The Honest Reasons Why Nobody Wants to Get Married Anymore
EXCLUSIVE ADVICE & OFFERS RIGHT TO YOUR INBOX (NEVER SPAM)
[social_warfare]
I don’t believe that we can blame the decline of happy relationships on any one societal or circumstantial change. There is an entire wave of social evolution that is flowing over us, and unfortunately it’s washing away what we have always referred to as ‘happy relationships.’
Women like to blame men, and say they are ‘no longer men’ and don’t step up or put effort into dating anymore. Men like to blame women, saying they are ‘no longer women’ and feel like we are in competition with each other rather than working together.
There is so much conflict and miscommunication flying around, it’s no surprise that fewer people are getting (or staying) married, and even fewer people seem to consider the concept of marriage as a viable future plan.
Lots of millennials aren’t even sure if they ever want to get married, or have kids. Many of these millennials are men.
Men constantly feel vilified and as though they are the reason why women are unhappy. They are made to feel like they can never be, do, or have enough to bring to the table – some men simply do not know how to approach dating or a relationship, and given the turmoil in the landscape, never begins in the first place.
There are certainly no excuses being made here, men, in many ways, do need to step up and BE MEN. We need to reinforce the idea of being romantic and putting real effort into dating. To make the woman in your life feel valued, and special, and cherished.
But, here’s the problem…
A lot of women don’t put across the vibe that they even want a man to be romantic. I have had many a conversation with women who are completely unapproachable and closed off – who then told me they weren’t intending to be that way.
We all understand that people are walking on eggshells these days. I can’t scroll through Facebook for 5 minutes without seeing a woman complaining about a guy who hit on her, or winked at her, or complimented her the wrong way in Starbucks. Yes, there are a lot of creeps out there, and I often publicly speak out against them – but that does not mean that all men need to be grouped together with these idiots.
What happens is, kind, goodhearted men start to get the idea in their mind that women simply do not want to be approached or spoken to, so they sink back into the corner and leave women alone. In an episode of New School Romance, author Alexandra Adomaitis told me that she never gets approached by men when she leaves the house. “Maybe it’s the way I’m presenting myself…” she wondered.
Or, maybe men just aren’t approaching women anymore. But, why?
And herein lies the problem. Men have no idea how to navigate the playing field of the modern, professional woman. There is complete confusion brought about when we are biologically programmed to be the provider, the protector, and the pursuer – but then be submerged in an environment that tells us we are not needed to be any of those things.
Perhaps, not even wanted to be any of those things.
An environment with a high risk of divorce – a circumstance which is widely perceived to favor the woman. So, then, men will think: “Why even get married?”
People cannot even figure out dating, let alone a relationship, let alone marriage. So, is it all just fading away? Are we descending into a free-for-all, a’la the wild wild west?
I do believe that people do want to find love. They want to be adored, and cared for, and have someone they can rely on (even if they don’t need it). I believe that men are men and women are women, biologically. We have different strengths and different desires – neither is better nor worse. They are just, different.
The reason I believe this is because it’s biological fact, generally speaking. I know that there are plenty of things I lack, that a woman would provide me great balance for. And, vice versa. I enjoy being the guy who lifts the heavy things, who carries the bags, who opens the doors. Why? Because it makes me feel like a man, and a useful one at that.
But, women are squashing this in men with the “I can do it myself” attitude. We know you can do it yourself, that’s not why we do it. We do it because we want to, and it makes us feel good.
So, then, what is the solution? I think we need to make a clear separation between strength and independence in one’s individual life, and in a relationship. A successful relationship is a team, and teams only win if they work together towards a common goal. In this case, a happy life.
The great thing about teams is that each member of the team has specific talents and skills. A quarterback has different strengths than a receiver, and when the two communicate and work together seamlessly, the team wins. If the quarterback tried to throw the ball and ran down the field to catch it himself, it would never work.
At this stage of the human condition, we are all trying to be everything. Our society is making us so individualized that it’s hurting our ability to actually work together with each other. We are terrified to give up power or control in any area of life (unless you’re Anastasia Steele), and it’s causing us to be wound so tightly that we never open up to any other possibilities.
We have to understand our differences and accept them as positives. We have to understand that ‘equal’ does not have to mean ‘the same.’ We can love and respect each other on an equal level, while understanding that we are different from each other – and that’s what makes things work.
If you have a puzzle, you need all of the pieces to fit together in order to create the picture. In a dance, there is balance between partners. In a yin-yang, both sides cannot be black or white.
The same goes for a relationship, and we are losing sight of this. Men are men, women are women, and when we work together as a team, beautiful things happen.
Teams do not compete with one another, they work together in order to win.
It’s time that we remembered that again.
Do you agree? Disagree? Tell me in the comments, and be sure to share this article on social media so your friends can chime in as well.
_____________________________________________
Click here to subscribe to the weekly New School Romance podcast, where you’ll get real, genuine, heartfelt dating advice that you can’t find anywhere else.
Let’s connect: Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | Website | YouTube Playlist
41 Comments
Leave a Reply
POPULAR POSTS
LET'S CONNECT
Error: No feed found.
Please go to the Instagram Feed settings page to create a feed.
EXCLUSIVE ADVICE & OFFERS RIGHT TO YOUR INBOX (NO SPAM)
It’s all about the money.
James- I hope this is not a perpetual state of affairs for you. May I recommend Alain Badiou’s book “In Praise of Love” (Amazon)
Wishing you high positive vibrations!
I’m in my late 60’s. It’s a problem. I thought it was a joke “Senior men are looking for a nurse with a purse.” I don’t have a purse, and they leave when they find that out. The other issue is demanding sex on the 3rd date. If no sex, they disappear. It’s very discouraging. Too bad, as they’re missing out on an enriched soul.
Funny, I’m in my 40s and all the women are interested in is my wallet. I guess it works both ways.
Same here, just turned 44 and I have never been so disgusted in my life,men are entitled, irrational and utterly selfish.Children in adult bodies.My daughter is 15 and she already knows that men are good for nothing but babies and money :).
HI LS, I’m not quite sure what you’re referring to about “this” being a perpetual state of affairs? Can you clarify a bit?
James: The thing that’s really depressing is that too many women demand guys respect them…yet they outright disrespect guys every chance they get. So, why would any normal, self-respecting guy would put up with the endless hostility?
I agree with the majority of your points. I have been unmarried for 2 1/2 years. When I was, my husband was the provider and protector, for sure. We agreed when we married about the roles in our relationship would work for us best and any children we would have. I was a stay at home mom…there is a lot of work that comes with that. I did end up doing billing for my husband out of necessity but I did so when the kids were napping or they started school I would work part time at his office. At home, my husband handled all the finances, the home repairs, cars etc. and I orchestrated our family and social life. It worked out great! But when my husband got sick I needed to know how to do these things because we both knew his prognosis was grim. He was reluctant to let go and teach me…I don’t know why…hoping for a miracle maybe. The miracle did not happen. I was left with so much responsibility at home and with closing his practice that I couldn’t cope and went through a horrible time, horrible. I have learned so much and I think it’s important women know how to do things around the house and how to handle the finances, you never know if your man will always be there…I learned the hard way. Ladies, save yourself the grief. I am not opposed to maybe marrying again, but there are not many men who are single and that I would be compatible with. When men look at me and it’s not at my face but elsewhere I get embarrassed. And men can be crude. What am I supposed to think? I don’t put men down, I like men…I do not hate men, but c’mon I have been through so much, I want manners and some chivalry. Intelligence and kindness…something on the ball is nice, too. He doesn’t have to be rich, but comfortable for sure. And a good communicator. A relationship based on sex never works long term either. Let the man be a man, but have him teach you too. Just in case.
Meanwhile, all the nice guys are sitting on the sidelines wondering why when they give their all for a woman, take her to nice places, talk with her for hours when she is going through a rough time, try to do special things for her to show he cares, she tells him what a great guy he is and hopes one day that he can meet a nice girlfriend. And slowly they start to believe and tell each other that women only want to date a guy who is a jerk because they like that bad boy attitude. Sure, I can imagine it must be awful in some ways to be a pretty woman and having men grab at you and directing eyes and lurid words towards your physical features, so try to find a nice boy who will gladly break a man’s nose for his discourteous behavior. But, sadly, all that good intention goes to waste because girls don’t know how to separate the jerks from the real quality men. Hope you find what you are looking for.
Ask mgtow. They tell you immediately.
Marriage is sex for money. The government has removed rights to sex in Marriage but ensured money after divorce.
Meanwhile legions of psychologists try to assert it is something else.
James, you know very well that happiness is temporal thing. But Joy is for ever, the Joy that only our Lord Jesus Christ imparts in our hearts. No one can take that Joy away from you. So as soon as we give our hearts to God happiness is here now, gone the next minute.
Best regards.
Hugo
Can’t say I agree with that at all. But the good news is that we are all entitled to our own opinions and beliefs (or lack thereof).
Really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment!
– James
Grab them by the triangle.
men are pieces of garbage and we women can barely tolerate the sight of them. they are spoiled from birth by their mothers and we are supposed to date and pick up the slack when it becomes unnatural when that ridiculous scenario gets weird. every day is “man’s day” in this world. the sooner everyone admits it, the better off we will all be to move passed all the excuses.
Perhaps it’s the kind of man you are attracted to that always ends up being garbage. I can’t tell you how many women I dated that I tried to do everything for, talk for hours with them on the phone, take them to nice places, try to give moral support and be there whenever a problem arises in their lives, only to be told what a nice guy I am and she hopes one day I can find the right one. And I am willing to bet that more than one of these women goes and chooses a jerk for a boyfriend who does little in the relationship and is only looking for something physical and short term. And then those same women turn around and spam in the comment sections how all men are garbage when it was their poor choices that put them in those situations. Why do you choose men who have some qualities you admire but lack character and virtue while ignoring the truly kind hearted, hard working men because they don’t fit your other standards? Are you expecting those bad boys when they meet you to suddenly change their evil ways? I could likewise say that all woman are shallow, narrow minded, unsympathetic, make foolish life choices, and aren’t looking for a long term relationship, because that was my experience over the years, but I know that the actions of the girls I was really interested in do not necessarily speak for the quality of all women on the planet. I believe there must be a few good ones out there that want to be in a committed relationship. That would be my suggestion. Take a hard look at the men you are attracted to and take the time learn their negative points before you get into a serious relationship with them. It is a pity that don’t have a man’s perspective because men can look at other men and immediately see those things that go undetected by women. And broaden your focus to include those you might have dismissed firsthand because they didn’t fit your ideal image of your perfect partner. You might be surprised that someone you thought of as just a good friend could be the one you’re looking for.
Women today want to control men. They want to run things – completely. Women doesn’t appear to enjoy sex or many other male/female experiences anymore. They would rather compete with the man these days than to love one. You won’t have to worry about hearing anymore “behind every good man is a good woman. Once upon a time, maybe, but not today.
“A lot of women don’t put across the vibe that they even want a man to be romantic. I have had many a conversation with women who are completely unapproachable and closed off – who then told me they weren’t intending to be that way.”
Good points in the article but what I’ve noticed over the last few years is this particular point: That there seems to be more and more women that are presenting themselves as unapproachable. Non-verbals are huge with me. Something I’ve noticed more than anything is the lack of “return serve” just on questions. I may start talking with a woman, asking her various questions and what I notice is there’s no “return serve.” “So what do you do for a living?” They respond. then, no “return serve” from her on asking what I do. I may followup with other questions. Again, no “return serve.” Then usually at some point, the interaction trails off because the vibe is that she’s not interested. Many times I’ve been told later on the woman was interested in me, which leads me to ask the question “Why? She doesn’t know anything about me and didn’t seem all that interested in knowing anything about me.” I’ve never been someone to “peacock” so I don’t just lay it all out there. This isn’t just a few times out of many where this is happening, this is happening more times than not. Which brings it back to your point about being unapproachable because, there’s no showing of being interested. Dating has just gotten very bizarre over the last 3-5 years and I’m not sure where the changes have come from. Is it just the times? Is how we socialize on social media now completely merged with how we communicate and socialize in the flesh? Who knows but, dating and relationships, for me, has turned to the point where, as you hypothesizes in this article, it’s something irrelevant in life and not worth the time.
It’s simply becoming too challenging and often more trouble than it’s worth for the few moments a week, month or even year a men are intimate with a woman.
So basically this hipster alt-right douche thinks it’s all women’s fault? Yeah, big shock there.
Honestly, instead of a stock photo, he should publish his own photo with the article. That way people would know not to read this tripe.
MGTOW is FREEDOM
As you can see from Sandy and the above comment (probably from the same woman) it is very clear that there is extreme hostility from women towards men. This is inherent in Western Culture at this time, not only in the USA but Australia, Europe, and regions of Argentina, Chile and Brazil.
Marriage is a legal trap for men set by women and the state / government. It is meant to set men as the financial batteries – women consume and spend, men work and earn. In a divorce, women get to take the cash and prizes and keep the children and use them as pawns against men. Child support – if you fall behind in child support over $2,500 your passport (in the USA) is automatically revoked. Your business and professional licenses are likewise revoked in most states. In most states you will be incarcerated. This doesn’t really serve a good purpose in making the man pay the back child support. No prison job pays that well…
My advice to any man reading this article and checking the comment section is that they should not get married and they should not live with a woman either. There is only great liability and risk in marriage and living with a woman. With marriage, you allow the state to have power over your relationship and future. The state will enforce unfair laws to guarantee that your wife can financially destroy you at her whim, even if you got a prenuptial agreement. The documentary ‘Divorce Corp’ (2014) covers this and many other topics surrounding the hazards of marriage quite well.
I highly recommend all men tune to youtube and watch videos by Turd Flinging Monkey, MGTOW is Freedom, Sandman, Angry MGTOW, Spetznas, Human, MGTOW HYBRID SPI, MGTOW MONGER and even TEEN MGTOW and others who post under the MGTOW banner. MGTOW stands for Men Going Their Own Way – and it is basically two simple principles I already mentioned that these men follow:
1) Do not marry.
2) Do not live with a woman.
You can date. You can have a relationship with a woman, so long as it is mutually beneficial and does not obligate you in any legal way. You can have children with them if you want but you need to understand that you are financially obligated to your share of (child) support. The reality of divorce and the destruction of families is very clear. The losers in those scenarios are overwhelmingly the men. Even if a man gets full custody of the children, the women never pay any child support. It’s extremely rare that a judge orders a woman to pay and when such happens, women do not pay and they are not put in jail nor do they lose their passports or professional licenses – they don’t lose their driver’s licenses unlike men who fail to pay child support.
Equality? LIke Bob Lewis’ 2017 book that you can buy on Amazon, ‘The Feminist Lie: It was never about equality”.
Men go MGTOW
TEEN men, go MGTOW. Learn this early, and protect yourselves. There are alternatives that are being discussed online quite actively and they are much safer and saner than marriage and divorce.
MGTOW is making feminism their problem.
Men walking away is the best thing ever. All you need are a few good friends with skills and you can renovate your home, maintain your cars, cook, party. Really there is no point to a women and their government bully.
Walk away and you win.
We are to blame for everything apparently, including men”s shortcomings, it’s pathetic. This is why I treat them like the walking atms/ dildos they really are 🙂
Interesting.
Have you ever thought about going and fucking yourself, you miserable, mildly illiterate sociopath cunt?
Who cares men are blamed for everything anyway! By the way you seem to have a problem with self expression next time just say what’s on what’s left of your mind!
American women tend to be focu$ed and ob$e$$ed on one thing.
My own experience dating in the USA has been a living hell. The American females that are single are of very poor quality. If I so much as look at an Americanized female (even to ask for directions ffs), many times, she has accosted me and done any of the following: cursed me, insulted me, accused me of sexual harassment, assaulted me, or ignored me. Needless to say, showing any romantic interest in an American Female has ALWAYS resulted in abuse.
Also, just as you have observed, I have been ridiculed for complementing her, for opening doors, offering to walk a female to her car on a dark street in high crime neighborhoods, or doing anything else remotely gallant. With those experiences, I prefer to remain single. When I date, I only date foreigners, never Americanized females. To be safe, I prefer to pay for the services of escorts.
Interesting thesis James Michael — that nobody is getting married any more because everybody is competing against each other… The end of marriage and the destruction of family is just a sign of how degenerate our society has become. I’ve noticed this trend as well.
There are a combination of several factors: Radical Feminism and generic Feminism to a lesser degree (see the comment by “Sandy” and her likely alt; if Feminism were not to blame, it would be called “Equalism” ffs.) combined with materialism combined with society’s general hatred/distrust of men combined with the cold statistics (according to the OSR, 70% of marriages end in divorce, 70% of divorces are initiated by the female, the vast majority of settlements go to the female, and the vast majority of those settlements are so crippling that they make the man a financial slave.)
I can’t help but notice none of you guys reacts to Tim’s “opinion”. 😛 It is right before Sandy’s, no way you can miss it 🙂 There might be some reason why she said that, hmmm?
I ignored Tim’s comment because it came across as a troll, an attempt to jar people into an angry response. Sandy’s comment, however, is far more disturbing — she appears to sincerely believe what she said, that all men are garbage, and she comes across as being a hard core radical feminist man-hater.
Everything Tim said is true. The world is full of people who can’t cope with honest but uncomfortable truths.
You know, I don’t see in practice what you write about. I agree that guys don’t carry heavy bags because women can’t do that (up to a limit) but because they are men. But…my experience was that I was carrying three bags while my ex carried none… He made me pay for his food and never gave the money back or invited me for anything. Or he did and I ended up paying for everything… And he made more money than me… He said a guy was supposed to make more money but when it came to being a provider, I had to do it for him!
My favourite was my last ex. He said men were stronger physically so they could protect women. I melted. Of course I stayed with him through family and work problems. He thanked me but then
problems arose in my life too… You know what he said? That if I want him to protect me I am crazy and I need a psychologist for expecting him to stand by me. Mind you, not slaying a dragon, just that he held my hand when my boss gave me a hard time.
Yes, I know now that I had been crazy for supporting him and he would never return it, the protecting talk was just blah blah to get what he wanted.
So this is all just a fairytale…Guys really don’t want to do the “men’s job”, women have to become feminists…
The way forward, just be friends with these females, that way when you even flirt with her once it won’t be like a murder case. I have found it over time that it’s more convenient to be friends rather than being in a relationship. You get to be the nice guy she talks to and if she returns the favor she will blow you. Until she gets a dush who tricks her only for her later to come falling into your arms in sorrow.
As a guy I found the 100% solution for love – a pet dog. More faithful, non-judgmental, always waiting for you to come home, shows unconditional love and will never take you to the cleaners in court.
For satisfying lust, well they are many options besides marriage….
Women don’t respect men and family court is a whorehouse, with divorce being a great way to make money if you have a vagina.
Men have learned this, that’s why they don’t buy into the long con, er…. marriage.
Women my eye. These are obese, fantasy-world miscreants fully aware of their own obsoleteness. It started with the baby boomers. Instead of chekcing themselves, they decided to play along with their bad genes and fetch a MO and demeanor to go with. Screwing with men is their priority one.This is all very obvious at a glance. Psychology Today won’t even dare to admit it…….It’s the gene pool, silly.
These days, men that doesn’t have a lot of money (and that’s most of us) tend to give up before we get started because people has become much too materialistic these days. Actually, from the older days of what I can remember, over-all women were much, much, much more affectionate fifty years ago. Oh well.
Most women aren’t faithful anymore these days since the great majority of them are the biggest cheaters of them all. A lot of these very pathetic women as it is just want to sleep around with different men all the time, especially the ones that have a lot of money. Been there.
To add much more truth to my other comment that i just made is that years ago most women were real ladies and the very complete opposite of today which makes them just complete losers altogether now. Most women today are very high maintenance, independent, since they now think they’re all that, very greedy, selfish, spoiled, picky, narcissists, very money hungry, and the list goes on and on. Well that makes it very obvious why many of us smart single men are going MGTOW today. Doesn’t It? It sure does.
Just too many low life feminist loser women all over the place since they just love sleeping around with different men all the time instead of just committing to only one man instead. Women today are just real awful creatures to begin with, and thank God for the real good old fashioned women that we had in the past that were Real Ladies in those days. Women today will never ever be as good as the old days since most women really made it happen back then. And today now we have these career women that really think they’re all that too which makes them very pathetic altogether now as well. Very high maintenance women everywhere now unfortunately that are also very spoiled, greedy, selfish, independent, since they really don’t need us men anymore like they did in the old days, gold diggers, narcissists, and very money hungry as well. And i can certainly add so much more to that list as well which i will stop right there. These are the kind of women nowadays unfortunately that have really destroyed the dating scene for many of us good single men now looking for a relationship, and they’re without a doubt very much too blame. Quite a change in the women today compared to the past.
i read most of this … the post and replies … im 50… been married and divorced twice… i am now in a broken relationship with someone i love more than words … have never once cheated on her but was accused of it for 5 yrs…. my heart aches for all those that have been broken like i have by partner(s) that swore oaths of lifelong faithfulness , honesty , and sincerity … the pain can be so overbearing , until many have even taken there own lives over losing someone they TRULY love … to whatever the cause of the breakup , from cheating tall the way to death,,, … God only knows why we fail each other as people to keep our vows/ oaths to each other …humans are just so weak and so quick to leave someone they’ve partnered with for whatever the reason… which is such a crushing blow to a soul… i am now alone , lonely , hurt beyond words …again… i dont know why life is how it is but i know that , both men and women fail each other almoost if not equally … both have lack of respect for the other and lack of trust in each other seemingly because its all we are taught from childhood and it is seemingly all we see through our lives… someone is ALWAYS hurting someone they claim to love … and it sucks !!! … i have no advice , ive read all i can read on it and can only say… i know love …and its painful… it is not what we are led to believe it is anymore… our elder generations had there problems but most WORKED at fixing it and usually did or stayed with there partners until death even if they didnt… but this day and age is COMPLETELY wrong about how they go about being n relationships and i hope the best for any and all that read this and even the ones that dont , that they may never have to feel the loneliness that ive come to know in my life through trying to find a lifelong partner…. ive found nothing but misery and pain in 50 years of MANY failed attempts at love … may God guide you all and help you along your paths …that is all i know to say… hve a good day …
[…] article was originally published at James M Sama. Reprinted with permission from the […]