5 Reasons Men Marry Certain Women But Not Others
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If you have been reading my website for awhile, you may have seen me share videos from a good friend of mine, Adam LoDolce from SexyConfidence.com. Adam combines humor with fun videos and great advice.
In this latest entry, Adam discusses 5 reasons why men marry certain women but not others. In other words, what traits he looks for in a potential wife. Any man who takes marriage seriously will understand that the commitment is made with the understanding that you are choosing one person to be with for the rest of your life.
After watching this video and listening to the reasons Adam listed (taken from two of his best friends who recently got married), I completely agreed and wanted to share with all of you.
So, what are these five reasons? Find out below:
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Adam’s new book puts the world of dating and relationships into perspective. He breaks down the ideas of “rules” and replaces them with the importance of critical mindsets that we can take with us into every interaction. I will be encouraging everyone I know to get a copy of this book when it is released – we can all learn from it
1. She’s my best friend.
As Adam points out in the video, the vast majority of time you spend with anyone, particularly in a marriage, will not be having sex. You need to actually be friends with this person – best friends preferably. Not just love her, but like her. Be able to sit in silence and enjoy each other’s company rather than feel a constant need to fill spaces between conversations with small talk or physical intimacy. Obviously frequent intimacy is a great sign in a relationship, but the point here is to make sure it is not the foundation of your relationship.
“It’s not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
2. She’s great with family.
This one is big for me, as I was raised in a very close family. For me, someone who appreciates and values family (both her own, and mine) is essential to building a strong, healthy relationship. Holidays, special occasions, even Sunday dinners – to be able to comfortably share these experiences with the woman you love is a great feeling. Not to mention if you do want to start a family someday, being with a woman who shares the same values and outlooks as you do will make the road much smoother.
3. She wants what I want.
When we are talking about marriage, we are talking about a life long commitment. Not the next 5 years, or 10 years, or even 20…but “’til death do us part.'” To maximize your chances of success and minimize risk of divorce, your overall views of the future should line up at least relatively well. There always has to be room for compromise of course, but you are still traveling down the same road together.
4. She challenges me.
The right woman will motivate you to become the best version of yourself, without changing who you are, just by being in your life. She will make you want to be, more, and do better – both for yourself and for her. It’s about learning, growing, and improving alongside your teammate in life. Both as individuals and as a team.
5. I was ready.
Maybe the most important point of all. I think everyone reading this can relate to growing through different phases in life and wanting different things. As we grow and progress, we become more serious and clear on what we want. What we want for ourselves, our life, and in a teammate. You could be the perfect man or woman for somebody, but it won’t matter if they are not at a point in their life where they are ready for you.
When a man is ready, he will begin to recognize and appreciate qualities in women that he probably would not have desired just a few years earlier. When the right woman walks into his life, she will open his eyes to the reasons why none of his previous relationships worked out. Timing is everything.
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This is really pretty good. Couple of things to add –
2. I see this a LOT and I ALWAYS feel like I have to chime in – I’ve got some pretty toxic dynamics in my family, so I would never meet this requirement. But I still think I’m pretty good marriage material – and my husband agrees. And our three kids would probably agree that we’ve created a pretty good family. So if you like a woman who doesn’t get along with her family, you might want to consider WHY that might be, or maybe instead see how she interacts with and gets along with people generally. Does she have empathy? Compassion? How well is she able to look outside herself and take care of the needs of more vulnerable people in her life? Is she able to draw healthy boundaries so she doesn’t neglect self-care in the service of others? If she doesn’t have this balance yet, is she working toward this balance?
3. Yes. Sort of – you don’t have to want the same things, but the things that you want need to be compatible. You should BOTH want marriage (duh), you should BOTH agree on whether you want children or not. The number of children can be negotiated over time, but getting married when one person wants kids and the other does not is a BAD idea. But you don’t both need to want a career, for example. One of you could be the bestest, baddest stay-at-home spouse / parent out there while the other one provides. One of you could be more social / more jetsetting / more active than the other, as long as you BOTH prioritize your relationship and BOTH become comfortable with the constant negotiation of difference vs. togetherness.
4. This is a GREAT message for women to hear, because too often when a woman calls a boyfriend out on his bullshit, he’ll respond with, “Why are you trying to change me? I’m perfect just the way I am. You’re not accepting meeeee for who I am.” So the message she gets is “don’t speak up – just put up with it” rather than seeing what really happened – he just revealed his immaturity. Ladies – take this to heart.
5. Yup – both men and women. This is something you can’t control. I could make a list of the guys I dated who would have made great husbands and who were ready to be great husbands … but I wasn’t ready. Neither here nor there anymore since they’re happily married now and so am I. If you’re dating someone who’s not ready for marriage, don’t take it personally.
One final general thought – You’re not going to find someone who has all their ducks in a row, and that’s okay because you don’t need to. Instead, look for core personality traits that will continue to blossom over your life together.
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[…] Get a deeper understanding of the five reasons? […]
The basic research is interesting. I don’t think any research will lead you to the husband of your dreams!
I would add non slutty woman to that list.