15 Signs You’re With A Good Man

When it comes to dating and relationships, I often find myself wondering how certain people end up with others. Wondering why they don’t walk away if they don’t get what they deserve and hoping that they truly appreciate their teammate if they are getting what they deserve.

I think a big part of the problem blurring this line is that many people aren’t even quite sure what a healthy relationship looks like these days or how a ‘good man’ (or woman) should act towards their partner. To help clarify, I have put together this list of how a good man should act while in a relationship.

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A good man never lets you forget how much he loves you.

I cannot tell you how many conversations I have had with women who tell me that there is no affection in their relationship. The man in their life does not make them feel loved, wanted, or appreciated. This is a profoundly important piece of the puzzle – a good man will always remind you how much you mean to him.

I understand men can be less communicative or affectionate than women are, but this does not excuse the severe lack of effort put forth by our generation. If someone truly loves you, you will know it and feel it. If they don’t, you’ll be wondering all the time if they do.

A good man always supports you.

Regardless of whether you want to go back to school after 20 years to get your Master’s degree, start a singing career, or stay at home to raise a family, a good man will always support you and what you want out of your life. He will never discourage you or make you feel as though you can’t do what you set out to do. He will be beside you every step of the way, cheering on your victories and comforting you during your defeats.

A good man will inspire you.

This goes one step beyond supporting you, which can be more passive. To inspire someone takes effort both in how one lives their own life as well as encourages others to live theirs. A good man’s drive and ambition will rub off on you as he pursues his own passions.

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A good man will work to gain your trust.

A good man will want you to be comfortable and confident in your relationship. The very cornerstone of this is being able to trust someone, and he will realize that. Without trust there is no foundation for love or respect.

He will understand that trust is not just handed over to someone – it has to be earned, and then it has to be kept.

A good man will always make you feel beautiful.

He will understand that making you feel beautiful does not just mean saying the words to you. It will mean truly making you feel beautiful. In the way he looks at you, touches you, and treats you. He will notice details when you put effort into your appearance and remind you how attractive he still finds you even when you don’t.

A good man will understand that whether you are in your sweatpants on the couch or in your evening gown heading to a gala, when you love someone for who they truly are, everything about them becomes beautiful.

A good man will make you feel safe.

I have always said that I believe one of the best compliments a woman can give a man is telling him that she feels safe around him. Regardless of how attracted she is to you or how funny she thinks you are or how much money you have – if a woman cannot sleep soundly by your side at night, none of it matters.

A good man does the little things.

Do you need a prescription filled but have to stay late at work? Did you mention an art exhibit coming to town and he made plans to take you to see it? Regardless of how small certain things seem, he will understand they are really the big things that matter most.

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A good man never crosses the line.

It is natural to have disagreements and even arguments in a relationship – but there is no reason to make things personal, become insulting, and never, ever to become abusive. A good man will remain calm and stay on the topic at hand.

A good man is always trying to improve himself.

Whether it be learning new things, developing a new skill set, reading a new book or watching a documentary – a good man who prides himself on continuous self improvement will always be intellectually challenging you and keeping your attention. He will be doing these things for himself, but the added benefit will be the positive impact it has on your relationship.

A good man understands actions speak louder than words.

Having the right man in your life will make you understand that people who make promises do not deserve your respect. People who keep promises deserve your respect, and he will be one of them.

A good man will open up to you.

It can be difficult for some men to express their emotions, fears, and even inner-most desires – but having the right woman in our life often helps to open those doors. A good man, while understanding of course some things are to be kept private, will not hide things from you or bottle up his feelings knowing it will cause tension and frustration.

A good man will always be honest with you.

When building a foundation for a happy, healthy relationship, a good man will understand that honesty is always the best policy.

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A good man will make you feel comfortable being honest.

Comfort in a relationship (the good kind, not the kind that makes you stop trying) comes from the ability to be open and honest with your partner – and the ability to do this comes from knowing you will never be judged. A good man will encourage you to open up and share your feelings with him. There should never be any fear of him flying off the handle or overreacting if you share something with him.

This means being able to be the most genuine, uncensored version of yourself around him.

A good man will never be abusive.

Perhaps the most important point of all. Whether it be mentally, emotionally, or physically, a good man will never even think about being abusive towards you or harmful in any way. If this happens to you – please have the courage and respect for yourself in order to talk to someone or walk away immediately. No good person would ever act like this and it will not get better on its own.

A good man will stand by you no matter what.

When a man commits his love and his time to a woman, there are no stipulations or circumstances required. There will be good times and there will be not-so-good times. There will be challenges and unexpected situations that arise. But he will stay by your side and be your teammate through it all.

Of course, there is an asterisk on this. This does not mean you can disrespect him, lie, or cheat. It does not mean you can betray his trust and expect him to stick around because he promised to commit to you. This point is about things the two of you go through together and him having the integrity needed to not walk away when times get hard.

Any man can be by your side on the sunny days. The real test of character is whether or not he will hold the umbrella over you during the stormy days.

umbrella

And ladies, if the man you are with puts in the effort to be this person for you, please let him know how much you appreciate him. No matter how kind a person is, there is no emptier feeling than giving your heart to someone who you feel takes it for granted.

Want more? Click here to listen to the newly launched New School Romance podcast!

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203 thoughts on “15 Signs You’re With A Good Man

  1. I thought this article was written by a woman. A good man “will do everything for you without you having to do anything for him”.

    Why do you have to support her on everything? No, that s not the way it works. It has to be something reasonable. If she suddenly decides she wants to be an astronaut when she is 50 and she is going to sell the house to finance her dream, i dont think i have to support her.

    I hate this kind of article that speak like that. There is the silly message “you deserve everything without earning it”. There is no entitlement, you dont deserve anything if you have not earned it. That’s how it works in real life.

    • This is the problem with modern notions of chivalry. Because we’re no longer allowed to expect the old social deal (something I appreciate), a result is: “good” women who behaved properly were rewarded with preferential behaviour – corollary: “Bad” women were treated like garbage. “Good” men who put good women on pedestals were praised; men who prioritized anything but women were denigrated. The price women paid was surrender of control.

      Now, we no longer demand that women surrender control, but there are lots of people who want to still provide the benefits that accompanied this price. Women of course largely want this; who wouldn’t accept benefits without having to pay for them? But many men argue for this, too, especially those who have privileges.

      The truth is that this is both patronizing and self-abnegating at the same time. Chivalry is either due to both genders by each other – all the time – in the same proportion and for the same purpose, or it’s just some version of the same old same old, except that men are expected to pay while women just need to exist.

      No man worth his salt would sign on to such a program. And if women are expected to pay for preferential treatment, then they need to be willing to pay the appropriate price.

      My personal feeling is that harsh but consistent equality is a far better way to organize society.

      • Why is it that guys like you always seem to find these articles and not the countless others on this website about what women DO have to do? Just because one article focuses on men does not mean there are no articles focusing on women. Click around a little bit…this article is not the only one in the world.

      • Seriously….totally agree. No way this dude wrote this article with a straight face. He’s either gay, writing parody or lives in fantasyland. That or he’s trying to get laid.

      • Todd when you love someone, its natural to not care what they give you. You are motivated to help them and protect them. Without pay for yourself. Usually when I get offended at articles saying what women have to do for men, I realize its because I havent met a man I want to put in that effort for yet. Just a thought.

    • I highly doubt this guy will ever have a lady that could be an astronaut with that attitude! It reminds me of the far-fetched scenarios that dudes come up with to justify ever hitting a woman…
      Keep dreaming buddy. A lady with aspirations would only pass you by.

    • The article is called ” a good man ” I’m sure if you googled ” a good women ” there are certainly expectations of a women in order for her to be a great partner .
      I set a high standard for myself on how to treat my man with love ,respect and keeping him feeling safe and happy .but I expect all those things from a man in return .
      So whether this was written by a man or a women .its what we want from our partner .

    • you are just being too literal., being supportive doesn’t meAn that anything that the women likes will be granted easily, as if the women thinks likes u, an old woman never thought such crazy thing, it’s just you 🙂

    • “If she suddenly decides she wants to be an astronaut when she is 50 and she is going to sell the house to finance her dream, i don’t think i have to support her. “of course it can’t..but what does this message means as i understand is that, a good man will support the woman if not in everything but at least in many things. I don’t think a good woman would want to be an astronaut at that age, unless she gets crazy.

    • I don’t think there is anything on this list that is too unreasonable for either a man or a woman. Most people are reasonable and know that asking the family to sell the farm to support a childish dream is really selfish. Many good things on this list to strive for, whether you are a man or a woman. If you are not trying to be the things on this list then …. hmmmm, probably not that great of a partner even though we want to believe we are, that it doesn’t take this kind of effort, yet it does. Be the one! Ironic thing is when you do the things on this list, you have as many dates as you want, as many marriage proposals as you want, lots of options open up … you no longer have to settle for marginally good and a selfish person.

    • I disagree if she is 50 and thats what she wants to accomplish before she passes away then her man support her dreams. I suggest watching the Bucket List. It maybe about men but atleast he has a friend to help accomplish there dreams

  2. Yeah I have to say that this article sets unrealistic expectations on men and for women. Why not 16 signs, or twenty, or hell make it one hundred. Sure every man should try to better themselves and be supportive, and should never ever be abusive to his partner. But that’s just being a good person in general and I don’t see why the same can’t be said for women.

    • The same IS said for women in many articles on this site, Rob. I personally don’t find anything written here to be particularly difficult so I honestly don’t think it is unrealistic at all. It just requires some effort.

      • The bottom line is a good woman knows she’s a good woman and deserves a good man and would not expect to be supported in ridiculous circumstances.
        James, are you available ? 😉

      • The articles are great James.. When I read the ones written about the man I read them as if they where written for the women too.. I really enjoy your articles and they help me out a lot.. I love the article you wrote on ” Your Not Happy Because You Never learned How To Be” The part that stuck with me was you control your emotions they don’t control you and you can change your bad mood by smiling and thinking of something that makes you happy I will try this the next time I’m upset… Thank you for sharing your knowledge to me about men and women..

      • First, I want to say that i think the article was very well written and filled with wisdom. I came across the link after reading one about signs of a “good woman”, can’t remember the exact title. Nothing on here is unrealistic, and if you think it is, that’s probably why you are single. I am (gasp) a woman and am incredibly lucky to have found a man that is and does everything listed, and he would say he gets the same from me. In a healthy relationship, there is no “taker”. We both treat each other like that, so it’s very balanced. No where in any of the articles have I seen James ever advocate being a doormat over over looking mental health issues, which is what all of the criticisms seem to say. C’mon guys! It really isn’t that difficult to understand, is it?

    • I don’t see anything unrealistic about this at all. Maybe you have some things to work on…See: “A good man is always trying to improve himself”

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  4. Correct and a “Good Woman” does it equally for her man!!! For a relationship is 100% to 100% efforts on both parties!!! Relationships are dealing with change and working it out on a daily basis!

  5. I have that “good man.” After a couple of bad ones, I realize all the more how fortunate I really am, and it makes me strive harder to be the good woman he deserves.

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  7. that’s
    true, its one in a million U COULD FIND THAT 15 TRAITS OF A GOOD MAN, finally found one my neighbor. as a friend, he is one in a million among the rest. my best friend in life.

  8. Every time I read one of these articles whether it’s for being a good man or a good woman. I always see many bitter comments from which gender the article is referring to, on them saying “why do we have to do everything and they do nothing?” I am almost positive it’s because they are guilty. 🙂 Wonderful article BTW. Perfect list. Honestly coming from a married woman dealing with problems… having a partner who even just wants to TRY to work at improving the relationship, try to understand me, has an interest in knowing my heart and what makes me happy or feel loved would mean the world.

      • OK. Your article sucks. Balance and harmony make a good relationship.Not your fantasy. Do you think “good” men grow in an orchard? We get “good” with years of living and learning, experience and, often, mistakes.

  9. I am dating a 45 year old man who has never been married, only 3 girlfriends his entire life. I am 41 , share joint custody of a 10 and 13 year old. We work together and both make good money. His mother cut out articles and told him to be careful of me because I could be using him for money. She would not even look at me first year and a half of our relationship. I started making cookies for him to take to her and she would smile at me after that and say thank you. My question is, would most women feel a little offended ?

  10. Great article. I appreciate that it’s written by a man. It frames it in a way that it is almost targeted toward men to read, to strive to become a “good man” rather than just for women to be assured that they indeed are with a good man. I have personally been with 4 horrible men before I finally met a real good man. And wow it is amazing to have such a loving and trustworthy relationship. It’s exhilarating and I hope everyone can find a partner like that.
    To the bitter men in the comments that complain that these expectations should go both ways: obviously it goes both ways. Have you ever noticed the countless articles floating around the Internet about what women should do to improve themselves for men? Take a read through Cosmo, a magazine written specifically for women, and count the various article titles ending with the words, “…to Please Your Man”. Browse through the female oriented website, Pinterest, to see post after post about ways to be a better wife or to brighten the life of your man. In fact, nearly every social construct targeted *specifically* towards women, pushes us to improve our looks, worth, etc. all in an effort to appeal to men. At least this article is not equating a “good man” to having chiseled abs or some other unattainable beauty standard. Actually, this article doesn’t say to do anything that any decent human being wouldn’t do. So if you’re honestly complaining about the expectations of being a normal, civil, polite human being, my guess is that you know that’s too much work for you. In fact, I can imagine a new bullet added to this article: “You know you’re with a good man when he doesn’t get offended by an article setting expectations to do things he should already be doing in the first place.” And a footnote, “Especially if he doesn’t claim that the only way ‘chivalry’ works is if women dehumanize themselves and give up *control* in the relationship.” (gross, who even thinks like that???) also, this article is not talking about chivalry, it’s talking about being in a healthy, equal relationship. But my guess is that the men that claim this is chivalry (and therefore requiring some form of repayment from the woman in terms of losing control or essentially submitting fully to the man), are just not good humans in general.

  11. i was dating a man for last 4 years,i dont want to hurt his feelings but i was just fed up with him so i have decided to break up with him,he always used to borrow money from me sometimes for small purchases though he returned me.I always supported him in every possible way,but once when i refused to lend him he abused me very badly.he is in a job but still he cannot manage his own expenses.he very rarely spend money on me and never gifted me anything not even on my birthday.i am always paying whenever we are going out and giving gifts.he promises that all sort of things but nothing is done.even sometimes he asked money for his brother also but i refused.he purchases gifts for his family member but never for me.i fell as if he using me.when i told him i will break up he was requesting he is changed.whenever there is ocassion such as bday or new year he switch off his mobile.he tells his parents are not giving him money so he is taking from me.though he loves me but still i feel like he is just using me…

  12. Been there done that . To be honest . You won’t get any benefit of doing all of these stuffs . What makes you all think that a woman will realize how ” good ” you are . Forget all of these ” good ” men hype . What defines a ” good ” man ? Is it a man who is extremely wealthy , charming , willing to finance a woman’s consumerism behavior ? What is the definition of ” wealthy ” ? Is it a man who drives different exotic cars in a week , splurges his money on ” parties ” and a mansion ? What is the definition of ” charming ” ? Is it a man who look like a South Korean music star ? And consumerism is a killer for a man’s wealth and well being . Believe this story . I met this girl at the temple . She was very nice at that time . She look like a ” good ” woman . Doing charities and voluntary activity and stuffs . But , when you go out on a first date you expect her to not look at her phone when you are talking to her . Which is a sign that she is not attracted to you . And when you came with an SUV . She look like a little bit disappointed . Then you go to the movies . In the theatre she just look at her phone all the time . After all that you drop her home and say goodbye . And the day after tomorrow . You texted her but she is not replying at all . Next week is where the surprise come in . She got a new boyfriend . And I’m just devastated . The guy drives a modified car . He is slightly fat and also not an attractive guy . How about me ? I workout , dress well and I am a man of intellect . I mean come on . Man shouldn’t do all of this stuff . Instead of doing this . You’d be better off by building your connections , financial intellect and body . Just be calculative . I mean if you want to be a ” good ” man . Then you are just going to get shit on . Always paying bills , hear naggings , couldn’t enjoy the freedom of having your own time . Priority numero uno for men is basically building their own net worth . Not search for more earnings just to pay more bills . Bills which derived from the consumerism that infected your so called ” good ” woman . Just be the man who is highly demanded . And never-ever sign your life away via ” marriage ” to these woman who are infected by consumerism .

  13. While I clicked on this link because it sounded like something that I wanted to read, after I started reading it I thought to myself, wow, this is exactly what is wrong with society today. The idea that there is a right way and a wrong way and that it is absolute. When reality doesn’t go exactly like this we immediately think something is wrong. It’s the unrealistic expectations that set us out for failure because we are always looking for problems that aren’t there. I’m sure there are similar comments as mine but I just wanted to throw mine in the mix as well. If you are one of those lucky girls that is with a good man, then you know it; regardless of the fact that he possesses one or more (or maybe only a few) of these qualities because I’ll be damned, he does NOT have to possess them all. Be realistic ladies and don’t get caught up in the coulda, shoulda, and woulda’s. If you know that he loves you, keep him; because love is rare and love is magical and you absolutely know when it is there.

  14. Hi James, I realize that a lot of folks above me are sure getting bent out of shape about this article and others on your site. After years of bad outcomes in relationships, and learning what it means to be (and identify!) a great partner, I just want to say thank you so much for sharing your insight. I really wish there could be more men, and women for that matter, that are as emotionally intelligent as you are.

    While I definitely consider myself in a feminist in the sense that I see myself as equal to a man, I definitely seek a modern version of chivalry in relationships. I certainly don’t need a man to take care of me, just one that is also interested in a supportive, mutually beneficial relationship filled with love, understanding, and care. Your site inspires me not to give up on this ideal and to never settle than for what I know I deserve and can reciprocate in a relationship.

    Hope you have a wonderful day, and keep the great articles coming!

    • “I certainly don’t need a man to take care!!! of me,…. ” ……. “relationship filled with love, understanding, and care!!!!!”….. ??????? what now…. caring or not 🙂

  15. Hi James, when i saw this posted in Facebook i got so interested in reading it and find out if the man I’m going to marry this year is the guy who has this signs. I am a Filipina, a Chef and 69 years old and used to be married to my late husband for 45 and a half years. We had good and bad times but i survived for that long years with him. After 5 years being a widow, i met this guy in the Seattle, Wa. without any plan. I am only waiting for the interview form the Embassy here in Manila and we will be getting married when i go back to the US in a few months. I thank you for posting this because i know that with the signs that you gave the readers including me was so true. I am so lucky that the man i am going to marry has all this signs. Now i know that i am in the right track. God bless to you James

    • I disagree, and so would many others. I am with one and several of my girlfriends are as well. Also, we have guy friends that treat their wives/girlfriends like this. We talk about this stuff quite a bit and do feel that the dynamic has to be right between both parties for all of these things to happen and each of us waited a long time to meet the right person. This type of man does exist, and no one should ever settle for less.

  16. I don’t see anywhere on the article where it says that all of these 15 signs are mandatory to just one man. Some men may have some of these signs, some might have one or two, but that doesn’t mean that a woman is not with a good man. People always take things too literal. Personally, I can count, 9 out of 15 from this list that my partner has, but that does not make him a not-so-good man. For me he is perfect, and I love him to bits. I don’t see the point of bashing someone else’s article because it does not meet your expectations. You obviously are here for a reason, unfortunately, it just didn’t match your expectations.

    Good job on this article James!

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  19. I thought of something you may want to blog about, I recently had a discussion with a group of people about what really is an Alpha Male, the differences between an Alpha Male and a Beta Male, which one women really prefer and why…..

    Richard

    • Hahaha, I am really laughing but I hope he does blog about it. This is something I always find hilarious because men who call themselves “Alpha” and feel the need to flex and show power and always the most fragile and insecure (so therefore, not alpha at all). So many men seem to have this all mixed up. We (women) like quite leaders who do not command respect but inspire others to follow through their behavior, thoughtfulness, compassion, wisdom, patience, intelligence, love, and strength of character. Truly strong men are secure enough to never feel the need to refer to themselves as “alpha”.

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  21. Mind-blowing. True to the core,only some men feel like a woman doesn’t deserve to be made happ all the time. They just become saddistic over time. That’s the sad reality.

  22. visit Philippines guys you will see that men here still put their women and family in pedestal. chivalry still exist, both ways.

  23. visit the Philippines guys, and you will see that men still put their women and family in pedestal. chivalry still exist, both ways. I agree with the article.

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  30. Relationships should be complementary, not senseless pedestalization, as in this slob of an article. I’d recommend that when in doubt, men rather err on the opposite side of these points instead of being the spineless ass that this peice embellishes.

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