A Good Man Never Does These 10 Things In A Relationship


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I’ve always held myself to a high standard when it comes to my conduct in relationships — that came long before I was a professional speaker, writer, and coach on the topic.

But, that doesn’t mean that I’m perfect — far from it, in reality (just ask my wife!) I fall short more than I’d like to admit, but, there is still a code that I believe in following at all times. A code not just of what to do, but of what not to do.

Despite having “off days,” or being in a bad mood, or letting outside stress get to you, there are certain things that good men simply will never do because it is outside of their nature and identity.

Let’s explore:

1: He will never make you feel undervalued.

Entering a monogamous relationship with someone is one of the highest honors one can receive. You’ve got a fully independent human being who is making a conscious decision to choose you among billions of others to spend, what could be, the rest of their life with.

Imagine, now, taking that honor for granted and acting in ways that would make this person feel alone, undervalued, and unwanted in the relationship…

No good man could fathom such a thing, and if he unwittingly becomes distracted, or overwhelmed, or distant — and you communicate this feeling to him, he will swiftly and efficiently remedy the situation by pulling you close and reassuring you that you are his highest priority, and will act as such moving forward.

2: He will never play games with your heart or mind.

We’ve all been there before — left wondering if someone’s words or actions are genuine. Watching them say one thing, but then doing another…

While, in some cases, this could be due to simple laziness or an oversight, it could also be intentional manipulation designed to make you insecure, or less confident, or to make you try harder to “win someone over.”

Regardless of the reason, good men enter into relationships with clear intentions and aligned actions. They would never mislead you, lie to you, or betray your trust.

3: He will never hide things from you.

I’ve heard it all from clients over the years — people who hide everything from texts with a coworker, to entirely different lives and separate families (seriously) that eventually found out about each other.

Regardless of the magnitude, there is one common thread here — good men do not hide things from their significant others.

Let’s be clear about this: I believe that people have a right to privacy and it is possible that a person can have insecurities, pieces of their past, or inner pain/desire/whatever that they are uncomfortable sharing with others.

This point is about intentional hiding, lying, or deceiving…none of which a good man would ever do.

4: He will never make you “sell yourself” to him.

Ask yourself — do you feel like the man you’re with truly values you as a human being? Your intelligence, your ambition, your drive…or, do you feel like he puts you in positions where you need to “prove yourself” to him? To “prove” that you’re “worth” his love, time, or attention?

Healthy relationships are made up of two people who recognize the inherent value in each other and show that recognition on a regular basis.

If you feel like you always need to earn his love, it’s probably not real love in the first place.

*** I’m not saying you shouldn’t be putting effort into the relationship — both partners need to consistently “try” for the other person, but there’s a big difference between putting in effort because you care for someone, and putting in effort because of an ultimatum.

5: He will never discourage you.

If a man has big goals and dreams for his life, he’d be best served by having a partner who also has big goals and dreams for hers.

When two people like this come together, they can perform as a team and achieve their common goals together.

It is counter-intuitive and counterproductive, then, to imagine anyone trying to discourage or diminish their partner’s strengths or ambitions.

A good man will be your biggest fan. Your support system. Your biggest source of encouragement — as you are for him. He knows that if you work together, there is nothing you cannot accomplish.

6: He will never criticize your appearance.

This is a big one — not because appearance is the most important thing (we all know that it’s not), but because a man who criticizes your appearance knows it’ll have a deeper impact on your self-image and confidence.

If you’ve asked him for his opinion on an outfit, a new pair of glasses, or how a new pair of pants fits you…that’s a completely different conversation than someone who’s actively looking to target your insecurities — this is usually a sign of emotional abuse intended to lower your level of self-confidence so you are less likely to leave him, because you’ll stop believing that you deserve any better.

(You do).

7: He will NEVER cheat on you.


“But James, people make mistakes…”

Listen, cheating is not just something that happens by accident. It requires a series of events to unfold that lead up to the cheating itself.

If it’s a full blown affair, it requires emotional connection to be built. A series of rendezvous and trysts. A variety of lies that cover up the shady activity.

If it’s a “one time thing,” it requires locking eyes across the bar, sharing a drink together, a flirty and intimate conversation, an invitation to a hotel room…

One does not simply “just cheat” in one single step, it takes either intention to do so, or complete dismissal of you and your relationship — or, both.

Either way, it is never an accident, and it is never acceptable by the standards of good men.

8: He will never betray your trust.

Trust is a fundamental cornerstone of any successful relationship. It must be earned over time, and then it must be maintained — it is a fragile but non-negotiable piece of the puzzle, which can all fall apart if it’s not present.

A man who values being trusted by you will not put himself in a situation that will betray that trust. It’s not just about cheating as point #7 outlines, it could be anything that shows a misalignment of values or a betrayal of your confidence in him.

Yes — people make mistakes — but trust is not something to be played with or taken lightly, as it is a long process to fix once it’s broken.

9: He will never minimize your feelings.

A man who genuinely cares about you as an individual understands that your feelings are valid, real, and true. It matters not if he fully relates to or comprehends what you’re feeling — because we all come from different backgrounds, upbringings, and perspectives.

What does matter, though, is that he respects and values how you feel, which will cause him to listen more deeply, and respond more patiently with intention and reason.

Minimizing your feelings or making you doubt what your heart is telling you is just a way for him to sew uncertainty within you. You know yourself better than anyone else, don’t let another person make you question that.

10: He will NEVER abuse you.

Never emotionally, never mentally, never physically, never financially, never…in any way shape or form, will a good man even consider abusing another human being, let alone the woman he has pledged his love to.

Real love never abuses.

Good people never abuse others.

There are no exceptions.

A good man’s job in a relationship is to make you feel safe. To protect you. To look out for you. To be your trusted partner on the journey of life.

The second that a man uses his strength (either physically OR emotionally) to hurt you, is the second he should lose you out of his life entirely.

There are no exceptions. You deserve better, and you need to maintain that standard in all areas of life.

No man who abuses you deserves you. There are plenty of good men in the world who are willing to give you the love and attention that you’ve longed for…don’t miss out on that opportunity for someone that takes you for granted.

Subscribe to my newsletter “The Next Level” for honest and uncensored advice normally reserved for private clients.

James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.

Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 39 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.

James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.


  1. Craig on August 16, 2023 at 12:38 am

    Great comments and something clear and tangible to work on.

    • James Michael Sama on August 16, 2023 at 2:27 pm

      Much appreciated Craig!

  2. Brian Johnson on August 17, 2023 at 9:34 pm

    You really need to change the headline. The presence of the word “never”, negated, by the way, by your very own first paragraph, sets an impossibly high standard that no one – not even you by your own admission – can live up to.

    Or, if taken literally, then, your headline implies that there’s no such thing as a good man.

    The truth is that EVERY relationship will have its days where either or both partners stumble. It’s great to “have a code that you live by”, but you said yourself that you don’t live by it perfectly. So: A Good Man is one, rather, who recognizes when he has stumbled and works to restore the relationship.

    This is not nit-picking. “A good man never” is so impossible that your attempt to motivate men is actually a discouraging one, because the moment they violate “never”, they will feel like failures instead of feeling motivated.

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