I can’t really use the term ‘real man/men’ in articles anymore because people jump up and down and stomp their feet and exclaim that if you have the proper anatomical configuration, you automatically qualify as a ‘real man.’ Societal constructs of terminology aside, there are still differences between grown men and for the sake of this discussion, who we will classify as boys.
It is not a rare occurrence to see a woman complaining about ‘all men’ or men in general on social media and find multiple comments below the post explaining that what she’s dealing with is just a boy, and a mature man would never do such a thing.
So to draw the line in the sand and outline differences between how boys act when dating, and how men act when dating, here are a few distinct contrasts.
A boy needs to be with you, a man wants to be with you.
German social psychologist Erich Fromm once proclaimed: “Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.'”
Mature men who have established, or are at least working to establish their own life, will understand the value that comes along with having a teammate and partner along his journey. Someone who will support him, love him, and encourage him while he does the same for her. The difference between a boy and a man is that a man will still be comfortable living his life and pursuing his ambitions while being single as well.
A boy will feel the need to have someone in his life because he is still relying on the approval of others in order to define himself and obtain (what he thinks is) happiness. Men understand that it is better to remain single until the right one comes along, rather than settle for the wrong ones along the way.
A boy will chase you, a man will not.
Mind the terminology – a man will still pursue you. He will court you and he will show you he values you. But he will not chase you, and there is a difference.
Chasing someone is when you are trying to win over their affection without much reciprocation. Meaning she may seem uninterested, not answer his calls or texts, or always be ‘too busy’ to spend time with him – but he keeps trying without any regard for the signs he is clearly missing.
A man, perhaps through experience, can more easily read when a woman is interested in him or not. If she is not, he will calmly and maturely move on. She is not a conquest to him, a notch in his bed post, or a target to be obtained as she may be for a boy.
A boy will talk at you, a man will communicate with you.
Men have worked to develop communication skills that boys have not. Whether it be a result of professional experience or from more interactions with women, a man will understand the importance of open and honest communication. It will not be a matter of selling himself to you or telling you what you want to hear, but having an actual meaningful dialogue designed for you both to express your wants and needs in order to know what it takes to make each other happy.
Men want to make you happy, and we want to know what it takes to do it. Boys are more likely to be looking out for their own interests, which is why they will care less about communicating and more about just talking. Selling themselves. Convincing you that they are what you want, so they can get what they want.
As you can see, there are clear differences between men who are mature enough to build a lasting relationship with you, and those who are not quite at that point in their lives yet.
What other contrasts can you think of? Let me know in the comments below!
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