This is a topic a little out of the usual dating and relationship realm, but it does have to do with relationships, in general.
As humans, we have a natural tendency to judge others. She has too much acne. His voice is too feminine. I won’t date someone that short. Why do you have to like such terrible music?
Whether we like to admit it or not, we all do this. Some worse than others. Some take it to the extreme and lash out at those who they judge. They oppress, discriminate against, or even be violent towards them.
Let’s try a quick test inspired by a profoundly articulate talk on free will from Sam Harris [ [twitter-follow screen_name=’SamHarrisOrg’] ]. – Think of three major cities, right now.
Which three popped into your head? Why those three? Did you choose them, or were they just…there? Out of thousands of cities you are familiar with, it is likely that somehow your mind chose some for you and they popped into your head. You had no more of a hand in choosing them as you did in choosing your height.
This happens in multiple aspects of life, think of a specific genre of music that you just can’t stand to listen to, why is it that genre? Was it a choice, or something you couldn’t control?
Similarly, when someone tells me homosexuality is a choice, I ask them when they chose to become a heterosexual.
You may not think someone with a large nose is attractive, but before you make fun of them for it, remember that they didn’t choose it any more than you chose where you were born.
We are who we are. Sure, there are plenty of things about ourselves that we can change – but we can’t alter our nature or whatever biological hand of cards the genetic dealer put on our table.
The truth is, each of us just wants to be happy. We all love, hurt, laugh and cry. We all feel pain, and we all feel joy. These are the things that make us human. These are the things that bind us together.
We must appreciate our similarities, as well as accept and respect our differences. “Tolerance” will not bring happiness, as tolerance is simply putting up with someone. Acceptance is the first small step down a long hallway of peace.
There is no superior or inferior, just different.
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