11 Things She Wants You to do in a Relationship


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It is often discussed how difficult it is to understand women. While many times this may seem to be the case, I don’t think it necessarily has to be. I think we all are hard to understand sometimes – we even have a hard time understanding ourselves. I know I do.

Particularly in today’s society, men are confused. Some women have told me they don’t want to be approached in public. Some are open to it. Some feel as though chivalrous acts like opening a door or pulling out a chair insinuate that a woman can’t do it herself. Some understand that it’s a way to show love and respect.

One can see how men are receiving mixed messages, often causing them to pull back completely. But, it doesn’t have to be that way.

If we really observe, pay attention, and learn along the way – we can find some consistencies and reach conclusions about what we as men can understand in order to be more in-tuned with the wants and needs of the woman in our life.

Accept her strength without being threatened by it.

There are many strong, confident women in the world who take on leadership roles at work and other areas of their life, but subsequently feel that this intimidates men who immediately shy away from them. If this is part of her natural personality, we as men need to decide how we feel about it. We need to understand that being with a strong woman does not emasculate us. If anything, it gives us a teammate in life who we can face challenges alongside as an equal teammate. She wants you to take this as part of her, because it is.

Show her she can be open and vulnerable with you.

No matter how strong or powerful someone is – man or woman – none of us are bulletproof. We all could use a little taking care of sometimes, and feeling safe around a man is one of the most important gifts we can give to a woman. Not just physically safe – but emotionally safe. Able to open up and show her feelings, uncensored.

If she can’t do this, nothing else will matter.

Understand time spent is more valuable than money spent.

Sure, women appreciate gifts and nice things, but they also understand that they are no substitute for your loyalty, love, respect, and time. Those are the things she really wants.


I have heard too many stories about men who are Prince Charming for the first month or two of the relationship until there is a commitment, and then they turn into a completely different person. [Hint: They did not actually change, they just finally stopped putting up a facade].

Romance and courtship should not be reserved for the ‘honeymoon phase’ of a relationship. They should not fade over time, but increase as she becomes a bigger and more important part of your life.

Make her laugh.

When it comes to keeping a woman’s attention: Manners are important, good looks are a bonus, but humor is a must. Having a great sense of humor is not only important for enjoying each other’s company, but also helping to cope with challenges and keep moods light. Just make sure you don’t make jokes when inappropriate.

Be trusting.

Sure, everyone has to earn trust – but if she hasn’t done anything to make you suspicious and you are that way towards her, it will make her feel undervalued and even begin to wonder if you may be hiding something that you are projecting onto her.

Be someone she can trust in return.

And she will, over time, as long as you don’t give her a reason not to. In fact, you both have to trust each other for the relationship to have any hope at working. This is one of the very basic building blocks.

Show her she’s desired.

It’s not just a matter of calling her beautiful. It is a matter of making her feel beautiful. To feel sexy. To feel desired – not just from what you say, but by what you don’t say. The way you touch her, the way you look at her, the way you subtly rest your hand on the small of her back when introducing her to someone or when you lay your hand on her knee when you’re driving. The small things that make her feel close to you both physically and emotionally. That connection will go farther than compliments ever will.

Be reliable.

A step beyond trust – she wants you to be reliable. Possibly not the sexiest trait for a man to have, but still one of the most important. If a woman is committing herself to you, she has to know that you will be there for her during both the good times and the bad. During the stormy days just as much as the sunny days. Because being there for someone when it’s most difficult, is really all that a relationship is.

Be open, honest, and authentic with your communication.

There is a big difference between talking at a woman and talking with a woman. There is also a big difference between hearing her and really listening to her. Active communication is essential to the success of any relationship, because nobody is a mind-reader, and we need to be able to open up to each other in order to express concerns, hopes, likes, dislikes, and our appreciation for each other.

Love and accept her for who she truly is.

We all have things we want to improve about ourselves. We all have our own insecurities – but when it comes to the person we love, we don’t pick and choose the parts of them we do or don’t like. We have to accept them as a whole and support them while they work on those things they want to improve.

She wants you to love and accept her as she is while you support her as she grows into the woman she wants to be.

Because after all, when you truly love someone, everything about them automatically becomes beautiful.

Which of these is most important to you? What did I miss? Tell me in the comments!

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  1. Rodney on May 5, 2018 at 11:23 am

    So, what does the woman have to give in return?

    • James Michael Sama on May 5, 2018 at 11:25 am

      Hmm, where to begin…

      First, all of this equally. Relationships go both ways, don’t they? Also I believe that it’s very important that women show appreciation to a man who does all of this for her, because giving and feeling unappreciated, easily leads to resentment.

      I also feel that it depends on the man because we all feel (and give) love in different ways, so it would really come down to her putting in the effort to learn what makes him feel special and then giving it to him as he’s done for her.

      Do you agree?

  2. Kelly on May 5, 2018 at 12:16 pm

    Hi James. I agree with all of your points, especially making her feel safe physically and emotionally. This allows for the trust and the authenticity to flourish. In response to the question above. . . Reciprocity is the key. Understand each others love language and take action accordingly. Stay true to yourself whilst beeing open and respectful with the other person. Makes for a connected and solid relationship.

    • James Michael Sama on May 5, 2018 at 12:31 pm

      So glad to hear you enjoyed the article, Kelly! I completely agree with your thoughts on reciprocity as well, no relationship ever survives for long if it’s one-sided.

      • Fred on May 8, 2018 at 1:10 pm

        Where did she say she enjoyed the article. You are talking at her James!

  3. Greg Owens on May 5, 2018 at 3:17 pm

    These are some things you need to know about a woman and relationships.

    #1. You have to know the truth of a woman.

    This is that truth.

    As a man, when you get to that stage of you life and maturity, you hopefully evolve from your experiences ….It’s when you finally realize that almost every single man that has come BEFORE YOU that she has ever loved in her life has hurt her in some way.

    They have abused her verbally, physically, sexually, mentally, or emotionally! Or all the above.

    The sad part is that you may not have even been aware that you did any of these things, it may have been very unintentional,….maybe it was a simple misunderstanding or maybe you did nothing and she was expecting you to?

    Because if any of them these other men had treated her right, then she wouldn’t be available for you! Think about it.

    It’s not her fault she doesn’t trust you! She can’t! At least not yet!

    If you tell her she’s beautiful, on the outside she’s going to smile, probably even blush, and tell you thanks. But on the inside? She’s going to think…. “How”? How can this man say this, he doesn’t even know me.

    She’s going to come up with a thousand reasons why she’s not.

    She’s going to try to convince herself that your lying, or just being nice. And eventually you will succeed. Patience will pay off when you take your time with her. Until that time comes, she’s going to continue to believe she’s not beautiful.

    But if you stay, and keep telling her, then maybe, eventually, she might just start believing you….just a little bit. It’s like baking a cake, you have to slowly let the cake rise. If it’s too hot, it burns, if it’s taken out too soon it will fall. You need to understand that it’s a process, of time and the proper environment for her interest and love to grow for you as a man.

    And that means so much more than what it says…. but it’s so true!
    At this point, most women have forgotten how to fall in Love.

    Remember when you were 16 and in Love! That’s Love! Deep down you might know its not gonna last, but no one in the world could convince you that it’s not gonna last forever!
    Remember how awesome that was?

    That’s all she wants! That’s all she needs!
    She wants to give her WHOLE self to someone! TO YOU!!!!!

    Someone she just craves to give her whole self to. So how do you get her to feel that way about you? Well that’s number two!

    #2. Make her feel wanted!
    All she wants from you is….. YOU!

    She wants you to want her! Only her! All of her, the good and the bad. You need to be her rock of stability when a hurricane of shit is spinning around her as a place of LOVE and PEACEFUL man and a safe place to go to. She wants to be her most feminine self but, you have to be That MAN she FEELS safe to come to and you don’t flinch at all. HOW do you do this?…..YOU LISTEN….with the intent to hear her, about what she is saying. Not to fix her problem(s) but to really listen to what she is saying.

    Make no mistake, she will be testing you to see if you are paying attention or pretending so you can get in her pants. Most Women can spot men trying to do the latter.

    At this point your job is to pay attention and ask clarification type questions by repeating something back to her she talked about earlier, followed by ” how did that make you feel”? “What do you think they were thinking”? … and “then what happened”…?
    You are trying to bring out the story, her story to you!

    Women work through their problems by talking it out, you just need to be there to listen and really hear what she is saying.

    Your trying to get her into her happy head space so that she feels listened to and understood…by you!

    When she has fully talked about what’s bugging her and she then says, the following words or something similar like…
    “I feel so much better”, then, you take her in your arms and hold her tight and tell her it’s gonna be alright. You hold in a non sexual way! You need to be the safe person for her to come to so she feels safe and protected and to feel ok to open herself up to be vulnerable with you so that she feels heard and that she is understood. By you!

    It’s not always about sex. Sometimes you just need to be there, when she’s tired or stressed at the end of her day or week. It will go a lot further in makeing her more attracted to you. You have to reach her heart!

    Women want, need, to feel heard and and understood.

    You never ever stop doing the things that made her fall in Love with you!

    Most people get lazy or content in a relationship! It’s called complacency.


    When you do, someone else will. It doesn’t mean you have to go out all the time and even spend a lot of money.

    The most valuable thing you can ever give anyone is your time. Make time for her. Show her by doing. Talk is cheap.

    So “they”, meaning us “men”, stop doing the little things. But it’s those little things that build Love!

    A smile from across the room just because you caught a glimpse of her.
    Stare at her like you used to, and when she says “what”, tell her how beautiful she is!
    I mean you tried so hard to get her… So TRY even harder to keep her!

    It only takes five seconds to say thanks, or I Love you Babe! Tell her that you are thinking about her and mean it! Not just the physical stuff. That’s all good. And you know what?
    Sometimes saying nothing means so much more than you could ever say! Make her feel it!

    Women are emotional beings, you must understand this about women.

    You have to make her feel it. That’s what I’ve learned.

    I once had someone that I loved so deeply do me a huge favor. She did this by kicking my butt to the curb. I had made all the mistakes, she gave me more second chances than I deserved.

    But you know what? It forced me to grow and become a better man.


    So when she’s talking…Stop her mid sentence with a kiss! A real kiss! Or brush the hair from her eyes as you stare into them! Hold her hand just because you want to! And never ever forget, the more you give her the more you get back!

    You have to get your own shit together first. I’ve Loved, and I’ve lost Love!
    Learn from my mistakes.

    It makes me so sad to see people fall out of Love! I see so many relationships fail because people are scared!
    Scared of failure! They’re afraid of letting themselves be judged by someone else! So when they start dating someone, it’s all fake!

    They pretend to be someone they’re not, just to impress the other person! But then they wander why it didn’t last, or what they’ve done wrong!

    I hear people say all the time, “well you’ve just changed”. No! You just stopped pretending! What really happened is that your not that person you made them fall in Love with to begin with! You never were!

    So I’ll say that number three is probably the most important one of all…..

    #3. Be who you really are!
    Never pretend! And know this…. You can never really Love someone, if you can’t Love yourself!

    After I lost someone I really loved, It took me a while of deep painful hurting, thinking about her every day. I still do, but she’s now with someone else. And I am an honorable man and not going to get in the middle of that.

    Recently she saw me when I was out on a date with someone else, It was almost two years after she broke up with me. She reached out and said hi. It’s interesting how the universe works.

    But, like so many men, I needed to get to the point of understanding something about myself.

    putting this all together….This is the REAL MOST Important thing you need to understand.

    YOU have to LOVE the HEART your trying to give, “If you want someone to Love all of you”, then you have to give them “all of you” to Love!

    The day I woke up and looked in the mirror and began to love myself, the good as well as the things I didn’t like, my life started to change. For the better.

    Now I work on changing the things I don’t like about me, even if only a little bit each day, even if just a smidgin. Still loving myself in the process.

    If you don’t have something first to give, you can’t give it to someone else.

  4. Harford James on May 5, 2018 at 3:31 pm

    Good evening James for those tips. There are some out there, if man do all these. They are still difficult. I passed through hell during my last relationship. She is a hot-tempered lady. I have to beg her even when i know she is the guilty one. She cheated on me and i gave her second chance. The day she insulted my mum,a woman she was yet to see. I ended it for good. Although we have nice time together too. It has been 4 years now. I became a better person too. I am not into anyone right now.

  5. Roz Garrett (@RozgarrettRoz) on May 5, 2018 at 9:23 pm

    Greg –oh my – you completely nailed it, go out and teach the world- I would be so grateful

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