The Difference Between A ‘Bad Boy’ And A Jerk
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It’s important to note that a bad boy will not discourage you, talk down to you, make you feel badly about yourself, or just generally be unsupportive and — well, a dick.
That guy, more commonly, is known as a jerk (or some other choice words). He can bear a striking resemblance to the bad boy because, similarly, he doesn’t care what people think and does what he wants anyway.
He can be perceived as powerful because of his dominant traits, but the difference is, he doesn’t care who gets hurt in the process. The reason why he doesn’t care what people think isn’t because he’s determined to get his way, it’s just because he’s a jerk who has no consideration for other people’s feelings — including his girlfriend.
But, many girls just attribute this to “how he shows his affection,” and think “he really loves me” — well, probably not. Anyone who loves you will never discourage you or make you feel as though you’re not good enough to accomplish anything in the world.
Both genders are at fault in the creation of this common misconception. Many guys have no idea how to be a bad boy and therefore think the term “I don’t give a damn,” which they so proudly boast, means they shouldn’t give a damn about other people.
In reality, it means they shouldn’t give a damn about how others perceive them, what others think of their actions or how they live their lives. They should go out and be the king of the jungle.
Girls can get stuck in the rut of dating these fools from as early as middle school into high school, and therefore just assume this is what all “bad boys” are like. They continue to keep dating them.
Right about now is where the buzzer goes off, like when you get an answer wrong on Family Feud. It’s simple — be honest with yourself. If you feel unappreciated, undervalued, discouraged or just generally not supported in your relationship — it’s time to go.
Having your dignity and being alone is better than being in a relationship where you have to sacrifice it.
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This is so accurate! I’ve always had a thing for bad boys and my friends don’t get it. I think all of their “bad boy” experiences have actually been with jerks. Granted, I’ve dated some jerks in my time, too. But a true bad boy will make you feel awesome, and is often nicer and treats you better than the “nice guys” do.
Glad you enjoyed it! None of us have always made the best relationship choices with guys/girls but hey, that’s how you learn!
You should start a podcast on this topic. Seriously
A bad boy treats you better than a jerk, he’s a man in a boy’s world after all.
Everybody has a different view in everything imagined. I am not disagreeing but a real man gets ups goes to work loves his family America hunting and football. shows respect until disrespected A real man does whatever it takes in life to deal with life and if my lady gets hit on im hitting back. I come from a different era I work hard and do the best that I can And I stand for what I think is right that’s how its supposed to be in America. I think ya”ll all have good insights on the matter of. Its human nature to stand for whats yours or die trying. I just want to hang out and have fun and women ahave us out numbered that’s what we should be disputing . there always good to talk or think about or even look and admire there nature its interesting
I think another big difference is a true Dominant male can be around other Dominant men and respect him and get along. Where jerks are intimidated and try to assert themselves as the “bigger man”.
That’s a great point! Thanks for sharing, will definitely work that into subsequent entries. 🙂
[…] The difference between a ‘bad boy’ and a jerk. (jamesmsama.wordpress.com) […]
[…] made posts in the past about qualities of a gentleman, as well as the differences between a ‘bad boy’ and a jerk. But, how does this all translate into how somebody acts while in a […]
I’d like some more detail if you have any. No buzzer went off. The problem for me is, I used to be a girl who expected too much. I do think I’ve matured since then, but I have a hard time seeing a man’s flaws since I can now admit I’ve been at fault in a past relationship. (years ago.) this current one is not an outright jerk, but when we have a tense discussion occasionally, it always ends with me feeling bulldozed over and not understood by him. He’s calm so I’m not sure if I need to get over myself or if hes truly unwilling to see my point of view. I don’t want to make the same mistake again of being selfish. If there’s anything you can add, please do.
I soo get you! As if I wrote this heheh :p another great article. I have always liked bad boys, and quite frankly most girls did. The good thing for me was I knew the difference between a bad boy and a plain jerk. Sadly most girls don’t, as you explain. I think I am having a proud moment here hehe if I may. I am glad that I was never one of those naive girls. I have always protected myself, and even at times that I didnt I was aware what I get myself into and aware of choices I make and reasons behind them 😉 tnx again for a great read love this! Especially coming from a man. 😉
[…] made posts in the past about qualities of a gentleman, as well as the differences between a ‘bad boy’ and a jerk. But, how does this all translate into how somebody acts while in a […]
What “subtle differentiation”? They difference between a bad boy and a jerk are stark.
[…] made posts in the past about qualities of a gentleman, as well as the differences between a ‘bad boy’ and a jerk. But, how does this all translate into how somebody acts while in a […]
[…] made posts in the past about qualities of a gentleman, as well as the differences between a ‘bad boy’ and a jerk. But, how does this all translate into how somebody acts while in a […]
[…] made posts in the past about qualities of a gentleman, as well as the differences between a ‘bad boy’ and a jerk. But, how does this all translate into how somebody acts while in a […]
[…] made posts in the past about qualities of a gentleman, as well as the differences between a ‘bad boy’ and a jerk. But, how does this all translate into how somebody acts while in a […]
What you described in this article is a Leader, the adult version of your defined “bad boy”. Good leaders are dominate but compassionate, the same as the bad boy.
nice guys finish last, but so do the girls who date either bad boys or jerks….
[…] made posts in the past about qualities of a gentleman, as well as the differences between a ‘bad boy’ and a jerk. But, how does this all translate into how somebody acts while in a […]
[…] The Difference Between a “Bad Boy” and a Jerk […]
If you don’t mind I would like to address your thoughts concerning the types of guys me about blog. I agree with the above porec’d statement that you’re actually referencing to the identity of someone more accurately labeled “Leader”. I will take this a step further call the archetype “good man”. Women almost universally desire a strong man, and you are right that there is a lot of confusion concerning the difference between a dominant man and a domineering one. True, some women want a weak man, but this is generally attributable more to personal history than other factors. Sadly, many women mistake a weak, domineering, man for a dominant one. The problem with the bad boy is just that: he is a boy. An unhealthy addiction or desire for the bad boy personality package generally leads to broken homes and financial straits. There is a reason Leonardo DiCaprio’s character had to die at the end of Titanic for the romance of the movie to work…
As for the “Nice Guy”, this is generally a misnomer that more directly is a euphemism for “jellyfish”. However, making nice synonymous with jellyfish indicates a rational disconnect. The jellyfish cannot be depended upon to defend his wife or children. If we were a pack of monkeys or dogs, I could see the reference to “alpha male” . However, we are not beasts, we are something better: we are humans. This being a given, alpha male carried rightly over to human terms would be called “leader”. So who is this good leader type? Ask any mature woman. She is very likely to bring up the term “good man”. This is very much a far cry from the definition “bad boy”. Good is not bad, and bad is not good. The term “bad boy” itself is an attempt to minimize the more transparent term: bad man.
Very good comment! A bad boy cannot be the same as a good man!
Anyway, humans are not animals but I would still say that there are two types of Alphas (apart from Betas) Good Alphas and Bad Alphas. Only the Good Alpha is the true leader who is masculine and has emotional intelligence. The bad Alpha is masculine but makes mainly just a lot of noise. Problem is that Good Alphas are usually the rarest type of man and Bad Alphas there are many. 🙁
On the other hand don’t forget, that we women select men. If Bad Alphas know that their bad behaviour will prevent them from dating woman and reproducing themselves and if women start to boykott them, they will need to change.
A bad man will hurt a woman in many ways, and is very likely to leave her a single mother, but a good man will not only not make her life worse, but will lift her up and bring out the best in her. The old adage: “a girl will sleep with the bad boy, but will marry the good one” speaks volumes. It is not the first love that matters, but the last. I have been the jerk, the bad boy, the nice guy, and the good man. One needs a destination to plot a course. Just my Christian two cents, Monterey.
[…] made posts in the past about qualities of a gentleman, as well as the differences between a ‘bad boy’ and a jerk. But, how does this all translate into how somebody acts while in a […]
[…] made posts in the past about qualities of a gentleman, as well as the differences between a ‘bad boy’ and a jerk. But, how does this all translate into how somebody acts while in a […]
Great post. As a true bad boy I can say this article is just about as dead on as it gets. A lot of women would be wise to take the advice given here to avoid jerks.
[…] James also has another post that was linked within the one mentioned above (http://jamesmsama.wordpress.com/2013/06/11/the-difference-between-a-bad-boy-and-a-jerk/) and I realized that the guys I had been drawn to since becoming single, haven’t been the […]
[…] This one is crucial but is really hard to put into words. Look for the guy or girl who is good in all the right ways & bad in all the right ways. I don’t know how to write this out, but you probably know what I mean. As with everything in life, it’s all about balance & moderation. James M Sama wrote a fabulous blog post about this idea, & there is no way I can say it as well as he did so I’m just going to leave you the link to his brilliant article: http://jamesmsama.wordpress.com/2013/06/11/the-difference-between-a-bad-boy-and-a-jerk/ […]
[…] Check out his article and then follow me after the jump to run down his list with my commentary because I’m a pathetic writer and don’t create content anymore. […]
Bad boy = the guy u really dream about
Good man = the guy you dream about marrying
Jerk = the guy u always end up loving and being crazy about
Nice guy = the sucker who’s gonna raise your kids after you start you feminist crap and the jerk finds an improved version of you and dumps you(new, younger you’s’ are being born everyday, regardless of how amazing you are)
Be aware of the jerk who looks like a good guy, all charming and the light of the party. They can be just as selfish. Another side of the jerk is that their motivations are selfish, leaving you in the dust. I read above that this desire for the bad boy and mistaking the jerk or the good guys continues into high school. Sorry. It can continue to retirement, so stop it now. Figure it out! Does he make you laugh or cry more? I finally found my knight in shining armor. He’s still a man, still has a rare, occasional tendency to use condescension as a tool, but with this one, I can stand up for myself and he is proud of me when I do! So much better than dismissive. Beware of the condescending, dismissive a-hole! Be strong. Be you. Don’t lose you!!! Especially not for as long as I had. Good luck!