if the species is to be successful – if you claim you don’t have it, your linage will not pass down). The bottom line is that we are dogs and the biggest, baddest dog gets the mate. We kid ourselves thinking there is any more to this. None of this surprises me at all.
Hillarious, not at all surprised by comments here and on his “fan” page or whatever.
Even more funnier, we both look a lot of like.. People keep sending me his god awful face to my phone because we favor so much(yes I’m biracial). Saying that.. I’m about to say fuck college and rob a few banks so I can get a modeling career. Lmao.
Yes, our society prizes beauty as the Greeks did. But I believe those women making those comments are what and my friends call “basic bitches”(research the term). There are a lot of basic people in the world, ones whom cannot perceive what’s on the inside. Those who don’t really want too much out of life.. More on, what about these girls who make sex tapes or date guys just to be rich and famous!?
OUR SOCIETY LOVES SPORTS, MOVIES, AND… GOOD LOOKIN PEOPLE.
You’d be suprise how much people know about our famed celebutants more so than .. Senators, Vice Presidents, and other country leaders.
Shame isn’t it? As our teachers, troops, police officers, and some doctors/lawyers/accountants(note I say some) get far less pay than hmm.. Wocka flocka? Jay-z, derek jeter, lebron James, uh… Payton manning.. Now these people are amazing athletes! But what do they do for our society as a whole? Nothing compared to teachers, firefighters, and troops.
But sadly, this is our fault as a society.. We’ve put these people here on this pedestal because of where our values lie. America is the capital of the world when it comes to sports or just celebrities. Entirely different in other countries.
But who cares? I do, it’s nice to see people here who also care about the situation at hand.
Beauty is more than physicality…beauty starts from who you are as a person and what your personality is and it manifests itself in how you physically look. Having a good soul is what makes you a beautiful person…the sexiest/hottest person on the planet, without a good soul, will get old, and when they get old, their true form shines through, and they will look as ugly as their youth made them beautiful; but for the truly beautiful ones, the ones with good souls, their beauty only grows as they age, cause it wasn’t linked to whether or not the humidity got to their hair or what shirt they had on that day for the dinner party, rather it was linked to whether or not they cared about others, and whether or not they desired to make the world a better place…that kind of beauty is ageless and timeless.
This man does not have a good soul. He’s a criminal and he’s proven again and again that’s what he keeps proving, that he is not a good person or a positive role model that people should emulate.
The lack of understanding that “hotness” or “sexiness” in a person, does not mean they are not a brutal, homicidal criminal…In fact, some serial killers are said to be incredibly attractive and used their good looks to lure unsuspecting people to their deaths because people seem to equate the attractiveness of our body with the wholesome goodness of our hearts and that is where the disconnect begins.
Looks do not define worth.
People kill each other over who looks better. It doesn’t mean that just because they were more attractive or the other was less so that murder was okay. People commit suicide because the are told that A) they are ugly B) that because they are ugly they will never succeed in life C) that their looks, not their heart, is all that will ever matter.
I think it is sickening that people make jokes out of abusive criminals saying things like “he can rape me any time, anywhere” and crap like that just reflects how twisted not only society’s values have become…but those people…
it is one thing to be a criminal. It is something else entirely to love a murderous criminal on nothing more than a picture of his face and invite him to ravage and defile your body with deeds as heinous and atrocious as rape, kidnapping, and murder.
It’s some sort of sick fantasy that’s taking hold where bad seems good, and good seems bad, and that killing for sport or out of some form of revenge is something to be revered and held in high regard whereas as those doing good quietly in the world are looked down upon.
I am just glad that there are at least some sensible people left in the world still questioning the “the way it is” and the workings of society like Mr. Sama and those who earnestly read his blog. You people are the foundation of the sense, reason, and honor in our society. The actual role models. And I am glad to see you all speaking up and speaking out and to have a chance to participate with you all.
wow ladies. just…wow. ladies, my respect for you is gone. thanks.
a tear drop tattoo can often mean that the person was raped in prison