If you haven’t heard by now, there is a Excel spreadsheet floating around the internet that a 26 year old man sent to his 26 year old wife. The spreadsheet chronicled the previous six weeks of their relationship, how many times he attempted to initiate having sex, and all of the reasons why she declined.
She posted the spreadsheet on Reddit, along with this note:
Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my “excuses”, using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his ‘document’, we’ve only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 “attempts” on his part.
Needless to say, there are probably very few (if any) worse ways to handle this situation, on both of their parts. The fact that he felt the need to email his own wife a spreadsheet like this says a lot about his communication skills, or lack thereof, which could be part of the reason why she doesn’t feel intimately connected to him. Duh.
On the flip side, this is a very private issue that she chose to make public to the entire world, so neither party made the optimal choice in how to handle this.
I understand that consistent avoidance of intimacy from your own wife can be frustrating, but there is obviously more going on here than meets the eye. The very method of “handling” the issue is a red flag about the rest of the relationship that none of us even know about.
Perhaps, instead of complaining in such an impersonal manner (or complaining at all), the husband should have sat down with his wife and voiced his concerns to her like an adult. There is still a lot to learn at 26, or at any age, but this is high-school mentality nonsense.
Though, I guess the only good thing I can say about this is, at least he didn’t just go out and start cheating on her (hopefully).
This issue shows the importance for all of us to put more effort into effective communication in our relationships, and it also gives society a catalyst to start the overdue discussion.
What are your thoughts on the situation? How do you think the husband should have handled his frustrations? Do you think his wife is being genuine in her “excuses,” or do you think that she is unhappy in other ways and is purposely avoiding physical contact with him?
Better yet, how much longer do you think this marriage will last? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!
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