8 Signs He’s The Real Deal


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Sometimes, it’s not enough to know how to spot a player, there are plenty of other signs to look for to tell that a man is what you could call “boyfriend material” (or marriage material). While the way he acts with you and how he treats you is a huge priority, the things he does that don’t involve you are equally as important.

How does he live his life? What kind of choices does he make? Here are a few ways to know you’ve picked a winner.



He’s not (too) set in his ways.

While it is important for a man to have an identity and know who he is, it’s also important that he’s willing to learn, grow, and improve himself – whether it be for his own success, your relationship, or you. There is a quote by Tony Robbins that says “Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.”

The willingness and ability to do this is a sign of both his love for you, and his maturity level. A man who is mature enough to be selfless and truly committed to you will understand that nobody has all of the answers in life, and in order to grow (especially together) he has to be willing to learn and adapt.


He is generally optimistic.

Nobody can be positive 24/7/365…trust me, I do my best to be that person. While it’s not about eternal optimism, we all still want to be with someone who can help lift our spirits and keep us smiling. A positive attitude is contagious and will help you both fight through hard times and speed bumps in your relationship, and in life.

It is often difficult to keep things in perspective if one, or both of you, are emotionally overwhelmed. Someone with a glass-half-full mentality will help to see through the clouds and will never drag you down.


He doesn’t throw his money away.

I spent a lot of time and money in my “younger years” on poor investments. Modifying cars, expensive nights in the city…great experiences I will never forget, but not exactly profitable.

If you’re going to enter into a serious relationship with someone, it’s important that he is financially responsible and will make the right decisions for himself, and for your relationship. Are you going to be living together? Thinking of getting engaged? Or, just picturing staying together long term to see where things go? It’s unfair for either partner to carry the financial burden in a relationship, so you’ve got to make sure you’re on the same page.



He has goals and ambitions.

Regardless of how great you two get along, how perfect your relationship is, or how amazing your physical intimacy is together, it is a futile task to plan a future with someone who has no future plans for themselves.

For a man to be happy and fulfilled in his own life (which is the only way he can be happy and fulfilled in a relationship), he needs to at least have an idea of a path he wants to be on.

Passion in areas of life outside your relationship will give him the mental and emotional freedom to be more passionate in your relationship. Plus, when he knows what his future looks like, he will know how you fit into it with him.

Plus – a man with goals and ambitions will be more likely to support and encourage you along your own path, as well. He will understand that a woman who works hard is not an intimidation, but the perfect partner in life and you can take on the world together.


He’s (still) spontaneous.

In the beginning of a relationship, it’s natural to want to have fun and to find new, exciting things to do together. As time goes on, things can begin to get stale and monotonous.

By no means am I saying that a guy needs to be sweeping you away to exotic destinations every weekend – but if he has long term intentions with you, he will understand the importance of keeping the romance and excitement alive, and put in the effort to do so.


He gives you your freedom.

A man who is secure in himself and your relationship will understand that you have an individual life and friends of your own. While it’s important for him to get along with your friends too, he should understand you need a girls’ night every once in awhile, and be okay with it.

A guy who is too oppressive or is constantly checking up on you if you’re not together could possibly be projecting his own insecurities onto you, and you’ll always be working to keep his trust. Not a recipe for a solid relationship.



He appreciates you and you know it.

Mutual appreciation is an important ingredient in the glue that holds a relationship together. It’s not only about the big things, either. A man who would make a good long term partner should show appreciation for even the small things you do.

Lack of appreciation will discourage even the kindest person from taking an extra step for you in the future, or showing you appreciation in return.

If someone appreciates you, you will know it. If they don’t – you’ll always be wondering if they do.


He is willing to express himself.

It is difficult for a relationship to grow and mature if both partners aren’t able to effectively express themselves and their wants or needs. Open communication between you will help you understand and love each other in new ways.

Not every guy does this naturally, but in-keeping with being willing to learn and improve, you can help him along the way.

Keep in mind: Allowing him to do this without judging him or his feelings will help him walk through the door of communication.

As the adage goes, actions speak louder than words. The decisions a man makes and how he chooses to live his life will tell you more about his intentions and his integrity than mere words, which can easily be fabricated or used to put on a facade.

Pay more attention to how someone acts rather than what they say, words can be dishonest – actions can’t.


Click here to get my new e-book, The Gentleman’s Advantage!



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  1. rlcarterrn on June 2, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    Great post, as always! This is really all common sense stuff. And yet the more I see of the world, the more I realize common sense isn’t so common.

  2. Danz Social Blog on June 2, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    Reblogged this on Danz Social Blog and commented:
    Happy to read that I am a real deal 🙂

  3. SilviaO on June 2, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    This post could not have come at a better time! Thanks! 😉

  4. Yvonne I. Wilson on June 2, 2014 at 2:30 pm

    Great post coming from a male’s perspective.

  5. tokozamuimo1 on June 3, 2014 at 5:02 am

    This article says a lot for me… I have a best friend (currently) who I crush on and he has all of these characteristics!! Literally. we spend a LOT of time together but I don’t know whether he is into me! He’s not making any decisions about ‘us’ and I feel like I’ve been friend zoned… :/ how do I spell out to him that I’m serious and find out if he is about me

    • fiddleydb on July 28, 2014 at 8:11 pm

      Same here- you’re not alone!

  6. Matt on June 3, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    This is ALL ME!!! Yet she still bailed lol. Oh well theres another girl out there waiting! Finding a women whos independent these days without a chip on her shoulder is proving difficult though.

    • James Michael Sama on June 3, 2014 at 1:44 pm

      You hit the nail on the head about another girl out there waiting (and probably looking) for you, Matt. I’ve found that often times people who are jaded in dating, like I was, simply haven’t come across the right kind of person who will appreciate them for who they truly are.

      It’s just a matter of time.

      – JMS

    • Trish on June 3, 2014 at 4:10 pm

      Oh Matt, there are plenty of good women out there. Don’t give up. (Maybe the lady bailing was the best thing that could have happened…)

    • fiddleydb on July 28, 2014 at 8:14 pm

      This was actually encouraging for me as an independant, strong minded woman who keeps findind guys looking for the damsel in distress-thank you!

  7. datingamiss on June 3, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    JMS – Had a first date with a guy and it went ok. He meets all of the requirements for your “real deal” and he checks off for everything that I am looking for in a partner. Yet, I feel no chemistry for him. We have a second date scheduled on Thursday. How important is chemistry? Can it be created?

  8. nickclarkcody on June 3, 2014 at 10:22 pm

    Reblogged this on Inner thoughts and randomosity..

  9. thesearethedatesofourlives on June 5, 2014 at 5:55 am

    interesting reading!!!

  10. Linda Ursin on June 7, 2014 at 4:47 pm

    Failed 8/8

  11. […] Pay close attention to how the man you’re interested in treats other people. His true character will show through from how he chooses to live his life. […]

  12. gina on August 3, 2014 at 2:20 pm

    What if he can’t back up his actions with words and you’re always wondering if your reading his actions correctly?

  13. […] Consistency is an important ingredient in building the foundation in a relationship, because you know what you are going to get with someone. You know you won’t have to wake up in the morning and wonder if they are going to go back on their word or flake on plans or bail on something that they knew was important to you. It is a bi-product of honesty, because an honest person is always consistent. […]

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