I am no expert. I don’t claim to be a “dating expert” or “relationship expert” or anything of the like. I simply am a regular person who maybe spends an above-average amount of time learning about people, interactions, and relationships.
In doing so, I use a consistent flow of information and new perspectives in order to formulate my opinions which I then turn into articles. As you can imagine, hearing from thousands of people from all over the world can become a bit overwhelming at times. But, once we filter through the noise, there are consistencies and patterns that shine through.
Speaking of consistencies, let me know if you can see something in common with the following statements, which are in response to a tweet I sent out earlier:
The answer is simple, as well as expected. Be honest, up front, and consistent.
Consistency is an important ingredient in building the foundation in a relationship, because you know what you are going to get with someone. You know you won’t have to wake up in the morning and wonder if they are going to go back on their word or flake on plans or bail on something that they knew was important to you. It is a bi-product of honesty, because an honest person is always consistent.
I frequently hear about situations where men put their best foot forward for the first month, or two, or three, until there is some level of trust and commitment, and then their real personality comes out. The strategy is actually disturbingly effective. The amount of effort you have to put in decreases drastically, and the likelihood of your new girlfriend walking away from you is low, because she will perhaps assume you are going through a phase or having a hard week, and eventually reverting back to the kind, sweet, caring man who made her want to commit in the first place.
Unfortunately, this isn’t usually the case.
This is normally followed by women wondering why he suddenly “changed,” when in reality no change actually happened. The only thing that is different is that his real personality finally started to show since he got what he wanted, and figures he no longer has to put in effort and can pull back his representative. A mask he essentially wore to make you think he was someone different than he was.
It is important to realize that if you are not comfortable being honest with a woman about who you are from the beginning, then it is probably time to put some effort towards transforming into the man you would rather be. It doesn’t matter how good or experienced you are at putting on this act, there is only so long you can keep it up. Someday she will discover who the real you is, and things will not progress well from there.
We cannot be happy with someone else until we are happy with ourselves. And if we need to pretend to be someone we’re not just to get the attention of the person we want to be with, you better be ready to actually become that person.
Be true to yourself, be true to her, and continue working to improve into the man you want to be. Because there are three things that always come out eventually: The sun, the moon, and the truth.
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