Men Need Love Too: 13 Things He Wants To Hear
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Most of my articles revolve around what men can do and say to make the woman in their life feel valued and respected. I don’t believe that any man should need a reason or a reward in order to do these things, but one thing is for certain: Open affection and communication in a relationship need to go both ways.
It is not often that you will come across articles or discussions about how men need or want to feel loved. We are ‘supposed to be’ the less emotional of the genders and many times our desires for affection go overlooked.
Regardless of how kind or easy going a man is, if he doesn’t feel loved, respected, and valued in a relationship – he will begin to slowly pull away from you. Here are some phrases that will give him all of the feels.
“You look handsome.”
A good man should always be reminding his woman how beautiful he thinks she is (as well as complimenting her on non-physical traits of course), but it is also a great feeling for a man to be told he is handsome by someone he cares about. Just the word ‘handsome’ holds a different meaning than other compliments and seems to hit us a little differently.
For those of us who do put effort into our appearance and don’t just toss on a t-shirt and jeans to go out to dinner, it is appreciated when our efforts are noticed. It will give us a boost of confidence and keep us smiling for the rest of the day.
“I’m proud of you.”
Men see their self-worth differently than women do. I remember being asked why I am so driven to succeed professionally. “Isn’t being a good man enough?”
We strive towards goals and accomplishments whether it be at our job or a business we have chosen to start. Much of our confidence is dependent on how well we do in accomplishing these goals. Having the support of the woman in our life and know that you think we are doing a good job (professionally or personally) is reassuring in ways that many other statements can never be.
“I can really see the difference!”
Men get down on themselves about their bodies, too. We all want to have better abs or a more defined chest. We want to feel like we can protect you, and ourselves. We want to feel strong. We want to feel like men.
When we do put in the effort to start eating better and working out, we are hoping it gets noticed. But, not just by anyone – by you. Telling us that you can see an improvement (no matter how small) from our efforts will reinforce us and encourage us to continue along our path. Staying motivated is not easy.
“I want you.”
There are many times when the man is the one to initiate physical contact in a relationship. Whether it be by a verbal comment or touching you in a certain way. But there are times where we wish you would take control and make the first move. We don’t want to feel like we are always initiating sex, because we may start to wonder if you are actually attracted to us and are just complying to make us happy.
We want to feel wanted too, and even more so, we want to feel like you want us.
“I love how you make me feel.”
Men take great satisfaction in satisfying the woman they love. We are willing to listen, learn, and take direction to be the best lover we can for you. Knowing that we are doing something right is a confidence booster and will keep us eager to make you feel that way again. And again. And again…
“I won’t get mad if you tell me.”
It is no secret to the women reading this that many men out there are not the best communicators. They may keep things inside for multiple reasons. Maybe they are nervous about how you will react, maybe they are not great with words, or maybe they just never grew up thinking it was okay that they share their feelings.
Either way, it will put him at ease knowing that he is able to open up to you, be uncensored, and say what he truly feels without you getting mad or upset. Side note: If you are going to tell him this, please make sure you really do not get mad.
“I trust you.”
With all of the negativity floating around in the world today, it is much easier to keep ourselves guarded and not fully trust somebody. The truth is, though, that if a man does not feel trusted he will constantly feel insecure in the relationship. He will feel that you will be suspicious of everything he does or says, and that you will not fully open up to him about how you feel.
If a man knows that you trust him, it will bring a new level of security to the relationship.
“You can trust me.”
Needless to say, trust goes both ways in a relationship. Both people need to fully have it in each other, and also consistently show their partner they can be trusted. Words of assurance, though, are always a good start to put someone at ease (assuming your actions back them up).
“Thank you.”
Whether it is something small like picking up your prescription down the street, taking you to dinner, or getting that coffee in the morning – these two small words go a long way. Kindness should never be given to someone for the sake of a return, but appreciation should always be expressed when someone puts in effort.
“I respect you.”
As men, one of the things we value most is being respected. We want to be respected by our friends, by our colleagues, by our family, and definitely by our significant other. As important as respect is outside of a relationship, it also pairs up with trust as the cornerstone of love. Without these aspects, true love cannot exist.
“I support you.”
Whether we are working on a new business, starting a new gym routine, taking a new class, or undertaking any other venture in life – knowing that we have the undying support of the woman we love will make us feel like we always have a safety net for when things get rough.
“I appreciate you.”
This goes beyond the ‘thank you’ point, because appreciating someone for the person that they are is on a different level than appreciating things that they do for you. As men who work to keep you happy, become the best versions of ourselves, be good to others and to our family – it is very important to us to know that our efforts are.
“You make me happy.”
Any gentleman who is in a relationship will be striving to be a source of happiness in his woman’s life. Make sure he realizes that he is.
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Inevitably, any time I write an article like this people will comment and say “well that goes for women too.” Of course it goes for women too. The things listed here should go both ways – but in the culture we live in, it is unfortunately often overlooked that men crave and desire this sort of affection as well.
We want to feel wanted, respected, and loved. We communicate directly, so it is important for us to hear these things from the woman in our life if she really does feel them.
If you have a good man in your life who strives to do his best for you, make sure he knows he is appreciated.
Click here to get my new e-book, The Modern Man’s Guide To Chivalry And Courtship!
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This bit especially…
““I want you.”
There are many times when the man is the one to initiate physical contact in a relationship. Whether it be by a verbal comment or touching you in a certain way. But there are times where we wish you would take control and make the first move. We don’t want to feel like we are always initiating sex, because we may start to wonder if you are actually attracted to us and are just complying to make us happy.
We want to feel wanted too, and even more so, we want to feel like you want us.”
Nothing is quiet so satisfying as receiving this type of attention from my wife.
Exactly….as I am currently going through all the …..lacking. there is absolutely nothing greater than being to not just hear but feel. And I mean physical feel how much you are wanted. If you don’t. ..well. the confusion, frustration and feeling of being angry and overwhelmed with the need to stop the starving feeling. Will come.
I find it interesting that there are few synonyms aside from “Handsome” (which I think sounds so old-fashioned) to compliment a guy’s looks with. You can tell a female she looks, “beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, stunning, breathtaking, ravishing, lovely, etc”. But not many adjectives for a male. Interesting–wonder if it was assumed a man didn’t need to hear it as much? Great post!
You can call a man these things as well. Descriptive words for beauty don’t need to be gender biased. It’s just because that’s what we’re used to.
Point of note, historically, men were called beautiful and women were called handsome. Things flip-flopped about 150 years ago (give or take) 🙂 You see this a lot in period literature/movies/TV. But I think using whatever words resonate with your partner are what you should use. Use different words, mentally note how they react, and go from there. Or just ASK. I’m not sure why people feel like they can’t just say it…and maybe telling him that he looks “Hot” is what he relates to best. Everyone is different. 🙂
ok, so I googled it. lol. turns out, there are quite a few. We just don’t use them much anymore.Check out thesaurus.com. My personal favourite is “pulchritudinous”.
Women need more compliments than men.
There are a lot if words that describe men as well such as…Attractive, hot, cute, gorgeous, admirable, aristocratic, dapper, fashionable, fine, good-looking, graceful, impressive, majestic, noble, sharp, smart, smooth, stylish, suave…..the list goes on. But it is a good article and I do believe men should feel as good about themselves as women by being told these things.
#emotionseek
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The funny thing (not ha ha) is these are so simple yet mean the world. I have a man in my life who is a very dear friend, but someone I’m attracted to. We might never be anything, but I’m always telling him how handsome he is, because he is. I trust him, so I tell him. I thank him all the time for the little things, even down to answering a question because he’s a busy guy and taking the time to answer my millions of questions is rather sweet. I appreciate who he is and what he does as a person. I like telling him he’s important even if he doesn’t think he is. So, this article was rather wonderful and reaffirms that guys like and need the emotional support just as much.
[…] I ran across two blogs penned by James Michael Sama: 15 Things Men Need To Learn About Women and Men Need Love Too: 13 Things He Wants To Hear. Often, we may focus on the negative statements made by our partners. But shouldn’t we […]
While I do enjoy reading your articles and think they are well written, I know that you have no educational background in psychology. As such, why do you offer “private consulting”? I think its great that you have a blog and want to share your opinions, but I don’t think you should be masquerading as a therapist.
Hi Mandy! I do not ‘masquerade’ as anything. The only thing I do privately is give people advice based on my experience, which they are fully aware of. And I really don’t pursue that end of my ‘business’ very much anyway. I have plenty of friends who are on national television and live very comfortably (aka, far bigger in the game than I am) and have no degree. 🙂
As you can see in the testimonials section, many people have been helped by my words. This is all the credibility I need.
Thanks for your comment!
– James
James, what a wonderful response! Not at all what I expected to be reading.
[…] article originally appeared on James Michael Sama’s Blog. Check him out on Facebook and […]
James, will you write on an article on whether or not, or how a woman should let a good, kind of shy guy know she’s interested?
Gee Megyn, how old are you? 14? Just go ahead and tell the guy! Ok I’m from Sweden and we seem to be able to handle these things better than you Americans, but why don’t you just go ahead?
Yesterday I read an article posted on Facebook explaining what people regretted the most on their deathbeds — it’s certainly not the things they had done but rather things they’d not.
Just a guy, I am smiling because no I am not 14. I am 36. And yes, we here in America seem to do things differently. As a woman, it has been hammered into me that guys like to be the pursuers, chasers, etc. I realize, that with the right guy, games are not necessary. It’s not that I don’t want to tell someone I like them, it’s more of matter of how. I am a little shy, especially when it comes to approaching men. That is all. Namaste!
I like this article and it is an important reminder to both men and women to express these things to thier partner and to others as well.
In this world many people overlook giving positive reenforcement to one another.
It is also the measure of your love if you can actually say these things and mean them. If you cannot say “I respect you” or “I trust you” to your mate, maybe that is not the right person for you.
I had a boyfriend I felt all these positive things towards, and I mentioned them to him. In the end he did not “trust” me or back me up. In the end he did not reciprocate these feelings.
However if there is no trust and reciprocal “back up”, the relationship is doomed. And if there is no respect, there is also nothing there. That goes for all relationships that a person will ever have.
“You look handesome”…. my guy has an incredible body at 56 years old. When he poses for me and flexes… let’s just say, I can’t help but tell him how sexy he looks!
I need serous relationship. A really man how have love and single one.
I need a serous relationship. A single man who have been looking for love
Loved this article. So glad you put it out there. We’re all human and recognition for our efforts is so important regardless of gender, although I personally feel guys don’t get enough acknowledgment for all the things they do & the effort put in. I would love it if every woman read this.
No one ‘makes you happy’. Now ‘I am happy that we are together’, ‘I am happy when I am with you’, etc. would carry just as much weight.
[…] Posted on October 2, 2018January 10, 2020 by Clement N Dlamini Alexandra Adornetto Quote: “Love has to be reciprocated for it to be real. Thinking… If we could learn to love, our lives would be better. It would not leave any room for anxiety, hatred, and lack of clarity, but our lives would be full. If our response to the tugging in our hearts by the Holy Spirit was responsive our lives would be at another level where faith and loving God is concerned. The issue of reciprocity of love is a hot debate that needs some serious attention. Many of us leave our love lives to chance. I’m sure you’ve heard words like he knows I love him, or she knows I love her. It seems that in love we quickly get complacent and familiar, and this has caused more harm than good. My wife likes to use the words “we take each other for granted” once we find love we take things easy, because we have found what we wanted we no longer labour where our relationships are concerned. We believe things will just come easy. The God Plan of Love I have preached on the subject of the love that Jesus Christ gave us, the one that took Him to the cross, where He was made a scape goat for our sins. I mean when Jesus was made sin whilst He had committed none. I always marvel that once He had finished the job at Calvary, He didn’t need to do anything else but leave us with the challenge on whether to receive His love or not. I have argued that the fact that He did this was the best way of “demonstrating how much He loved and cared about humanity, He cared so much that the only place He could leave us was the very place where we began, in the heart of God.” Our lack of response I believe worries Him to a certain extent, but it doesn’t reduce the love He has for us. For a moment think about God; when He brought Jesus to earth, the bible teaches us in John 3:16 that “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” He loved us too much to leave us loveless in our state of sinfulness. It reminds me of Abraham who after the birth of the “son of the promise” he didn’t withhold him when God instructed him to sacrifice him even though he had waited for years to have him. The instruction wasn’t vague it was clear, “Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you” (Genesis 22:2) . The emphasis made by the statement “whom you love,” makes me realize the depth Abraham’s love for his son and more so his willingness to give him to God. So when God gave us such love and we did not receive it nor appreciate it, I can’t imagine God being stressed out by our lack of reciprocity and doubting the power of His love. My argument is that the love was given but the “world received it not,” but God didn’t give up on us. He kept (keeps) waiting for us to receive it and come into its light. The Love of Man We have access to the love of Christ daily because it has been poured out for us. And every time we reciprocate this love it moves God to act on our behalf. This is not just about love received but it is also about sharing the love that we have received. I always marvel in love relationships especially in marriage, going back to the words of my wife, how we take for granted love given. We always assume that she knows I love her. We’ve even coined statements like “women need to be told they are loved” and “men are the givers of love.” But have you thought about what would happen if both genders would receive and reciprocate love? “This world would surely be a better place.” Something as basic as responding meaningfully to the words “I love you” can change the dimensions of our love lives. Display of love and affection makes the world a better place, actually it makes your relationship better and adds more years to your life. I get excited when I read about God’s voice thundering from the heavens when Jesus came out of the water during His baptism by John the Baptist. In the book of Matthew 3:17, God publicly announced, displayed and affirmed who Jesus was, “And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased” think about what that public display of affection did to Jesus’s esteem and confidence in who He was to God. Imagine the intrigue in those who heard the words being said, though they couldn’t see the man but they heard the words. May I suggest to you that. If he buys you flowers, tell him thank you and how much you appreciate him, “shower him with love.” Reciprocate his love. When she cooks your favorite meal, thank her, tell her you love her. Let’s make it a habit to reciprocate our love to one another. Affection thrives in reciprocity. If he kisses you kiss him back. If she hugs you hug her back. By doing that you are saying I receive what you are doing, and I’m giving back from the abundance of what you’ve given me and more. There’s no telling how we can reignite the fires in our love if we reciprocated love. I’m always troubled when we measure our love against the love we see on TV or based on other people who we experience as outsiders looking in. There’s such a value add if you love your person, like really love them, whilst at it you also receive some acceptance of the love. Let’s also not label acts of love and reciprocity by boxing them to women or men things. Let’s make them love things not gender things. There is nothing like this is for women and this is for men. We all have duty to display affection, show love to one another. Let me make an example, I love sending my wife flowers, if I would count how many times I do it outside her birthday, Valentines day or Mother’s Day you would probably get bored with me. I love doing it. I know she loves flowers. I send them to her workplace, sometimes I deliver them or send a messenger to deliver. It makes me happy first before even knowing how she feels about the flowers. A friend asked if she doesn’t get tired of flowers? I told him she hasn’t said it yet, as long as she is still loving it I will keep going. The Mandate to Love The mandate to love and to express love has been given to both men and women. None does it better than the other. And we shouldn’t even make the mistake of viewing this from a male or female perspective. We need to do it as an expression of our affection to the ones we love. And yes we also as men crave for reciprocity. We enjoy deep in our hearts that someone out there loves us and is not ashamed to show it and to say it. James M Sama writing about “Men Need Love Too” mentions thirteen (13) things he wants to hear…for the whole article go to https://jamesmsama.com/2014/11/05/men-need-love-too-13-things-he-wants-to-hear/ […]