3 Clear Differences Between Dating Men And Boys


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I can’t really use the term ‘real man/men’ in articles anymore because people jump up and down and stomp their feet and exclaim that if you have the proper anatomical configuration, you automatically qualify as a ‘real man.’ Societal constructs of terminology aside, there are still differences between grown men and for the sake of this discussion, who we will classify as boys.

It is not a rare occurrence to see a woman complaining about ‘all men’ or men in general on social media and find multiple comments below the post explaining that what she’s dealing with is just a boy, and a mature man would never do such a thing.

So to draw the line in the sand and outline differences between how boys act when dating, and how men act when dating, here are a few distinct contrasts.



A boy needs to be with you, a man wants to be with you.

German social psychologist Erich Fromm once proclaimed: “Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.'”

Mature men who have established, or are at least working to establish their own life, will understand the value that comes along with having a teammate and partner along his journey. Someone who will support him, love him, and encourage him while he does the same for her. The difference between a boy and a man is that a man will still be comfortable living his life and pursuing his ambitions while being single as well.

A boy will feel the need to have someone in his life because he is still relying on the approval of others in order to define himself and obtain (what he thinks is) happiness. Men understand that it is better to remain single until the right one comes along, rather than settle for the wrong ones along the way.

A boy will chase you, a man will not.

Mind the terminology – a man will still pursue you. He will court you and he will show you he values you. But he will not chase you, and there is a difference.

Chasing someone is when you are trying to win over their affection without much reciprocation. Meaning she may seem uninterested, not answer his calls or texts, or always be ‘too busy’ to spend time with him – but he keeps trying without any regard for the signs he is clearly missing.

A man, perhaps through experience, can more easily read when a woman is interested in him or not. If she is not, he will calmly and maturely move on. She is not a conquest to him, a notch in his bed post, or a target to be obtained as she may be for a boy.


A boy will talk at you, a man will communicate with you.

Men have worked to develop communication skills that boys have not. Whether it be a result of professional experience or from more interactions with women, a man will understand the importance of open and honest communication. It will not be a matter of selling himself to you or telling you what you want to hear, but having an actual meaningful dialogue designed for you both to express your wants and needs in order to know what it takes to make each other happy.

Men want to make you happy, and we want to know what it takes to do it. Boys are more likely to be looking out for their own interests, which is why they will care less about communicating and more about just talking. Selling themselves. Convincing you that they are what you want, so they can get what they want.


As you can see, there are clear differences between men who are mature enough to build a lasting relationship with you, and those who are not quite at that point in their lives yet.

What other contrasts can you think of? Let me know in the comments below!

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  1. Bernie bun fckr on September 29, 2014 at 6:42 pm

    Fuck you.

    • James Michael Sama on September 29, 2014 at 6:43 pm

      Sorry Bernie, but you don’t sound like my type.

      • Justin on October 2, 2014 at 2:18 pm


  2. smarttarbells on September 29, 2014 at 7:47 pm

    Salient points so desperately necessary for the uninformed, immature, seeking souls wandering about these days. Thank you!

  3. rebecca on September 29, 2014 at 8:39 pm

    Well it sounded good to me! But can I ask you one thing: do men (real men) really marry just for sex? It’s a very disheartening thought for me. And even if most do, are there any out there who marry a woman simply for the person she is like women do for men? Is it really the biggest or one of the biggest factors? If it is, excuse me while I go cry in my room and contemplate the religious life. It seriously disturbs me to think that one of the biggest reasons is sex. Just sex. Are there any men that sex is just a nice LITTLE bonus to and not the main attraction? I don’t think or even care about sex when it comes to men. All I care about is who he is as a person, so are there guys who think the same about me? All my life no man ever loved me because of sex reasons, I’ve always been loved simply because of who I am. Then boyfriends come on the seen and it dawns on me they don’t love me as a person the way my family does. I guess I always thought a guy would love me like my dad, brother and grandpa do, like a person, and for no other reasons. (Yes, yes, I know romantic relationships are different from immediate family relationships, lol) If we completely removed sex from the picture, would there be any men left on earth who would still get married and love a woman?

    • James Michael Sama on September 29, 2014 at 8:42 pm

      Hey Rebecca,

      While sex is a big (biggg…) part of any relationship, I do not think this is why men get married. There is plenty of sex to be had without marriage so I don’t think it really plays a role in the decision making process. Of course everyone is different, though.

      I do think if a man is going to commit his life to a woman it probably is (and should be) for all of the right reasons. One can have fantastic sex with a woman he is not in love with or wouldn’t even enter a relationship with, so to answer your question, no I don’t think that is the driving force of getting married. 🙂

      • rebecca on September 29, 2014 at 8:46 pm


  4. Silly Sue on September 30, 2014 at 11:11 am

    I can no longer subscribe to this newsletter or read this blog. It is so disheartening and disappointing. I have been in a sexless marriage for years hoping for a change. At this point, I know I deserve better but can’t seem to break away. As I read these articles, I always held out hope knowing that there are “real” men out there. I don’t want to sound negative but I think some things just aren’t meant to be.

    • just do it :) on October 5, 2014 at 11:47 am

      Hey Sue,
      Quit hoping for a change and make one. Yeah its hard but it is the only answer.

  5. Ben on September 30, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    Hi James,
    Nice article, you make some great points. I did have a follow up question after reading regarding the pursuit of a girl when she shows signs of disinterest.

    You say:
    “A boy will chase you, a man will not.Mind the terminology – a man will still pursue you. He will court you and he will show you he values you. But he will not chase you, and there is a difference.” . You also recommend that if the a girl is not interested to “move on”.

    I know of good men who have continue to pursue a woman for up to a year before she agrees to be in a relationship. Do you have any experience or comments on how a man might still pursues a woman he cares about despite signs of disinterest (perhaps not ignoring those signs of disinterest as a boy would) – or do you really think guys should always just move on?

    Also it may be helpful to make the distinction between possible scenarios. One scenario might involve a guy that just keeps calling with a no response from a girl (clearly a bad idea) versus other situations where the guy and the girl may be involved in a mutual organization (there will be interacting regardless of whether the girl is interested or not – they’ll both be at work, class or the same friend group for example).

  6. Sarah on October 2, 2014 at 8:30 pm

    Spot on. Great read! I think they’ve been getting better, although I loved them before. There is a depth to your writing that I think you acquired upon becoming single, without rose colored lenses. Thanks again!

  7. Dating Advice: Man vs Boy | anitanyoung on October 4, 2014 at 8:39 am

    […] Man vs Boy […]

  8. Venistine on April 17, 2016 at 8:04 pm

    Reblogged this on Venistine Blog.

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