The Truth: Do All Men Cheat?

The argument has been made that biologically, humans are not hardwired to be monogamous. We are simply evolved primates whose natural drive is to reproduce, and we all know it takes work to reproduce – the stork doesn’t just show up carrying a baby.

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This primal urge does overcome some people (men AND women), but it is often women who are more vocal about their dissatisfaction with the male race than the other way around, so I’m focusing on men here.

If it weren’t for the institution of marriage constructed by society, there would be nothing binding two people together, not even children. And, what is a marriage contract but words on a piece of paper? There is no physical commitment to stay faithful, only emotional.

But, that can be enough. While we might be hardwired to chase after anything with two legs, we are also an emotional animal, craving love and connections with each other. One of the strongest loves or connections you can feel, is with your significant other.

See, that’s the thing. As men, we are often driven by sex, but nobody said it had to be sex with a variety of people. I believe if you find someone who you have a strong emotional connection with, the desire for a physical act that really doesn’t mean anything, begins to fade away.

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It’s a process. Sure, one needs to test the waters in order to learn what kind of person they want to be with, but that’s the point of committing to someone at the end of the process – you are committed only to them.

I think even without the institution of marriage, there would still be some people who would remain monogamous. Maybe not forever, but at least for as long as they were together.

A man who genuinely cares about your feelings would never mess around behind your back – not only would he not want to, but your happiness should be his happiness, and the thought of devastating you, should be devastating to him.

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real man won’t even have time to go out and find other women, because he’ll be too busy loving the one he already has.

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15 thoughts on “The Truth: Do All Men Cheat?

  1. I actually really believe that’s true. A lot of women have maybe a hard time accepting that, when their man does cheat, they might have had a hand in it or not be the one who fascinates him.

  2. According to evolutionary findings both sexes are polygamous. Women cannot accept it for both sexes because the social constructs and the religions have influenced them in creating a mistaken perception on relationships. On the other hand, humans seem to tend towards serial monogamy. This is what the statistics show. In the end it is upon us if we choose to be commited. But we need to know that this requires sincerety and sacrifices from both sides. As the Psychologist Christopher Ryan says, you may choose to be vegetarian but the bacon cannot stop smelling well to you.

  3. I wish that you could have tackled this more realistically. You mentioned “You don’t want to buy a car without test driving a few different ones first, but once you find the one that you want, there is no longer a desire to drive any of the others.” Do you really believe this!? Some people have more than one car for different reasons (women/guys have different shoes, etc). I have always been curious about the fact that when men and women mate a woman gets pregnant and cannot mate (she can partake in the act but cannot get pregnant when already pregnant) until she gives birth. While a male, scientifically, is NOT prevented from continuing to spread his seed. I have a family full of women, and many female friends. Women are often not as “perfect” as some people might assume but generally, in their ideal world their perfect relationship would incorporate one man (MAYBE another dude on the side). Guys on the other hand would be happy with more than one or two, or three. I want to know if these differing gender views are a result of society or biology?

  4. @ James do you actually believe what you wrote or you wrote this to appeal to female readers and get more readers/followers? (i can dig it its a business!)

    • I believe this and I practice it.

      If you read other articles, you will find that my girlfriend has just finished undergoing chemo for breast cancer. She is only 27. When the treatment started we had only been together a few months – next week is our 1 year anniversary.

      If you know anything about chemo, it is not friendly to the person going through it, or the people around them. Your relationship becomes completely platonic and you stay together based on caring for one another, not on any intimacy whatsoever.

      I have never, and would never cheat on her – and for a 28 year old guy who has stayed faithful being through this with a girl he was only with for a few months before it started, I think that shows I practice what I preach.

      By the way, I don’t make any money off of this blog.

      - JMS

      • I can dig it. This is your blog, so it makes since that your opinions will come first. I have debated and wondered the answer to this question for a while. If you have time, would you please tackle this issue more deeply?

  5. James, I love your blog and been reading some of your older entries, what you said about your girlfriend and the chemo is really true (about the intimacy part)
    “Your relationship becomes completely platonic and you stay together based on caring for one another, not on any intimacy whatsoever” everyone who has dealt with treatment knows that part goes right out the window!

    If either of you need someone to talk to or she feels she has questions about some of sexual health and intimacy part I would love to answer them for you or put you in touch with someone local.

    Pure Romance trains us specifically on this kind of sexual health information and I have worked with many local cancer patients and clinics to help women regain their sexuality and libido after treatment.
    (not saying there are any libido issues between you two) :)

    -Sarah D.
    PRbySarahD@Gmail.com

  6. James I gotta say I wholeheartedly agree. I think it totally depends on the person though. Me personally, I practice and believe exactly what you preach in almost all matters related to relationships (being a true gentleman, a good boyfriends, etc.)

    Those opposed to your view make the argument that it is biological hardwiring that leaves people unable to be monogamous, but doesn’t this neglect the whole nature vs. nurture element? Also, I believe that the MOST important part of what makes us human is the evolution of our brains. To me people that make the evolution argument do so with a focus on the outwardly physical aspects in mind and neglect the evolution of our species beneath the surface and in our skulls. The final 1/3 of our evolution dealt primarily with brain size and function. The shape changes accentuated the regions related to depth of planning, communication, problem solving and other more advanced cognitive functions. We now have the ability to reason, create our own realities, and create our own moral standards. Why do “evolutionary findings” have to be purely physical and ignore societal constructs? Men still have nipples, but you don’t see any of them trying to go around and breast feed (okay maybe I’m getting a bit ridiculous there).

  7. Pingback: The Truth: Do All Men Cheat? | TheExuberantTruth

  8. People evolve over time. What you will do in your twenties, you won’t do in your fifties. We all get wiser as we get older, and when you are really in love with someone, The One, you want to do everything you can to preserve, respect and cherish that relationship.

  9. Same old story …Saying he will cheat and hes preprogrammed to shop around .You run into Darwinism ..more chances to evolve BLA BLA BLA …The Creator GOD set you up if your programmed this way …..set up to fail ,that is …..no love there ! Men ,Need an greatly desire to be the true foundation of a loving marriage of intimacy with ONE woman he needs a home and family. Its their own seed they want to see change the world and thrive ….in blessings and influence .When you say men (YOU) can’t be monogamous all i hear is the feminist attitude ..and propaganda devaluing mens worth in society .Feminism says “let him go, they’re all the same and Interchangeable !”….Men and the bus stop mentality ….I diminishes all of us .. its the last thing a real woman/ wife /mother
    wants …

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