5 Reasons You Should Never Settle
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[social_warfare]
As I sit here to write this article, I’m in a hotel room overlooking the beach. The waves sound so close you feel like you can put your hand out the window and touch them.
Next to me on the table is this month’s copy of Esquire, the cover of which is beckoning us with “84 Things A Man Should Do Before He Dies.” And I sit here thinking to myself – no matter how many failures I face or how hard life becomes, I refuse to settle.
Many people settle for less than they deserve in many areas of life. A job they can’t stand going to. A man or woman they don’t know why they’re waking up next to, a car they hate getting into – but let’s talk about relationships, and why you should never, ever, settle for less than you deserve.
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You’ll always be doubting yourself.
Why is it, exactly, that you can never decide if you’re actually happy or not? Maybe you’re content…comfortable…but are you happy? I don’t know. Could you do better? If you could, then why aren’t you? Is this it? Really…is this as good as it gets?
Self doubt is crippling. It follows you around in life like your shadow, and there never seems to be enough shade to shake it. If you settle for less than you deserve in a relationship, never having the freedom to truly be happy and let go of worry will haunt you.
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You’ll never be truly fulfilled.
Part of the beauty of having ambitions, goals, and dreams in life is to have someone to share in them with. A partner, a teammate, someone to support and encourage you when times get rough, and to celebrate with you on the brighter days.
That’s not to say you can’t be fulfilled and happy if you’re single, of course you can. But the worst of all, is being with someone who does none of these things for you. Someone who is discouraging, or lazy, or doesn’t support you. Someone you’re planning a future with who has no future plans for themselves. Each step of life will feel like you’re pulling a little anchor behind you (ball and chain, anyone?). An asterisk on every accomplishment. The inability to wake up each morning and feel truly fulfilled.
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You’ll be missing pieces of the relationship puzzle.
Certain things we can learn through the advice and experiences of others. From observing and absorbing lessons. But certain things, we must feel for ourselves before we truly understand.
One of the experiences I needed to have before I learned, was what it’s like to “date” someone’s family. After over 3 decades of marriage, I’ve stopped seeing my parents’ families as “mom’s side” or “dad’s side,” but just…family. I think when you’re with someone you really care about, you sort of become part of everything. You want to. You talk to their parents and they talk to yours. You go on trips together, you feel accepted.
If you are with someone who you’re not truly happy with, there will always be a piece missing. Maybe you get along with their family better than you get along with them. Maybe you don’t get along with them at all. Maybe you just honestly couldn’t care less either way.
For those without an intact family, substitute their friends in the concepts above, and it still works out the same.
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You won’t grow as much as a person.
Another great thing about having someone as part of your life is the lessons they can teach you. The new perspectives and outlooks that you would’ve never thought of before. The new experiences you can share in together – maybe things you wouldn’t have done without them.
If you settle into a relationship just for the sake of having someone, you will be defeating this purpose altogether. While there will be someone in your life, the insatiable thirst for life won’t be there. Waking up and going through the motions of daily life is merely existing, not truly living. You deserve someone who will add new logs of wood onto your fire for life, not someone who throws water onto it.
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You won’t feel real passion.
To steal a line from Dreams For An Insomniac – “Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life; love shouldn’t be one of them.”
When you are attracted to someone’s looks and appearance, there is intensity. But when you are attracted to someone’s spirit, their soul, their whole being, there is real passion. If you settle for less than you deserve or want in a relationship, you are robbing yourself of the real passion that comes along with it.
Life is too short for average. Plus, it’s just as close to the bottom as it is to the top.
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Settling for less than you deserve in a relationship is like filling your bathtub with happiness, but your partner is always poking holes in the floor without you realizing it. Building a solid foundation with someone will always feel like an uphill battle, only you won’t be able to see the summit.
Life is about progress and forward motion – don’t give your time to someone who hinders yours, you can never get any of it back.
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Words of wisdom…won at great cost, no doubt.
Absolutely love this:
“….Building a solid foundation with someone will always feel like an uphill battle, only you won’t be able to see the summit.
Life is about progress and forward motion – don’t give your time to someone who hinders yours, you can never get any of it back.”
Thank you – another great post!
You know. I find myself constantly amazed at this dynamic insight from your posts. I truly find an emulation like no other. Thank you from the depths of my heart. The obfuscation of life is troubling enough, it is our souls that decipher its many meanings.
Again, many thanks for the enlightenment.
Well said!
Progress and forward motion…exactly! Thank you, great post!
I loved this!
This is my first introduction to your writing, and I’m incredibly impressed. Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom, and I look forward to exploring your writing more in the future! I would love for you to stop by my blog as well, at http://www.findingfatherhoodjcw.wordpress.com . Cheers!
very nice post … thanks
What a spiritual awakening —> “When you are attracted to someone’s looks and appearance, there is intensity. But when you are attracted to someone’s spirit, their soul, their whole being, there is real passion.”
As stated in the previous posts, this is wonderful. Very inspiring indeed. Simple, straight from the heart and very sincere. It’s easy to stay trapped in mediocrity, both through fear and insecurity. Yet we’re constantly reminded of the brevity of life and why every second had has to count. We really cannot settle for less. A great article that really brings this home.
Awesome!!
I am currently moving on from someone who never knew what she wanted to do in life.
I would have settled and would have never realized what i wanted to do, if I was with her.
I would have felt content, but would have regretted it!
Thanks!!
Reblogged this on Mints And Wisdom and commented:
Excellent piece!
Dude. What an awesome post. This is the first time I’ve come across your blog and I gotta say … you took me church! Very inspiring post and a great reminder for everything in your life … relationships, career, family …
Dude. I love how you have Betty and Don Draper there as an example, Cracked me up.
My favorite quotes …
“Life is too short for average”
“Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life; love shouldn’t be one of them.”
Dude truly inspiring reminder to step it up a notch and live with passion in every aspect of your life. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed … well deserved.
Fuck, yeah!
Oh, wait. I only read the title, let me read the article.
Nope, I like the title better. Here’s why. If you are The One to yourself, if you are an expert at making yourself happy, not only do you always have everything you need until you die, but you let your poor spouse (and everybody else) off the hook. No one has the power to make you happy or sad, anyway, that’s just you deciding how to feel in response to them.
When neither praise nor criticism affects your self-esteem, you are ready. When you are as happy for them to stay as you are gracious should they decide to leave, you are in love. Both of you will change over time and both of you always deserve the best and there’s a one-step solution to maintain a perfect balance:
Go as far as you can together while still being happy. Remember, as The One to yourself, there’s nothing to lose either way.
Yes, that’s more like it; and you might concur with my comment below.
Well said! Hit the nail on the head! Great advice!
Not that any of this is false, but its as cheesy as chucky and has been written, taught, a said over and over. Nice hallmark card.
…I didn’t settle
Waaw, need to review a lot..
Reblogged this on shahdmahdy.
Nice post. ..cheer
Excellent posting, absolutely worth the reflection and pause!
“Life is about progress and forward motion – don’t give your time to someone who hinders yours, you can never get any of it back.”
ABSOLUTELY!!!!! Great post!
I like the bathtub analogy. Totally could relate to it! A wonderful read.
Great reminder to always look for the positive relationships! No one deserves any less.
Loved this!
http://rantsfrommommyland.wordpress.com
Great points made. What I needed to read. I imagine no one would want to settle, but how do you know. If you are having doubts does that mean you are settling?
I just wanted to thank you for this post, I recently broke it off with my boyfriend and have been having doubts about whether it was the right thing or not. After reading this I know I made the right decision for me.
Reblogged this on Human Relationships.
Reblogged this on o0hlala and commented:
when people settle for less than they deserve it just shows that they are scared- scared of the uncertainty that lies ahead….what if something amazing never comes? ah but what if it does???
Settling is for the birds XO! http://www.tresorsdeluxe.wordpress.com
Relationship is like a chain.
Wow! You’ve just listed all the most valuable reasons to be with someone. Just wish people would reflect on these reasons and lead a more fulfilling life!
I will def agree”don’t settle for less than you deserve”.
Thanks for the post !!
Reblogged this on jornal .
“You deserve someone who will add new logs of wood onto your fire for life, not someone who throws water onto it.”
True. Affirming read thank-you.
Wonderful article!
Brilliant! Americans are conditioned to ‘settle’ for anything, and expect mediocrity (it so conveniently keeps them down, slaves to the grind). How many of my friends (both male and female) have done exactly what your excellent post describes? Sad!
Not true: we’re in a state of cognitive dissonance, encouraged to believe we can and should have more than we will likely have access to, whether or not by merit. This is one of the ways the myth of the deserving rich is perpetuated, and THAT, brothers and sisters, is how we keep ourselves down.
Thanks for illuminating this issue for me in a different light. I had never though of the cognitive dissonance angle before (I’m guessing “that guy doesn’t deserve his life of privilege, but down inside, I wish it were me”), but I don’t believe I am wrong. My perspective concerning people who try and discourage others to “be all they can be” comes from experience, since my family tends to roll like that!
Still, though, I had not thought of he cognitive dissonance angle ( and admittedly, even looked the phrase up on Wikipedia), and can definitely understand that angle; our consumerist culture is full of that mentality ( like Berkline’s “Go ahead. You deserve it!” Slogan). Thanks again, it was awesome trading concepts with you, EP!
James,
If you should never settle for less than the best, why do so many settle for boy friend and girl friend instead of husband and wife?
Wayne
Luvsiesous.com
nice
Very true.
[…] http://jamesmsama.com/2014/03/25/5-reasons-you-should-never-settle/ […]
Words to ponder while I search the canyons deep within my aging mind and wander into endless nights that taunt my youthful deeds.
Not really. Sorry, but if you refer, seemingly unaware, to the Canyons of My Mind, you’d better know the song.
I love this! Thank you for such an empowering post 🙂
Reblogged this on P.H.A.T GIRL FRESH and commented:
Great read very try!
Great depth of thoughts!
Reblogged this on Prada-Nada.
Reblogged this on Lust Hunger & Relations and commented:
Agreed!
Reblogged this on Chic and Frugal Mommy and commented:
These are very important points! Well stated!!
You took the words right out of my mouth.
Reblogged this on Love. Life. Passionately!.
Love the post!
Awesome post! Insightful and well written 😀 In my past relationships when I was settling it always felt like something was missing, and the other person started grating on my nerves after a while. However, with my fiancé I’m not settling, and it just feels right!
One day we will be old and we will wonder why we were not brave enough to not settle. I say go for it. Never settle.
There is a lot of reality in this post. I am sure every person has felt the same way at some point of his life. But here is the life changing question. is it really possible to find that truely mad, passionate, extraodinary love of your life ? or is it just a figment of imagination ?
beautiful piece with so many lovely phrases and expressions.
Superb!
Reblogged this on velvetmemories.
Simply amazing. Great post.
This article struck close to home. Up to the age of twenty four I went from one relationship to another and was totally unsatisfied. I was not a great catch, my face would never be on Vogue, maybe Mad Magazine. My body is a reject from Gold’s Gym and I am short. My best feature is blue eyes. I am a little nerdy and sometimes do impulsive things. I met a girl through a friend who asked me to write to a girl to make her smile. We had a relationship through the mail. I blogged on it with love with a stamp. Tomorrow is our forty fourth anniversary. Give it a read and it will give your a smile. You are right the right girl is great.
Thank you! I really needed this today… It was actually really strange timing. Perfect 🙂
I needed to read this today. Thank you.
You gave answer to many of my questions, thank you!
Reblogged this on The Beauty of Happy and commented:
I really enjoyed reading this blog post this morning. So true.
Perfect. I adore this.
Very well written post..wonderful!
This was a really great read! Keep up the good work!
Couldn’t have said it better.
Reblogged this on tabhutto2009.
Best lines by dreams of an Insomniac !!
This is my first opportunity to read your blogs. I relate to a lot of what you’re saying, James. This subject of relationships is so interesting, and never-ending! I’ve just written a memoir and dedicated an entire chapter to the subject (although the search for truly meaningful relationships is everywhere in the book). I look forward to reading more from you.
Reblogged this on tnmelvin's Blog.
So true, and it gets so tempting to say screw this loneliness, but at the same time to be with someone you must know self-love first.
I read this and I like it, but my question to you is this – what is happy? How do you define happy? Is it a feeling? a sensation? a facial expression?
Life is too hard to settle with a person that will not fulfill you 100%. Keep holding on, your best will come as you keep improving yourself
Great post.
http://www.khoasinclair.co
Happiness is temporary, as soon as we get what we wanted, we are happy but then want something else. The best thing is to be content with what we’ve got, but I think none of us ever are. You are right though, we should never settle for less.
I really like your blog, I hope you can look at mine and enjoy it too. What is your inspirations?
Got me thinking about my own 70 odd years; most of which I enjoyed. But your writing has given it a ‘whole new perspective’.
Many thanks.
Reblogged this on Goldprint Life Design and commented:
Priceless insight from heartthrob James Sama.
Okay, so really I know nothing about him and this is the first of his posts that I’ve tumbled across. But the post made my heart throb.
Reblogged this on carleymeiners.
Reblogged this on missshawna9891 and commented:
If you settle into a relationship just for the sake of having someone, you will be defeating this purpose altogether. While there will be someone in your life, the insatiable thirst for life won’t be there. Waking up and going through the motions of daily life is merely existing, not truly living. You deserve someone who will add new logs of wood onto your fire for life, not someone who throws water onto it.
Love this.. and I followed 🙂
I’m going through this now… and I definitely settled. Le sigh.
Reblogged this on emeritha.
Excellent!! I’ll share on the FB!
What a poignant and well-written post. Marvelous!
I love this. So simple, and so basic…but so difficult to grasp the concept of in today’s world. I love this. Thanks for posting.
Interesting… I agree with many of your points, but I think that the way in which our culture is oriented toward always-achieving, always-doing, and valuing societally-defined types of success more than mindfulness and the simplicity of being is problematic.
An interesting read!
Reblogged this on jonznentertain.
Well said. Very well said.
[…] http://jamesmsama.com/2014/03/25/5-reasons-you-should-never-settle/ […]
Reblogged this on ashleyledesma.
“Life is too short for average. Plus, it’s just as close to the bottom as it is to the top.” has summed up so much. It’s simple and direct and now when I think of it, its obvious (but so well camouflaged by the worldly norms)
you’ve spoken the rarely spoken truth which singles are seldom told about. wish you luck and companionship. congratulations on being freshly pressed, thanks for sharing.
I like what you say about real passion being spiritual, not merely physical. Without total devotion and self-sacrifice the love won’t survive. The more you give, the more you get, especially when it comes to marriage and romantic love.
Reblogged this on Think MGTOW and commented:
I see things a little differently.
This was my first introduction to your writing too, thank you for sharing these inspiring words of wisdom! That was very energising and motivating and I is something I think everyone could benefit from reading. It encourages you to take a step back and look at your own life and reflect on whether you are simply ALIVE or actually LIVING.
Reblogged this on victormiguelvelasquez.
I agree, and I guess my ‘like’ shows that. People should be happy and in love, not just in a ‘meh’ relationship; for the sex and false sense of freedom.
Thanks for sharing- I am looking forward to sharing it on my blog. It holds true and it’s a gentle reminder of one’s self worth. I needed to read that given what I’ve been going through the last few weeks!
Yeah if you settle you’ll always be looking at other men or women. That’s another reason. But great post.
dailyquizquestion.wordpress.com
Indeed. I nearly settled once. Thank G I got out
“Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time.”
Unfortunately, “mad, passionate love” doesn’t tend to last. Partnership and friendship in a relationship is what does.
Interesting perspective…my girlfriend and I are about a year and a half into our relationship. We have partnership and friendship, but are also just as passionate, if not more, as when we met.
Isn’t that how it should be?
Well, I mean yeah. It’s wonderful and exciting to have such passion of course. But will you still have “passion” when you’re both 70?
I’m thinking of the long view here. “Mad Passions” are fleeting. Mutual respect, friendship, partnership… aka the things that make up LOVE is what builds deep and lasting relationships.
I’m not sure if we will. Who knows how long we’ll be together. Maybe forever, sure. And will we have it then? Maybe, maybe not. My parents still have it after 35 years, my grandparents after 60.
One thing is for certain though, I certainly don’t want to be operating under the assumption that someday this all fades and we become complacent and quietly desperate for an escape.
Very well put! Onward progress! Learning these points first-hand for years!
Thanks for sharing.
I agree with you that you shouldn’t settle, but at the same time, I’m glad my wife settled for me. I know I’m broken and don’t deserve such a great wife.
I bet that she doesn’t feel that way. I bet she loves you just the way you are.
I know she does. I think sometimes we can think somehow we deserve or are entitled to more. Don’t get me wrong, there are broken marriages all over the place for many reasons. Maybe I don’t necessarily believe in ‘settling’ per se because there are so many variables, both tangible and intangible, that CAN make it next to impossible to accurately and objectively assess. I’m not sure if I’m making any sense now, I just woke up two minutes ago. Certainly people settle, but are they measuring all of the variables available to them in an objective manner? At least some of the time the individual may not find that they are settling at all. There are also times where their assessment is true regarding the person in question.
I’m starting to think this is a non answer and a bunch of doublespeak. I’m not good at thinking right out of bed, but am I making any sense or am I way off base?
Reblogged this on yuyupoo.
That’s nice, but what about when you were in a mutually compassionate and rewarding relationship and then the other partner suddenly stops. As in, they stopped seeing even their own family, going out, having friends, having a good time, become obsessed with the tv, couch, or computer, refuse therapy, refuse working on relationships, start making up lies about little stupid things like feigning ill or that they really didn’t sleep all day they just didn’t clean up… And you try to get the help in place for them, but they don’t use it. Do you just wait around (letting them drag you down with them) and hope that they wake up and smell the roses again with you? Do you dump them and move on? Do you try to move on and stay with them in hopes that you will eventually inspire them to get up off their ass and do something productive? What about when a child is involved? Does that change how things should proceed?
Awesome post put me to think about my own personal choices I’ve made in the past and never worked out. Strong and helpful words that motivate
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I could not agree more. Words to live by!
Reblogged this on love; one step at a time. and commented:
I think we all learnt something really valuable here, it was so well written!(:
I like that image of self-doubt as a shadow.
I recently removed myself from a destructive toxic relationship and I felt for a year prior that it was “missing” something. I had settled and I realized I deserved better. thank you for the words of wisdom.
Nicely said.
I love this piece! A very true and honest writing piece that will benefit and shed some light on people’s lives! A very well done
Reblogged this on The Life of Her and commented:
Sometimes you stumble across what you really need when you least expect it.
Reblogged this on haripriyav.
Great post, enjoyed reading it!
Reblogged this on lampinthedarkness and commented:
Truth
This is contrary of “Be happy with whatever little you have got.”
[…] http://jamesmsama.com/2014/03/25/5-reasons-you-should-never-settle/. Sama, James […]
Reblogged this on Veeru Popuri's blog.
Reblogged this on Gs114.
Reblogged this on Francela Gutiérrez.
Reblogged this on UNiiGAL and commented:
Agreed! Settling would always leave an irritatingly persistent thought of what if.
This is spot on. This was not judgmental at all, just a realistic approach to guiding someone on the right path – or for someone like me, give me more of a reason to be on this path. I am really enjoying my own company and I feel even more empowered now.
I love the optimism. You’re a “glass half full” type of guy.
“Life is too short for average. ” I totally agree nobody should settle for less than what they deserve just for the only purpose of not being alone .
I couldn’t agree more. Thank you for this post James.
These are your thoughts I understand, but they are very western and self-centered. There is no self-sacrifice or putting the other person first before you. I’m not saying be a door mat and be someone’s slave, but as far as my wife and I have talked about and understand our relationship we strive, as imperfect as we know we are, to put one another first before ourselves.
That’s what’s made me “happy” in my young marriage with my wife, keeping in mind and acting on sacrificing and putting her first before myself. When I took my wedding vows with her it wasn’t conditional like “I’ll love you until death do us part, BUT if you don’t fulfill me and my dreams I’ll have to find someone else.” No, that’s very western thinking, and I’m not saying you are saying that, that’s one place my mind took me when I read your post though.
Maybe. maybe I’m criticizing you too much. I read this blog for the most part, but did jump down through some. That’s the only reason why I say maybe I’m criticizing you too much because I didn’t really read it word for word, but if I truly didn’t miss any “golden nugget” line, I don’t take back my critique.
Men/women, work hard at your marriages, love your spouses no matter what. Happiness is a by-product, not the goal, of a happy marriage through being COMMITTED to your spouse.
Hey there,
Thanks for your comment – I appreciate you taking the time to read and leave your thoughts.
If you read through my other articles, you will find that they are all essentially what we can do for each other. What men can do better for the woman in their life, and what women can do better for the man in theirs.
My point here is simply to, when first choosing who to commit to, make sure they are a person who is worthy of your time, respect, and attention.
I certainly speak openly about selflessness and altruism, as treating others well and with respect is the entire theme of my blog. In fact, you will find precisely zero articles about self-benefit.
What this article is suggesting is that we should only commit ourselves to those who deserve us, and never settle for any less. Which I’m sure is an idea you agree with.
I hope this clarifies.
– JMS
Thanks, yes it does. Idk maybe a link to your other articles within the one I commented in might help any other people like me 🙂
Reason #6 that should be Reason #1: Nothing hurts quite like realizing that you are the person someone settled for. You just don’t do that to people.
Reblogged this on Katsmiao and commented:
Stumbled across this by fluke….funny how that happens just at the right time.
Reblogged this on kennysgarden.
Reblogged this on Utopian You.
Reblogged this on Beezz Academy and commented:
Resonating piece. A must read for singles/doubles out there.
Great article James — and congratulation on being Freshly Pressed. Well deserved. 🙂
When you get the chance, Google “Mating in Captivity — Unlocking Erotic Intelligence”, by Esther Perel. There’s also a TED Talk. I think you will find the research most interesting, if you haven’t already run across it. Hope your girlfriend has recovered fully from BC. I’ve been out of the loop lately.
Cheers,
Victoria
I love this! Love should never be mediocre, but something that makes your heart and soul sing :).
Check out my post on living fearlessly and let me know what you think 🙂
http://sierraeatscleanlivesclean.wordpress.com/2014/03/30/30-day-challenge-a-paradigm-shift-towards-fearlessness/
True, but yet if you do not settle down and chose to wander. Your aims and dreams will also do the same. In my close call to the nature, I knew our mind and our lifestyles are closely related. When we have a settled lifestyle our mind will feel it is too settled.
I would chose to live settled, well planned and accurately predictable… 🙂
Hi Abdul,
I agree with you there – I think we are using two different definitions of the word “settle.”
When I say settle, I infer “settle for less than you deserve,” not “settle down” as in make a commitment to someone.
I believe they are two different things. Hope this helps clarify!
– James
Coloured me impressed. I need to read more of your stuff!
Thanks so much! 200+ other articles are here to go through, haha.
Best clear my Monday calendar!
Reblogged this on Understanding Me and Her and commented:
Heart, please repeat after me: settling would not have made you happy. Settling would not have made you happy. Settling would not have made you happy.
No matter how bad the loneliness, settling would have been worse. Right…?
Reblogged this on VVS40 and commented:
A must read… Beautifully written.
So True … I realized I settled with my ex and it was the biggest mistake of my life.
Most of my adult life was spent building businesses, one of which grew to 3500 employees.
During that time, I was twice-married, both times, decisions I felt to be practical. After all, I was a practical guy, and didn’t have time for the entire process of finding the perfect mate, long courtship etc., besides “true love” was only found in movies, romance novels, and high-school…or so I thought.
In 2000, my second and hopefully last divorce was started and finished – no time to waste on arguing about settlements. Within months, I was engaged for the third time, and fortunately, this time, I didn’t make it to the altar.
Twelve years have passed since the ending of that engagement, and I not only haven’t revisited the entire process of engagement and marriage, I stopped dating altogether in 2004.
At first, it wasn’t a conscious choice, I had a couple of strokes and a heart-attack, and was told I had at best three months to live. Family visits, doctor appointments and some sitting ensued…and thinking.
Thinking about the wasted opportunities because I hadn’t followed the simple suggestions you make in this post. It took me until I was in my forties, and had experienced life-changing medical emergencies to slow down long enough to rethink the personal aspects of my relationships.
Although I remain single, I would like to find the right person, and live happily ever after. I’ve learned my lessons, and lived long enough as a single person to achieve the personal balance and insight necessary to finally do it right.
The future is bright.
Congrats on being freshly pressed!
Very enlightening, thanks!
Just what I needed to read 🙂
relatinships are not about just being together.It is growing up together, facing with life together. If you don’t want intense relationships that is fine but not everyone is like that!
Reblogged this on TGM Millennials.
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Reblogged this on nurelanie and commented:
👌
This is good.
Reblogged this on The Modern Day Fairy Godmother.
Reblogged this on kassidyluvit and commented:
Awesome writing piece, I totally agree
I definitely agree. This feel like my current situation right now, SETTLING. Settling at just to bring in income to get me where truly want to be, smh
Reblogged this on SmartZone.
Reblogged this on rizoalex.
So much truth, so much I related to in that, quality read!
Great post. Perhaps a lot of this self-doubt comes from how much time we spend looking at the lives of others with envy, jealousy or even admiration. Those friends of ours who up sticks and move across the other side of the globe for love, the ones who quit an amazing job and start their own business and the ones who cut themselves off from toxic friends or an ex-partner to start their lives again. We are surrounded by people who are above average and who do incredible things and thanks to social media we are constantly exposed to this which makes us doubt our own choices. Maybe we need to spend more time looking at what we really want out of life and our own personal goals, rather than being so affected by the lives of others – at the end of the day we are the only ones responsible for our happiness!
Both this comment and the article are full of so much good advice, and what I needed to hear.
love this… its so true.
Reblogged this on 7verina and commented:
Nice!
Reblogged this on Tarek Elbakry's Blog.
Wow, you have no idea how much I needed this right now. Love it, thank you.
Me too! Right at the perfect time!
[…] 5 Reasons You Should Never Settle. […]
wow…….. would have been better if you had added the fact that humans just simply are not meant biologically to be with only one person
While that may inherently be true, Juleena, we have the social construct of monogamy (and marriage) for people who *choose* to be with one other person.
This article is about only choosing a person who is deserving of you, and not someone who will treat you badly.
I’m afraid these are two different discussions. But thanks for your comment!
– JMS
I do not agree with this, I’m afraid.
Instead of being concerned whether or not your partner can give you everything you need/want in your relationship, you should be concerned about what you can give him/her.
Too many relationships are about people placing themselves in the center of it.
Hi Ruth,
Thanks for your comment! You’ll notice if you scroll through my articles, every single one is about what we can do for our partner in a relationship. There are literally zero self-serving articles on my website.
The point of this article here is that you should not accept less than you deserve while committing to someone in a relationship. To never accept someone who mistreats you. Someone who disrespects you.
It has nothing to do with being self-centered or them giving you anything, it has to do with keeping your standards where they belong so you don’t end up unhappy and in a negative relationship.
I hope this helps clarify my point.
Best,
– James
Reblogged this on The Ramblings of a Fox..
Great post!
Too many people settle for less when it comes to romantic relationships, especially these days. I think most people have a plan in their mind – graduate college, find a job, get married, have kids – and whoever they are with when they feel the time is right to move onto the next step, they settle with that person and drag them along the steps they think are necessary for their lives to be fulfilled. They are impatient, and unwilling to wait for that one person who they are truly passionate about.
Awesome post! An amazing outlook on life.
Very well written, but if we cannot judge if we are settling for less or not, and we decide to move on, what if we end up regretting it?
I agree with @allthoughtswork , that the power of being happy is within us.. sure people around us also have an impact but not completely..
I think finding perfect spouses is never possible, but living with people you love and adjusting your faults with theirs here and there is what truly adds to happiness..
Farro.
This has made me confident in a life choice that wasn’t made by me but now I’m in a place where I think you are 100% right. People can love anyone unconditionally if they know them long enough, whether they are actually in love is a different story. It’s worrying how many people plod along in life just with plain, boring and average relationships. Neither of them are mad about each other but they don’t put each other out or annoy each other enough to break up so therefore they think this is true love and happiness. It’s just vanilla, so so, bland, take it or leave it kinda stuff. Found this piece really inspiring and hopeful that every decision in life is the right one. Never settle. Well done.
Reblogged this on Yelhispressing and commented:
Hmmm! Thought provoking.
I agree it’s important to have someone to share your ambitions, goals, and dreams, but to find real happiness this relationship must be an equal partnership where you also have to accommodate your mate’s ambitions, goals, and dreams. It is a two way agreement. I’ve noticed that most people who claim to be unhappy with a relationship, unrealistically expect their partner to supply this happiness. “You made me unhappy.”
When we strive to please our partner, this love is returned in even greater quantity.
I completely agree with your response!
Thank you. There are many kinds of loving relationships but at the heart of every successful and lasting one, there are always two people both giving and taking. My mum and dad were happily married 75 years and my marriage is coming up to it’s 50th year next year.
And I am now wondering how you related this to your girlfriend! Did it make you appreciate her more?!
Just out of curiosity, does settling always have to do with superior and inferior? Or can it just be a matter of compatibility?
Reblogged this on Ditto,Etc.
Reblogged this on The Life and Times of a Curious Conservationist and commented:
Some really interesting thoughts here…I’ll be thinking hard about this article for a while.
This reminds me so much of my first blog post. Never settle for anything; it limits your greatness. Relationships are really similar to jobs; both sides have to be invested. I’m not leaving a link, your article is written much better hahaha.
I love your post, and I wish more people thought like this.
So Impressive!
Honestly I read this post on time! ! am in a bad situation and cant really decide about my relationship that should be finished or not and this post gave me all tips I need to consider about my relationship! now I know I deserve better relationship!
By the way I’m a “Persian” blogger and I always like to write in English but my vocabulary does nt let me to express my felling as I should 🙁
I love reading blogs in English and I learn a lot specially this blog which is a great relationship lessons!
Miras is my name!
Your words truly make my day
thank you for sharing them with us
Awesome Post brother….
Reblogged this on Cane Jason.
I totally agree with the quote, “Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time.”
In my bid to not settle people think I’m wasting time in settling down with a good man and thereby making myself less respectable. I’ve always looked for happiness in everything I do, but the Nigerian society makes it hard to be happy. As soon as something comes along, you have to take it or you may not find something as good again.
Thank you for this post. My resolve is strengthened. I refuse to settle.
Loved your insight… and so true. True love & passion comes from being true to yourself.
very inspiring , great post i’ll be checking back for more..
I love this! I find that in relationships I’m often the only one with direction, always trailing someone. Sometimes it feels like that would be okay, if only because it gets tiring to be picky. this post reminded me why I want someone as passionate and crazy and strong as I am. Thank you!
Reblogged this on khadijahmccall_Life,Love, Passion and Pain.
Great post…..
thank you for a great post!
very ture
How long does one spend getting to know another? Are any of the desired attributes perfectible absolutes, or on a continuum? If the latter, when does one stop evaluating and commit (settle); or can one continually trade up for someone better? Such an attitude is surely not desirable, so presumably accepting it is settling (and stupidly) on behalf of the other. What if a relationship starts well, having all the good things you espouse, but changes? Latent problems develop, and one is faced with the choice of the relative comfort of the status quo, or the terror, dread, or simply the confused isolation of starting over? What if there’s kids?
Sorry to seem so mean. I know you are offering a positive endorsement of self worth. I’m not picking on you, your post was randomly served up by WordPress, and you were unfortunate enough to get me, an overly intellectual iconoclast, coming on like a hater when I’m mostly using this as an opportunity to procrastinate. And what do I know? Your post has hundreds of likes…I have (wait for it) three, count ’em 3, followers (admittedly I’ve only started my blog in earnest last week, and who knows how long I’ll even keep it up?).
True, I’m taking issue because I think there are deeper, more interesting themes here and I would prefer more rigour and less pop appeal. I am encouraging you as a writer to follow your own advice: don’t settle.
Why you should never, ever, settle for less than you deserve.. That’s the way to go in life. What a inspiring article. It goes for each and everyone of us too, you should be the first person to impress and to never disappoint. Thanks for the wise words. I really enjoyed your style, it was as if you took us to the beach too 🙂
live life to the fulliest!
What if the reason one lets their self doubt get the better of them is for fear the is nowhere left to go after the achieving and conquering your self? Its hard to see yourself in a light that may not seem to be the real you that currently IS you. I think that everyone can achieve the happiness the same way you are explaining by first having the individual(s) find themselves and rise themselves to their own limits. this way they can find what truly suits them in a relationship and also have something to truly offer a partner with a stronger, well founded honesty and desire.
one reason to not settle: the love of your life! Interesting blog. thank you for finding mine and following!
Such a great article. Too many people these days ‘settle for less’ without realising the potential damage this is having on themselves and future relationships, sad really.
People need to know their worth!
Thanks for the post
Reblogged this on Fit From Scratch and commented:
Never settle.
I really needed to read this. Thank you!
Reblogged this on KSHATRIYA SANATHANA DHARMA and commented:
Be attracted to someone’s spirit is much better! Nice post guys, must read it!
Reblogged this on ravikanthdotorg.
it was great and made me realise my follies
Thank You so much for this article. This has really opened my eyes and made me see my current break-up situation from an entirely different perspective. It has given me so much hope for the future, for life in general. I am so grateful for your writing.
Yes! This is excellent – thank you!
Sounds like more immature crap from someone with entitlement issues.
Hey there,
Thanks for your comment!
Can you go into a little more depth about the immaturity of only accepting someone into your life who will treat you with love and respect, as this article is suggesting?
And it would also be enlightening to hear more detail about my entitlement issues and how such a personal diagnosis can be made from reading a single article by an author.
Looking forward to your reply. Thanks!
– James
Reblogged this on All things Beautiful.
A great read
Good stuff but one should be lucky in a great relationship
“An asterisk by every accomplishment. ” Good line of insight.
such a truthful and inspiring read…..and refreshing to hear the words coming from a man! Thank you for sharing this. It is so important for people to understand and believe these very words you speak. Our society almost promotes unhealthy, dramatic and dead end relationships these days with little guidance or example of real love….of the self or of others. I appreciate this post. Thank you.
yes its true that anyone needs a person who adds a log into fire of life and not water…….nice way of saying the truth.
Well said!
[…] but not happy. We were miserable together but were too afraid for change. By the way, it was this blog post that inspired me to believe […]
Reblogged this on mynewbeginnings2012 and commented:
Great advice
Reblogged this on brittany platt.
Reblogged this on dyaneblog and commented:
AMAZING !
its really amazing
Reblogged this on Femi and commented:
Let me know what you think? About 5 reasons you should never settle…
No one is always happy — even with themselves, so it’s unrealistic to believe that one is always going to be totally happy with the person they are married to at all times.
A wise man was asked: “Do I have your permission to divorce my wife? I am so unhappy in the marriage.”
The wise man replied: “Yes, of course, if, you are not leaving for the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain — because that’s what got you into this mess in the first place.”
Think the point is to find all these things out in a relationship then to separate is the fun .. I mean how else will you learn to understand love
Does it even exist?
[…] Most of the points described in the original article, sound to me, like one or both partners building this so-called relationship just aren’t ready for something serious. They’re not mature enough to live their life alongside another person and they’re definitely not mature enough to be up front and honest with the person they’re supposed to be caring about. It sounds a lot like one, or both partners are settling for less than they deserve – which you should never do. […]
Reblogged this on runningafterher and commented:
These are very wise words.
When I am reading your article,I am wondering if the girl I am in relationship with right for me. In India we believe that compatibility between two people is an important part in a relationship but not the most important part. It can be built with time. Nobody can like everything about you and you will never meet somebody you like everything about. You see men and women are supposed to work out their differences and believe in each other that’s called love. If I wait for the perfect girl or the girl of my dreams I am end up dying alone in some corner of the country nothing but alcohol by my side. True love is possible only if we learn to compromise some things and let our other half compromise some.
Reblogged this on Well, people will talk and commented:
Are you happy?
Just what I needed to read. Thank you http://donnasanchez.wordpress.com/
It’s all really well put and extremely relatable (which I suppose in this case isn’t so good).
I wrote about my recent relationship and I’m actually really happy I stumbled upon your article. The self doubt that you wrote about feels like everything I’m going through now. I can’t help feel like I’m missing out on meeting a guy who will make me spark. There are days I feel like I might be happy and then the next day I’m left wondering why I’m still here. In the back of my mind I’ve always known that I could possibly do better but I don’t think I’ve ever really been able to own up to the fact that I’m not letting go because I’m scared of losing the comfort and of being able to rely on the fact that he’ll say something nice and make me feel slightly better about myself on a bad day.
If you’re interested:
http://offtherecord0a.wordpress.com/2014/03/05/diary-of-a-girlfriend/
A good Novel………
Reblogged this on wordpressfresher.
Reblogged this on Ventilation.
We agree you should always strive for greatness.
First off, thank you for your this piece your wrote, it was beautiful. I have a difficult time with it though, because I feel a lot of it is more about finding a partner to make yourself happy, rather than being happy with yourself first. I think many times people settle with expectations of thinking this person will make them happy and fill all those voids. How does someone know what they truly deserve, until they make the choice to settle with someone and find out? Most people that I know friends/family are happy in their relationship until something goes wrong. Only then do they start to question it and have doubts. Maybe people forget why they settled in the first place and what it was that brought them to each other. Then again, maybe I am misunderstanding your message in this blog entry. Either way, thank you 🙂
Beautifully written! I needed to read this right about now. Thank you!
Reblogged this on My life…interrupted and commented:
Love this!
Reblogged this on 局中人 and commented:
Self doubt, teammate, future plan …
Truly correct. But how could be realistic
I love when I come across a blog post that really speaks to me and makes me think. Thanks for that!
Reblogged this on Avant-garde Coach and commented:
Be free. Be daring. Be authentic. Our choices are ours to rule but not to be ruled.
Brilliant!
Because I strongly believe in romance and true love, I enjoyed reading this article. You hit the right notes.
I’m in a 70-days reset period after I’ve made wrong romantic choices. This post is definitely helping. You are a great writer. Thank you.
Reblogged this on Tumbleweed~gypsy.
Love this! Thank you!
Heya i am for the pгimarʏ time here. I fouund this board and I to find It trulу useful & it helped me out a lot.
I’m hoping to offer one thing back and aid otɦers uсh as you helped me.
Agreed! And to quote from another film SATC I think…”Love is the thing”. To be privileged to know it properly once is what I strive and hope for.
Reblogged this on Me,In My Very Essence..
I love this post. I’ve always said that you aren’t able to love someone else unless you are happy and love yourself first… You can’t love yourself or be truly happy if you settle. Perfection!
Reblogged this on rckdacosta.
Reblogged this on My Random Thoughts on Life. and commented:
What a great article!
I couldn’t have said it better myself! Thank you so much for sharing such great insight!
Reblogged this on virtunsocialmedia and commented:
Whaaat!!! i didn’t believe this!!
single and have made a decision not to be in such of a hurry to find Mr. Right. You are right, I will not settle, sure he is a nice guy, oh ok he can offer me a secure life, or this guy is nice looking but this or that, it is always something. No I am not being picky. I want to be happy, and I have faith I will find him!
Reblogged this on rameeshasyed.
Reblogged this on Surrender of the Hopeful.
Reblogged this on AFruitFli's Blog and commented:
Never Settle…. Great read
Absolutely love!!!]
Reblogged this on Rays : Drops of Golden's Sun.
So true!!
Reblogged this on Choose Love and commented:
Loved it! its very true.
Reblogged this on Mishspeaks and commented:
“Life is about progress and forward motion – don’t give your time to someone who hinders yours, you can never get any of it back.”
Ok real question here! Who else to go to but to you! I really need to know if I’m settling or I need to move on. My boyfriend of 2 years and a half now have a good relationship. He literally is my best friend and I can tell him anything and he forgives all my nonsense. We have had our bumps in the road like everyone one else…BUT I know Im not the only person in the world going through this one dilemma…..bad sex. Have I talked to him about it? Yes I have! I have come to him with this and I know it makes him sad to know that he doesn’t turn me on. Ive tried telling him what it is I like and enjoy but he just doesn’t quit get it. He use to be fit and in shape and now he isn’t. He let him self go just a little bit. Am I being harsh or selfish? As for him It doesn’t take much to please him at all. But for me its just not that simple. The first year we dated we would literally have sex max 3 times a month. Now its more often but I feel like the chemistry just isn’t there. He is fully attracted to me but I struggle to even be aroused around him. This makes me really sad because I truly love him and he is my best friend whom at times I can see spending my life with, but do I really want to go a lifetime with sex that doesn’t please me?
Seems as though you’re expressing some doubts about your relationship. To actually ask the question of whether or not you’re settling indicates as such.
I agree with the article that there should be a kind of unbridled passion…but there are also times when you might just have to spice things up yourselves.
Ultimately, you know whether or not you’re settling. Its a tough spot to be in. I hope it all works out for you.
I almost settled with an emotionally unstable person and it felt like carrying dead weight. I am grateful that I didn’t settle. All your reasons are true and reinforce the positives of waiting for the right one.
Well written and thought out.
Loved this perspective! Makes me appreciate the relationship I have with my husband. Great read!
Reblogged this on Life Redo Today.
Life is filled with enough things that are mediocre, love shouldn’t be one of them! Couldn’t agree more, but sometimes I feel like that is likely why I’ll be single forever!!!
A great read. Well said. Thanks you for sharing.
Reblogged this on Avoir la pêche! and commented:
What a great post – just had to share. Enjoy!
Awesome!!
I couldn’t agree more! settling is the worst and its worse seeing other friends settle as well
Wow, so much sense here. I find myself suddenly with someone I have known my entire adult life and yet only now do we have a huge amount in common thanks mainly to the failed relationships that have left us both as single parents. This post really gives me hope for our future. Thank you.
[…] Most of the points described in the original article, sound to me, like one or both partners building this so-called relationship just aren’t ready for something serious. They’re not mature enough to live their life alongside another person and they’re definitely not mature enough to be up front and honest with the person they’re supposed to be caring about. It sounds a lot like one, or both partners are settling for less than they deserve – which you should never do. […]
Very insightful
Reblogged this on theunspokentruth12.
Well written.
I have a new blog on depression, anxiety, and life in general. I would love to get your feedback! I really enjoyed reading your post.
http://hopefuldepression.wordpress.com/
Some people just can’t see you standing, they just want you to crawl ..!
I was never big on passionate love because of fearing passionate lost. However, you shed some light on the benefits of overcoming those fears. Thanks.
Oh my! What an awesome post! I love the view you took on everything. .I’m done settling! Thank you
Reblogged this on tuluschristian14.
Reblogged this on Inner thoughts and randomosity..
[…] http://jamesmsama.com/2014/03/25/5-reasons-you-should-never-settle/ […]
I have been reading all of your blog posts. My daughter is in her first relationship, she is young~16 and I can honestly say that in all of my years of dating I never dated someone like this boy that is totally taken with her and he is chivalrous in the way you describe and oh, it just makes me happy for her that her first relationship is like this. I feel it is setting the standard for future relationships to live up to, or maybe this first one is the one. I know it doesn’t happen often, but even looking back at all of my friends who had boyfriends and dated this one and that one. None of them had what these two have. They are everything that you describe they should be for each other.
Me, after reading all of you blogs, I am jealous of what I have missed out on. Does my husband love me? Yes. Did I settle? Yes. Hind sight….
Right here is the right blog for anyone who hopes to understand this topic.
You understand so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I actually would want to…HaHa).
You definitely putt a new spin on a subject that has bsen written about for years.
Wonderful stuff, just great!
[…] afraid for change. Taking the leap is the chance to actually find happiness. By the way, it was this blog post that inspired me to believe […]
Very Compelling. What made you write this?
I write 8 ways to ______. A self improvement focus.
http://8ways2.wordpress.com/
Check it out
I love that you quoted Dream for an Insomnia. Very true!
as always, well written and well said
[…] http://jamesmsama.com/2014/03/25/5-reasons-you-should-never-settle/. Sama, James […]