One Simple Way To Know He’s Serious About You

I received a message from someone the other day that made me realize the importance of covering this topic. The message was as follows:

“Do you notice so many people just settling with cyber dating? Like they become so busy they just settle for video and texting all day and then never seeing each other? This happened to me for 4 months – and I finally was like, not settling for this!”

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Now, in a busy world where we can still have the benefit of always being connected to each other, these ‘dating methods’ are an effective way of getting to know each other and staying in touch in ways that previous generations simply could not. However, there is a crucial piece of the puzzle that often goes missing (as evidenced by this message and many others), that telegraphs someone’s real interest in you…or lack thereof.

We can spend all day long talking about ways to know a man is interested in you, but in the long run, there is only one thing that actually matters.

You could get a good morning text every morning. A goodnight text every night. Flowers sent to your work. Have conversations all day. Receive cheek-reddening compliments on a consistent basis. But the truth is – absolutely none of it matters if he doesn’t put in the effort to see you.

A man who is genuinely interested in you, no matter how ‘busy’ he is, will always make time to see you. No excuses, lies, or broken promises. Of course, this is assuming there is reasonable distance between the two of you.

I know, for me, when I meet a woman who captures my attention, the texting and all of the fun stuff that goes along with it is great, but all it really does is increase my desire to actually see her and spend time with her in person. Why wouldn’t it? That type of communication should supplement the relationship, not be the largest part of it.

It’s true that some men may require a bit more of a push than others. Maybe a suggestion from you to do something in person, but the odds are that he will take the reins and be the one to make the transition from texting/chatting/talking – to actually spending time together.

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The longer he waits to attempt to make actual plans with you, the less interested you can assume he is.

He should be wondering what you’re doing on Friday. Busy? How about Saturday? And while we’re at it, what are you doing for the holidays?

The right man who is genuinely interested in building a relationship with you will invest his time in making it happen. He will invest his time in coming to see you. He will invest his time in meaningful conversations. He will invest his time in you.

He will understand that a relationship is like any other investment – if you don’t put anything into it, you can’t expect to get anything out of it.

Click here to get my new e-book, The Modern Man’s Guide To Chivalry And Courtship!

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31 thoughts on “One Simple Way To Know He’s Serious About You

  1. This is true. And if you initially met online, what period of time should reasonably elapse before he makes an initiative to meet up in real life? And also what is your opinion of sustaining a healthy long distance relationship (is it possible for let’s say a year?) because with online dating, more and more people are meeting (and falling for) geographically challenging individuals.

    • The amount of time that should elapse will be different for everyone I’m sure, but I think the thing that remains consistent is that the longer he waits, the less interested he really is. Some men may feel more comfortable inviting you out right away, just as some men would feel more comfortable approaching a woman in person than others would.

      I really think it comes down to instinct and whether you are feeling as though he is actually trying to work towards something with you or just having fun with conversation. If he hasn’t even attempted to talk about upcoming events or get a feel for your schedule, then he is probably not *that* serious, or could be talking to someone else, or multiple other people as well.

      I have been asked about long distance relationships often but personally do not have experience with them. I do think if two people can effectively communicate and find ways to keep things “spicy” then it can work, but when it really gets into a long term scenario I would imagine the lack of physical intimacy and actual time spent together would take its toll and present new challenges as time goes on.

      Of course, that’s all speculation. 🙂

      • I am in a long term long distance relationship. Long distance is very hard. Especially when your partner is is a dangerous part of the world where Internet access is not great. Scheduling regular time is almost impossible. We communicate solely by FB messenger and the occasional voice call. ‘Spicy’ is impossible as is sex. Like anything, if you want it enough, believe in each other enough and have trust,mthe nit can work. But OMG it’s hard.

      • James nails it here. Gents, if it’s your karma (and desire) to engage wholeheartedly in a LDR, then man up and make the cut. Your actions and HOW to react to that opportunity to be with your special lady are the keystone of your honor and mark you as a serious, committed man.
        Today I jumped on the chance to see Allison, no vacillation, no delay, you simply make it happen. Don’t make enough to make that trip to her? Earn more, go the extra mile, go above and beyond. No excuses, you act. This or that stands in your way? Learn to crush obstacles. Not sure how to do that? Get mentored by man who makes it happen.
        A lot of gents think they want a LDR, but cower at the obstacles. Better to be honest and ruck up, make other plans.
        When it’s the “real deal,” you make it happen. You git some…

  2. ok so everything u talked about in your article sounds like something that both my boyfriend and I agree with because we are in a situation where he lives about 1 hour away from me and commutes to his job everyday driving 1 & 1/2 each way. At the end of the week if I’m not working that that weekend I will drive out there to spend time together because I feel that he’s probably too tired from driving all week long. Am I wrong for doing that ? We have been together for 2 yrs but it’s just in the last year that we’ve actually spent time together because of my issues with my father and my boyfriend has been very patient threw it all.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    • Carla,

      The *last* thing that you are for doing that, is wrong. What I am mostly talking about here in this article is people who are just starting to get to know each other. I think people go weeks or even months without initially meeting each other, only talking via text or online or whatever – and then expect to be building a solid foundation for a relationship.

      Your relationship is already well-established and it shows how much you care to go out there and see him as well. You are definitely not wrong, what you are doing is great (assuming you are not the ONLY one putting in effort…)

      – JMS

  3. Wish I would have seen this a year and a half ago when I was so confused about a guy I was beyond infatuated with…..But that okay. Things worked out and I eventually grew and a brain and realized what I deserved. lol 🙂 Definitely brings everything to light. Everybody should see this at some point in their life.

  4. So true… Just met a guy online two weeks ago. In the second email he sent me, he had figured out a halfway point between his town and mine (about an hour apart) and suggested we might meet there sometime. I responded that would be great and the next email (Tuesday) asked if I would like to meet for dinner Wednesday or Thursday night. I’ve had other guys I chatted with for a while who might finally commit to meeting but looking back (and reading your article) I see that they must not have been very interested or they would have asked for a meeting earlier.

    This guy turned out to be great and we’ve gone out a couple of times since. He’s a complete gentleman, thoughtful, looked up things on my profile (like my favorite author) and asked me questions about them… I’m beginning to think he reads your blog because he fits the bill for how you tell men to treat women!

    If he does, “Hi Dean!” 🙂

  5. Met a guy online 3 months ago. We are seriously miles and miles apart. He is from Spain and I am from Philippines. We have a 7 hour difference in our time zones. We both make an effort to talk, chat and call. We talk like crazy. On weekends, more than 6 hours and about 2-3 hours on weekdays. Really crazy. I never believed in online relationships but im in one now. He is gonna come here to meet me 3 months from now. He’s gonna fly all the way from Spain, meet my parents and friends and spend a month here. I hope everything will go well.

    By the way, lack pf physical intimacy is very frustrating. Like seriously. Even just holding hands is something u cant do 😦

  6. Hi! I would like to ask if this means that the guy must be the one to make the moves all the time if he is serious about the girl? I have a friend who constantly comes to me for advice about her situation. She and a guy met last 2011 and they have become close since then because the guy does invite my friend out “whenever he is free”. I just want clarify if you can consider the guy inviting my friend “whenever he is free” thing as meaning he is serious about my friend? Also, my friend being the girl would always justify that the guy is the man and if anything should progress in their close friendship, the initiation has to always come from him and not from her. Is there truth to this?

  7. I recently started dating a guy, its been a month and things were going amazingly until today! We have been “dating” for about a month now, and it started out with the texting, and such then moved forward. This weekend he took me to his company’s Christmas party, we had an amazing time. We haven’t slept together, at both our requests, he himself said he didn’t want to sleep together yet bc “sometimes he gets disinterested if he sleeps with a girl too soon.” I thought this a little odd for him to have to “tell” me. Anywho, again, he was penciling me in for plans all the time, was supposed to come over Friday for dinner and we were going to go look at Christmas lights. Then yesterday, he started acting a little distant…..he mentioned to me a couple days ago that he “gets bored really easily.” Again I thought it was odd…..Then today I wrote him asking him if he liked me and he responded saying “I like you but I think you probably like me a little more but I enjoy hanging out and I want to continue.” This threw me way off and I responded irrationally calling him a dick and telling him to never write me again. He said to that “that’s usually how it begins for me and I didn’t think it was a dick comment but I agree.” Again I was so confused by that. I shouldn’t have responded the way I did. I apologized with no response from him. Was this guy just not that into me or did I ruin something potential?

    • I’m no expert xpretyNpinkStarx, but I don’t think you should ever be expected to keep a guy entertained. If he really enjoys your company that should be enough, especially that early on in a relationship. Sounds like, even if not the most eloquent way of doing it, you got out of a situation that would have driven you crazy over time.

  8. Can commitment be given in an online relationship? I’ve been chatting up with this guy for months but he wants to decide whether he will commit or not when we see each other. But we chat and talk like crazy. We discuss anything under the sun and talk about our future. But just thinks online dating is not possible. We never progressed to more than friends and it kills me.

    • And we already do stuff online that couples do. And plan for the future. We plan to change our lives for each other. At least he says so. Everything but say we’re exclusive. 😦

  9. Attempted tech dating a few times … some lasting months before we actually met. These are months where feelings are created, a foundation has developed, your heart captured. Not again. If we both find each other interesting and he hasn’t initiated meeting me within a week of communicating, we won’t be meeting. He will remain a tech acquaintance. I don’t care to know why, nor will I pursue, or be available at his whim. The endless months of laughter, romancing, false promises … FB posts of his love, devotion and insinuating physical intimacy (physical intimacy requires one to actually be in the other’s presence), won’t be recycled on me ~ save it for the “next” in line. I cannot reclaim that time, that distraction, ~ that could have been dedicated and focused on law school ~ something with substance, rather than imaginarium. My FB “friends” will only include my closest, most endearing, true friends. Above, I chose to utilize the word “distraction” rather than “waste” as I gained much discernment from the experiences ~ which lessons have been forever engrained in my heart.

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  14. Hi,
    There is a guy whom I met via a collegue during a seminar in dec 2015.
    He added me on FB in january 2016 and we started chatting since zen.
    Initially he proposed to meet 4 lunch, I even accept but he never confirm z date + time.
    While chatting I asked him questions as I would like 2 get 2 know him better but he never questioned about me. Whenever we chat we chat on “how was ur day”, “its raining at your place”, or simply gud morning + gud nite. And everytime I asked him wat he is doing he simply reply “working”. Is it normal 4 som1 2 b always working…even sundays??? Also when I asked him somfing abt his taste or habits he never responds or if he does he change subject or simply put up an smiley…..
    Zis behavious really intrigue me but whenever i ask him if i’m disturbing him coz he is working he says “you never disturb me”….
    I am unable 2 understand this guy…I just want 2 know is he serious abt me? Should I continue waiting 4 him 2 ask me out? Or may be he is just flirting (passing his time) with me…..
    Please help me what should I do ?

  15. Met this guy via bumble three times we met in person he is in the military will be out within 6 months. Prior to me he was dating someone for almost three years, said that he couldn’t see himself marrying her, as she started to talk marriage, he ended the relationship. He wants to continue seeing me. Has asked me to go out and visit him, but at this time I am not able to, and his understanding. But I don’t know him well enough for me to stay at his place. We text various times during the day, face timed twice. He will be back in town in a couple of months. He says that he is not playing with me. My fear is that he is lonely and is just killing time, I say this because he stayed in the past relationship too long for him not to see himself with her. I feel that he was stringing her along. Advice! thank you!

  16. Hi I like your comment on “The longer he waits, the less interested he becomes.” My question for you is, I met this man online. He is an African who has been living in the USA for 10 yrs. I am a Canadian. We are about a 6 hour drive from each other. We had been messaging for about 2 1/2 weeks. He does all the GM and GN texts, calling, checking up and so on. One day I did not reply to him. He called that night said he was really worried about me. When I told him I was giving him some space, he said I don’t want any space from you. He says he really wants to meet but he likes to take things slow. He doesn’t want to rush into anything or push it. He wants it to go smooth. So do I.

    Im in the middle of moving and then going on a vacation until October 21. It is only September 16 now. I have offered my weekend to meet with him, but his reply was lets wait until after you come back from your trip.

    Now I am wondering what is on his mind

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