5 Things Men Can Learn From Juan Pablo
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Regardless of your personal opinions towards the ABC show “The Bachelor,” and even if you’ve never seen a single episode, odds are you’ve come across a post or two about the debacle that was this past season’s bachelor, Juan Pablo Galavis.
Anyone who watched “After The Final Rose” understands the tense awkwardness that permeated the entire episode.
But, there are lessons to be learned.
Looks will only get you so far.
Juan Pablo started out this season as a fan favorite. People were tuning into The Bachelor who had never watched it before, just because of Juan Pablo. He is athletic, attractive, and has an accent – a hat trick for ratings.
But, as the season went on – it became obvious (especially when women started walking out of the show) that he was often not only confusing – but downright offensive towards the girls. I have said this before, but it doesn’t matter how good looking you are, if a woman is uncomfortable around you, nothing else matters.
Be direct with your thoughts.
What…in…the…hell…was Juan Pablo talking about most of the time? I understand that English is his second language, but I know plenty of people in this situation who can still articulate their thoughts and are willing to collaborate during a conversation.
JP seemed to dance around any question asked, or resort to his now-famous tag line, “It’s ok…”
When you’re trying to build a relationship with someone, them having no idea what you’re thinking is not ok.
Take the time to get to know her.
Not that this should actually have to be said, but if someone who was chosen to date 25 women on national television doesn’t know it, then a few others probably have to read it, too.
Multiple women during this season had the same complaint: Juan Pablo knew nothing about them, and they really didn’t know much about him, either. I understand it’s difficult getting to know many people in a short amount of time while you’re surrounded by cameras, but that’s all the more reason to talk about actual important details.
If a man is really interested in you, the building stage of your relationship shouldn’t be learning what your favorite color is. What drives you? What are your goals, dreams, passions and ambitions? Will you two “work” together?
Don’t be rude.
As if Juan Pablo wasn’t already behind the 8-ball, he repeatedly accused The Bachelor’s host, Chris Harrison, of interrupting him during the “After The Final Rose” show. Harrison is a man who helps facilitate the entire season and offers advice along the way. Being the only other man consistently on air throughout the season, it looks from the outside as if a camaraderie is formed, but, apparently not.
The resounding boo’s from the crowd after JP’s passive-aggressive comments and “It’s ok” responses, it became clear he lost any fan base he had left.
Be honest.
If there is one positive thing I can say about Juan Pablo, it’s that he doesn’t lie about his feelings. He’s been criticized repeatedly for not saying that he loves Nikki (the girl he chose) and not proposing to her – but let’s be real for a second.
Their experience on the show consisted of 6 weeks traveling to exotic locations with multiple other women. Literally down to the last second, there was at least one other woman in the picture. While the show is designed for two people to “find true love,” is this really realistic? I have more respect for JP for not professing feelings he doesn’t really have, only to create a worse mess for himself and Nikki down the road.
While the ending of the season was anti-climactic for the audience without a proposal, choosing to not propose and just to begin really dating in order to get to know each other, was a smarter move for JP.
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Shows like The Bachelor attempt to make fairy tales come to life – and I’m sure many of the experiences throughout the season are magical, but anyone can feel like they’re falling in love living in a dream world.
Some love the drama of the show, some just watch it because their partner likes it, and some people refuse to because they think it’s just downright stupid – but like anything in life (especially observing relationships), if you search for lessons, you can probably find some.
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I agree with most of what you are saying as I just watched the show last night. There isn’t anything warm and fuzzy about him. He was brutally honest, but my feel from him was he wasn’t headed in that direction. He could have been softer and said that he had very strong feelings for her and they were growing as they spent more time together, and he was looking forward to a future with her. Didn’t see or feel that from him. I’m afraid Nikki is going to get dumped when someone else comes along. We learn and grow from those types of relations, but it is painful to watch and be a part of.
I enjoy your blog very much.
Ann
matured thinking 🙂
[…] http://jamesmsama.com/2014/03/12/5-things-men-can-learn-from-juan-pablo/ […]
Hi James, I’d like to interview you about the chivalry movement your starting. I’m launching a new iTunes (video) interview series for Men based around Self-Leadership, Masculinity, and Relationships. I would be honored if you would be willing to share your thoughts, beliefs, and ideas around any of these topics. I’ve been following your work since you frist started posting, I belive you had like 300+ folowers on FB when I came across you. I’m a member of Podcast Paradise which is a membership site full of iTunes podcasters, where we all cross promote each other to get as much exposure as possible and I think my listeners would really love to hear the message spreading to men. If it’s a “Yes”, please set up a meeting time that would be convenient for you at: http://www.meetme.so/ConstantineArzate Please let me know what you prefer: Google Hangout or video Skype. The interviews typically last around 30-40 minutes, total–a few minutes to say hello, then do the interview, then a few minutes to get off the call. Thanks for your time and consideration, Constantine Arzate Las Vegas, NV 626-818-3967 http://www.ConstantineArzate.com/coaching/about http://www.Facebook.com/Arzate.Constantine
I’m intrigued enough to watch the series, even though I gave it up a few years ago.
u missed something great!
I agree with all of your points, especially the last one. It seemed as though the fans, and Chris Harrison (in an attempt to give the fans what they want), were trying to force JP to say that he loves Nikki. I was very happy he didn’t propose to her or falsely tell her that he loves her because it would be such a blatant lie. At the same time, it didn’t come across as though there was even a foreseeable long term relationship.
Nikki’s feelings on the other hand are already there. This could definitely be romanticized feelings being that she was competing for his affection and won, and other aspects of the show that are designed to make two people “fall in love.” I think this raises a very good question though, “Can a relationship work if one person’s feelings are clearly much stronger than their partner’s?” I wonder, aside from Nikki and Juan Pablo, if a relationship will make it if one person says “I love you” and the other replies, “I like you a lot.” Will that other person eventually “catch up” to their partner’s feelings or is it just doomed?
Maybe you can let us know what you think!
I’m a huge fan of your blog! :]
-Emily
i agree with all your points
On the point of getting to know someone, I’ve collected some good advice. If interested, check it out here: “How to know if you’ve found the right one (or, how to break up).” (http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/2008/12/26/how-to-know-if-youve-found-the-right-one-or-how-to-break-off-a-bad-relationship/)
His point wasn’t to force Juan Pablo into saying things he didn’t feel. His point was to get JP to talk about something deeper than the weather and express what he was feeling to help build his image back up. But instead JP kept saying everything was private yet he agreed to going on this show, which he should know isn’t private.
Juan Pablo was a train reck. Great points that you made in your article, I am just excited for Andi on the Bachelorette!
I had a guy text me a pic of his junk after 3 dates. Complete lack of respect. Guys… Don’t do that.
[…] are men in the world who show us on national TV what not to do, such as the latest Bachelor, Juan Pablo, and then there are men, even fictional men, we can learn […]
I just dealt with my own Juan Pablo this weekend. This guy I barely knew and had met two days prior to actually hanging out with him, decided that he wanted to sleep with me but what I learned from spending the whole day getting to know him was that he was shady and didn’t want a relationship. While I could respect that he didn’t want a relationship, he couldn’t understand why I want to know his last name or anything about him. It’s been a long time since I came across a guy like that but seriously? What makes guys think girls want to spend all day with guy and not get any information about him from him and then will sleep with him. I made no advances towards him that day because I wasn’t sure if I was interested or not and then when he decided he was going to sleep at my place rather than go home, I gave him the couch because I didn’t feel comfortable allowing him into my place or into my bedroom for that matter.
[…] are men in the world who show us on national TV what not to do, such as the latest Bachelor, Juan Pablo, and then there are men, even fictional men, we can learn […]