One Thing Women Want All Men To Know
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[social_warfare]
I am no expert. I don’t claim to be a “dating expert” or “relationship expert” or anything of the like. I simply am a regular person who maybe spends an above-average amount of time learning about people, interactions, and relationships.
In doing so, I use a consistent flow of information and new perspectives in order to formulate my opinions which I then turn into articles. As you can imagine, hearing from thousands of people from all over the world can become a bit overwhelming at times. But, once we filter through the noise, there are consistencies and patterns that shine through.
Speaking of consistencies, let me know if you can see something in common with the following statements, which are in response to a tweet I sent out earlier:
@JamesMSama Be the real you upfront. Trying to be anything else will eventually backfire.
— Alisen James (@alisenjames) September 16, 2014
@JamesMSama be clear about your feelings. Misunderstanding or lack of it is the devil of all fu*k-ups.
— B. (@B__Rani) September 16, 2014
https://twitter.com/lanirod44/status/511981384962166784
@JamesMSama be your self. You cant fake it forever. Dont waste your or my time.
— crystal vautour (@purestcrystal1) September 16, 2014
https://twitter.com/kelstar1975/status/511983334927663104
The answer is simple, as well as expected. Be honest, up front, and consistent.
Consistency is an important ingredient in building the foundation in a relationship, because you know what you are going to get with someone. You know you won’t have to wake up in the morning and wonder if they are going to go back on their word or flake on plans or bail on something that they knew was important to you. It is a bi-product of honesty, because an honest person is always consistent.
I frequently hear about situations where men put their best foot forward for the first month, or two, or three, until there is some level of trust and commitment, and then their real personality comes out. The strategy is actually disturbingly effective. The amount of effort you have to put in decreases drastically, and the likelihood of your new girlfriend walking away from you is low, because she will perhaps assume you are going through a phase or having a hard week, and eventually reverting back to the kind, sweet, caring man who made her want to commit in the first place.
Unfortunately, this isn’t usually the case.
This is normally followed by women wondering why he suddenly “changed,” when in reality no change actually happened. The only thing that is different is that his real personality finally started to show since he got what he wanted, and figures he no longer has to put in effort and can pull back his representative. A mask he essentially wore to make you think he was someone different than he was.
It is important to realize that if you are not comfortable being honest with a woman about who you are from the beginning, then it is probably time to put some effort towards transforming into the man you would rather be. It doesn’t matter how good or experienced you are at putting on this act, there is only so long you can keep it up. Someday she will discover who the real you is, and things will not progress well from there.
We cannot be happy with someone else until we are happy with ourselves. And if we need to pretend to be someone we’re not just to get the attention of the person we want to be with, you better be ready to actually become that person.
Be true to yourself, be true to her, and continue working to improve into the man you want to be. Because there are three things that always come out eventually: The sun, the moon, and the truth.
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EXCLUSIVE ADVICE & OFFERS RIGHT TO YOUR INBOX (NO SPAM)
Thanks for the articles.I was blessed as usual.keep up the awesome work please thanks
I’m sure when the author is just being his honest self, he doesn’t wear those suits in the pictures.
All this advice does is help women to reject men faster so that they can ramp their already-impossible standards even higher.
Hey John,
You’ll have to excuse me, I’m not quite sure which suit or pictures you’re referring to…are you suggesting my photos wearing suits are photoshopped? Lol.
Secondly – I’m not sure that simply being honest with someone is on a list of impossible standards. This seems like something that is pretty much common sense and at the bottom level of human decency. Soemthing everyone should practice, no?
Also, if you object to honesty or people (men OR women) walking away from someone who lies to them, I would like to hear your reasoning why.
Thanks for your comment!
– JMS
James,
I think you are missing John’s point. And if this isn’t what John meant, I apologize to both of you. As far as how I took what you both said, I believe John’s point was that women (and men, let’s be fair) are always looking for ‘something’ that doesn’t fit what their image of the ideal / perfect mate is. And by following the advice of being yourself – communicating your honest intentions and feelings upfront – it gives the other a reason to get out earlier in the relationship rather than continuing to see if that ‘flaw’ is the exception or at the core of that person’s identity.
And John, as far as how James replied, I do agree that honesty and decency should be essential and not seen as impossible standards. It’s just that James does not see that when one tries to be themselves, most people have given up on the art of give-and-take, aka compromise. We live in a society that, by and large, wants what they want, how they want it, as quickly as possible, for the least cost / investment – the easiest path.
James, I don’t disagree with any of the points you brought up in your article. In fact, I felt like it was a collection of several conversations I’ve had over my last couple of years since being single (again). And I agree with both your points and the issues the women you quoted wrote to you. But the most important thing one could take from your article is the simple fact that you have to love yourself and keep working towards being the best man you can be. Anyone who thinks or says “I am what I am” is not willing to grow as an individual. They either don’t want to change, or they have given up on themselves. Don’t give up. Have patience and believe in yourself. Confidence goes far in establishing a foundation for a relationship to grow upon. The best traits one can build on – honesty, communication, and compassion – should be at the core within that self-confidence.
We all know we can keep going, for this is a circular topic of discussion. And while I’m sure we can all take things said out of context, let’s try to take a step back, look for the positive and try to make something productive of this article. Sincerely, AEA
Being the best man you can be does not require you to wear a suit/tie.Suits and ties are fine for those that these things are a part of their life/career. (And I don’t believe you have ever said that gentlemen should wear them).
Blue jeans and t-shirts are fine for those men and women – if this is their lifestyle as well.
Either way… it is how you “act” in whatever you wear.
My guy is the perfect gentlemen all the time… and has never put on a show and his
favorite/preferable attire is shorts and a shirt (all year long). And it doesn’t bother
me what he wears cause he makes me feel special all the time. (when it warrants he does
wear what is appropriate.)
We have been dating for two years – and if the real guy is anything different
he hasn’t shown up yet… so I think I have a good one!!
Note: I am now “myself” as well (wasn’t for 33 years of marriage) and happy with myself!