10 Things Women Should Stop Accepting
EXCLUSIVE ADVICE & OFFERS RIGHT TO YOUR INBOX (NEVER SPAM)
[social_warfare]
I’d like to start this off by saying that I believe it is 100% the responsibility of an individual to control their own actions. If a man is going to be a gentleman, he should be a gentleman towards everyone – not just a certain type or class of people. It is dependent on who he is, not who they are.
That being said, today’s dating world is tricky. People talk about courtship and romance as if it is some fabled tale of unicorns and leprechauns. The truth is, these things are alive and well, and we find them if we stop settling for less than we deserve, and have the discipline to be patient and only accept the love and respect we should receive.
If women accept less, then (some) men will continue to do less. Here are a few suggestions to help bring back chivalry and romance.
_______________________________________________
“Hey, wanna hang out?” texts.
This of course only goes for situations where you want something more than just a casual arrangement with someone. If this is a guy that you’re feeling out to see if he would be a good partner in the long term, then it’s important to recognize whether or not he is making a real investment in building a relationship.
If the maximum effort he puts in during the courting phase is inviting you over to watch a movie on a weekend, what reason do you have to believe he will pull his weight in a committed relationship?
If you keep agreeing to go and hang out with him, you have little to no chance of him changing his ways. Why would he?
_______________________________________________
ANY SORT OF ABUSE WHATSOEVER.
Were the bold italic letters really necessary? Yes. They were.
Too many women stay in relationships where there is abuse. This doesn’t *necessarily* mean there is physical abuse, but mental and/or emotional can be just as hurtful, in different ways.
It doesn’t matter how much you “love” someone or how much they’ve convinced you they love you in return, if they make you miserable more than they make you happy, you need to let them go.
_______________________________________________
Carrying the relationship.
Relationships are a partnership. A team. A two-way street. They’re supposed to enhance your life, not complicate it. If you are with a man who is complacent in life and love, puts no effort into you or the relationship, then it’s time to re-evaluate.
Keep in mind, it’s natural for people to get depressed and unmotivated at times. If this is someone you’ve been with for a long time, I’m certainly not saying kick him to the curb at the first sign of a slump. We all go through them – but what I’m referring to here is someone who is just apathetic and makes you feel like he doesn’t care.
You deserve someone who will wake up every morning and pledge to do and be the best they can for you.
_______________________________________________
Invasion of privacy.
In a healthy relationship, there is no need to hide anything. Texts, emails, facebook messages – whatever. But that doesn’t mean your partner has the right to snoop through them if you happen to leave your phone around or your computer open. Someone who does this is showing you a massive insecurity on their part and is likely projecting their own infidelities and issues onto you. This should not be ignored.
*Note – This is assuming you haven’t done anything that would make him suspicious or betrayed his trust.
_______________________________________________
He doesn’t improve your confidence.
My belief is that a man should always be making his woman feel beautiful. It doesn’t have to be a grand romantic gesture, but a simple text during the day or a kiss on the forehead can be enough to make her smile and feel appreciated.
If your man doesn’t help you feel better about yourself (he should never make you feel worse), you might be settling for less than you deserve.
_______________________________________________
Cheating.
Some people think that second chances are acceptable. I, on the other hand, think that if someone discarded your feelings enough to cheat on you once, they’ll do it again. There is no excuse for it, and you deserve better.
_______________________________________________
Continuously repeating the same mistakes.
A second chance means nothing if they haven’t learned from their first mistake. Someone who keeps promising to change or do things differently, but repeatedly doesn’t, is showing you a clear pattern that you need to recognize. If these are issues that are causing problems for you or your life, it may be time to walk away.
_______________________________________________
Having to keep working for his approval.
The minute you feel that you have to prove your worth to the person you’re with is the minute you’ll know to walk away. A man or woman should be with you because they value and appreciate who you are, not what you do or how well you sell yourself to them.
_______________________________________________
Constantly feeling put aside.
While a relationship shouldn’t be someone’s entire life, it is certainly a large part of it. I’ve heard too many stories about women who constantly get cast aside for “guy’s night” or something.
A guy’s gotta have a network and individuality, sure. But there is a difference between leading an active social life, and knocking the woman in your life further and further down your priority list.
If you feel like you’re waiting for him to come home more than you’re actually with him, it’s time to step back and take another look at where your relationship is going.
_______________________________________________
His lack of ambition.
I don’t know how many times I’ve seen women online talking about how they just want to find a guy who has “a job and a car.”
Like…que? What? Huh?
Has society become so desperate that women are actually hoping for something so basic and rudimentary?
Women used to look to meet a man who had ambitions, goals, and dreams. These days they’re being forced to stick their hand into the proverbial lottery wheel and just be content with whatever they pull out.
Gentlemen, we have got to collectively step our game up and become better men. We can only build better, happier relationships with ourselves and with others if we start from within.
_______________________________________________
Do you justify their actions to your friends or family? Even worse – are you justifying their actions to yourself? Making excuses for the way someone is consistently falling short in a relationship really means that you’re aware of the problems, but aren’t willing to admit them. The first step towards happiness is being honest with yourself.
It is not your job to carry someone through life. It is their responsibility to continuously improve both as an individual, and as part of a team. There are plenty of men out there who want the best for themselves, their life, and their significant other – if this is the type of person you want, and you’re not with them, it might be time to start asking yourself why.
_____________________________________________
Click here to get my new e-book, The Modern Man’s Guide To Chivalry And Courtship!
_____________________________________________
If you enjoyed this article, please use the buttons below to share it on social media and enter your email here to be notified when new content is published!
Connect:
59 Comments
Leave a Reply
POPULAR POSTS
LET'S CONNECT
Error: No feed found.
Please go to the Instagram Feed settings page to create a feed.
EXCLUSIVE ADVICE & OFFERS RIGHT TO YOUR INBOX (NO SPAM)
“Continuously repeating the same mistakes” Once is a mistake…twice is a choice.
Quite true, it’s all supply and demand. Ultimately women choose the type of guys they find attractive, and if it’s the Bad Boy’s that are getting all the action, then guys will adapt to that strategy. If Women truly wanted decent guys, dated and stuck with them, there soon would be plenty of them to go around.
I think your statement very true. However, it doesn’t apply for older women. I have found that many decent and good men are already married. I don’t even look anymore although I am considered attractive and young looking. Yes, the bad guys are still around but who truly wants them?
Though true, we have to remember that men play an equal and opposite roll. Women aren’t exposed enough to open gentlemanly behavior. This makes gentlemanly behavior a fantasy rather than just an expected part of life. If we hold ourselves to the standard, then women will too. But it’s up to us as Men to do this. To be a Man is to be a better Man than you were yesterday.
Excellent post, James. But I would hasten to point out that these are also things men should stop accepting. I’ve had more than one client completely addicted to a woman who’s come back with pretty much this identical list, wondering why he’s not happy.
+ 1000 and i believe this to be more a male problem than a female one due to sheer supply and demand We as men have cultivated a culture where some girls (read not mature women) feel that they are entitled to everything because they are women. Men who pay for dinner and demonstrate the values that would make a decent gentleman are seen as “thirsty”, weak, or are undervalued. Some females feel this to be their birthright and put no effort into any portion of the relationship simply because there’s always a shmuck that will give her what she wants. we as men must hold ourselves to much higher standards both in what we give to our women, and what we accept from them
The problem is not the Men, they’ve just adapted to become the guys women actually will date. Men who are the embodiment of chivalry, intelligence, truth and honor are not first on the list when it comes to women’s choices until they are in their late 20’s to early 30’s.
Exactly, hence this article – to encourage women to recognize these warning signs and stop settling for them.
“Chivalry is not dead, it’s just reserved for women who demand more from the men they give their time to.”
I agree with Ronin, but would also like to point out that if women were to stop accepting these things, then men would stop doing them (in theory). I have learned so much from these posts, and I am learning to not accept less than what I deserve. What I deserve not anything that is listed above. I deserve a man who will rise above these stereotypical behaviors and be a better man. Granted, I’m single right now, but that is because I have quit accepting “boylike” behavior and am waiting to find a true man who will treat me like I deserve. James is proof that he is out there. I just have to make sure I’m in the right frame of mind to recognize him when he shows up.
This is so across the board – valid for men and women.
Excellent advice! I tell women (and men) the same thing about cheaters…no second chances. Been there….it won’t work out for you, the forgiver…It only enables the varmint to hurt you again.
I thought this was reasonable enough to agree whole heartedly. Thanks for this.
You nailed it, man! Thank you! : )))
I think, you’ve missed one point, though: “If he gives other women the eye, while he is being with you, then…”
Well, unfortunately that happened to me and to girlfriends of mine, too. And we are quite a catches, so it seems that doesn’t help.
Great post. I want to be the best me possible and I strive every day to be better than I was yesterday. I was looking for that in someone else and I found it. My wife tried to be the best she can be and strives to be better every day. There are days that we fail, but that is why we are there for each other – to push each other through tough times and keep moving forward because you are never going to be the best you when you sit around waiting for things to happen or sulk about your life.
Which is why I married late in life…I refused to settle for 2nd or 3rd best. I’m glad I waited and did accept things so many women seemed to think they should simply because they were so desperate to “be” with someone.
Reblogged this on Utopian You and commented:
This is an amazing blog. This article is definitely a must read as a precursor for our 30 Love Challenge coming in May!
I love everything about this post. It’s so true-especially the part where you said If women accept less, then (some) men will continue to do less.” It’s all about how high and un-alterable our expectations are. Great post, and great blog! Care to check out mine? downwiththenorm.wordpress.com
Love it!
Your blog is awesome. It definitely helped me to do some re-evaluation. Thanks 🙂
[…] 10 Things Women Should Stop Accepting. […]
should probably read “10 things people should stop accepting”
[…] Source: Jame Sama […]
Reblogged this on MadeleineMaya.
Such an excellent article.
Reblogged this on sewloveable.
sadly, i have accepted almost everything written here…
I love your point of view. It’s great hearing certain stuff from a man. Many women have great input on such matters but I respond better with a male point of view. Care to check out my blog? It’s still very new but I have some input on some similar topics.
Reblogged this on Wait, So… What Are We?.
So true. Wish i had read this earlier but now i am with someone who meets each point…i think im falling in love.
Good read, will be back for more. 🙂
Hmm, ok from a woman’s view: I left fiancee number one over the confidence, approval, and prove yourself concepts in my late 20s and fiancee number two in my mid 30s over the confidence and the fact I kept dropping on his priority list until I was below the dog, literally. So I’ve known this list in my heart as far back as I can remember. I refuse to settle, I want a mature man with ambition, wit, intelligence who is crazy in love with me and I with him. So of course I’m now in my 40s and single.
I am constantly told my “standards are too high,” that there is something “wrong” with me, “just find a guy with a job,” and the best one – I’m gay; I just don’t realize it. If you look at all the sites/books/services out there that teach women how to “change” to “catch” the perfect man then compare that to the number of sites focused on men “improving” their relationships I think you might get where the issue really lies. I have made myself into a renaissance woman, I’m intelligence, successful, witty, not bad looking, self supporting, well educated. I love international adventure travel, skiing, OCRs, broadway plays, reading, etc, etc, etc. The point being – I’ve done everything this culture has told me I need to do to be the perfect woman but I’m still being told I’m single because I need to “change.”
Second point: I’m not seeing guys out there trying to be truly “chivalrous” men… the few I do know are married. I have been “dropped” because I expected to be treated well on a date, I expected him to open the doors for me, I expect him to care for me from date one, basically I expect respect; and no I don’t feel “entitled” I work hard on my end to make the date (and the relationship) relaxing, fun, comfortable, and easy. I strive to bring out the best qualities in my date – however… single. lol.
Many of my dates hold the door and pay for the date because they are “expected to by society.” They don’t think those conditions apply outside of the dating realm or to people they aren’t interested in dating. In other words, they were taught that these things are part of a courtship ritual not something to eternalize, nor the more important part of WHY they should be this way all the time to everyone.
Here is an errant thought: Sons are often neither taught nor expected to treat their mothers with this kind of respect so why treat a date this way? Ladies, teach your sons to respect people, that’s all this is – a list of how to tell if someone respects you as a person. This will hopefully lead to more gentlemen in the coming generations at least.
I agree with James, women need to embrace this list, however, there seems to be a shortage of men who are the counterpoint to this list, which means James has a lot of work to do…or I need to move out of the deep south….;)
I agree with a lot of these and I think these can go both ways. It’s one thing saying them than actually doing them though. I know many people who say one thing and do the opposite.
Great article and thank you very much for your informative and insightful posts. I’m thoroughly enjoying your articles. Keep up the great work!
Great article! & I completely agree! x
“Constantly feeling put aside.” It’s sad how a lot of women had to endure this. :'(
Wow, you blog has left me impressed. Thank you
First, this is an OK article. For one it’s not fair to say that a guy who has lack on ambition is a deal breaker. You know how bad I feel being a 28 year old new yorker with no car and a basic job. Even with two degrees no one wants to give me a chance. I send out 150 resumes after moving back to the usa and who gives me a call? no one! because all starting positions want 3 years experience… WTF and women will judge me because I make 10k less than other Joes? Im sorry even if im a hard worker and quick witted and intelligent enough for those 90k a year jobs it doesn’t matter. beacause I know NO one… I have no connections to give me opportunity so I have to start out at the bottom. And this article could be just as well set for women. Why do i need to have a career. Why cant I be a stay at home dad? whats wrong with being content in a relationship? do we always have to strive to make it better? Its nonsense because the real world doesn’t allow you to expand and grow like its a fairytale. .. i really think this article needs to be re-worked because this sounds like a CW tv show relationship
Aaron, first – you have ambition in spades.
Second, your generation is being taught to look for excessive wealth in a partner. Look at the protagonist in Twilight and Shades of Grey. Well, ok, you’re a guy so you probably didn’t read them, let’s just say they are wealthy beyond reason, I think the book said Grey made $300,000 an hour or more. If your bottom line is what they are interested in then you shouldn’t be interested in them, income makes a terrible foundation for a long term relationship. Also, wealth is easier to accumulate with support. It is easier to make money grow when there are two people working together at it or even an entire family. You have the drive and ambition to move ahead very fast once you do have support so don’t sweat the small stuff right now, keep doing what you are doing.
Third, at 29, in this economy, in NY no less, you are going to have problems getting a high paying job, so take a lesser paid job that will get you those three years experience then hunt again. Honestly, if you have no family or connections you are simply going to have to work your way up and it will never happen as easily nor quickly for you as it does for your friends who have family, social connections, and support. But you can still get there – you have plenty of time. Turning 30 does not mean you’ve failed in life, the emphasis on being “set” in life by 30 is also a generational concept, ignore it.
Forth, you can be and should be content in your relationship – that’s the goal. What James is stressing is complacency. If you are in a good relationship and you stop trying to constantly improve, stop trying to grow together, just stop…. the relationship will eventually fail. Relationships require constant and continuing work to stay healthy and happy. New situations, new problems, children, changing jobs, all cause changes in how a relationship works. If you don’t work together to adjust to the changes the relationship can fall apart. You don’t just get married and say “that’s it, it’s happily ever after – now I can stop focusing on making my partner happy and do what I want.” If you truly love your partner you will look every day for ways to make them happy and to make the relationship better. James is saying if you aren’t in that mindset then you may not actually be in love or in a loving relationship.
Finally, James in no way implied you couldn’t be anything you wanted to be, a stay-at-home dad IS a career. Anyone who watched their stay-at-home parent (regardless of gender) knows it is a 24/7 career path.
Most of James’s articles could easily be applied to either gender. He just likes to focus on one gender when writing his articles (its easier) and since his blog is for men they get the focus more often.
Bottom Line: Keep doing what you are doing; stop getting worked up about what “others” think. If they are judging you then, they either don’t understand your situation, or don’t care to. Find people who don’t judge you, who accept you as you are and appreciate the things that make you you. Those are the people make the best friends, companions, support groups; however, they can be quite hard to find.
Nicely put.
“SEOElite is so much better than any other software thank you”
“SEOElite is so much better than any other software thank you”
I’ve never come across such a well presented, thought provoking site such as this- Thank you!
p.s I’ve nominated your blog (because I love it) for a Liebster Award. Check it out here: http://www.sherbertdreams.wordpress.com
Odette
Michael
Pleasure to digitally meet. i am co-founder of Spreadsheets. http://www.spreadsheetsapp.com I would be honored for you to write a piece about the quantified self movement inside the bedroom. Your vision is always insightful and honest!
To James:
I absolutely love your blog and think you offer great insights for both men and women. I’m a mid-twenties ambitious woman and up until now always thought my lack of (“respectable”) prospects was due to physical appearance/preference..but recently a girlfriend of mine asked me if I thought my intelligence and ambition intimidate men. I never thought this was a problem, but now that I think about it, it makes sense…I don’t want to dumb myself down but I don’t want to be alone forever..what can I do? Men rarely approach me and if I initiate interest I’m just embarrassingly shot down…
Thanks for sharing such a nnice thought, article is good,
thats why i have read it completely
For example, many garlic salts have garlic oil in them–an ingredient known to stop
weight loss on HCG. What do you expect long-term not just short-term as far as an acceptable return on your investment.
It aromatizes (changes) to estrogen, a molecule proven to increase fat
storage and decreases muscle mass.
It increases the blood flow to the scalp and the hair follicles beneath it.
Our sweat (containing uric and lactic acids) and body oils promote this acidic environment.
It helps to keep connective tissues strong and supple so that the skin doesn’t sag and wrinkle.
Quality content is the key to attract the people to go to see the web page, that’s what this
web page is providing.
I do believe all of the ideas you have presented to your post.
They are very convincing and can certainly work. Still, the posts are too brief for starters.
May you please lengthen them a bit from subsequent time?
Thank you for the post.
Such a game title could involve the squishing of grapes.
There will also be a few buildings that exist to use from your start.
The exact center from the card in the middle from
the ‘N’ column includes a free space that may be accustomed to complete any pattern which has
it. You would like them to express the happiness of experiencing a
new home. This break through of terrain deformation means
increasing along with the dropping of sections from the ground as
part with the battle scene. s favorites will likely be immortalized in type
of a trading card in Unit Command. Excessive soda can create you to collapse and burn physically (not to mention the gigantic
calories). Having an in depth mind and finding out how to read into trends
including hot streaks, results of weather (NFL, MLB) and the way injuries
customize the outcome can be important. This version of D&D focuses on character placement on grids and tiles, rendering it similar to a tabletop miniature game and incredibly suitable
to be turned into a board game. A site which provides various games will really be an amusing destination to
spend your leisure time. After-delivery complaints manage to target customer
care inside the event of an issue, with a lot of customers stating that they have
got submitted in products for repairs and then possess the
product returned with no problem being resolved.
So you will need to plan which actions are probably the most crucial for the
strategy and target them, and you will also need to be flexible and
alter your strategy in case the other players take an action you need.
The reviews can provide an idea of which TV on PC software provide top quality streaming
at suprisingly low cost. You could tie dye a t-shirt, a headband, canvass bag as
well as a set of socks. Also tips on the way it might be employed to make your blog a lot more intriguing, even though you’re going to get
excellent display activity script plus an capability
to get different solutions to make money from offering these games whenever you buy software that will not only just supply you with all the set of scripts which you
desire. One thing which makes 13th Skull stand out from the crowd is
its use of live action shots to share with the story.
He is a player who’s given one with the favorable video gaming reviews regarding Astro Avenger.
He holds an MBA in marketing in the University of
British Columbia in Canada. Kids possess some special sort of attachment while using characters
of games. These might be researched and built as soon as the time is right and
you’ve got obtained the required resources. At
as soon as I’ve been telling my pals when they desire to
receive the precise information about the fragrance of these choice or if they want to test other fragrances,
I recommend that they should visit the site of Fragrance Reviews before they
purchase perfumes. s also crucial that you will get
she or he in on developing the agreement, so it is something that they can feel involved in. This time-management game
is charming and stress relieving. These are really easy to balance
and have a strong frame, which makes them perfect for beginners.
At the commencement of the game, each race is paired up having a random special
power.
What is interesting is that you might have two people
stand side-by-side and expose them to an allergen or specific food and one might react whereas the other one won’t have any adverse side effects.
Older generation antihistamines are known to have side effects that cause
sleepiness, therefore more recent formulations are recommended.
yogurt is one such food item, if you are not allergic to any dairy product then yogurt might just be what you wanted.
10 to 15 (multi-exercise movement)- rest 90 seconds. Also take into consideration the fact that your exercise program may not be rigorous enough, a factor that
can preclude your body from exerting the effort that results in greater levels of energy.
Their club provides a huge state of the art equipment,
saunas, masseurs, nutritionists, beauty therapists and the best personal training
programs which will help you to get the best out of them.
How Do I Use Heroes?.
Aw, this was a really good post. Taking a few minutes and actual effort to produce a great article… but what can I say… I hesitate a whole lot and never
seem to get nearly anything done.
Nice post. I was checking continuously this blog and I am impressed!
Very helpful information particularly the last part 🙂 I
care for such information much. I was seeking this particular information for a very long time.
Thank you and best of luck.
Thanks for one’s marvelous posting! I certainly enjoyed reading it, you happen to be
a great author.I will make sure to bookmark your blog
and may come back from now on. I want to encourage you continue
your great work, have a nice morning!