12 Positive Signs You’re Truly Compatible With Each Other


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What is it that makes two good people good for each other? The idea of compatibility is, for some strange reason, often overlooked when it comes to choosing a romantic partner. I believe we easily get caught up in the excitement of adventure, or the emotional rush of being with a new person, or the lust of the ‘chemistry’ that we think is going to solve all of our problems.

At the end of the day, though, being truly compatible with another person, having the ability to fit your lives and personalities together like puzzle pieces, is what’s going to pull you through life far more steadily than any of the fleeting flashing lights we experience in the very beginning of our time together.

Let’s discuss some of the green flags to look for that determine if you’re truly aligned and compatible with someone. Are you two good people, or are you two people good for each other?

1: You actually LIKE each other.

This point may sound a little strange. It’s a given that you’re going to LIKE the person you’re with…right? I mean, why wouldn’t you?

When you really stop to consider the origins of most relationships, they’re rooted in physical attraction, lust, passion, and many other surface level connections — no?

When the dust settles around us, though, that’s when we begin to see a person for who they really are. We listen to their opinions, their ideas, their views on the world…and sometimes, we begin to see and hear things emerge that we didn’t notice at first. Things that may not vibe as well with us as we once expected.

The issue here is that sometimes we’ve spend a few weeks, or even a few months with this person, and have developed strong feelings for the aspects of them that we’ve felt connected to, both emotionally and physically.

So, then, we can tend to make excuses, or overlook the things we don’t love, or just completely ignore them altogether. I believe that many of us have these tendencies which is the reason why many people end up in the wrong relationships for far too long.

The solution is to take inventory of the new person in your life consistently as time goes on. Be brutally honest with yourself about what you’re seeing and how you feel about it at each stage of the journey. 1 month in, 3 months, 6 months…yes, even 9 or 12 months…

Just because you ‘like’ someone now, doesn’t mean you’ll like them in a year when you’ve learned who they really are.

Letting go will be immensely difficult if you’re not a match, but not nearly as difficult as staying with the wrong person for the wrong reasons.

2: You’re comfortable showing your TRUE self to them.

Spoiler alert: Liking each other needs to be mutual. They, of course, need to like you as well.

I know it’s strange to talk about “liking” instead of “loving,” but as we defined in point #1, both are equally as important in their own ways — and one does not guarantee the existence of the other.

Of course, it takes time to build the level of comfort and trust required to fully open up to a person — as it should. You must protect your heart and make sure that you are giving it to the right person.

Pay close attention to your true inner feelings about this, though…if something is preventing you from revealing your most authentic self to the person who’s pursuing you, it’s worth exploring what those instincts are really trying to tell you.

True compatibility can only be explored and discovered if you’re both showing each other the most uncensored version of yourselves.

Otherwise, you may be getting to know a version of a person that doesn’t really exist, or perhaps you are showing them a version of yourself that you think they want to see. If their intentions are genuine, the only “you” they’ll want to see is the REAL you.

3: Your goals and visions align.

In order for two lives to merge together, they must already be headed in similar directions.

Forming a relationship is about putting “we” ahead of “me,” but it should not require you to sacrifice your hopes, dreams, goals, or ambitions. And, it should never require you to compromise your values or morals.

I understand the excitement of the “now” is intoxicating, but it doesn’t negate the importance of discussing “then,” either.

What are you working towards in life? What is your ideal living environment? Do you want to get married? Have children? How many?

How strongly do you prioritize your career? Your family? Your health and fitness?

These are all questions of compatibility that also define the path you are on in life. They dictate the decisions you make every single day as the present you evolves into the future you.

If you’re not evolving along similar paths, inevitably the distance between you will continue to grow until it becomes clear that you’re simply headed in different directions.

4: You share a similar moral code.

I’ve mentioned a moral code a couple of times here and I believe it’s a topic that is paramount to the success of any relationship.

Our morals are most often dictated by our upbringing, but as we get older, we form our own value system through our own life experiences and evolving opinions.

Our moral code determines what we believe to be right and wrong, acceptable or unacceptable, and even dictates what constitutes cheating in a relationship.

It’s not hard to imagine that two people with conflicting opinions or codes will have a very hard time forming a life together that makes them both feel safe and secure.

5: You are capable of HEALTHY disagreements.

“James, I never fight with my partner, we agree on everything!”

Okay, well, I’m glad that you think that sounds healthy, but in reality, nobody agrees on everything.

Not even a set of twins will agree on everything and they share the same genetic code.

In fact, if you really don’t ever have arguments, that’s probably a sign that someone in the relationship is either lying about their feelings, or hiding them altogether in order to prevent conflict.

This goes back to point #2 and being comfortable showing your true self to someone — this includes your true opinions and beliefs, as well.

So, eventually, you’re going to find something the two of you don’t see eye to eye on…what then?

In a healthy relationship where two people are truly compatible, they are able to communicate their feelings in calm and rational ways with each other.

They understand that the point of an argument is to solve a problem, not to take jabs at each other, or be turned against each other.

It is you and them against the problem, not you and them against each other.

Each disagreement, if handled in a healthy and productive way, actually brings an opportunity to develop a deeper and fuller understanding of each other.

6: You “fill in the blanks” for each other…without judgment.

I should probably be putting “without judgment” in every single point throughout this article, but let’s just assume that we all know we shouldn’t be judging our partner…

In this case, though, it’s an important asterisk to include, because I think that compatibility is much like the puzzle pieces we alluded to earlier in the introduction.

When you “fit” your lives together, you form a single union, or a team that works together towards a goal for the future, like we outlined in point #3.

How do successful teams operate?

They bring “players” together whose strengths are best suited to work with each other. A great pitcher needs a great catcher. A great quarterback needs a great receiver. A great rally driver needs a great…well, co-driver.

Each teammate has their own strengths that perfectly intertwine with the other’s. When both of them focus on becoming the best at what they do, they can work together to create magic.

The same goes for a relationship — two people are going to have different strengths, different interests, different natural tendencies and qualities. Instead of judging someone for what they may not be able to do, the best couples work to “fill in the blanks” for each other. One steps up and picks up the slack where the other is incapable, and then they reverse roles when necessary.

7: You are sexually compatible.

Let’s be honest, we all know that this is hugely important.

No, sex is not the most important thing in a relationship, but it’s pretty damn high up on the list. It brings you together even closer on an emotional level, it helps you get to know each other, it releases bonding chemicals to strengthen your connection, and it is, in a monogamous relationship, strictly reserved for only one person…maybe forever.

So, then, it is paramount that your sexual desires and needs are compatible with each other.

It doesn’t matter what they are. There isn’t a set of requirements for what is “right” or “wrong” in your sex life. As long as it’s fully consensual and mutual, I believe that two people can do whatever the hell they want behind closed doors (and should).

“Mutual” is the key word, though — it’s about finding a person whose…ahem…preferences align with yours, so you both feel fulfilled, satisfied, safe, and cared for in this area.

If one person is always resistant, or unenthusiastic, or simply refuses to indulge the other in what they enjoy, there will eventually be a strain or an emotional separation that grows within the relationship over time.

So, while sex is not the most important thing, it can grow in importance the more it becomes awkward, neglected, or one-sided.

8: You’re willing to put in consistent effort for each other.

Compatibility, while deeply dependent on personality types and expectations in a relationship, can also be influenced by choice.

The odds of compatibility increase when two partners are committed to putting in consistent and genuine effort for each other, every single day.

We must choose to build love together, and that choice isn’t something we just do once when we enter into a relationship.

It’s a choice we must make every single day when we decide to stay in a relationship. We cannot let our partner feel taken for granted, or overlooked, or undervalued.

It doesn’t matter if you are the perfect match for each other or were smushed together by the love gods themselves — if you don’t actively try for each other, the whole thing will fall apart.

9: You have similar social expectations.

Sure, introverts and extroverts can have happy relationships together — hell, I am an extrovert and my wife is an introvert, so I know this from experience.

Here’s the thing, though — if my social expectations were rooted in the extroversion of my 20s (or even early 30s…) I’d be living a much different life than I am today, and we’d likely not have been compatible when we met.

I’ve evolved more into ambiversion now, where I love being around people but I also love my own space.

So, our social expectations are more aligned and we don’t feel a “pull” away from each other where one of us always wants to be doing something but the other never does.

This, as one can see, would quickly cause challenges in a relationship where one partner feels stifled, or suffocated, or held back by the other’s lack of interest in social events or engagements.

Similarly, someone who is highly introverted will feel uncomfortable or anxious if they’re always being pulled out of their comfort zone.

A balance is key. Leaning too far in either direction can lead to extreme expectations that are unfair to levy on each other, and even one’s self.

10: You are genuinely proud to be with each other.

Two partners should have the fullest amount of respect and admiration for each other in a relationship. The feeling of gratitude that this person has chosen you above all others, and the pride that you’ve chosen them.

Life is simply too short to be with someone who’s not proud to have you.

11: Your “ecosystems” get along well.

I say this all the time — a person you’re with is not just one single person, but their own living and breathing ecosystem.

They have family, and friends, and coworkers, and employees, and maybe even a child(ren) or pet(s) from a past marriage or relationship.

While, of course, this relationship is between the two of you, there is no denying that the more intertwined your lives become, the larger of a role this ecosystem will play.

You’ll be spending time around their people, and vice versa. Both of your people may even be spending time together.

Does everyone have to love and cherish each other? No, of course not — but if there is any volatility, tension, arguments, or distrust, it can cause more stress and anguish than it’s worth.

12: You grow and evolve TOGETHER.

Here’s a difficult truth:

Just because you’re compatible today doesn’t mean you’ll be compatible in 3, 5, or 10 years.

Let alone the rest of your life.

A scary thought, yes — but not if you’re both dedicated to self-improvement and growth.

Both dedicated to maintaining your mental, physical, and emotional health.

Both dedicated to exploration of life, of the world, of each other, of yourselves.

Both committed to taking this journey together.

Growth in a specific direction is never guaranteed, of course, as life brings us challenges and struggles and learning experiences — but if we both make the promise, the pledge, the commitment to stay by each other’s side through it all, we can lock arms through the journey and grow together.

Subscribe to my newsletter “The Next Level” for honest and uncensored advice normally reserved for private clients.

James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.

Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 39 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.

James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.

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